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Divorce Or Loveless Marriage

Should a Christian live in a loveless marriage or divorce?

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 ---Heather on 7/31/06
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I have love my husband for 22 1/2 years. It now seems as though he is just going through the motions. He says he loves me, but when I try to get close to him in any way he moves. We both love the Lord. About 8 or 9 years ago he moved to another church where the Pastor is not what he's crack up to be and I had noticed some big changes. What can I do? My heart is continously hurt. I love him with all my heart.
---buffy on 9/27/09

I think that as a christian should seek answers from God. I am the perfect example. I stayed in a loveless marriage for several years and I prayed for several years as well and just 2 months ago I recieved my answer in a dream where I was free to leave. Because I was in His will I have more joy than ever before.
---Kimberly on 5/6/08

Lawrence ::I agree with you wholeheartedly The ingredient of Commitment was missing.Mima you do move in strange circles.There is a saying "show me your friends & I'll tell you what you are"
just a quote but Oh!so true.
---Emcee on 1/29/08

Chad ... Lynda? Cindy? Mark? Loveless?
---alan_of_UK on 1/28/08

With all of these inner voices screaming to be heard...
I would like to know, when you move into one of these multiple personalities - do you have any recollection when you've switched from one to another? I'm serious. If we're going to visit with your inner voices - do you remember the switching back and forth?
---Chad on 1/20/08

To decide to committ and love in a loveless marriage inspite of depression is a very commendable thing. I applaud people who decide to do this and has my respect and support. People who decide to commit need Christian support. Furthermore, people who have experienced (experiencing) this kind of hardship are the people that I personally will listen to and hear what they have to say.
---isko on 1/20/08

Lawrence, I can't tell from what you write if you are for divorce or not...I agree with what you say though....therefore, the answer to your scenario is NOT divorce, but a return to what God says we should do...LOVE our spouse, not leave them.
---Jeff on 1/17/08

Robyn-same thing...if you say you're a Christian and you hate your spouse and may want to physically harm them?!?..well, without saying---YOU NEED TO GO TO GOD AND CHANGE YOUR HEART/ATTITUDE/PERSPECTIVE to be in alignment with what God desires---that's totally out of line. DIVORCE IS REBELLION AGAINST GOD AND HIS COMMANDMENTS-PLAIN AND SIMPLE! If the other person rebels and leaves, they'll have to answer for that-but at least you didn't disobey God.
---jeff on 1/17/08

Nana,I guess I was talking about a differant kind of love.
---sue on 1/16/08

i SUGGEST THAT TO LIVE IN A mARRIAGE WITH OUT LOVE Is NOT ONLY WRONG BUT SINEFUL AND A DISGRACE BECAUSE WHEN YOU TAKE UNDER YOU THE Holy Bonds of Matrimoney you are promising before are Lord and God to love each orther and not to honor our Lord is wrong
---Lawrence on 1/16/08

Depends on your needs not wants.Does he love you or vice versa or you both hate each other? If you both hate each other you need to end it, as quickly as possible. Staying does not solve anything, is dangerous and could lead to a very bad ending(death).When someone feels trapped they will find a way to get out. They will resort to very evil things. No one wins in this case.
---Robyn on 1/16/08

I once ask a dear friend of mine, she had been married three times, what was best a bad marriage are no marriage and she didn't miss a beat as she said, a bad marriage is better than no marriage.
---Mima on 1/16/08

If love is so insignificant an fleeting as you state
I wonder why we are to love God with all we have and
our neighbor as ourselves?
---Nana on 1/16/08

A christian should live in a 'loveless' marriage rather than get divorced because love is just an emotion that comes and goes, a marriage means commitment, which is something you chose to do forever in a marriage. Love: blah.
---sue on 1/15/08

Before divorce, my wife became selfish,immoral, & uncaring. She didn't care about kids,much less her husband or CAN'T imagine. But God said I had to love my I did, EVEN WHEN IT WASN'T FUN, IT HURT, and DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT! That's what GOD wanted me to do. She left and has gotten worse. Point can't let feelings or circumstances dictate if you obey God or ALWAYS have to choose to obey Him-NO MATTER WHAT-EVEN IN A 'LOVELESS' MARRIAGE!
---jeff on 1/15/08

isko...YES!!!!!!!!(to answer your question)
And it's NO EXCUSE to disobey God! If you are in a loveless marriage, it's your resposibility to do all you can to submit to God and at least from your standpoint make it a marriage filled with love. If you are a Christian, that's what God calls you to do. Bad situations do not obligate us to turn our back on God-seek Him to make them good again...or good in the first place if need be.
---jeff on 1/15/08

