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I Am 19 And Love A 42 Year Old

I am 19 years old, and I fell in love with a 42 year old guy. I don't know if it is right for a persom my age to fall in love with someone his age, and I don't know how society would accept it and look at it?

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 ---lina on 3/15/06
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I have no hard feelings toward you or any one on Christianet, because I love for people to speak straight to me their mind. I hate it when people go along with me and they really are thinking some other Idea. Truth is never revealed among compromisers. I speak directly to the point because the Lord has revealed this to me. You never remember nice compromising conversation, but if you are offended you never forget it and will study it and try to find a way to prove your point in the process of this truth will emerge. But I do believe in respecting people as long as they respect me. As the word says, I will not strive without cause.
---exzucuh on 11/13/09

exzucuh--- I understand. Contributing to these blogs can put you on the defensive, even if you're not that kind of person, usually.
No hard feelings, brother.
---Donna66 on 11/12/09

I am very sorry Donna66 I am so used to being attacked by every thing I say. I am too quick
to respond instead of asking for people to clarify themselves. I don't have many people try to joke with me. But I do have a joking side. Maybe I just need to operate in more patience.
---exzucuh on 11/11/09

exzucuh --- I meant no insult. Please don't be upset. I was trying to kid you a little in a friendly way. It looks like the smiley face doesn't show up well. It's so hard to express some things in writing that would be readily understood in person.
---Donna66 on 11/10/09

exzucuh -- I didn't believe you were acually "bragging". Just that a lot of people (men and women) could wish they were like you...
...instead of being older than dirt and looking every year of it!
---Donna on 11/10/09

---Donna66 on 11/6/09 Only the devil. He is the only one that turns what people say into something other than what they mean. He coined the Fraze (so you are saying). He redefines the meanings of words and the good intentions of well meaning people to appear as they have devious motives. If you did not have evil in your heart against me you would not see my comment as bragging. What am I bragging about? Is the truth bragging?

2 Corinthians 11:16 I say again, Let no man think me a fool, if otherwise, yet as a fool receive me, that I may boast myself a little.
---exzucuh on 11/7/09

exzucuh --- Are you bragging...or what? :)
---Donna66 on 11/6/09

There is nothing Scripturally wrong with a young lady of 19 to have a love relationship with a man of 42 years. GOD's concern is that both parties are together as a result of HIS Will. Other than that, it's totally legit. But, do expect generational differences to be an issue from time to time. And be prepared for what some others may say or do. If you will commit to love each other, through the good and the bad of each other, and also, through the good and bad TIMES, then you can "weather the storm" of what the naysayers dish out. Personally, I think it's beautiful. I, myself, am a child of such a relationship, except the two never married.
---Gordon on 11/6/09

When I was 42 I was just as youthful as I was when was twenty most people did not believe I was 42. I would have to show them my drivers license. When I turned 50 they did not believe I was a grandfather,But the last 6 years has really made some changes in my life and I would say, if you love this person and they can bring you happiness , what you think is all that matters it is your life. But you may not get but 15 years of life from them that will compare to your life. And that is based on my life and I am an exception, and not like most people. Most of the people I graduated with are already dead my age.
---exzucuh on 11/5/09

Elian -- Sorry for your bad experience. But reading the letter, it sounds as if she is ASKING for advice. That's what people are responding to. People "in love" often realize that they themselves are not "rational". And they also know that the heart can sometimes lead one astray.

Once she decides, THEN is when she needs "faith" that her decision is right.

"Society" is not that much of a problem. And if she truly loves him she won't care.
There are more serious problems for them to handle than this one.
---Donna66 on 11/3/09

I must be honest, those who I see here responding with negatives, thinking themselves to be 'rational' I frankly don't find show any signs of what I would consider 'faith'. When someone says "I" this or that, they right then and there miss the point....that's YOU not someone else. When Christians do this, I find it very disheartening. I had an age difference relationship ruined by Christians and their 'advice'. She fell prey to it and falterred and that was the end of us. The way we as Christians 'look out for' each other is by being absolute pillars of support, not 'advice' hounds. When Christians think like that, I find they appear to me to be just like the rest of this sick culture that thinks it is so enlightened and 'wise'.
---Elian on 11/2/09

How GOD looks at it should be your 1st consideration. You can be sure that the society will be divided on this issue. To me there is nothing unbiblical or bad in relationships of such age difference. 1 advantage of such is that your active-life may end together and this may save the man from the temptation of looking out.
---Adetunji on 10/26/09

hello- well there is nothing to worry about and its your happiness not theirs!

im 17 and im dating a 42 year old guy.

