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Appropriate Christian Discipline

What is appropriate Christian discipline? I believe in spanking, but it is often difficult to discipline without anger and disappointment being shown. I don't want to turn my kids off to God because they think I am "mean."

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 ---melissa on 8/13/06
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Thanks! Sis.Shira4368, may the Lord bless you always, God is good. Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 2/9/14

way to go lidia. you didn't do anything wrong by not taking it anymore.
---shira4368 on 2/8/14

Oh! My Lord have mercy! Umm..James let me bring you to speed my late husband tried,too! one day I could not take NO more, into action not proud & Not be beat up no more! I went outside pulled off the tubbing beat the crap out of him!
NO more beatings! No more abuse!

yes' I did get locked up .

that is why male or female do not beat no one cause you might get more thanYou bargin for!

Yes, some people love to be kind and not fight.why do you wish to hurt the one you claim to love?

This went on too,long.
.. don't beat a woman. Talk and love will get more devotion ...than hate will.

Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 2/8/14

james you are a real piece of work. If I had been married to you, you would have been a widower way before your wife passed. who do you think you are? did someone give you the right to mistreat your partner in DICIPLINE?
---shira4368 on 2/4/14

James, unless you are PERFECT yourself or just making this up you should be ashamed of yourself. No husband should discipline his wife with 'corporal' punishment. If you think it's O.K. to give it you should be prepared to take it also. Husbands and wives should be mature enough to 'discuss' matters not hand out discipline. You sound VERY immature.
---Rita_H on 2/4/14

i am 63 and a firm beleiver in discipline,i am now widowed but i disciplined my wife whenever she needed it,i think all in this modern day life would benefit from some corporal discipline
---james on 2/4/14

Maybe if you are feeling angry and disappointed then you should not spank them but verbally correct them, leaving the spanking for another time when you are calmer. Also, they should not be spanked over a certain age. Ten years old, maybe even a little younger.
---Helen_5378 on 6/6/08

alan_of_uk: A time out is a form of punishment over here, by itself. But if the parent is worried about going too far or getting angry, a time out would allow him/her to calm down and let the anger go. Discipline is not about anger and punishment.But love and instruction.
---Robyn on 9/18/07

Robyn ... I beleive that the discipline is needed at the time of the offemce particularly with young children, so they can associate the pain (physical orm otherwise) with what they have done wrong and so help them automatically to avoid the behavious which lead to the pain.
But obviously there has to be care as anger can lead to excessive and violent punishment.
---alan_of_UK on 9/17/07

Don't spank when you are angry or disappointed. Do a time out for the kid(s) as well as for yourself. This will give you time to think through what you want to do and say. Then you can spank (discipline with love) and not punish(with hurt and anger)This is how God deals with us. He love us even when He disciplines us. Assuming you have been born again. Please read Hebrews chap 12 for insight. It talks about the discipline of God.
---Robyn on 9/16/07

Discipline is not wrong as long as they know what they are being disciplined for. Never assume they know. Talk to them.

Proverbs 23:13 Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. From the original translation for "rod" in English is actually club or staff.
---denna7667 on 9/7/07

Three questions before any meaningful answer can be given
What do you mean by spanking?
How old are your children?
What offences do you you think merit spanking as opposed to other methods of punishment?
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/7/07

Disapline your children means to teach them. To teach them means you love them enough to want them to learn. In my opinion the only thing they learn when you hit them is they better be good or their gonna get hit. How about they better be good because it's the right thing to do?
---sue on 10/1/06

3)...I had never been that violent before and felt bad afterwards; however, I gained his respect that day, he's since been like a different child-very sweet and respectful; he's been working steady and catching-up in his schooling. Although he's still far from perfect and requires an occasional reminder "slap-upside-the-head," he's much more pleasant to be around.
---Tbabe on 8/22/06

2)...A couple of years ago one of my older teen boys had begun sneaking out at night, making trouble, lying etc. I was at my wits end; one day, I discovered he'd been taking my car out in the middle of the night; at that point, I just lost all control; I remember this 6'3" child smarting off, and me subsequenly punching him square in the face! (I don't recall throwing the bowl of oatmeal at him though- hee hee)...
---Tbabe on 8/22/06

Phil the Elder,
1)...I know what youre saying and I used to hear horror stories like the one you stated. I remember one where a woman was facing jail time and major fines for slapping her son in the grocery store for tormenting his sister. Stories like these made me fearful of spanking my children, especially in public. As a result I didnt spank them as often as I should have...
---Tbabe on 8/22/06