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It's all about not falling for Satan's lie...we're bombarded with it everyday-through other people's unscriptual beliefs and lifestyles, music, TV, movies...Divorce is not God's will. If you're involved in divorce-and I am, so I'm not talking about something I have no idea about-then one or both parties are involved in disobeying God--plain and simple. And if you are a Christian-and living it-then you should not divorce your spouse.
---jeff on 1/15/08

The question of abuse...of course, protect yourself!! BUT, it doesn't mean start over with someone else, EITHER stay single (not dating, living with or marrying someone else) OR pray and work toward reconciliation!!!! The Bible is pretty clear...I really don't see why there's even a discussion or debate about what it says or what God clearly states is His will for marriage in His Word.
---jeff on 1/15/08

Of course one should not live in a abusive relationship God said a man should love his wife and you find the man you married is now abusing you you should get out does that mean you just go and start again in another relationship NO it means you live in peace with Christ or reconciliate giving your partner the opportunity to accept Christ or live separate.
---Carla5754 on 1/3/08

Please do not judge a loveless do not know what caused the respect and love to fade.Abuse is involved in my marriage.physcial and emotional.To tell someone that is being abused in front of the children that if they divorce it is a horrible sin as you all say,It just might be putting their safety at risk.Do not judge until you lived in an abused womens shoes for a day..the Lord who loves me would not call protecting myself and children a sin.
---kim on 1/3/08

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Jesus Christ lived as Man in a loveless marriage.

He came into the world, into a marriage with humanity that treated Him with loveless indifference.
---lovable_linda on 1/3/08

just a question, for those who are making a stand against divorce, have you actually experinced the depression associated with being in a loveless marriage ? just a yes or no will do, no need to justify your answer .....
---isko on 1/2/08

There is a difference between "love" for a neighbor & "love" for a husband. Love for a husband includes giving oneself sexually.
---julie on 12/17/07

I am sorry Lovely I support him. He is reckless with money. He is extremely bossy. He ignores me for days if I upset him.
I love everyone. I am a very giving person.
I thought God wanted me to marry this person. Although I am not phsyically attracted. I thought God could change my heart. I pray every day that God will make me love him the way a wife should.
---tammie on 12/17/07

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The question is, what happened to the LOVE. Are you born again Christian? Love comes with the territory. It is easy to become bored with a person once you've lost sight of their Godly beauty. Maybe think back to when you first married and try to remember the reasons you were attracted to your spouse and see if it can be revived. Christian marriage counseling could help.
---jody on 12/6/07

A believer's divorce is sin., NOT depression. Sad thoughts become depression. The Lord said, "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." You are married - obey the word, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, ...noble, ...right, ...pure, ...lovely, admirable if ... excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. Phillipians 4:8
---Ramn on 12/6/07

God hates divorce.

Depression is not a sin, it's a condition that affects the body, soul, and spirit,
but depression is not a sin.

You should remain in your loveless marriage. It's time to see life beyond yourself.
How selfish to marry a man, a good man and then behave towards him the way that you are.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

Completely and utterly selfish.

Forget the lovey dovey emotions, those fade with the years anyway.
Love is a choice and you can choose to love this man as unto God. As many do their jobs/careers - working as unto the Lord -
choose to love your husband as unto the Lord.

If you divorce this good man because you are depressed and have no feelings for him, why would you think that God would be under any obligation whatsoever to bring you another man?
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

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Your husband, good man is not abusing you, all your needs are met - a roof over your head, food on the table, a car to drive - you can choose to love your husband - yes, you can.
It's all a choice and it's the right choice, divorce is not.
If you divorce for your selfish feelings and emotions - emotions are fickle and selfish - it's entirely possible that you will start searching for a man that you find oh so exciting.
You may catch him and he may dump you, flat.
We reap what we sow.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

Stay in what you consider a loveless marriage, on your behalf only.
If you will humble yourself and pray, God will heal your loveless heart.
But the rest of that Scripture says we must turn from our wicked ways.
You married this man and he thought you were doing it in good faith, you deceived him.

