How To Have An Affair
I've been having an affair with an older man, he is 48 and I am 24, he's married, we love each other very much but the only problem is he has marriage of 20 years and he has a lot of family involved. My marriage is a failure as my husband doesn't give me attention, our marriage is only 2 years. What can I do?
Moderator - Stop the affair immediately.
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---Erika on 8/20/06
Helpful Blog Vote (14)
You are sinning by having an affair. Stop the affair, repent cut ties which the man. You are not allowed to leave your husband because of lack of attention. And you definately can't be having an affair for NO reason. This is something that goes on in a lot of relationships. A good marriage is a constant process. You need to be praying about your issues instead of justifying your sins to yourself. There is NO justification for sinning.
---dayce on 8/30/08|
You can become a sister of Jesus, and deal with however you have helped make things so your husband does not give you "attention". And if seeking attention has gotten you with a married man in another family . . . well, he is possibly just using you. You can think he loves you, but . . . . "if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46). So, this is condemned, in many ways, and so you qualify for forgiveness and the welfare of God's mercy . . . like I do and others do. And we need to deal with giving our attention to God. The outward sinning is not our real problem. And you may not get attention from your husband, but God is worth learning to do what is right.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/30/08|
Why do you want your husband to give you any attention, when you are giving all your attention, which you vowed to your husband, outside to someone else instead?
---Eloy on 8/30/08|
**you are not saved ....God hates sexual sins of any nature
maybe Catherine its you who are not "saved" because being "saved" has nothing to do with sinning ...no Christian is perfect after their baptism ...daily walk to overcome ..not instantaneous as many are led away by another spirit believing
Christ taught no sin is greater than another
pray for forgiveness and strength to stay away from this man, then find something to occupy time as idleness makes one believe they're not given "attention" ...in his 20 years of marriage most likely you're not first women he has cheated on his wife with and someday you will be as old as his wife possibilities of reaping what you're sowing now
---Rhonda on 8/29/08|
Amen, Becky, amen. :) And for myself, I know how crazy it can drive a woman when her husband ignores her, been there and it's no picnic!
---Mary on 8/29/08|
This person has come to this forum for help not...condemnation.
Yes, it is wrong but this person need support and encouragement.
She is not the only one making a poor choice. The man is as well. She has not made him create any sin. He has created it himself. What people need when they are struggling with sin is love and godly counsel. Not stones thrown at them. We all have sinned. And EVERY sin is just as great as another in God's eyes.
---Becky on 8/29/08|
I will pray that you find the strength to listen to God and His word...no one has the right to judge you..for they are not in your shoes...fellow Christians lets not pass judgement..lets see your life on video...the word teaches us to guard your heart..please do
---Stacey on 8/18/08|
Well, it is obvious that you are not saved. So it would be obvious that you would not want any advise from me. So, I will give you some info. God hates sexual sins of any nature.
---catherine on 2/26/08|
The only problem is he has been married for 20 years and has alot of family? The only problem?? My advice for you is to be faithful to YOUR husband, not someone else's husband. You and this other fellow created this problem, so don't expect God to clean up your mess. The only way for this affair to stop, boils down to you wanting it to stop. It won't stop unless you stop it. Even if the man stops it, chances are you might harass him.
---Rebecca_D on 2/26/08|
Go for marriage guidance counselling after you have stopped the affair as soon as possible. If you want a miracle done on your life you have to get right with God first.
---frances on 2/25/08|
Erika, what you are doing is so so wrong. I bet he tells you how bad his wife treats him and other bad things about her. Believe me, it is probably the opposite. He must not be worried about his family to do this to them. You need to get on your knees and ask God to save you and forgive you. Do you realize if you did marry him, he would do the same thing to you.
---shira on 2/24/08|
Yes Mima is right ... ADULTERY
You are making him betray his wife, his family, his promises to them, and himself
You are betraying your husband, and your own promises, and yourself.
Feel good about that?
---alan_of_UK on 7/7/07|
The correct biblical name for your," affair" is ADULTERY!!!!
---mima on 7/7/07|
7 String G, you're getting off easy if all you get is the responsibility of the kids and soon to be not married anymore girlfriend you've been committing adultery with. Some boyfriends end up in bad shape after what you've pulled.
---Marshall_D. on 7/7/07|
Hi, I'm seeing a married woman, 40, I'm 25. She's married, 2 kids and she's just told her husband it's over between them.
I didn't think this'd happpen, I thought she wanted fun... I may end uo with her kids and a bit responsibility which i'm not sure what to do about...
You got to really think about what you're doing, make sure you have some very decent people round you too, cos you're gonna need someone to get the weight off your shoulders
---7_String_G on 7/6/07|
Unlike many, I will not sugar coat adultery. It is a sin likened to murder and is very hard to repent of. Anyone that considers adultery should also consider they are betraying Jesus Christ too and that is grounds to be cast out for all time. You can kiss God's kingdom goodbye forever. The bible says bluntly, murderers, adulterers, idolators and many others will NOT inherit his kingdom, except you repent and never repeat the offense again. That is said in the bible, not me, so take it any way you wish.
---ashley on 6/16/07|
Erika, I have a hard time believing that this is an authentic question, but just in case, consider this - Adulterers do not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Paul said this clearly and repeatedly. Repent or risk damnation.
As for your marriage, adultery takes time away from your marriage, both during and in preparation. If you spent more time with your husband and worked harder at pleasing him, you might find your marriage in much better shape.
---lorra8574 on 6/16/07|
what is wrong my sister do you still believe in fairytales wake up please i beg you as asister in christ this man is using you run run you have nothing to lose this man wants his bread butter both sides try to be interest in the things your husband does evely7875
---evelyn_everts on 6/16/07|
Just get out before you becmome someone you neither like nor recognize.
