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Father Of My Child Will Not Marry

I am living with the father of my child. I am a Christian and he is not, but he is a wonderful man and father. He does not want to get married and I don't want to take my daughter from her home. What is the biblical answer?

Moderator - If he is so wonderful, then why doesn't he marry?

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 ---AMANDA on 7/10/06
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For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed."
---Bruce5656 on 12/23/07

Did you become a christian before or after the birth of your daughter?
---Renee on 5/29/07

He will probably never marry you because he see you as a HYPOCRITE!! A suppose to be Christian living in outright sin with an unbeliever. Even he knows this is wrong. Where is your light?Where is the salt? You have lost both and are walking in darkness. Until your life lines up with the word of God, you are going to suffer many things. Move out of this house with this man--immediately! That is the first step. You will have much more work to do from that point on.
---Robyn on 5/28/07

You are married, just not officially. Seek the advice of your local pastor and make sure that you do your best to raise your daughter in the faith. It was unfortunate that you opted to live as a heathen instead of as a Christian, but that will be hard to rectify without harming your child. Just pray and do what you can to minimize the damange you have already done. Attend Church regularly for guidance and bring your daughter. Do not try to "convert" you man, let God deal with that.
---lorra8574 on 5/28/07

it is wrong to live together out of wedlock, but oh well. The horses are gone, door is open. You did not say if he is living a christ-like life without saying he is christian. that word is only a label many like to throw around like confetti. how long have you lived together. in the eyes of the law, that is considered married. if either of you want out even common law, the procedure is the same as divorce. that law was passed in congress in 1987. you can now sue for custody, asset division and alimony.
---ashley on 5/28/07

I see no reason why he should marry you except his moral and ethical responsibilities, of which apparently he has none.
---mima on 5/28/07

I Have the same situation. I dated my boyfriend for 2 years and gave my life to the Lord and received the Holy Ghost. In my first few months I struggled with fornication and had a child out of wedlock. I have been saved for almost 5 years. The relationship between the father of my child and I is to only take care of our child. But God is doing an awesome thing in his life. My question is can God and would God save this man.
---Nicollet on 8/31/06

I was in the same situation. The bible says that christians should not mix with nonchristians in marriage. You need to do what is best for your daughter. If your relationship is good, then you should pray and ask God what he wants you to do. If your relationship is bad, then I think the best thing for your daughter would be to move on. Remember that God has everything under control. No one in this world can give you the answer but God. You are a christian. Girl, use the power that God gave you and pray.
---amanda on 7/25/06

The bibical answer is to shun the very appearance of sin, living with the father of your child is living a common law marriage of which comes Fornication. Not wanting to leave because of your daughter ia part of your excuse of not wanting to leave despite knowing he is not saved, (being unequally yoked, You cannot attach yourself to darkness if you are in the light, you will not be equally yoked and this unbalance is not Chrislike, therefore you need to make a decision, God or Sin.
---Carla5754 on 7/21/06

It very much has to do with whether that women is living in sin or not. Of course others that acuse her have their own intentions but the relationship she is in is sin. She is not married, has had a child, and is deep in a mess not knowning what to do. She has to repent and stop sinning period. She cannot be in rebellion to God because of her needs, her needs are to follow Christ. Whoever sins will have to pay the consequences of that sin. Some more then others.
---Lupe2618 on 7/19/06

Those who were so eagerly out looking to find that woman in sin were the ones who were condemned in the end. They certainly didn't have any problem finding her address or "peeking in her window" with in lust. It is still through the Holy Spirit revealing Christ (when we see Him we are like Him) and the work He did in redemption that we are transformed into His image. Whether I agree with this situation or not is irrelevant. How Jesus sees the person in light of His own finished work is.
---Linda6563 on 7/13/06

Donna, I recall that same ministry of the Spirit ministering to you while you were a Christian. I still have the e-mail if you would like me to forward it to you. The focus here is not whether one is a Christian or not. It has to do with how Jesus handles known (and unknown) sin (and accusers) in one's life. Sin gets its strength through the law.
---Linda6563 on 7/13/06

Linda, while no one is condemning this woman with their advice, she does freely admit: "I am living with the father of my child." Which is a choice she made. AND she says: I am a Christian. The woman caught in adultery was not a Christian. If this woman is a Christian like she's claiming to be, she KNOWS the story of Redemption already and isn't acting upon Jesus's words. So us telling her she's in sin is correct in this case. We are NOT judging or condemning her.
---Donna9759 on 7/13/06

