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I Hate My Husband

I hate my husband of 13 years. Five wonderful kids. He is an abusive workaholic. I'm worthless, lazy, too stupid to earn money myself [a lot of money]. My youngest is only 3 and oldest is 12. He is never home. I don't believe in divorce. There is no way out. No hope. No life.

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 ---inna on 3/14/06
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For starters, Rhonda, I didn't wish her 34 years of good luck in abuse. I wished her my best in making the right choices for her life. You may want to reread the blog. How absurd of you to understand it that way!!
---kandee on 6/8/09

Only 13 years, you have a very long way to go before reaching 34 as I did. I wish you the very best.

How sick ...."reach 34 years" ...wishing her the best? what an absurd statement ...34 years of abuse is WILLFULLY allowing and you WISH someone "the best" of the next 20 YEARS of "abuse" ...beyond sick

..."Abusive" is tossed around today ...if someone looks wrong way, speaks wrong way, or isn't bowing down to worship you they are "abusive"

ANY women who STAYS with a man that is PHYSICALLY or EMOTIONALLY abusing them and claims they don't believe in divorce DESERVE to remain in their self imposed PRISON ...they do it for a pity party NO value for their own children
---Rhonda on 5/18/09

I'm in the same situation except,my children are10 and under. There is five chioldren. A workaholic husband who is thriving of my under acheivments. He broke my jaw recently and constantly belittles me. I also don,t believe in divorce. Nor do I believe in domestic violence.I have nursing skills and a high I.Q.. What do you do when prayer is not enough.
---billie on 5/17/09

this is something you dont hear often but a woman abusing a man!very often when this story is told, the response is, am sure the man was a wicked person and the woman just responded to his wickedness, but there are cases, where a man is humble and a woman takes advantage of his way i found, that helps, is to separate for a short time, at least,and allow the spouse to think about what he wants in this relationship,and give the wife a chance to do something she really likes
---mikey on 5/15/09

If you think about your statement, "I HATE my husband", I don't think you really HATE him. You may "hate" the way you are feeling about yourself and without a doubt he has played a very large role in making you feel that way. I used to think I "hated" my ex husband too. He abused me verbally from the time we were dating and throughout our 34 years of marriage, I have never been able to bring myself to hate him. Hate is a very strong word and I can't imagine what a person who is able to hate must feel inside. I did divorce, but I am not suggesting you do. That should be your last alternative. Only 13 years, you have a very long way to go before reaching 34 as I did. I wish you the very best.
---kandee on 5/14/09

Let God re-new your is in your hands. Speaking hateful words would be my first prayer for you to change. As Christians we are not to hate(only the devil). Words speak life or on this and you will see things change.My concern is what are the children learning from this ???
---loretta on 5/12/09

Carla, my criticism was directed toward her obvious embellishment of the situation by making blanket statements that are clearly exaggerations. Unless the husband has left the house for good, for her to say that he is "never home" would not be true of course.

To describe him as "abusive" is a very serious accusation, but it is a term that women seem to throw around quite freely. If a husband doesn't say the "right" things in his wife's opinion then she claims that he is "verbally abusive". If a husband isn't in tune with his wife's legion of emotions and doesn't display the proper demeanor then she cries "emotional abuse". I just don't fall for it anymore.
---ralph7477 on 5/12/09

Ralph I agree ...5 children in 13 years obviously she is mixed up in her idea of "abusive"

as for workaholic ...if she chose to practice birth control maybe he would not be WORKING so hard to support all their children

I can't tell you how often I find women who continue to have children because they WANT them when their husbands were satisfied with 2 or 3 ...oblivious ignorant or unintelligent to understand why their husbands WORK more to CARE for more children

a selfish women she is ...ungrateful for the children she has ...more ungrateful for a husband who earns a living supporting herself and large family
---Rhonda on 5/12/09

I have to side with Ralph on this one and echo that this thread is making me glad I have remained single. I can't stand to even read any more of these contentious comments. It is bad enough that I have to "fellowship" with 50 divorced women at my church who can do nothing but complain about how evil and wicked their ex-husbands were. Many of them divorced (unbiblically) simply because they "fell out of love". And I have endured enough committee work with them to see how contentious they can be. They need to give it over to the Lord. I wont be getting romantic with any one of them anytime soon.
---obewan on 5/12/09


Your response is poor If you don't have nothing good at all to say don't bother saying anything at all.

