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Humor Blog #11

C'mon everybody, get out of the Winter doldrums...HUMOR BLOG # 11!

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 ---NVBarbara on 2/9/06
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thank you as well mods. proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like medicine.
---willow on 11/18/07

Joel, you are a funny man. Please come back to CNET. Now move over to the column on the left! Thank you.
---John on 3/12/06

That's all right Len. People must think that I'm very strong because they say I can really throw the Bull!
---Tim on 3/12/06

Beef! Sounds like balony to me. Just kidding there Tim. Ha ha! God bless you.
---Len on 3/12/06

Oh, you guys are good! I thought that I heard all the chicken jokes until now. Them poor chickens. Now chicken sales are going to soar, because beef will be on the decline.
---Tim on 3/11/06

Everybody, AND the chickens move to the new blog <------ over there on the left!
Oy vey Joel you make me so farklempt! I'd love to have some nice schicken to nosh on!
---NVBarbara on 3/11/06

Ha! Dan that was funny! Maybe you can build up your frequent flyer miles now.
Your daddy already is a frequent fryer!
---Linda on 3/11/06

My daddy cooked so much chicken in his life that he just got his wings. In the mail. Were flying to San Diego next Tuesday.
---Dan on 3/11/06

In the Jewish community we call it schicken.
Imagine talking like this all the time. "Give me a schicken schamwich pleesch". My mouth is watering just thinking about talking like that. Geesch!
---Joel on 3/11/06

Them there chickens sure get the brunt of a lot of jokes. I wonder if they got teased in chick school or was it way back in eggcarton?
---Tim on 3/11/06

Wes, the chicken never crossed the road. He was just too scared, that's why they call him chicken. Buck - Buck - Buck!
---Len on 3/10/06

Betty...that isn't why the chicken crossed the road...the Baptists were having another fellowship luncheon!
---wes on 3/10/06

YES Andy, that would be Olie! Smashed possums, innerds and such.
He'll show up soon, he's probably having his weekly appointment to have his stomach pumped!
---NVBarbara on 3/10/06

Everybody go to the top of the left list!
We were gettig low on this side and I posted a new "Humor Blog!" Come one, come all!
---NVBarbara on 3/10/06

I don't know which is worse, but at least Elder's coffee has some alternate uses... tar, gives one the energy to rake leaves all summer, can be used to dispose of old tires, etc... So, all in all, a pretty useful concoction. And, even wakes the dead... ;o)
---daphn8897 on 3/10/06

Tell me something. what is worse, Elders coffee or Olie's cooking. Try to solve that one!
---Mary on 3/10/06

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
A new KFC was being built in his neighborhood.
I know, but Im trying.
---Betty on 3/10/06

What's with blog now? Where is Olie man?
---Vlad on 3/10/06

Barbara, I keep hearing about this Olie dude. What does he do? Somebody mentioned that they saw him and he looks just like Larry the cable guy? If this is true than your dealing with a whole different animal. Redneck is critters and inerds and swating flies etc.
---Andy on 3/10/06

No Daphn my Java only reveals to you that there IS something worse than whatever sickness you may have.
R2D2 had a melt down after drinking some of my mild style once. Cast Iron ain't all that tough as it is "rumored" to be.
Fumes from my brew has been known to make Kitty Litter solidify.
---Elder on 3/10/06

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Elder, I've been reading about your coffee. Is it a cure because it burns away all the nerve endings in the stomach... so that there's no feeling but just a vague sensation of having one's tooth extracted?
---daphn8897 on 3/10/06

Barbara if Olie is cooking he will be cooking in..............well, the backroom.
---Elder on 3/10/06

I gotta live right next door to Barbara when we get to Heaven cause there ain't gonna be any telephones there.
I don't wanta be shouting back and forth with her talking 'bout what's good for heartburn.
My coffee is great for heartburn, guaranteed.
---Elder on 3/10/06

Why, little Andy come out and play. Do you know what blog you are on?
Let's play with your name.
Andy read backwards is Y DNA?
Y DNA? Maybe to tell who you are.
Ya see I think little Andy has drank some of my coffee cold.
---Elder on 3/10/06

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Barb, is Olie the one who makes that scrumptious roasted possum? You know the old saying, we shouldn't knock it until we try it. Who knows we might like it and wanna get seconds.
---Eloy on 3/10/06

Glad to have you join us Daphne! We can tell some pretty lame stories on here, feel free to tell 'groaners' or ones for a belly laugh!
---NVBarbara on 3/10/06