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My husband and I have seven children. I agree with Ryan and can relate to Christina, and would like to add ...Something I've found that works very well is to notice their "good deeds" as often as their bad, "catch" them doing something right and expess that you have noticed by praise or reward. In other words..."having balance in discipline."
---Tbabe on 8/22/06

Discipline should always be done with prayer. I have 10 children, and all are individuals that respond differently to dif things. Generally I would say that it should not be done in anger, but sometimes it may be benificial for children to realize you ARE angry, but must be in control of that anger. God has righteous anger. I have lashed out at my children with angry words which were hurtful, and believe a spanking done with loving attitude is better. PRAY PRAY PRAY.
---christina on 8/18/06

As their parents our love and fruit should be how our children define us but they must remember the punshiments. We are punished because we disobey. Disobedience is a sin. When you are led by the Spirit you are raising your children in love. Loving parents do not do anything to the child with a malicious intent.
---Ryan on 8/17/06

Eph 6:4 ... do not provoke your children to wrath... God the Father is raising children, us. How do you think He felt when He had to punish Adam & Eve? Do not be hypocrites to your children. Some punishments God administered to His children have been pretty rough. Overall though the love, mercy and kindness of the Father outshines His punishments. God sets a perfect example of rearing children.
---Ryan on 8/17/06

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"...and children will rise up against their parents..."
---Steven on 8/17/06

Donna ... I agree with you that the behaviour you describe is unacceptable. But since in those cases, the parents clearly see anyhting to be punished, the question of corporal puinishement is immaterial.
YOU describe a quite different problem.
---alan8869_of_UK on 8/16/06

Alan of UK--I agree with you in principle, about children being allowed to express their feelings in opposition to parents. But, in this country at least, I've heard children call there parents vulgar or profane names that no one should be called. Yet, the parents let it pass with little or no comment. Will someone address how THIS type of disrespect should be handled?
---Donna2277 on 8/16/06

The problem is more of a legal issue then a Christian issue in many jurisdictions. I have related the story previously about a family who had their children removed by the State. When his oldest daughter committed an offence in a Christian school that warranted corporal punishment. The daughter chose her father rather then the principle inflict the punishment. And then complained to a social worker. At took in excess of a year to get the younger daughter back, the older daughter was never recovered.
---Phil_the_Elder on 8/15/06

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It's not just kids that don't think they deserve punishment. How often do you hear parents making excuses for their adult kids who are in jail or prison? Discipline is essential for children. It doesn't have to be physical though. My children didn't like having to stand in the corner. So that worked well for them.
---Susie on 8/15/06

Melissa ... You mention "talk-back" as punishable. You should be careful with this one. Your children are human beings, and have God-given minds, and these should be allowed to develop.
They will have ideas which may difffer from yours, and these things should be discussed.
I think discipline for talk-back should only apply where there is disobedience (not then for expression of ideas yuo don;t agree) and should not be corporal.
At 9 & 11, spanking should be rarely used..
---alan8869_of_UK on 8/15/06

Ok. Lets look at history. For over 6,000 years, parents have used spanking rather successfully. It wasnt until about 1945 when child development experts condoned spanking causing the child to grow into a violent person. Look now where our children have turned into - from the beatniks in the late fifties, to the hippies and now turning our children into Goth. I pity the children living ten years from now.
---Steven on 8/14/06

Thank you for your replies. My children are 11, 9 and 3. I am now giving consequences to the older two such as taking away TV, computer, going to friends' houses etc. With the baby, we use time-out and spanking (that is on the bottom, Alan.) I just always feel angry and disappointed when my kids disobey, especially if it involves back-talk. Kids never think they deserve punishment. I remember that. I just want them to be respectful of others and to know how to behave in different situations.
---melissa on 8/14/06

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Someone I work with has a great way to deal with it IMO. He lets his anger pass, and then takes them to a designated room and talks to them about what they did wrong, and what their consequence of that action is (spanking). Then he spanks them. Then he holds them and tells them he loves them. They still get punished, but know that it is not them their Dad dislikes, but the wrong they committed.
---Katie on 8/14/06

Malissa, spankings WILL NOT make your children hate you and it will not turn them away from God. I raised 3 and I have 4 brothers and sisters that was raised with the belt and it didn't hurt us one little bitty bit.
---shira on 8/13/06

Yes it is difficult to discipline without anger, but who said parenting is easy? Never discipline when you are mad. Discipline should be done with LOVE. Teaching somebody because you love them. You're correct, hitting and yelling in anger would be mean. Teaching with love is not.
---sue on 8/13/06

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