Why criticise her for having a relationship with her husband was she suppose to fast and pray through out all of the 13 years of marriage whilst she abstained!!!!!!! what would you suggest any answers.... Shrug!

It's just as well the person has had some good sound advice her on this subject!
---Carla3939 on 5/11/09

You must understand that your husband is out there providing for you and your family. Support him in his work. My husband is a Police Officer and I worry alot about, I worry if another will have his back when out and about. I can't go with him, but I can send God and his angels to guide and protect him. Appreciate what your husband does. At least he does work for his family. There are alot of men out there who won't even do that, they'd rather suck it up living on welfare. Take your kids to the park, and watch them play. Get a hobby, make crafts or knit. If you want to be happy then chose to make it happy. Being happy is a choice.
---Rebecca_D on 5/11/09

"I don't believe in divorce. There is no way out. No hope. No life."
It could be a lot worse. He could be spending years away from home in the military in Iraq. Take some joy in time spent with your children and be thankful for what you have.

As for "workaholicism", sometimes it is not voluntary. These days most companies are expecting more and more out of fewer and fewer people. I have been there with the six-day 60+ hour workweeks, and trust me, not by choice.

You sound like you have never worked, so you have no comphrenshion of the stresses men face. If you tried being a little more supportive perhaps your husband would be a little less short tempered.
---obewan on 5/11/09

Since this blog question was posted 3 years ago, it isn't likely that "inna" is still looking for responses.

It's interesting how women tend to receive more compassion and understanding when they complain about their husbands than husbands get when they complain about their wives.

A wife's behavior and poor attitude is excused because her husband must have driven her to it by not loving her in the proper way. A husband's equally poor attitude and behavior is because he is jerk and not due to anything the wife may have done.

This poster was most likely exaggerating to make her case. If he's never home, then how did she get 5 kids? If he is so rotten, why would she continue to have children with him?
---ralph7477 on 5/11/09

This is the only heaven you will ever know, so I try to make it as good for you as I can. He subsequently repented and became converted. Never doubt the power of the Holy Spirit to convict!
---jerry6593 on 8/9/08

Wow. Seeing other side of the equation under duress.....
My wife gets supper and roses tonight after reading all below.
Similar to what we are suffering under around world (U.S.A) on a political basis.
We do the work. They and their unholy buddies take proceeds a live like drunkards. Cook us some more, dummy's.
Their heaven is now also.
I thank our deliverer.

Till I make thine enemies thy footstool.
Luke 20:42-44 Acts 2:35
Until I make thy foes thy footstool.
Acts 2:34-36
---Trav on 5/11/09


I guess you must be Innas husband.

Question for you Scott

Why should The Bridegroom not kick you out?
---willow on 5/11/09

Wow!..I thought this was a Christian site where the advice, thoughts and remarks were suppose to be Godly..I'd hate to think I had to keep communion with some of the "supporters"??? on here. I think perhaps Scott, for instance, could have replied in a more loving way or not replied at all. And no, divorce is not a happy experience or what God desires. However, when abuse has developed to the point in a marriage as this blogger describes, it may be inevitable. Judge not others in a harsh way,,speak in love and understanding. This kind of response given by Scott is exactly what causes women to "hate" men.
---kandee on 5/11/09

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Wow. I came across this blog the other day and have been haunted by the vitriolic response from Scott since. Thank goodness that somebody with sense has responded since. You are obviously in a lonely and absorbed place with feelings of low self esteem. You know in your heart this is not what you have aspired to or the path that God has planned. Go to Gods side. He will guide you. Focus on your health and on your children. Give them a good life. Maybe that will give an evironment that your husband will see what he is missing. If not then at least you and your kids can enjoy each other and life. The Lord is thy sheperd-He will lead you to pastures green.
---Christine on 5/11/09

This wife obviously suffers from low self worth. She came to faith for answers, and who does she meet here? "Christian" blogger Scott who does nothing better than satan himself by bringing her down even further, with his big, unaccountable mouth throwing stones and hiding behind the cross. To the wife: You have value as a woman and a person. Read what Jesus says to learn how loved you are. Then take this knowledge into the world and share it with those you love through ACTION. Work out and take care of your body. When you feel like nothing, open that bible and look at Jesus - there you will see your TRUE reflection, and find the courage to make your life amazing.
---Who_do_you_serve? on 5/9/09