The first problem you have is that you committed fornication (sex before marriage), which is a sin. The second is that you are living with someone you are not married to, and it is hard for God to bless that (it is not his will!). The third is you are unequally yoked with a non-believer. God will forgive you for all three if you ask.
---Othello on 7/13/06

There are many bible texts that have been quoted. There is much scriptural proof that you are out of the will of God.
You should ask yourself why you want to be with a man who does not love and value you enough to make you his wife? Especially if this is what you want. If you are not happy, your daughter will feel it. Keeping her in her home is not the answer. Being in the will of God comes first, being true to yourself is next.
---lynet on 7/13/06

While it is true that cleansing can come by making a choice to "follow the commandment", God's ultimate desire for this girl is that she simply love the Commander above all and, out of that relationship, come to really know Him so that He fills her heart and she lives, moves, and has her being in Him. The blogger doesn't need a bunch of accusers casting stones. She needs to see redemption and hear His voice and rest assured that He Himself is not casting stones but loving her where she is.
---Linda6563 on 7/13/06

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When He did speak to her, He asked her where her accusers were (made sure she understood) and then said, "Neither do I condemn thee." The power to go and sin no more came from the revelation of the redemptive work shown to the woman by Jesus and His word that He Himself did not condemn her because of the result of that work.
---Linda6563 on 7/13/06

My agreement lies with both Bruce and DoryLory. I am sure that Jesus does not condone sin in any environment. With that said, His words, "Go and sin no more" to the woman taken in adultery were NOT spoken until that woman saw that no man accused her, that her accusers had been taken care of first. He did that by revealing redemption to her in the things He did...and all before He ever SPOKE to her.
---Linda6563 on 7/13/06

Amanda, The Question I have for YOU is "Will Thou Be Made WHOLE"! YOU have a DECISION to PURSUE Your LOVE for JESUS or YOUR LOVE for YOUR Childs Father. I am not trying to Condemn YOU, but God, said no man can LOVE two Masters He will LOVE one and HATE the other. True Deliverance comes when you First Recognize YOU have a Problem and LET Jesus, RECONCILE YOU unto GOD! STOP WARRING WITH JUSTIFICATION for your SINS and WILL To do the WILL of GOD!!!
---Renatta on 7/13/06

I agree with you Bruce! If you look at it Through your Spiritual Eyes Jesus, was letting her know that she is Better than her Condition. He was saying: I know your Condtion, but You are able to RISE above your Condition and Trample over the Enemy in Your Life. We as Believer have to Stop looking at every situation for the Logo and Search out the Rhema Word that Ministers to the Spirit of Man. It is the Spirit of the Man that Substains Him in Weakness. Prov. 18:14a
---Renatta on 7/13/06

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"Please note...." Noted.

Re your comment: "Jesus did not demand that the woman leave the man she was living with though they were unmarried..."

Just because it is not mentioned that Jesus did not tell her to leave the man she was with does not mean a thing. The most he ever said to anyone who came to him for forgivness is "Go and sin no more." There is no way that Jesus would condone/overlook her fornication/adultery under any circumstances.
---Bruce5656 on 7/13/06

If he is a wonderful man and father and fulfills all that he can to provide and not draw you or your daughter from church pray and follow the leading of the Spirit of God. Peradventure the Lord will lay it on his heart to marry or allow grace for your daughter's sake in the current situation. That's between you and the Lord though hon. Don't act in haste for your daughter's sake.
---Shari on 7/13/06

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are living in a situation that is sinful and unhealthy for your child. Sex outside of marriage is sin. Marrying an unbeliever is sin. I see no choice but to encourage you to separate from this man. Personal holiness and purity are more important than some think.
---Madison1101 on 7/12/06

Bruce, please note that I did not tell Amanda to stay with the man. I told her she needs to hear from God for herself because her situation is complicated. I do not see the child as a circumstance but as an innocent little human being. The importance of both parents in a child's life cannot be overstated and I just happen to believe that God is big enough to change that man's heart.

It is interesting to note that in the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well (John 5)
---DoryLory on 7/12/06

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that Jesus did not demand that the woman leave the man she was living with though they were unmarried AND He even used her to bring many to believe in Him.