I want to live on 'Glory Blvd.' in heaven Eloy, I'd love to have you as a neighbor!
As for Elder, I don't want to live too close and have to smell his coffee cooking!(and cooking, and cooking etc....)
And Lord please deliver me from living too close to Olie if he's cooking in heaven!
---NVBarbara on 3/9/06

to get to the other slide.... (Sorry, but I figured you had to start with a groaner to get on this blog) :o)
---daphn8897 on 3/9/06

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Why did the chicken cross the playground....?
---daphn8897 on 3/9/06

I don't know Pupps but only Elder would find something demeaning in someones name. Kinda tells you about him. hint, insecurities.
---Andy on 3/9/06

My husband can't make coffee to save his life. The gag factor is very high. It even smells funny. He says he puts chickory in it, but from the sound of it I think he might have some of Elders ingredients. I think I'm starting to understand.
---Mary on 3/9/06

Got a ring to it Elderberry. Elderberry, I like that. You are berry fruity, you grazy guy!
---Pupps on 3/9/06

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That's funny. I'd like Elder and Barb to be my neighbors in heaven.
---Eloy on 3/9/06

Pupps if your last name was "Right" that would be great on Sundays.
But, you are not Al Right are you? We can tell from way over here.
But even your name has a message,
P - U - PPS.
---Elder on 3/9/06

Eloy, Mary,
We used my coffee to "black top" a driveway with once.
It ate the tires off of parked cars. It was kinda weak though, took almost two hours.
It's OK if you keep moving. They thought neighborhood kids stole 'em. I didn't tell 'em no different.
Gave some to a dead guy once. They had to bury him vertical couldn't get him to lay down again.
Gave some to my yard man last May. He burped and the leaves changed colors on my trees. He had to rake leaves all summer.
---Elder on 3/9/06

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellant!

(Sorry, even I know that was lame)
---NVBarbara on 3/9/06

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Mary, I think Elder can use his coffee for blacktopping driveways too.
---Eloy on 3/9/06

Daddy used to explain that the reason he always kicked me is because he wanted to keep the step in stepchild.
---Red on 3/8/06

If I get up in the morning and I'm really out of it, I'll inject coffee right into that big vein in my neck. What a rush! Maybe this coffee of Elders would cause me to overdose, but if you have to slice it, than maybe he's got the secret to solid rocket fuel! Woah Dude, you could be rich!
---Pupps on 3/8/06

elders coffee is well... a mystery its alot like mecury neither a soild or liquid it can be poured or sliced.. it will wake you up or knock you out.
---willow on 3/8/06

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YES Mary! Any coffee that has to be cut in slices MUST be bad! I head for the coffee pot asap after I get up too, but I want to POUR my coffee, not slice it or use it later to patch my roof!
BTW Happy to see a new face in our crowd of loonies! Welcome!
---NVBarbara on 3/8/06

What is the story with Elders coffee? Can it be that bad? I need my coffee in the morning!
---Mary on 3/8/06

Mr. Elder dude sir. My mom always called me a pup because I am the youngest child. That name somehow turned into Pupps which stuck and that's what my friends and family call me but my spell check comes up dog. I'm glad I'm Al on Sundays!
---Pupps on 3/8/06

What in the world is a flyin Elvis?
---Lynn on 3/8/06

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Andy, what you need son is those feet pajamas with a cape attached. Don't tell anybody but I happen to have a pair. Make sure they can take the force of the wind as your jumping with them. If you were going to jump with them. Opps, a little too much info. Uhuh!
---A_flyin_Elvis on 3/8/06

In a terrible auto crash one person lost all pinkies on each foot. Had'ta call a Toe truck.
The Cannibals ate a clown and thought he tasted funny.
The little girl asked her preacher dad why he prayed before each sermon. He said he was asking God to help him preach. The girl asked, "Why doesn't He?" Another Orphan.
I wrote a letter to a nasty woman named Trish to set her right but every time I used Spell Check it came up "trash." (Try it and see)
---Elder on 3/8/06

Nyuk Nyuk, another clown in our midst!
Hands where your feet should be would be way cool Andy!
Of course it would cost you twice as much for a manicure!
---NVBarbara on 3/8/06

Mr. Flyin Elvis, I think that you can kill two birds with one stone here. Elder has a coffee that can clean engines and keep your pilot awake. Caution here! This coffee has to be handled by a professional.
---John on 3/7/06

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Barbara. This is a very sensitive subject. It just happens that I lost my feet in the war. I traded them for a couple of hands which I was going to lose anyway because my motherinlaw is always asking for at least one. Thus the feet PJ's. Had you going there for a second!
---Andy on 3/7/06

'Built in feet' Andy? Don't you have feet of your own? Could you put a picture of yourself in those in your profile? We all need a hearty laugh!