Guess what, you're husband probably hates you as well. Probably because he regrets allowing you into his heart, only to find that your "love" for him is nothing compared to what his was for you. If it was, you couldn't have said the things you've said. If you're anything like my intuition says you are, you've divorced him years ago (and it seems married your kids when you put them above him) when you crushed his love, his belief in love and his spirit with your selfish coldness. Your flagrant flaunting of the word abuse supports my theory. He's probably never home because he would rather be anywhere than with you. You should shut your mouth and thank your god that he didn't kick you out years ago.
---scott on 5/7/09

If you do this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, and he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, this resolves the situation. If he / she doesn't consider the others best interest, he / she might easily be abusive. As an aside, many men equate providing for the family with loving the family, even if it takes time away from them. John 13:35, Romans 13:8, 1Corinthians 13, 1John 4:16.
p.s. (1) Don't uncover your husbands nakedness to all these people, but Galatians 6:1. (2) Submit to your husband. (3) Pray. (4) Be kind, Ephesians 4:32. (5) All, get saved and trust in Jesus Christ.
---Glenn on 4/24/09

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Mia, I am not sure why you are laughing. I am delighted with my husband and in light of the many, many unhappy marriage statements, Graham asked if there were ANY happy wives so I responded that I am a happy wife. My husband and I are best friends and if you have to live with someone this is the way to enjoy it. But if laughing at me helps you, feel free!!! It does not change my feelings nor God's love for me. Have a pleasant life. :)
---melinda on 4/23/09

That is really funny,thank you for making me laugh,some of my anger for my husband just left. :) :)
---mia on 4/22/09

Graham! I do! I love my husband very much! I am thrilled with him! he is my best friend and he loves me the way Christ loves the Church...he gives up things for me and puts me on a pedestal I don't deserve. He says to the children "have you noticed how beautiful your mom is?" etc...what a great example for the children. And guess what? It gives me such warmth and respect for him...I don't talk badly about him and everything I say to others about his very few faults I have already said to him. I back him up in front of the kids. I do anything I can to make him happy. We read together, walk, do chores together and visit friends and the elderly together. We have a beautiful intimate life, I'd not trade him for anything!!!
---Melinda on 4/10/09

all men have to do is love their wives as christ loved his church... everything else will fall in place.
---patti on 4/9/09

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I do understand and will keep you in my prayers. I wish I could offer good advice, but some men are just downright mean to their families.
---Paulina on 3/28/09

Inna: You are in my prayers. Let us know how it goes. Much luv in Him, Jody
---jody on 3/7/09

The Lord comes to give life to those things that are dead. That includes marriages. God can restore love. He gives us so many verses to fight with. Surrender yourself to His love. Let Him change what needs changed even if that change starts with you. Remember sometimes He removes friend and lover for a time. Try this Gods way before going through divorce. Truly surrender. I love my husband so much. God put that in me. He changed my heart and now i see God making a Godly man and woman united
---Julie on 3/7/09

Betty I respect your advice as someone with much training in the word but I can't follow you yet. I'm fearful in advising anyone to get a divorce. Thats a covenant with God and I think thats a word they really need to hear from God. I know many don't have the faith that God can answer them but speaking for God based on principles alone I don't think is the solution. If the Holy Spirit is telling you that this woman needs to flee for safety then tell her for certain that is what you are hearing and we can all pray for her safety and guidance. If He is not telling you this but you are reasoning it because he is abusive then lets pray that God heals the man and the marriage and lets not bring in fear. Please clarify why you speak so strongly.
---DavidA on 3/6/09

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Remember Saul persecuted David and even sought to kill him. David did not seek to dethrone Saul but prayed for his King. David put his faith in God who took care of him. If these women do the same they will have the same result. No other outcome is possible. David's trials with Saul showed the strength of the Lord that he saw always before him. David was only an archetype We are the body of christ with christs spirit living in us. Lets don't run from these problems or handle them like the world handles them. We are different and we should prove ourselves different. Trust in God to do the dirty work if it needs to get done and in the mean time pray for Gods mercy and blessings on men *especially* when they are in danger of Gods wrath.
---DavidA on 3/6/09

