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Humor Blog #15

We've gotton buried on the bottom!
Hows about HUMOR BLOG # 15 dear Mod!

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 ---NVBarbara on 5/12/06
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I have no idea if any one still looks at this site any more since it started almost 5 yrs ago but I have a favorite joke: One day a Scientist came to God & said, " God, I am now just as intelligent as you, for I can create a man." God said, "O.K., show me what you can do." So the Scientist bent down to the ground & said, "First, you take some dirt,"..."Wait a minute," God said, "get your own dirt!"
---Reba on 11/20/10

I got one for you,

what kind of car did Jesus and the disciples drive?

A Ford. Because they were always walking!

you peobably heard that one before.
---eric on 6/16/06

If Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cared, why did they write a song about it?
---NVBarbara on 5/22/06

Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."
---barbara on 5/16/06

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

"Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.

"Yes, that was it!"

"You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!"
---barbara on 5/16/06

John T, man, you just cracked me up. I really enjoyed those lessons. I think I'll try the McD's thingy. You might consider moving to another place. You know what they say: you become like those you hang around. lol. good job.
---Fred_S. on 5/16/06

NV Barbara wants me to re-post 5 posts I made on Humor Blog # 14

Rather than do that, I direct all who want to see new words for the office of 2006, please click on the above link.

Besides, MOD gets annoyed at double posts 8-)
---John_T on 5/16/06

Funny John! One tip about the girl who locked herself out of her car: my husband's car won't open, OR start unless 2 buttons are pressed. He was stranded on the other side of Vegas one day with dead batteries.He called me to bring the extra set of keys.
I got my extra set of keys to his car, he put his cell phone very close to his car and I pushed the buttons on my keys, voila', it opened!
---NVBarbara on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

At McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager . "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
---John_T on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

At Wal-Mart with just a few items. I picked up one of those "dividers" and placed it between another's things. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking for the bar code. Not finding it she said, "Do you know how much this is?" I said "I've changed my mind, I'll not buy it ." She said "OK,"; she had no clue to what had just happened.
---John_T on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
---John_T on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

I saw a young lady weeping beside her car. I asked if she needed help. She replied, "I should have replaced the battery to this remote unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think 7/11 has have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, She handed it and the car keys to me, and I manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there, it's a long walk."
---John_T on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies
---John_T on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
---John_T on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
---John_T on 5/15/06

Life is tough.

Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
---John_T on 5/15/06

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Life is tough. Nine examples

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency
---John_T on 5/15/06

Happy to give you a giggle Eloy, my brother.
When you are waiting for the bus and someone comes up and asks if the bus has come yet?
Oh duh, would I be standing here if the bus had already come?
---NVBarbara on 5/14/06

nvBarb, Ha ha ha, that was a really good.
---Eloy on 5/14/06

I heard of the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa!
---NVBarbara on 5/13/06

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Unfortunately you are right in many areas Mike. Some of the blogs are funnier than this one! I have trained myself not even to respond to some of the most rediculous ones.
I'll lay an egg here and keep it light and get a giggle.
---NV_Barbara on 5/13/06

Is a dyslesic agnostic someone who does not believe in doG?
A guru in a diner had told his friends, "I think; therefore I am." The waitress came by and offered more coffee. He replied," I think not" ... and disappeared...
If a bright light is shined across a dim light does it leave a shadow?
But then what's the difference between a banana?
---mikefl on 5/13/06

Humor. A lot of the humor is what I have heard here. Some of it I suppose, by me. 1.A microwave possessed by the Devil. 2.Dragons are dinosaurs .3.The earth is flat.(with four corners) 4.Teletubbies are satanic.(that could be!) 5.A lady floated on the ceiling of church. 6. Demons escape from caves and valcanosto harass people. 7. When preacher is on TV, touch the screan and be healed! 8.The sun and planets go around the earth. 9. The earth is 6,000 years old. 10. The Lord will appear on tv, at prime time.
---mikeM on 5/13/06

Nighters Eloy! Lions lying hmmm.....
---NVBarbara on 5/13/06

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Do lions lie?
...answer: yes, down. I know, I know, I shouldn't try being a comedian....nvBarb, nitey-nite.
---Eloy on 5/13/06

Hmm just sitting her letting my mind wander..
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Health nuts are gonna feel stupid some day lying in the hospital dying of nothing!
All of us should take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
I think I need a nap....
---NVBarbara on 5/12/06

Pray Ja Vue - I know of an interim pastor who does not do formal sermon preparation and attempts to wing it each week as the spirit moves him. His point topics are about as well connected as a game of four wall handball. He does an extended prayer time and Bible commentary prior to the sermon and the same thing he discusses and antidotes end up an hour later in his sermon, Pray Ja Vue.
---notlaw99 on 5/12/06

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