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My Wife Is Bipolar

Contemplating divorce. Married for less than year-half, but she never mentioned her clinical depression until she ended in Hospital twice. We have a 12 weeks old baby, and she has kids from previous marriages. How could I convince her to accept she is bipolar? She still is not accepting it so she won't seek help.

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 ---KeepPraying on 2/16/06
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My wife left on 10/17/08. This is her 5th time leaving. She is usually gone from 3days to 3weeks before she realizes what she has done. This has been my ultimate spiritual battle. We have been together for nine years. Part of the problem is that I have to walk on eggshells when responding to her, otherwise I have no idea whether she will be there when i come home. I am at the end of my rope this time. The pain of her leaving lessens each time, but the anticipation of her coming back also lessens. I am praying for her return, but I think this is the last time. I will do everything I can to keep her according to Gods word. I am praying for you and hope God will give you clarity on how to deal with your new marriage.
---Tony5 on 10/22/08

Get your kids & run like hell. I was married for 17 years to a BP and had my life destroyed. There are just too many women's groups ready to "help" (putting your children at risk at any cost). Protect your children because she will not.
---Robert on 5/26/08

Hi folks, me and my wife have been together for 15 years and have a 12 year old daughter. She has had bouts of depression for years and was just diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. She nows says that she loves me but is not in love and wants a divorce. I am devasted. I love her and have stuck through her leaving several times over the last five years. She is on Olanzapine/prozac but does not beleive she has a problem. I tried to tell her that the disease may be affecting how she feels towards me. Any help?
---Rob on 8/28/07

I am exactly in your case. If she accepts that she is ill you whave won 50% of the battle.
Keep on praying!!!

---Martin on 7/4/07

MOD: The date on my post below has been changed. Why did that occur? I am not digging up old blogs and replying to them, but this looks as if I did. What's up?
---Madison1101 on 3/11/07

Has she been violent with you? If not, then I would caution against divorce. However, that does not mean you can not separate from her till she gets the necessary psychiatric help. It is not your job to convince her of her diagnosis. That is the psychiatrists' and psychologists' responsibilities. Your job is to love her. Pray for her. If necessary separate from her, but unless she is divorced, don't divorce her.
---Madison on 3/11/07

Why do you think she is bi-polar???? She sounds depressed. Is thier an "up" hear. I thought I understood bi-polar but....maybe not.
---Alexandra on 3/17/06

I did not know that if one was depressed it ment bi-polar. I did not know that one could just turn bi-polar. I thought if was another thing that people suffered from, like bpd, depression. Not like ptss. I mean, I though it was more like add or adhd. I am so lost on this one. Help please.
---Alexandra on 3/17/06

I am also bi-polar. It will take her some time to own up to it. I just started going to church again and I got healed of it and cancer. Bi-polar was brought on by the deaths of my parents in 1991. When I had my son in 1994, I saw a change in me. I didn't know what was going on. I hope that your wife will get the help she needs. You just have to stand by her and love her. God Bless You !! Nancy 7835
---Nancy on 2/24/06

KeepPraying: If you can accept her, and show her acceptance of her as a person, that she is loved and valued, in spite of the label of bipolar disorder, that can help her tremendously.

However, if she acts out violently, then you and the baby must flee to safety.

For her, it is vital that she accept her diagnosis so that she maintains her medication regime, as that is her lifeline to normalcy.
God bless all of you.
---Madison on 2/24/06

Two different psychiatrists had the same diagnostic. One during the 5th month during pregnancy and the last during her postpartum period. Current conselor is helping her to accept that bipolar is a true posibility for her so she can deal with it and learn how to live with it.
---KeepPraying on 2/22/06

It still does not sound to me as if she is suffering from more than severe depression, which probably is worsened by you telling her that she is bipolar, a very frightening thing. She needs to be given confidence that hse can get better, at present she feels (if my experience is anything to go by, that no-one can do anything for her.
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/22/06

She needs to get into therapy and get on medication. If she refuses to do that, you would be within your rights to separate, taking the baby with you for the child's safety.
---Madison on 2/22/06

Update: She was aware of her depression but didnt disclose it to me before we got married. During our time together even before baby was born, she ended on hospital due to suicidal attempt. During 5th month of pregnancy, she tried it again. God truly blessed me because baby was OK when she was born. Now after baby, I wanted to make sure that it was not postpartum depression but she continues having same type of thoughts after 3 months of having baby.
---KeepPraying on 2/22/06