... I don't mean to say this person was patronizing. That was not what was going on. This person was given the strength to see ones own faults and not get distracted by the other's part in it. In turn the other had a similar change of attitude. I don't know if it was just a reaction out of guilt or if God gave them exactly the same gift. It looked the same to us. They actually became sort of fun to be around :-) Their relationship was not just saved but made totally stronger. They credited it all to God giving them new life and they are still together today. I don't know if we can pass contact info in this thread but I could pass on their contact info if you want to hear it from their point of view.
---DavidA on 3/6/09

Give your life to God and find out what He can do for you. Reach for the stars, and learn to love God. He will open up Avenues of Refreshing. If your husband is physically abusive, try giving him up and get a divorce. You and your children should not be sitting ducks for a possible murderer. Because God lives, you can too. Learn how to expect miracles. Marriage is precious in God's sight, but not when it could lead to murder. Pray that you receive the Holy Spirit of God, and keep on asking for Him until you receive an answer from Him.
---Betty on 3/6/09

Give your life to God and find out what He can do for you. Reach for the stars, and learn to love God. He will open up Avenues of Refreshing. If your husband is physically abusive, try giving him up and get a divorce. You and your children should not be sitting ducks for a possible murderer. Because God lives, you can too. Learn how to expect miracles. Marriage is precious in God's sight, but not when it could lead to murder. Pray that you receive the Holy Spirit of God, and keep on asking for Him until you receive an answer from Him.
---Betty on 3/6/09

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I have read alot of the comments listed here. I feel really bad about how hurt the women feel. My wife and I have just gone threw a really dificult time. We were seperated for several months and almost ended in divorce. It was very dificult for my kids as well as my wife and I. The only thing that saved our marriage was GOD. We started going to church and became very involved there. We completely sorrounded ourself with good people. I took the love dare. It was very challenging but I did it. I would recomend that if you are haveing marital problems before you file divorce buy the book the love dare. Give it a try if it does not help your marriage it will make you a better person.
---Dustin on 3/6/09

Why do you berate yourself? Don't you know that you are unique? Theres no one else in this world like you. Why don't you believe in divorce? If he was cheating would you stay in this relationship? You are not worthless. You are one of Gods creatures. He's never home is he working to support the family, is he abusive to you and the children? I think you have low self esteem of yourself, you think less of yourself than anybody else. I've been there, I've did this. If you think that way about yourself what do you think other people think about you? YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS AND THERE IS A WAY OUT, GET TRAINING GET A JOB VOLUNTEER, DON'T SIT ON THE PITY POT. Remember God loves you so does your children.
---Freddie on 3/6/09

I don't know what God has in store for any of you. I knew some friends once that had given up on their marriage, hated each other, couldn't reconcile. They told several of us how they felt and we all prayed from them constantly. We worked with each individually gently to not focus on what the other was doing or did but to focus on themselves and diligently search for fault in themselves. Over a period of about 3 months, each had changes of heart. The one that was originally the most vocal about the other started taking blame for all sorts of stuff and asking the other for forgiveness (stuff most of us thought the other was responsible for!). ...
---DavidA on 3/6/09

Ralph and Graham - Maybe the problem lies with the men and not with the women. Have you ever thought of that? Obviously if so many women, including myself, have problems with their husbands, the husbands might just be doing something wrong.
---Rachel on 3/6/09

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Why does a woman go on to have 5 children with someone when the hasband is so abusive??
---John on 2/23/09

Graham my friend, it has only been during the past few years that I have really grown to appreciate the significance of the age old question from Proverbs:

"Who can find a virtuous woman?" Her price would absolutely be far above rubies, she is that rare.
---ralph7477 on 1/28/09

It's disheartening, isn't it Ralph?
I wonder if these women speak to their husbands the same way they speak about them... if so, it's no wonder they have weak marriages! I asked a while back if there were any women on here that actually loved their husbands. Only one was had the heart to say yes!
I'd say you have been spared, indeed.
---Graham on 1/28/09

Man oh Manischewitz. After reading the posts of some of these women I am so thankful that the Lord has kept me single.
---ralph7477 on 1/27/09

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I know what you mean! We have been married 8 years and it seems like he would rather do anything for work than spend time with me. He is not physically abusive but the not being there forme is abuse also. I also do not believe in divorce but I am on the verge of changing my way of thinking. I also need to find a job to support myself and my children!
---suzy on 1/27/09

Well you should and I hope you are ashamed of what you did, two wrongs won't make YOU right.