Now adjust your thinking and turn your heart over to God. He will turn your cold heart towards your husband. Yes, it happens, everyday.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

If you've been on these blogs any length of time, you would know that every week, this situation is presented.
A loveless wife that can't stomach her husband, married him for better or worse and only looks at his outward appearance, his flaws and faults, his lack of outward emotions - but inwardly loves his wife, dearly....on and on.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

More often than not, the loveless wife likes all of the perks that come with the husband she can't stand - his checkbook, accounts and the security he gives her.
Out the selfishness of their hearts, they come here to gripe, complain, and slander his good name. It never gets better but it does reveal what's in the abundance of their hearts and it's not pretty.
---lovable_linda on 12/6/07

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I recently married a very Godly man that I have known for years. He has always been "in love with me" I honestly never felt physically attracted to him. Nevertheless when he proposed I said yes. I felt like God wanted me to be his wife. Wedont get along. He is good to me, but I do not love him. Yes I do care about him but I cant give myself to him the way a wife should. I feel that it is hurting him & his walk. I am severely depressed...I know divorce is a sin, but so is depression...
---tammie on 12/6/07

Yes, you should live in a loveless marriage.
Love is not a feeling, it's a commitment to God.
If you live in a loveless marriage, it could be God's blessing that you do not recognize.
A loveless marriage will keep you praying on your knees, and may be the place where God wants you. If you leave a loveless marriage, you could end up searching for love in all of the wrong places and forever lose your place with God.
---lovable_linda on 12/3/07

The Bible is clear. You are to either leave and remain single or go back to Him. Leaving does not mean going out on the town and kicking up your heels. No divorce unless adultery and ofcourse no remarrying except death of spouse.
---catherine on 12/3/07

A marriage is what YOU/BOTH make it, If for some reason it's not going right you can fix it by believing the word which states separate but remain single or reconciliate. But the choice to just divorce out of love is not permissible or would it be to Re-marry. Math 19, Math 5, Mark 1, Rom 7, 1Corinth 7:39, Revelation 21, 22. Remeber a wife can win her husband over by her conduct towards him which one of the criteria is through LOve.
---Carla5754 on 12/3/07

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Are you lovable in a loveless marriage?
If your marriage has lost that lovin' feelin', why not go to a marriage encounter away from it all?
If you hate your mate, you need to ask forgiveness, because hatred will keep you out of heaven.
---Lisa on 12/2/07

It is not a biblical reason for divorce. You may leave, But you must remain single or go back to Him.
---catherine on 11/30/07

Dear "Ina..".

Time is running out. Repent and reconcile with your husband. Anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, hate, and misery always come through but it's now weeks instead of months.
---Cindy on 11/30/07

Any of you people who think that God would ever want people to be miserable for their entire lives in a loveless marriage are fools and probably never experienced the reality of a loveless marriage. God would never force such misery upon his people.
---InAnUnlovingMarriage on 11/29/07

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I would not divorce if I did not love my spouse but I would separate from him If I felt nothing. Most certainly, if he did not love me, in return or even like me. What would be the point of it all? Life is too short to linger around, hoping someone will learn to love or like me and vice versa. Within a reasonable time I would give it up. I would give it a good try in keeping my marriage, but at a certain point in time, I would leave if things were showing no improvement.
---Robyn on 8/6/07

Amen Ryan.WWJD?He had a choice top do his father's will or not,He chose to love you and paid the ultimate price.Cling on to him,ask for wisdom and ask God to show you the true meaning of love.He dose not command us to be happy,he commands us to be holy.
---Ann on 8/4/07

Heather- Your answer is in I Corinthins 7. If your unbelieving spouse wishes to stay with you than you are not to leave them. If you are both believers I suggest you analyze where your focus is. If your marriage is truly loveless as you say it is than I would ask; Where is your focus, flesh or Spirit?
---Ryan on 7/31/07

it take pray & healing,forgiveness to restore any relationship which has been destroyed and only can happen when both parties want this. paper does not make a marriage/divorce, only makes it legal. your spouse can spiritually divorce you even tho living in same house.
---jodollie on 2/4/07

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David on 1/25/07. What damage to the little girl? None. Read "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce." It harms children, impacts their ability to relate to potential spouse in later life. According to a 2003 study, divorce costs the United States $33.3 billion yearly. I say, you had your chance, now be strong for the children. You can always work on your marriage if you really want to, but you have 1 chance to help your child. Stay married.
---Ramon on 2/4/07

I take the position that an innocent party in divorce is free to remarry. Now, when I say innocent or guilty, I recognize that everybody contributes to the breakdown of a marriage. By guilty party I mean the one who committed the sin serious enough to dissolve the marriage. But I would also say that even the guilty party can get remarried if there is authentic repentance.
---James_aka_rev.j3937 on 2/3/07

reading these blogs made me cry. I'm a very young wife that can't really relate but I know now that I want to do all I can to strengthen my marriage to weather the storms of boredom and dissillusionment. Sometimes love has to be acted out rather than felt because feelings come and go. Though its the fault of both parties do you remember the last time you left him a note in his jacket pocket or touched his arm just to connect? Reach past your pain and try. It seems there's not much to lose.
---tradedfate on 2/3/07

