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Husband May Be Having An Affair

I think my husband is having an affair. What do I do?

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 ---anonymous on 6/5/06
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I had an affair and after recovery, my wife & I started a nonprofit website that even lists warning signs ... couplesrestored
---joel on 9/23/08

The problem is...I have no idea how to find out. I do not have the $$ for a PI, and do not have the time to follow his every move. When I ask him, he tells me if I don't have proof, then don't accuse him. That sounded like a guilty response to me. I would love to hear from some men out there about possible suspicious behavior I should look for.
---anonymous on 1/26/08

Find out for sure if it is true or not and then see a lawyer if it is.
---Madison1101 on 5/10/07

You realy need more proof than what you have . I can't tell you what to do or what to look for ,for you already have found them. In my marriage love and forgiveness along with repentance and honor have made it a union blessed by God. If he has ,to divorce is your right but to forgive is the ultimate witness of Christ love. (Now if he does it again or repeatedly , divorce .}A spouses affaire can be forgiven and with Jesus forgoten (trust me I know), but it's up to you.
---rev._chris on 6/26/06

Anonymous. By the way you are absolutely right. It is the only valid reason for divorce. If adultery shows itself as fact you have every cause and reason to divorce him and should. Once a cheater always a cheater. Love is never deceptive, or intentionally hurtful. As a child of God you deserve love and respect and should never settle for less.
---Josef on 6/7/06

You miss understood me Anonymous. All I am saying to you is don't allow his ALLEGED darkness to cause you to slip into darkness. Be the wife the Father would have you to be. When you allow yourself to respond in a way that demonstrates your faith in the Father you place Him in control, and if the Father be for you who or what can be against you? Rest in the Fathers love and trust Him with your husband, and yourself.
---josef on 6/7/06

Just wanted to say thanks to all who posted. I am going to take some of the advise here and get to the bottom of this. God Bless!
---anonymous on 6/7/06

Anon, good thinking sister!!!!!!!! It would be foolish beyond words to continue in intimate relations with a husband who you so strongly suspect of cheating on you. Do you know how many husbands seek out and find the company of prostitutes? There are other horrors to be contracted besides AIDS too. My ex-husband cheated and I divorced him. Guess what? I'd do it AGAIN! No one, and I mean no one, deserves such disrespect.
---Criss on 6/6/06

josef, maybe Mother Theresa can be the virtuous woman while her husband is cheating on her, but Jesus said this is grounds for divorce. I'm not saying to divorce him, but I'm also not saying to sleep with him while you suspect he's intimate with another woman....there is this disease called AIDS!!! HELLO? We can't be holy when someone is committing adultery, I'm sorry, but Jesus said it's cause for divorce.
---Anonymous on 6/6/06

I totally disagree with Jack. Anonymous, my cousin's husband did the same things. She was in denial for 2 years, when she found out she was devastated. (((huggs))) Will pray for you. Jack, you forgot to tell us why he isn't wearing his wedding ring, and why he's not interested in his wife intimately. Whoops!!!
---Donna9759 on 6/6/06

Why do I think he is unfaithful...He does not wear his wedding ring, he does shower in the middle of the day, he makes random excuses to run errands and is gone for hours, is wearing cologne again, and has no interest in me intimately or otherwise. I don't have a guilty conscience, I actually think I have been living in denial and am not sure that I really want to know the truth.
---anonymous on 6/6/06

Just be the virtuous women that the Father has called you to be. Show him the love you always has. Don't accuse or criticize him for he will only look to justify himself while searching for or even creating ways to condemn you in the process. What is done in the dark will come to light. (Pr. 11:29) "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart". Be patient and still, the Father fights His children's battles.
---josef on 6/6/06

hi anon. the best way you can find out if your husband is having an affair is this. get a copy of his cellphone bill. all details as to his received and made calls are on this!also does he come straight home and shower or has he showered before he comes home?
---dave_read on 6/6/06

my wife accused me for years but I never have been unfaithful. all accusations stopped when I accused her my words were "I believe you have a guilty conscience and usually the one blaming is the one having the affair" yes there are signs usually it has to do with intimacy. my question is what makes you think he is unfaithful?
---willow on 6/5/06

I've said this in another blog, but it seems oh-so-pertinent here. "People with nothing to hide, hide nothing!" I love my husband and am faithful to him. Nothing in my life is off limits to him - my purse, my cell phone, etc. He could show up at work anytime, and I would welcome him. I know he won't find anything amiss. If your husband is being secretive, that is a bad sign. Go with your instincts and ask for God's direction.
---Criss on 6/5/06

If he's working late frequently--maybe he's trying to make more money for YOU.

If he's wearing a different cologne--maybe he just wants a change, or is trying to please YOU.

If he's paying more attention to his appearance--maybe he's trying to make himself more attractive to YOU.

For every sign of an affair, there's a reason that proves the husband is being MORE faithful.
---Jack on 6/5/06

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Anon said "When I ask him, he tells me if I don't have proof, then don't accuse him" Like anon, I find that a very guilty answer. If he is innocent. why does he just not say so, and show extra love to her. To answer as he does causes anguish, and that is cruel.
---alan8869_of_UK on 6/5/06

Well thinking and knowning are two different things. You better make sure he is before you jump to conclusions. You don't want to say something and found out that he hasn't cheated on you. I would look for signs, coming home late, being distant, strange phone calls. Have a close friend follow him if you don't have time. If he is cheating, pray that God will bring things to the surface, the bible says that the secret sins will find you out. If he has secret sins, pray that they will come out in the open.
---Rebecca_D on 6/5/06

Seek our Lord Jesus Christ first in prayer. The Holy SPirit will guide you to all truth. Peace will also guide. Our God is not the author of confusion.
---sandiee on 6/5/06

some of the signs are: He has changed his attitude towards you. He is buying new clothes. He has "different" mens cologne. He works late over and over and over. He goes outside to answer his cell phone. His whole pattern of life changed. One that really tells is his attitude toward you.
---shira on 6/5/06

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Oh...and by the way, if he is a believer, the conviction of the Holy Ghost has a way of making miserable the man who won't repent. That misery will manifest in unjustified anger, depression, secrecy, etc. I have a son who started smoking and he could only keep it from me for so long before the Holy Ghost won that battle.
---Linda6563 on 6/5/06

He is faithful to remove thoughts coming from the enemy who is seeking to place doubt and distrust in your marriage. You can know in your heart (by God-given impression) that he is for sure having an affair. You don't need a P.I. Sin has a way of making itself known because it is rooted in pride and pride always goes around boasting. Just be patient.
---Linda6563 on 6/5/06

Anonymous, you have a right to a sound mind because Jesus shed blood to give you one and I don't imagine that thoughts of a cheating husband are anything less than tormenting in and of themselves. When Jesus wore that crown of thorns, He wore it to redeem us from an anxious, fretful, tormented mind caused by thoughts that don't come from Him. With that said, simply place your faith in the finished work of Christ and ask Father to remove from you any thoughts that are not true or based on fact.
---Linda6563 on 6/5/06

Unless you catch your husband in the act or he admits his unfaithfulness you should trust him. Hiring a PI is also decietful. Neither behavior is Christian-like.
---antonio on 6/5/06

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