What would have made you right is if you did not wee in his shampoo but became the better person and rejected the devils temptation.

Put his shampoo down and and sorted another solution to your anger God will repay NOT you.

No one act's well when provoked or abused and that's fine but evil for evil is worse.
---Carla3939 on 1/21/09

One thing with David love him or hate him he was honest He stated that he alone had sinned against God and took responsibility for his own wrong doing. However he could have said ''You know Lord it really was not my fault, this woman bathed in front of her house so that I could see, being a man Blah, Blah Blah,

No HE WAS RESPONSIBLE in his accountability for what he alone had done.

Instead of blaming the other party for your own wrong doing pray and ask God for forgiveness, Repent, live right, walk right, act right and serve God right stop winging and take responsibility of your own (mess) and don't go backwards Repent in the opposite direction. MOVE ON in Christ!
---Carla3939 on 1/21/09

My husband puts me down on a daily basis. He is a very angry person & I can't tell you everything he has done to me & my kids over the years. I can't talk with him about anything without him turning it in to something totally off subject instead of solving the issues in our marriage. Talk gets me nowhere with him and he will never let me be an equal partner in our "marriage". He likes to treat me like one of the kids (if not worse) and even puts the kids in the middle of everything and talks bad about me to them (and makes up lies). The last time he threw insults out at me (for no reason, as usual), I decided to pee in his shampoo. Take that f'er. Immature, yes. But it made me feel sweet revenge for once.
---Annonymous on 1/20/09

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You want to hear something freaky. My husband complains that the bowls I bought are too scratchy, the silverware is too heavy. A freak.
---theresa on 1/19/09

Yes, I love my husband without a doubt. We have been married for 16 years. But, this is my second marriage. The first one lasted 23 years and I had a very hard time leaving him. He was a die hard cowboy that did not provide for his family. I stayed in prayer and study of the Bible and asked God to show me what he wanted me to do. I followed his answer and I found a wonderful man that not only loves me, but my grown daughters as well. Yes, I do love my husband and I know beyond a doubt he loves me.There is always hope,and God will hear your prayers. God Bless you.
---Pat on 1/17/09

Part 2: I just wanna 'break free' from these constant thoughts of: "why did i marry him? why can't i love him again? where are my feelings for him?? ... ??" ...Sorry for my seemingly endless venting. I am struggling with this ... almost everyday still. Sometimes very privately in my own heart. It hurts a lot. If I spill any of this on my husband, BELIEVE me - it gets very ugly. I just have to bear it on my own. And, i don't know where / how to deal with these feelings sometimes.
---C on 1/17/09

Do any women on this site actually love their husbands and are glad they married them?
---G on 1/17/09

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I don't have kids, thankfully but I feel every day like I married the wrong person. I want to do counselling but it doesn't feel right when things seem ok during the day or every other day. Divorce is not an option so I feel very trapped. I hate who I've become since marriage and I really don't know what to do.
---Kim on 1/16/09

Pray, Pray & Pray for him through out your day.Pray only good things for him. Ask him before he leaves for work if you can pray with and for him. Start small, his drive will be pleasent, his meeting will go smooth, he will find the best parking at lunch. He may be defensive or show anger at 1st but don't give up. Please be sincere with this. Because he has to see that you truely care. I am saying this from 1st hand knowledge. From brink of divorce 6yrs ago to celebrateing our 25th and looking forward to 50 with our Lord and Savior as our guide.
---Mike on 1/16/09

It would seem that the onus of a marital dispute resulting in a break up is always heavier on the woman than the Man.Marriage is one of Bliss.but if it turns sour to the point of loss of limb or life. It is better to separate for the welfare of all especially the children.Settling the details are more intricate,but one has recourse to the civil courts.A hassle but it is a choice available.Unfortunately such action is not without its difficulties as one cannot pick up with another and change parterners and dance again so to speak.That is the unfortunate no! no.Last but not least is Intense prayer before, in the midst, and Thereafter.This is a broad escape to a untenable situation .
---MIC on 12/31/08