Good Luck!
---barby on 10/24/09

I wouldn't worry about what other people might say. I'm 17 years younger than my husband and I don't let the opinions of others keep me from being happy.
---Kay on 12/6/08

Hi sweetie, I am married to a man that is 14yrs my senior. Although I am 34 and he is 48. We have a wonderful life, two beautiful children and we are a match made in heaven. We get along great, and no one has ever commented on our relationship. I know one thing about love is, when it finds you, it truly grabs you. I wasn't looking for him, it just unfolded. what you need to ask yourself is more importantly, is he a true man of God, does he genuinely love you ? that is far more important than age!
---Addie on 11/17/08

It does not matter what society thinks about what you are doing. You need to find out why you need a much older man in your life.What is really going on? I would suggest you find somone your own age and go from there. It is flattering at first to be the object of this older man's attention but it will wear thin later on. When he begins to age and you. Things will look very different in a few short years,for him,anyway. Will you be able to handle it. Most young girls cannot.
---Robyn on 11/17/08

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First of all it's not about society it's about you and what you want. my husband is 12 years older than me.It comes with it's own issues. He ha other kids from past marriages and that causes some problems for us. You have to remember that love is not a feeling it is a choice. If you choose to be with and marry this man then you CHOOSE to love him. That means that no matter what ANYBODY says he is your number one. If you aren't prepared to deal with what people are going to say, how they look at you, or feel maybe it's not right for you. As for right or wrong, I'm not sure God has any limits on age. If you get married in Him then it doesn't matter your age you are one in His sight. God loves you and wants what is best for you.Have a blessed day!
---Jennifer on 11/17/08

Just like everything else thereareadvantages and also be Disadvantages in marrying someone older than yourself. You'll need an EXTRA touch from God himself to be able to deal with the disadvantages because they come after your well married christian Vows have been said which is early but a little too late after the I DO.

Remember if Your saved the I Don't won't come into play unless he or you go against your marriage vows based on in sickness and Health do death you part!.
---Carla3939 on 11/17/08

Wow, love well that it for me.

Just one or two things, I assume you are going to have kids. I am now 57 when I get home from work, there is no way im going outside to play ball or run. You see there im going with this ok. But then kids have a way of making you young! Best wishes and many happy years together.
May the lord my God look over you all the years of your life!
God bless you!
---Frank on 11/16/08

There are many people who "fall in love" at a very young age and are still together years later

reality is large MAJORITY are not

if truly "in love" I assume the 42yo guy is too ...interesting you wrote "you're in love" not we are in love

divorce rate more than 60% ...large age gaps only BURDEN relationships further

many have posted truths about situation you would be entering into

if really "in love" then WAITING will not change that ...take 2 years to date others be true to yourself and person you believe you love so you KNOW this is the one ...rather than lustfully and hastily entering into a relationship as most do and regretting lost years of your youth later
---Rhonda on 11/16/08

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Ashley~ I'm almost 41 and my husband is 63 and we've been happily married for 17 years. We look good together, and we enjoy each other's company. I'm not one who really cares what society thinks all that much, but you have to make your own decision. We have 2 beautiful children, and my husband gets along great with my family, and I get along great with his. He was raised Catholic, but he always thinks of himself as a 'recovering Catholic' which is pretty funny. I know other people with a big age difference from their partner as well, and they did not consider age, but rather their love for one another. I think that is most important. Best wishes!
---Anne on 11/16/08

Im in the same boat you are. I like a 38 year old and im only 18 and sometimes I wonder how people would react..Some tell me age shouldn't matter but I often wonder..And How my family would view it..It gets aggervating sometimes cause im falling for him but at the same time im wondering if its right or not..Idk what to do either...
---Ashley on 11/16/08

You only have one life and while your so YOUNG the worlds your oyster don't be too quick to run into House keeping children, cooking and cleaning it's never the way you see it you know responsibility is seldom taken on by men the ride just easier for him to have a young inexperienced girl to prey on, After you've grown up slogging your guts out you'll wish you had listened to an older head Get out while you still have your years in front of you. DON'T get tied down so young!
---Carla5754 on 5/20/08

How does this man feel about you? If you both
truly love one another, and it's not just infatuation, then it shouldn't make any difference what others think.
---Dale on 5/20/08

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Jana where did you get the idea that Sarah was 50 and Abraham was 90? He was 100 years old when she was 90. That is only 10 years apart, not 40. Genesis 17:17 for the answer.
---Gena on 9/28/07

Sarai 50 was married to a ripe old man of 90yrs old....and she had Isaac at 90 while old Abe was 100+..dont worry about age gap.If you both are single and free from other ties, and your christian and hes not, pray about it..God will lead you to the right decision..and sure He will..
---jana on 9/21/07

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this age difference. But, you may well have to deal with people's criticisms and "false" condemnations. But, if you two really love each other and are willing to be patient with each other BECAUSE of the age differences, fine. One stipulation, if you're a Christian then he would have to be one, too. The Bible warns about being "unequally yoked". And it asks" How can two walk together except they be agreed?" My observation, anyway.
---Gordon on 9/17/07

In my post on yesterday I misquoted the guy's age.I said 26 instead of 42. Sorry.
---Robyn on 9/16/07

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I'm not too concerned with the age difference but more with the young age of Lina who may not be mature enough to make a decision.

