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We Have Slept Together

My Christian boyfriend of over three years will not commit to me with an engagement or marriage. He has been divorced twice. I have never been married. We have slept together and I have assumed he would marry me. He is 49 and I am 39. I am confused and hurt.

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 ---Suzanne on 8/7/06
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Confusion about boyfriend being a Christian? His track record has some holes. Dig your way out, repent, and God will bring you the "one". It will take much prayer for yourself and reading the Word. I waited many years, but fellowship with the Lord made them the best years of my life.
---Rachel on 11/21/08

Oh, my darling, knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no, oh, my sweetness
(Knock, knock, knock!) Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Mmm, twice on the pipe (clink, clink) means you ain't gonna show

Knock three times, what a nice recipe for happiness.
---Tony on 8/20/07

Suzanne, I will give you the same advice my grandmother gave me:

Date three times before deciding to break it off or pursuing a potential marriage.

Then, if you continue the relationship, by eighteen months (not three years), you should either have an engagement ring and a date for marriage (which should occur within a year or so after that), or you MUST break it off and seek someone else.

My grandmother's advice has never failed those who heeded it.
---lorra8574 on 8/19/07

I have news for you Suzanne, your boyfriend is not a Cristian. He may pay lipservice, but will not get him into heaven any more than the Jews Jesus yelled at and called every name in the Book.

And, I hate to break it to you, but you are not acting like much of a Christian either. You tried to trap him like a harlot, naughty girl. But, at least you have an excuse, I do not doubt that your God-given hormones are giving you a rough ride, but reign them in and seek a real Christian.
---lorra8574 on 8/19/07

Confess, repent and dump him.
---Madison1101 on 8/19/07

It shouldn't take a rocket scientist to realize that this man was not committed in his previous marriages. You should be glad that he doesn't want to marry you. "Why by the cow when you can get the milk free!" Commit your ways unto the Lord!! Pleasing the spirit you'll reap great rewards. If you sow to the flesh, you will definitely reap in the flesh. Let him go, it's for your good!!!
---donna on 8/30/06

are you a christian yourself girl? if you are, what are you doing sleeping together when you know the bible says "thou shalt not commit adultery" and why tell the world your sleeping together..are you happy at that? You are stupid enought to be with a twice married man. He wont commit to you what with 2 break down behind him..sorry for being hard..but there it is..act now girl..get out..
---jana on 8/28/06

The fact he has been married two times should tell you something. And, why should he marry you? He is getting what he wants without being married with no commitment on his part. (It's know by various names, but fornication is the first thing that somes to mind.)
---WIVV on 8/27/06

Usually someone that sleeps with you and refuses to make any kind of long term commitment will eventually find someone else to play the same game. You need to disengage so that your wounds will heal otherwise there will be more wounds inflicted on you down the road.
---lee on 8/14/06

You are confused and hurt because you are in a sinful relationship. Get out of it now. That's the only Biblical answer available.
---Susie on 8/8/06

Now you have learned. There are Christians in name, and there are Christians in covenant with God.

He has the better deal: all the benefits of marriage, and you carry all the responsibilities & risk: pregnancy, children, sexual disease, medical costs, finances, a BF who has TWO failed marriages, who can walk away at will.

AND, you are in trouble with God, which severely limits your blessings.

These are your rewards for loving a man more than loving God. Ready to do it God's way yet?
---a_servant on 8/8/06

I think from "Private's" responses on this blog and others, that he is not in sympathy with Christian belief, values or morals.
So yes, Dottie, he probably does believe in fornication, and quite approves of it.
---alan8869_of_UK on 8/8/06

"Private" You may not believe in marriage, but do you believe in Fornication? If you are to be in an intimate relationship according to God's word then it will be in marriage or not at all. Don't give people advise that is against the word of God.
---Dottie on 8/8/06

Suzanne, I understand what you are going through. Before I was a Christian I thought I was a Christian, but didn't change. I went through what your going through, after being a with my boyfriend for 5 years he finally married me, and five years later he cheated on me and wanted a divorce. Being a Christian is to be Christ-Like. If your boyfriend was a Christian, he would not have asked you to live a life of sin. P.S. I prayed and God gave me a real Christian man (we're married and very happy)
---Dottie on 8/8/06

Some people don't belive in marriage. They are not extreamly religous. Maybe he thinks that if you guys marry problems will start and you'll be seprated just like his other two wifes. I'm sure he loves you and is attracted to you. Not wanting to get married has nothing to do with it. Maybe you should go to a relationship counsler? And my commiting I'm assuming you mean marriage? I'm sorry if I'm wrong
---private on 8/8/06

JohnT: Having been divorced for five years, I totally forgot the "sanctify it" part of that verse. You are so right. A loving boyfriend would not want to defile his relationship with his girlfriend, but would seek to sanctify it.

Suzanne, you are not the first Christian woman to struggle with this issue in a dating relationship. You deserve so much more than what is happening with this guy. God sees you are a precious child. Find someone who will treat you as such.
---Madison1101 on 8/8/06

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If the guy is a Christain, does this apply to your relationship?
EPH 5:25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; 26that he might sanctify it...

This is not condemnation, rather trying to gently show you light.

EACH of us here sins in one way or another, and have done things we are not proud of. Therefore no condemnation comes to you from us.
---John_T on 8/8/06

Suzanne::These are one of the hardest emotions to Control.Because they border on procreation the rule of God to Increase & multioply.However the man is 49 married twice why would he want marriage if his needs are being Fulfilled by your generosity.To change the rules of the game you have to say NO More.First commit Then submit.
---Emcee on 8/7/06

Sweet Suzanne, I understand your hurt& confusion. Fact is confusion comes from Satan. he often starts with small sins and convinces you that it is okay when it is not, like assuming anything. You need to confess all of it to God. He knows & loves you anyway.Ask God to remove your soul ties with this man that come with sex. Ask God to either give you your heart's desires or change your heart--to unsear your mind and open your eyes so you won't sin against Him. Make sure this is the man God wants for you.
---Amy9384 on 8/7/06

Suzanne, please do not interpret what I'm saying as condemnation, but I propose you look at this man carefully.

You admit he refuses to commit to you.

He does not have the greatest marital track record, now does he?

He didn't keep his commitment to his first two wives. Where did you get the notion he would keep his commitment to you?

This is a relationship that is clearly going nowhere. I know it will be hard to do, but drop him.
---Jack on 8/7/06

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Dear confused and hurt your boyfriend uses the name of a christian but to be Christlike means to respect your partner and wait until you get married before sex. This is a christian Guidline that every christian should follow. If I were you I would get out of this relationship before children arrive and he, shows you his real side,he is Obviously not able to keep a stable relationship with any of his former wives. WHY on EARTH would you think he will with you!
---Carla5754 on 8/7/06

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