Beloved, I too can feel your pain as i am in the same situation, in fact today is my 9 year anniversary and my husband as usual has put his business partners before our marriage and family....and i have much pain in my heart, however, I am trusting God through all of this and know that God will lead me in this area, continue praising God He will show you how to be victorious even in a situation that can look bleak to the natural eye..praying for you
---max on 1/30/07

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Divorce is ONLY allowed for adultery, and if the unbeliever divorces the believer (who is free to remarry). Any other reason for divorce is a lie. Would I understand a divorce for abuse? Yes, but to remarry after that is adultery. Justifying divorce by saying your're in ministry if it was not biblical is whitewashing sin.
---Ramon on 1/30/07

I have a friend who is in a loveless marriage but refuses to get out because her 3 yr old daughter is "happy" to see her dad regularly. What damage are they doing to the little girl by staying married?
---David on 1/25/07

Well that depends - what do you want your children to learn? One day if they tell you when they are grown - that they are in a loveless marriage - what would you tell them to do?
---gloria on 1/5/07

Children rather be from a broken home then live in one.
---Katie on 1/5/07

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In arranged marriages love is not an issue. The anticipation of marriage and a life together with a person chosen especially for you is.
They're taught from birth, to feel, and think in terms of sharing with one another. There is compassion, and intimacy, when you concentrate on sharing with one person. Those cultures do not go blindly into relationships. They are raised knowing love is an action word, not just a feeling.
---lynet on 1/4/07

1. In arranged marriages love is not an issue. The anticipation of marriage and life with a person chosen especially for you is.
You're taught from birth, to feel, and think in terms of sharing with one another. There is compassion, and intimacy, when you concentrate on sharing with one person. Those cultures do not go blindly into relationships. They are raised knowing love is an action word, not just a feeling. When you care for someone, and learn through being close to them, true love grows.
---lynet on 1/4/07

2. Love is always desired, and it's a good state to be in, but there is so much more that goes along with it. Only you know whats going on but remember, If we don't begin strong, we can not really expect things to go well, unless we begin agian. We need to remember we can always go back, and start over. It all begins with a word.
Ask yourself, what would please God?
God Bless You
---lynet on 1/4/07

This question has been asked so many times, but the answers never change. You are not required to "feel" love for your partner. Once you have made a committment, God expects you to honor it. You are NOT released because of your feelings. Adultery is grounds for divorce. Abandonment by a non-believer is grounds for divorce. Anything else is an excuse and a lame one at that.
---Crystal on 1/4/07

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Divorce or a loveless marriage. How about loyalty or betrayal. God hates divorce. It's a betrayal. The lord's supper is kept on the night he was BETRAYED. Loyalty is a great virute, highly prized by God. Are we to sacrifice peace for loyalty. What is our calling. 1co7:15, "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." Here the choice is bondage or peace. Can a loveless marriage be bondage?
---jhonny on 1/4/07

I agree with you. Now i'm a mother, married to a good pastor, and still can't have full joy because i'm so insecure and always feel ready to be left. My dad always has a long standing affair and mum stayed for our sakes. I'm not so sure if it was the best thing to do.
---busi on 1/4/07

Do you have kids? I'm sure if you do your loveless marriage is hurting them. It might taint their future relationships. I advice getting a divorce. Or if you really wanna stay go to a marriage councler. It might but the spark back
---private on 8/8/06

All I need to tell you is that God removes the garbage out of our lives. You must know that God is with you at all times and his praise shall continually be in your mouth. You spent time with this man, and naturally you'll be hurt, but let me tell you something God had to remove the rubbish before he can put something better in your life.
---Paula on 8/8/06

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Did you not recognise the chain of events and how satan was busy trying to distroy you both spiritually and the physically coming between you and your husband, Satan is a liar, and marriage/life distroyer when he gets you on your own, he torments you with loneliness, and brings some other soul into your life to sow tares amongst your wheat, eventually he wins and throws everything back into your face.Because what is not of God will burn, only what you do for the lord will last.
---Carla5754 on 8/8/06

Justification in one's actions is not the same as being in the will of God. Your feelings about your husband's behavior during your marital separation are totally understandable.