It would be better if anyone so young wait till they are a bit older before they get married.
---Caring on 9/16/07

lina, it been many months now and i am curious are u still with this 42yr,old guy? Re-read Dottie advice, they are also mine. Hope all is well God bless you.
---freeda on 9/15/07 are jailbait. Your boyfriend is not very wise. He can go directly to jail for what he is doing.Be careful telling people your age and your boyfriend's age,right now. You are way too young and immature to be with a 26 yr old. Dangerous. By the way. How are you getting by with this behavior and a man of this age?
---Robyn on 9/15/07

If you are concerned about what others think perhaps you should rethink your commitment. I am 54 and my fiancee is 23. We are not concerned in the least what others think. Our relationship is pleasing to God and each other, this is all that matters.
---RICHARD on 9/14/07

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What comes to mind is "Unequally yoked"There are many phases, types manifesterd in such a relationship.the question of age difference is the most common.then maturuity then the reality of Having a family & lastly the warning "Do not put new wine in old bottles"If you want to grow old together be sure who you are marrying-life is a chance- so study your partner Not your emotions they change Too Last but not least Have God firmly established in your union.
---Emcee on 9/14/07

What comes to mind is "Unequally yoked"There are many phases, types manifesterd in such a relationship.the question of age difference is the most common.then maturuity then the reality of Having a family & lastly the warning "Do not put new wine in old bottles"If you want to grow old together be sure who you are marrying-life is a chance- so study your partner Not your emotions they change Too Last but not least Have God firmly established in your union.
---Emcee on 9/14/07

I am married to a 40 yr. old man and Im 33, but God is the one who put us together, "If" God put ur boyfriend in your pass then u have nothing to worry about, and before u do settle down make sure he is the right one, and if he isn't then u will know. 19 yrs old is still young, but it is ok and society will say something but If God put u together than thats all that matters.
---ANN on 9/14/07

I married an older man when I was 23. Still married to him. Not too bad. Would I do it all over again. Yes, with him. But I would add one thing: more money. I am older and much wiser now. No joke.
I am a young 50 something with a sometimes boring old jackal on my hands with no money but he has a heart of gold.He makes me laugh and he loves him some......anonymous. It could be worse. I will stay around for a while longer. Age makes no difference. Maturity does.
---anonymous on 9/14/07

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My advise is to be patient and do not rush into a relationship. Get to really know each other and be sure. So many times I have seen people rush into a relationship too fast, rush into a marriage, and often the relationship ends up in divorce court.
---Cynthia on 9/14/07

I am a 29 year old woman. My husband will be 47 soon.
I love him dearly. You would be surprised how society will be so accepting. Now that doesn't mean some people won't give you a look, but it's your choice how to handle it.

Also, there is a big age difference. You may be mature enough to love this man but can you handle it when his maturity excends yours. Trust me it while happen.
---Wendy on 9/14/07

That's a lot of age difference. My cousin is married to a wonderful man that is 20 years older than she. He is 66 and she is 46. She loves him but she's no longer in love with him. He is now elderly and not in the best of health. He takes his teeth out at night and love making just does not happen because his libido is gone and his heart isn't good. Something you may want to think about.
---julia5835 on 5/1/07

"Don't do it. I married a 42 y/o guy when I was 20. He loved nobody but himself, but sure had me convinced otherwise. He was SICK, but I couldn't see that either. It was miserable." -Been_There

I'm sorry you had such bad "luck" with an older man, but we cannot assume that ALL older men are jerks. Agree?
---Kay on 5/1/07

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Dear 15 year old, in many states, the law could pick up your boyfriend. Are you planning for children, marriage or will the boyfriend stick around for any children that might come along?
---Toby on 2/11/07

I'm 15 this year and i'm in love with a 26 year old guy who loves me back.And since i know him, i know that he is more than honorable.Let me ask you something.Are you really in love with him?Would you commit your life and yourself(very important)to him?would you love him forever and ever?As long as you answer yes to all these questions, you don't have to worry about what society thinks about you.I wish you all the best.I'd advice you to talk through this with him.Do let me know what happens.
---celina on 2/11/07