I was married to an abusive person. I do not believe in divorce but I could not have my kids seeing abuse. My current husband does not like to work. He lied about me and got me arrested with the intent of taking my house and kids away from me!I am all my kids have and they need their mommy in one piece. They are my priority - and I do believe that God helps those who help themselves. I do not have all the answers but I do believe God gave my children to me and expects me to love and protect them. I might have to answer for this some day - I kind of feel like it's one of those situations that if you can, work it out, but laws were created for people, not people for laws. Pray,and ask for help. Most of all, believe, it will be alright.
---Andrea_Maria on 12/30/08

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I was in an abusive marriage and I too believed that I could not divorce. I came to the realization that God does not want me to be abused and that to stay was to enable my now ex-husband to continue in his sin of abuse against me. I am not saying you must divorce but I know that I did the best thing for myself (and if I had children it would most certainly have been best for them). There comes a time when enough is enough and you will likely discover that time. Verbal/emotional abuse is still abuse and just as wrong and painful as if he were striking you physically. God bless you as you decide with Him what is best in your case.
---Laurie on 12/30/08

I have been married 2 years and have 2 kids 7yrs and an 8 month old. I work take care of the kids and feed everybody. My husband babysits for me and does nothing else because he is on mental disability. He is so cold and heartless to me and I don't know what else to do. I arranged for us to get a weekend alone only for him to back out!! Yet he complains that I don't spend any time with him. Help me I am going crazy and I feel like I can no longer be a suffecient mom to my beautiful children. I do not believe in divorce. Help me please help!!!!!!!!
---Ann on 12/29/08

PART 1: Some of you Christians sure seem insensitive and judgemental. Jesus was not. Women like this need HELPFUL replys. This blog should not be a place for Christians to excercise their own sins at someone else's expense. I too am walking the fine line of just how much dysfunction I should allow my daughter to grow up with and to see me put up with, dysfunction which has been there no matter how much I pray or don't pray. I believe that God often wants us to take proper action along with the prayer. But finding the courage and the wisdom to take the proper action can be very tough. Isn't it sinful to teach our children to accept abuse, be it physical or emotional? (I am not done yet, see part 2.)
---va on 11/30/08

PART 2: Isn't it sinful to teach our children to accept abuse, be it physical or emotional? If God sees all sins as equal than either way we are committing sin so why not spare the children as much as possible? Why not give them the kind of love and communication and action that will allow them the best chance at living out their lives in a more healthy and Christian way? I believe that God wants us to break the patterns of abuse in families, don't you???
---va on 11/30/08

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I totally feel your pain because I got a even worse husband: he never speaks to me or my family anymore. It all started when a few months ago, he called me at work and told me that he wishes I have nothing to do with my family anymore.
---jen on 11/27/08

There is Hope, Do you pray for your husband?There are some husbands who do not work. Be encourage. You are blessed.
---Karen on 11/14/08

I have been married 20 yrs. I married a professing Christian, but he is also a brute. He believes its should be like the old days where a bad wife is beat. He is someone who plays Doom and listnens to 80's rock, which he has passed on to my boys. I continue on because of my three kids, age 7-11-15. He is mean. I cook, clean, have a full time job, pay bills, run the kids, etc. He works, eats, and on his time off, he runs to his 22 acre ranch to play... Woopie. I know it is easier for a parent to die, than parents to divorce. But he comes home and cusses me out using the B and F word. I have cooked supper, done dishes and am laying watching tv with kids. I don't know what else to do!!!!
---Deya on 11/13/08

Christ tells us women to "RESPECT our husbands" cuz he knows that is what he needs..just like He tells husbands to "LOVE your own wife" cuz its what WE need..(Without love, we respod without repect,without repect, he responds without love.) Look for ways to tell or show him you repect him. Express that you don't agree with something,but you repect his decisions and so on. Take care of your part & let God take care of his. Sometimes God can't work if we are in HIS way! You will be a witness to your kids as to how to handle this situation. Pray Gods WORD over your husband daily. May God Bless and keep you.
---Janet on 11/3/08

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I think we as women hang on way longer than a man would under the same circumstances. I think the main trouble is that we take the vows thinking that "God has brought this union together and let no man put asunder..."
when in truth, God didnt make this union, WE did and probably did not make the decision while on our knees. In this case, I do not believe God wants us to suffer. You can bet the guy is not suffering, he is partying.
---rene on 11/3/08

Girl I feel ur pain although I haven't been married as long my husband rather be anywhere but home we live with my parents STILL haven't moved out and he's still attached to his fam as in they call he runs to help them and here I am taking care of my bros and my child beggin for a tad of his attention !!
---jenny on 10/24/08