I just know that when my husband left me, he started dating the next day. I made the decision that I would pray for our marriage to be reconciled, and not stop praying that prayer till the day he remarried. I did not date, nor seek a date with a man, until the day he remarried.
---Madison1101 on 8/7/06

Dear one my heart goes out to you
What is in the Word is that if the other person is adulterous then, you may divorce if you desire. It sounds like that is what he is doing and so you have the right to divorce and remarry.
---Pat on 8/7/06

Just wanted to add..while separated from my husband because of emotional abuse, he came to pick up the kids with love marks on his neck! I was hurt. Because of him openly displaying his marks, it helped me confirm my right decision in proceeding with my divorce. (although this wasn't the initial reason I left) Aren't I justified in my actions? any advice would be appreciated
---Jackie on 8/7/06

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Madison...actually, when I made my comment about "spiritual growth" I was referring to the sermon my Pastor gave 2 weeks ago. He pointed out things that I weren't aware of regarding divorce. Everyone's opinion is very educated and I respect that. However, I totally understand where Rebecca is coming from. Therefore, when faced w/challenges like divorce, we must evaluate the consequences, lives involved, ourselves and just pray. In addition, sacrificing your peace of mind isn't worth it.
---Jackie on 8/7/06

Matthew 19:1:11, Corinthians 7:1:39, Romans 7, matthew 5, Mark 10,Rev 22. Put divorce, or Adultery in the search engine of the online bible read it for yourself you won't find a single scripture to validate re-marrying because of spiritual unbalance, that was your choice not Gods, Paul advices the SPOUSE TO LEAVE if he is not bound. Not the christian to leave. He encourages you to remain single or to Reconcile sorry Rebbeca but Deuteronomy is dealing with Jewish Piety. Paul deals with us Gentiles.
---Carla5754 on 8/7/06

Amen Jackie. People tend to forget that. If I would have stayed with my ex husband, God might have not called me to sing, and he might have not called my husband (now) to preach.
---Rebecca_D on 8/7/06

Jackie, I think you took what was said about interfering with spiritual growth out of context. The context is that if you are being forced to disobey God's Word then you may have to leave the household. But I do not think it says we are free to divorce for that.
---Madison1101 on 8/7/06

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Rebbeca.Some of things you say scare me.I OBEY the BIBLE not human feelings. You have hard time accepting the bible.You, like most, accept 85% and only refuse to accept the teachings that are "hard" to accept.

You said "just because the bible says don't divorce?".That just it!. What you saying is " Just because God says dont divorce".
---Ramon on 8/7/06

What about the "other" reason God gives for divorce: spouse interferring with one's spiritual growth and serving him. Therefore, since my husband was an obstacle for me to get closer to God, I'm not wrong for divorcing or possibly remarrying in the future.
---Jackie on 8/6/06

No on is saying to a woman/man that is in any type of marriage and the other spouse is behaving in a way that makes the other feel unwanted, unloved or who otherwise abuses the other, that they are to stay where their mental/physical well being is at stake (where there is no peace) Read the Scriptures, just remember if you leave and the reason is not because your spouse is UNfaithful(commits Adultery)you commit Adultery if you re-marry Corith 7:39
---Carla5754 on 8/6/06

I'm separated and going throught the divorce motions now because of the security for my kids. I couldn't continue hurting my kids by fight w/hubby. It started affected them mentally, school and me at work as well. NO I don't like it but I'd rather be alone & happy than together & miserable.
---Jackie on 8/6/06

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Yes you MUST obey God's laws. However, I agree w/Rebecca. I've been married for 3 yrs-together 10yrs. My husband is disrespectful in public, in front of our kids. I was just "mentally" drained. I found a church home, I have time w/kids, read bible, attend church. I delayed leaving him because I was afraid of "divorce" (God's law against it) The bible says you can divorce on 2 grounds: Adultery & if a spouse interferes w/you growing spiritually, doing God's will.
---Jackie on 8/6/06

This also applies when we choose God. Leave a God that does not understand our own selfish wants and needs or believe a God that says he can do All things, even heal a bad marriage or give peace stability, and contentment through the word,and keep you single if you divorce other than for Adultery? reject his word and re-marry regardless of Adultery, what are you implying?
---Carla5754 on 8/6/06

Rebecca D, these words of yours worry me quite a lot - "just because the bible says". On this occasion you are using it regarding a loveless marriage but if you are going to use this for one set of circumstances why not for any other set of circumstances where people don't like what they have in life? If we believe the bible we cannot keep saying "Well I know it says this but............."
---emg on 8/6/06

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