Don't do it. I married a 42 y/o guy when I was 20. He loved nobody but himself, but sure had me convinced otherwise. He was SICK, but I couldn't see that either. It was miserable. Society is not who you need to worry about. What you need to figure out is what he expects of you and what you expect of him. Are these expectations compatible? And are they realistic? You will change in ways you can't predict now.. but he won't. It's a huge step. Pray. And give yourself a few more years to grow
---Been_There on 5/25/06

There are a few things you have to ask yourself. Like what was your relationship like with your father? Did you miss the closeness and guidance from a father? Many times a young woman sees special things in an older more experienced man for guidance, which is some cases feels like love. Also remember that a young woman grows and changes how she sees the world, and unfortunately that means growing apart, because he has already grown and will not change as you ultimately will.
---Dottie on 5/25/06

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That 42-year-old man's intentions are anything but honorable! RUN - as fast as you can in the OPPOSITE direction. Who knows? You may marry him and after you've aged a little, he'll be looking for a 'sweet young thing' again. DISGUSTING! DISTURBING! And downright sickening.
---Criss on 5/17/06

Please pray about this matter before continuing this relationship. Because of the huge age difference, the lifestyles, way of thinking, needs, etc. will be different. I think you need to talk with your parents, some reliable friends and your pastor before becoming serious about this man and marrying him.
---Nock on 3/26/06

Lina;You know,you can't reson with "emotion" any more than you can with a mob or a drunk. Even wise King Solomon said there are 4 things too amazing for him to understand,"the way of an eagle in the sky,the way of a snake on a rock,the way of a ship on the high seas and the way of a man with a maiden"(Prov.30.18&19.)
---1st_cliff on 3/18/06

Loving a person is always good. Falling in love isn't. Hopefully the man is on his knees praying that you will not love him in that way. Hope he isn't promting this in anyway. It's on him and I am praying for you.
---Alexandra on 3/16/06

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I have heard love is an act of our will. Myself, I would not want to date someone twice my age, and old enough to be my father.
---Ulrika on 3/16/06

I strongly urge you to examine this in a counseling/therapy setting. See if you are not searching to fill a "Daddy void" that happens. Really look at yourself honestly, which is what happens in a therapeutic setting, and learn what makes you attracted to a man twice your age. If you have no Daddy issues deep inside, then it should not be a problem.
---Madison on 3/16/06

Lina, you may not agree with this but I'm afraid, my feelings are right: you are too young to get into this type of relationship. Many men would like to have a 19 year old "wife" but their intention is not genuine but motivated by lust.

I'd move back out of this situation and seek the advice of your parents or some other trust worthy and knowledgeable person.
---A_Catholicg on 3/16/06

Look at your own question. "I" fell in love with him. You failed to mention his feelings. My opinion, at 19 yrs. old, why are you in such a hurry to get married? Do some stuff, have some fun in your youth. Have your friends expressed how they feel? Your parent? His parents? Just do not confuse "LOVE" and "INFACTUATION". At 19, your life has just begun. Remember, it is a whole easier to get in a marrage, than it is to get out. (with exception to California)
---Fred_S. on 3/16/06

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There are many issues at stake here. No one can fully advise you in what to do as we don't know the whys and what's of you situation. Now this is perspective. Think about this in your heart. Be honest with yourself and truly answer my question with your first response. What do you think when you hear a man at work say, "I'm 42 and in love with a 19 year old?" What is the chance he will marry you? Have you been physical with him? If so and you stop, will the relationship stop too?
---Elder on 3/16/06

Hi I was married to a man 25yrs. older then myself. I was 20 he was 45 when we married. People think your crazy so if u really love him u need to prove them wrong. We raised a family had a good life, married almost 31yrs. then he passed away. That part u need to think about. Its no fun being alone now and most men in there 50's are married now. Just wanted to let u know it can work. Good luck.
---kathy on 3/16/06

Are you looking for a father figure to love you, replace a relationship that was not satisified by own Father? A man that age should not be falling for a 19 yr old.You need to grow into adulthoold. This usually takes till you're in your mid twenties. You probably feel older since an older man says he loves you. You still have more growing, experiencing life to do. You'll outgrow this Father figure, want your own life, probably have children that will be hurt if this fails.I know this from experience.
---EJ on 3/15/06

Well, you best go to nursing school because you will be his nursemate when he is 80 and you are still in your 50s.

Seriously, it may not seem significant now but it won't seem so interesting when you are a young 50 something and he is a senior citizen.
---Bruce5656 on 3/15/06

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