Sometimes life gets complicated and pat answers don't necessarily fit. As far as I'm concerned this is a family already. They just need a few things fixed. God's the Fixer, not legalistic rules. (Sorry if I sound sarcastic, I don't mean to ... that's just the way I see it.)
---DoryLory on 7/12/06

Your advice to seek God because of the extenuating circumstances (child) does not seem to be congruent with the revealed will of God. How often do people "pray for direction" when what they are asking about is clearly stated in the word - as in this case. They are looking for God to make an exception for them.

The greatest act of love for the child is to raise her up in a God fearing environment. Even if that means as a single mother.
---Bruce5656 on 7/12/06

I am not saying this will happen in your case, I am saying that These men love themselves are in love with what you do for them but not in love with you. as women we become attached easily, but some men find it hard to be responsible when it it comes to the crux of the matter(marriage) because they still love themselves and think there is someone else better out there for them and you were a mistake, they were not ready for. LOVE YOUR SELF AS GOD LOVES YOU AND KNOWS HOW BEST TO PROVIDE FOR YOU BOTH.
---Carla5754 on 7/12/06

I faced the same situation many years ago, and God allowed me to move on without the looser I was attached to, he soon moved on and married, although heartbroken, I gave my life to the lord and he fathered us all. Eventually I met my husband who became a christian and we married 7yrs later when I finally trusted him. Choose God he will work it out I had two boys 2, 5yrs old.
---Carla5754 on 7/12/06

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Because there is a child involved I recommend taking time to fast and pray and seek God until you hear from Him yourself. When you know-that-you-know-that-you-know that you are following the Lord's plan, making a decision will not be difficult. Not only is His plan always for the best but He often has some very creative and ingenious answers to our problems. Very often situations that seem so big and overwhelming are solved quite simply when Jesus is invited to get involved.
---DoryLory on 7/11/06

Moderator - is there a way to speak privately to this person on this website?

Moderator - Both parties need to join the free Penpal system and list their IDs here.
---Linda3 on 7/11/06

Christians are the Bride (Wife) of Christ. Unfaithful wives either repent or suffer divorce.

Currently, you have chosen to be faithful to your boyfriend, and not to Christ.

Your justification for remaining unfaithful to Christ is your daughter.

Matt 10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that LOVETH son or DAUGHTER MORE than me is not worthy of me.

You may need to ask Jesus to help you in your situation.
---a_servant on 7/10/06

Here is the Biblical answer:

2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
---a_servant on 7/10/06

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You are living in fornication. If he were to marry you, you would be unequally yoked. You need to leave him and repent and ask the Lord's forgiveness. That is unless he gets born-again, then the two of you could repent and get married.
---Helen_5378 on 7/10/06

Amanda, the biblical answer is: Repent and turn from your sins in order that times of refreshing may come to you. You are living in sin and should not be doing that if you are calling yourself a Christian. "Abstain from every form of fleshly lust." "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers." Disobedience to the word brings judgement because the wages of sin is death. Please repent, turn to the Lord, and ask GOD to deliver you out of the situation.
---Donna9759 on 7/10/06

Amanda, Jesus said: If you love me, you will obey me. I don't think you know Jesus or else you wouldn't be grieving His heart by living in sin. 1 John 2:3 and 4 says this: And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.
---Anonymous on 7/10/06

Did you accept Jesus after you slept with this man? If you were one before then you didn't take your christian vows responsibly enough & had no sex! I understand your hurt, but if this man truly loved you for you & wanted to be in a commitied family relationship, he would wed,but since you 2 did what you did & concived a daughter , either get married or get out!
---candice on 7/10/06

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Part SIX is missing below:

James 1:21-23, "Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:"
---Bruce5656 on 7/10/06

Why does he not want to get married? Does he not want the commitment to you and your daughter?
Mod is right.
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/10/06

Here is your Biblical answer.

But first bear in mind that this does not negate or belittle you feelings for your boyfriend or your concern for your daughter. These are real and genuine. Unfortunately, everything real and genuine is not necessarily right.

Consider that questioners before you here have asked such questions as "I am in love with a married man. What do I do?" The love may be real, but the relationship is wrong, wrong, wrong.
---Bruce5656 on 7/10/06

That said, here is what the bible says:

1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body."
---Bruce5656 on 7/10/06

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Galatians 5:19-21, "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."
---Bruce5656 on 7/10/06

2 Corinthians 6:14-18, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in
---Bruce5656 on 7/10/06

them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty."

You have a choice to make. Joshua 24:15, "choose you this day whom ye will serve
---Bruce5656 on 7/10/06

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