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12 Year Old Sleeps With Us

Our 12 year daughter has trouble sleeping alone since our oldest daughter left for college 3 years ago! (they shared a room) She "hates" having her own room and usually ends up in tears if I don't let her sleep on the couch or in our room on the floor. How can we help her through this?

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 ---Marie on 8/18/06
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David it depends. How long have you been doing it.
I would suggest you try to get rid of the Teddy first. I don't think it would do your ego any good to mess on the sheets and Teddy at the same time.
Hang on there is hope.
---Elder on 10/17/06

is it wrong to sleep in a diaper with teddy for security
---david on 10/17/06

Madison, you are so kind, sweet and compassionate. Thanks for your kind words.
---Elder on 8/31/06

This has gone on for three years. You should have stopped it long ago. This daughter is running your home. You are not. You need to sit her down and explain that she is too old to be sleeping in your room. You need to be firm and stand on what you tell her and not give in.
---Susie on 8/24/06

Thank you for your words of encouragement. The 2 who misread my blog at need to apologize, it was a mistake and I am not offended. (I couldn't handle a child in our bed, more power to the parents who could! lol) For 2 nights now she has slept in her own room. Maybe I just needed to post a blog on ChristiaNet?? :-) I think many of you are right about the lights, Bible, prayer, music, and basically time will all help. Thank you again.
---Marie on 8/23/06

emg: That was the exact mistake I made. I didn't completely read the post. Haste makes waste.

Elder: As usual, your advice is on target. Amen, Brother.
---Madison1101 on 8/20/06

Marie the advice you have been given about music, lights and so forth is good but nothing will beat Bible reading, family prayer and asking for God's Security and Will overnight. That will do you all good and give comfort.
Buy a small roll away bed and let your daughter stay in it for a while in your room.
Cond #2
---Elder on 8/20/06

Cond #2
Later, move it further away. Then out side the room, down the hall and then into her room.
All the time encourage her that you are there but that her trust should be in the Lord.
You may get her a small caged pet. Place it in her room (only) and let her take care of it. Give her responsibility and liberty in her room, like, she can go to bed any time she likes as long as she gets up on time and her other duties (school) don't suffer.
---Elder on 8/20/06

Madison, I've just seen your second posting to Marie, sorry I was hasty to respond to you! I must learn to read all posts before thinking I have a clear picture.
---emg on 8/20/06

Madison, Marie doesn't say that the daughter sleeps in their bed, she says 'on the couch' OR 'in our room on the floor'.
---emg on 8/20/06

If the darkness (plus being alone) is part of the problem you could try a dimmer switch in her room. One of these worked wonders for one of our sons who was afraid of the dark. It can be turned lower and lower as confidence grows.
---emg on 8/20/06

In many undeveloped countries, even the poorest sections of America, having separate beds is not a luxury.. The whole family sleeps together. Is it wrong? Does a man sleeps with another man (not, God forbid, the way he sleeps with a woman) just to keep warm? or a child needing comfort from the people who is suppose to be there when needed - the parents?
---Steven on 8/19/06

When one of my sons was about that age, he had a lot of fear and we often found him sleeping on the floor in our room in the morning. Mark Harper Ministries has a CD called "Jesus Beat Up the Devil" that helped him. I played it every night before he went to sleep and sometimes during the day under the pretense that it was my favorite CD (when he complained about the CD being too childish). It took a few months but he's been fine for several years now. (Google Mark Harper Ministries)
---DoryLory on 8/19/06

You say "our" and "we" so may I assume her mom and dad? If so and you both agree, I suggest a twin bed or similar (NOT her bed) placed to a side of your room. Explain that it is temporary to help you ALL get over her sister departing. Then talk of how you all feel and about growing up and accepting the changes. Share scriptures on growing up and being brave. We all react differently to a loss, especially the closeness of a sibling.
---mikefl on 8/19/06

I bet she's scared of the dark. Leave the hall light on. Or maybe if she read some good stories in bed it would take her mind off missing her sister? But I wouldn't really stress too much about it, she will want her own space soon enough.
---sue on 8/19/06

Charles, Do you and Michael Jackson have something in common? Having a 13 year old daughter in your bed is depraved, and you both need to seek help.
---Dottie on 8/19/06

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I am sorry. I misread your original post and did not see there you said your daughter in on the floor of your room. Forgive me.

One of the things you can do for her is encourage her to play soothing music as she goes to sleep. The sound of the music could help her distract her mind from the fact that she is alone. It could be soft praise music.

Also, I would pray with her at bedtime, and ask the Lord to remind her that HE will never leave her nor forsake her.
---Madison1101 on 8/19/06

Just let things proceed as naturally as possible. Western culture forgets that Christ too would have welcomed her into his fold, because he is the great protector. Stop worrying about modern scares such a pedofilia. My daughter still sleeps in the same bed with me on occasions, and she's 13
---Charles on 8/19/06

Your daughter has never had to sleep alone. It is natural for her to feel frightened or lonely. You didn't say she was sleeping in your bed. She will probably choose to sleep in her own room very soon. She is just getting to that age when she will want her privacy - then you can get yours back!!! A woman I work with says her 19 year old daughter still sleeps with her, but she has been a single mom for the girl's whole life. They need each other. Is that what is going on at your house too?
---melissa on 8/18/06

It is totally unhealthy to have your adolescent in bed with both of her parents. I would encourage that she go into therapy to learn what is at the root of this problem and help her learn to self-soothe at bedtime so she can nurture herself.
---Madison1101 on 8/18/06

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