I can only tell you what i did i was having panic attack's this fear would just come on me and would last for days I said Lord i can't take this any more you have got to do something And i had been like this for a number of years and i had went to the Dr they gave me this and that which didn't help. I said Lord you have got to do something i can't take this any more because i had realised this was a demon spirt I said i rebuke you in the name of Jesus. I have not had another attack since then.
---Betty on 2/18/06

How do you know she's bipolar if she's never been diagnosed as bipolar by professional medical person(s)? There are different things that can cause depression - for example: post natal "blues".
---WIVV on 2/17/06

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The National Institute for Mental Health has a terrific website. You can find information there.
---Madison on 2/17/06

Be Patient and look at some literature regarding Post Partum Depression, BiPolar, etc and find literature where it is sympathetic/understanding about the condition because people think it is a stigma/shame based/delicate situation for anyone to consider that this is their problem. It is hard for some of us to seek counseling without thinking it's a weakness. Pray, pray and PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens).
---irhnow on 2/17/06

Mod ... So you admit it !!! OOOOOH ! Bless you! That is what some people in UK say when you sneeze, which is perhaps appropriate in this case, paricularly when nvB talks about her sinus infection. Bless you anyway.

Moderator - Yes, you made typos we fix, but that wasn't one of them :)
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/17/06

Steve, if indeed she has bipolar, she can not be let go until she finds someone else with that illness. The longer a person with bipolar is let go without treatment (medication), the worse it will get.
---Ulrika on 2/17/06

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she needs to see what bipolar disorder looks like in the real world. Sometimes it is helpful to see it in others to recognise it in yourself.
---Steve on 2/17/06

Mod ... are you suggesting that a Mod edited my "natal" into "nasal" Tut, tut. Just because he did not understand English words (by which I mean UK English) !!!!

Moderator - As a joke :)
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/17/06

In the UK it is commonly called post-natal, which means after giving birth, the same as postpartum. Sorry about the typos ... it was late at night. Don't know how my finger managed to stray so far away from the "t" to find the "s"

Moderator - I think a moderator did it :)
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/17/06

Alan: What sometimes happens is a woman experiences post-partum depression, and it does not leave, and it can develop into bi-polar disorder. Then there is the extreme post-partum depression with psychoisis, that has women killing their kids, like Andrea Yates in Texas.
---Madison on 2/17/06

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Moderater, I think Alan meant postpartum depression, which follows childbirth. I believe women who already have clinical depression, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder are more prone to postpartum depression.
---Ulrika on 2/17/06

It must be the winter gloves Alan wears which cause him to hit the wrong button.
---A_Catholic on 2/17/06

Thank you Linda ... I did in fact mean post-natal! Seems likely if she has recently had a child. Madison, what would you think ... the questioner has perhaps assumed the worst? The quesioner has given no evidence of.
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/17/06

I think Alan just may be right. That hits some women very hard. You can't diagnose for her, just show love and let her know you're concerned and be there for her. Go to her next Dr's appointment with her, discuss it with her Dr.,with her permission of course. All of you will be in my prayers.

Now Alan, I have 'post nasal' depression! I've been battling a sinus infection for weeks!
---NVBarbara on 2/17/06

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There are several diagnoses in the Mood Disorders section of the DSM-IV. Major Depressive Disorder is a whole different diagnosis from Bi-polar Disorder. Major Depressive Disorder has varying degrees of depression. Bi-Polar includes depression and mania. With Bi-polar, the patient swings from extended periods of mania (which may or may not include psychosis) to severe and pervasive depression.
---Madison on 2/16/06

Moderator: I think Allan meant "post-natal" depression. The "s" and "t" are quite close in the key board.
---linda6546 on 2/16/06

We do not use bipolar in the UK, so I looked on the web and found it meant "manic depressive". Now that is not the same a clinical depression. Clinical depression can be treated with medication and counseling. Actually, your wife is probably just suffering post-nasal depression, which is very common. What exactly is bipolar? To tell your wife she is bipolar before this is clinically diagnosed, would be the worst thing you can do.

Moderator - What is post-nasal depression? Is that a UK thing?
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/16/06

My previous post should have read: Unless she is violent, don't divorce her. Sorry for the misprint.
---Madison on 2/16/06

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Someone with a mental illness is usually the last one to realize they have a problem. You should tell her, she needs to keep seeing a psychiatrist and get on medication, for her own sake, her children's sake, and for your marriage. She will keep ending up in the hospital, if she does not stay on medication. She needs to accept that she needs to stay on the medication for life. That is the only way to live a normal life. I know this from experience.
---Ulrika on 2/16/06

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