( Oh my, if you don't have feet Andy, please forgive me!)
---NVBarbara on 3/7/06

I was given a pair of PJ's for christmas. They even have built in feet! That's neet.
---Andy on 3/7/06

I almost got dropped off over Reno because the pilot got off track. He said that he was sipping Gatorade. He also uses it for cleaning the airplane engines. We need to bring coffee on board next time. Thank you very much!
---A_flyin_Elvis on 3/7/06

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Hush puppies! I remember those. I think I'll go out and buy a pair if they still make them.
I wonder if they come in pink.
---Mary on 3/7/06

In the movie "Easy Money", the Dr. from India bought 2 pairs of short sleeve pajama tops which are really old worn out T shirts. I have a couple of pairs myself. I also like the big blowsy bowling shirts! I'm not sure of the big black mailman oxfords though. I'll borrow Eloy's hush puppies.
---Pupps on 3/7/06

That happens all the time "Elvis." The closer you get to Vegas the more electrical you become. I trink it must be due to all the lights in town. I can see all the lights from my house, but I stay away from downtown!
---NVBarbara on 3/7/06

I guess I was thinking 'regular' in terms of a mental state, not so many on here! Yeah, I thought most men just keep a pair a PJs in case they ever have to be in the hospital!
---NVBarbara on 3/7/06

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I just flew in from Utah and I have some wind burn. My suit got torn and I shorted out over the Nevada dessert. Sometimes you just have one of those days.
---A_flyin_Elvis on 3/6/06

I get it! The regular guy look is from Rodney Dangerfield's movie, "Easy Money". HA HA HA! Were just browsing. Funny Movie! Don't watch the uncut version though.
---Pupps on 3/6/06

nvBarb, I think they mean regular as in having a normal proportionate sized body, compared to a disproportionate body like having short stubby legs or something. Could that be why he bought to pajama tops instead of a top and a bottom? I personally think jammies are kinda girlie myself.
---Eloy on 3/6/06

What's a 'regular guy', as opposed to an 'irregular guy?'

Men sleeping in pajamas, since when?
---NVBarbara on 3/6/06

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hey eloy I tell worse Jokes so lets have a contest and see if the mods can handle it

star trek humor:
how man ROMULANs it take to change a power converter?
Just 1 but the rest to blow up the ship outta shame.
---willow on 3/6/06

Aw Eloy, we like your jokes! We're just pulling your leg, that's part of the humor! Stay with us bro, a little light hearted humor can brighten our day! Huggs!
---NVBarbara on 3/6/06

You have the "Regular Guy" look? I just bought two of your short sleeve pajama tops!
---John on 3/6/06

I'm just a regular guy in a fantastic covering.
---Bean on 3/6/06

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I love you all, you make me laugh. Willow, I know, that's why I don't tell too many jokes. Did you all know that Potiphar's wife had removable eyes: "And it came to pass after these things, that his masters wife CAST HER EYES UPON JOSEPH; and she said, Lie with me." Genesis 39:7.
---Eloy on 3/6/06

I'm on the side of the cows (the steak side).
The only place we get Dragon milk from is from a cow with short legs.
---Elder on 3/5/06

You insult us cows! Eat more Chicken.
---Moo on 3/5/06

My Pastor promised that if he was elected Pastor, he will never take up a collection. He just charges $1.00 for each trip to the bathroom and a toll to get out of church. Not to mention the parking fees. If he visits your home he charges for house calls. He even promises to bring back a few saints for big money. This sounds like my old RC church!
---Tip on 3/5/06

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Reason not to drink 304# A guy gets drunk and marries what he thinks is Shania Twain, but in the morning he wakes up to what looks more like Mark Twain!

Watched TV preachers with my dog, preacher screamed heal! heal! And my dog did, heal!

Fred Flintstone is a pentacostal! Yes, after all, what is his well known saying?
---SLCGuy on 3/5/06

eloy that was as bad as a slice of Elders coffee
---willow on 3/5/06

All in unison please for Eloy----ARGHHHHHHHH!
Still love ya bro!
---NVBarbara on 3/5/06

what do you call a cow who has a miscarriage?
...answer: decaffinated.
---Eloy on 3/4/06

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Willow my coffee is not sold by the bar. It is sold by the slice. Some sell theirs by the pound.
When you get mine by the slice you have to pound it to use it though.
---Elder on 3/4/06

Willow, I bet that's the same thing Elder's wife says!
Mocha-chocolat-Latte with sprinkles and whipped cream, NO TAR in it please!
---NVBarbara on 3/3/06

nv barbara woooohoooo it is friday and I going to the bar... COFFEE BAR THAT IS.

I know this isnt elder coffee
---willow on 3/3/06

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