I agree that things are not easy!I am feeling sad myself!I am a christian women with 4 children and feltt for you in your post as I feel the same I dont have an answer!I wish someone did so i could provide it to you!
---JUlie on 10/2/08

It states in the Bible under Matthew 19:9
Jesus said in responds to the Pharisees asking and tempting him, 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
---Jason on 9/27/08

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I know exactly how you feel as I am in the same situation married for 13 years, 3 young kids, to a verbal abusive man. he has taken away everything except for him and my kids I have no friends, he has gotten rif of my family, and I too pray daily for god to protect my babies and intervine..
---alexis on 9/27/08

I understand what you are going through. I am in a very similar situation. It hurts a lot. I wish I had an answer for both of us.
---Angela on 9/25/08

Don,t wait until you are 70 years old and look back and REGRET your life like I have done. God made marriage and if your husband is abusive, not loving-GOD understands. If you stay, you will become BITTER and that will not please God
---mof on 9/20/08

To all of you women who are in horrible, marital circumstances:

1. If God exists, then from what I know of his mercy & love, he would not want his sheep to suffer life in a terrible marriage.

2. If you have tried everything to save your marriage (i.e. counseling) and there is no improvement, then leave. I do not condone divorce without at least giving it your best effort, esp. when children are involved. It has become way too easy to give up.

In my opinion, a merciful God would not take joy in watching women (or men) suffer horrible marriages & physical life in order to live happily ever after in heaven.
---Jami on 9/6/08

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Yes there is a way out, there is hope and there is life for you. (Psalms 37:5) Commit your way to the Lord,Trust also in Him, and He will do it.(Romans 5:5) and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Pray and trust God to change your husband for HE CAN. Ask God to give you love for your husband for hatred is a seed of satan. Have positive thoughts for there is hope and life for you. Those thoughts of discouragment are from the devil, commit your marriage to Jesus Christ.
---caroa9397 on 9/4/08

You cannot hate your husband and go to heaven, what your husband is doing is called the sign of the times, where man will and is more in love with themselves than with God, there is no room to love you when they are thinking of themselves only.

But does it mean to leave them well that will depend on your own individual situations.

Obviously no one should stay where they have no peace because God called us to be able to live in peace.

Although the alternative is not Re-marriage Apostle Paul say's to reconcile or to remain unmarried if your husband is still alive but if he dies you are at liberty to marry whom you will only in the Lord.
---Carla3939 on 9/2/08

i am sorry for you, i have two kidsand married 9 very unhappy years. imtrapped
---Elizabeth_Powers on 8/30/08

I know how you feel. I found this blog, which means I must be going through the same thing as well. I try to talk and he ignores me, if I persist long enough, he calls me names. He doesnt care at all. What am I supposed to do? I have 2 kids, no job, a broken car, and I am a full time student. I am a Christian. I try SO hard, but I find myself making everything worse, Should I jsut keep my mouth shut?
---Nicholle on 8/21/08

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Wow! Great story jerry6593! Good one to share. I'll pass it along.
---Nana on 8/13/08

I commend the woman who wrote the dilemna she's in for this blog. You must be longsuffering because a number of Christian women would've left this man before the birth of the second child. It sounds as if he could be classified as an unbeliever because of his lifestyle and the way he treats you as a wife. In I Corinthians chapter 7, verses 10-16 instructions to Christians married to unbelievers are to dwell with them as long as they choose to, but if they leave, (depart) you are not in bondage to them. In the 10th-11th verses, women are told not to leave their husbands, but if you have to, don't remarry. The Word of God is very thorough and we can pray that you find your joy in the Lord and delight yourself in knowing Him more and more.
---theresa on 8/9/08

I heard a story from a preacher about a poor woman with an abusive husband. One night, the lout came home in the wee hours soused, along with several of his drinking buddies. He woke her out of a sound sleep and demanded that she immediately get up and cook something for them to eat. She dutifully complied. After they finished, she asked if they wanted anything else, cleaned up and went back to bed. The next morning, the man, after spending a restless night, asked her how she could possibly treat him so good when he treated her so badly. She replied: This is the only heaven you will ever know, so I try to make it as good for you as I can. He subsequently repented and became converted. Never doubt the power of the Holy Spirit to convict!
---jerry6593 on 8/9/08

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