I have experince here. I know you don't believe this, but no matter what he is saying if he really loved you and wanted to leave his marraige he would have already
---Bodicea on 6/15/07|
There is only one thing to call a women that would knowingly have an affair with a married man but it is inappropriate to write in this blog. I know this because my husband of 21 years is now living with one. My daughters and I are struggling to make ends meet and all he does is lie to me. She picks up his phone and hangs up on me even when it is concerning one of the kids and he is in denial about it. So get out of this relationship now and don't destroy another family.
---Kimmi on 6/8/07|
Hi I am not judging only GOD can just but why would you come on here announce things like that on here? Like the moderator said stop the affair!
---Cheryle on 6/8/07|
I can tell you what to do. Stop bragging. Affairs are not a nice thing, at all. It is disgusting, stinks.
---catherine on 6/8/07|
Been there, done that!! ....and the voice of experience says RUN AWAY!! It's not now or will the affair/adultry ever be worth it!!!
It's a lie from Satan, a selfish, empty lie that has one goal and that is to destroy your lives. Understand when I say "Run Away" I mean immediately, no goodbyes, no one last time!! It's the ONLY choice...Repent and turn from your sin, don't look back.
---Bruce on 6/7/07|
Try repenting? Lust is not love. Corinthians 13th chapter tells what love is. I understand lack of attention from your husband is upsetting to you but it does not justify your adultery. Why don't you and your husband go for marriage counseling from a godly source. But you cannot be working at your marriage while still involved with another man. As for the man you are having affair with.... He has not left his wife because he does not want to. He tells you what you want to hear and you believe it.
---Tsuanne on 5/31/07|
You are so very wrong in what you are doing. For 3 months my husband was committing adultry last year and i prayed and prayed till i thought i couldn't pray anymore and then i prayed some more. It is a year later now and we are still together and have reconnected through Christ. Of course we still have our ups and downs but we are together and working things out. Stop, repent, ask God for help. It is possible to find love in your spouse again.
---jennifer on 5/30/07|
This blog should be named ..."on the highway to..." instead of how to have an affair. Eph 5:3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
---MARK_N on 5/21/07|
Erika, Having an affair is a glazed over statement. You are committing Adultery, do you expect any Christian to tell you that it is okay under any circumstance? Well God forgive anyone who tells you it's okay, because it's not. Please stop, speak to a Good Pastor, and repent, before it's too late.
---Dottie on 5/21/07|
You have to understand that what you have done is WRONG in the Lord's eyes. You have committed adultry. In no way as a christian is adultry okay. In the book of Matthew 5:14 it says that if a women committs adultry you are to give her a divorce. If a man has a relationship with a married women he is committing adultry. You need to stop right away, get out of the relationship.
---Scott on 12/13/06|
Erika...you can use "Love" as a justification for what you are doing...trust me I know...but the Truth is that Love does not go between two married people and cause a familial split...but that is what you are doing...you are being a destructive force to his family unit...does he have children with his wife...if so...that is double reason for you to stop...you are being hurtful to his wife and children...separation causes a lot of pain for families...give it up...rachel...
---Reiter on 12/9/06|
Madison: I agree with your advice. Adultery is a sin as defined in the 10 Commandments. Unfortunately, many on this site teach that the 10C are no longer in force - "all we need is love." And Erika claims to have plenty of that.
Erika: The final end of your adultery is pain, and lots of it. Pain for him, his family, for your future family and mostly for you. How can you ever tell your children to do the right thing when you will not?
---jerry6593 on 12/8/06|
Sooner or later you will reap what you have sown and that will definitely not make you happy. Get out of that relationship while you still can.
Ga 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
---lee1538 on 12/8/06|
First and foremost, you end the relationship. The Bible clearly states that the marriage bed is undefiled and you both are defiling your marriage bed. Why would you jeopardize your family and his by doing this? Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel, he may not be aware of what is going on. Ask God to forgive you, forgive yourself and end the affair, nothing good is going to come out of it.
---Edna on 12/8/06|
My first wife left me for another man when I got saved. She wanted no part of God. The intense pain it caused me cannot be put into words. The worst part though, was seeing and dealing with the pain it caused my kids. Don't do this to your husband, his wife and their kids, and all those who will have to become supports for these broken lives.
---craige on 12/8/06|
you need to get on your knees and BEG Gods forgiveness for the heartache you and this MARRIED man are going to cause, then you need to GROW UP and realize how selfish you and he are being. This is why there are so many children alone and hurting and families destroyed. You know without asking that what you are doing is wrong and God knows and sees all you do. He is the one you should be talking to.
---carol on 12/8/06|
It is not called an affair. God calls it adultery. You must stop the affair now, repent and seek the Lord's forgiveness. Adultery is one sin listed in Galatians 5:19-21 that "those practicing such will not inherit the kingdom of heaven".
---Helen_5378 on 12/7/06|
Start here: Lord I'm a sinner. I'm sorry, I know you died on the cross for me, so I might live. I love you, please forgive me and come into my heart so I can be a witness of your grace and love.
Thank you and Amen
John 3:16, so you will know who Jesus is.
Matthew 6:9-13 The Lords prayer; so you will know how to pray.
The 23 Psalms so you will begin know what Jesus can/will do for you.
---lynet on 12/7/06|
God has a way of letting each of us know when we are wrong. I don't know if your note is a cry for help, or what. Since you are on this site you must know what it stands for, Holiness or hell, there is no middle ground.
Please read your bible, pray and ask the Lord to help you gain clarity into what ever your needs are. He is faithful, He will give you guidance, and meet your needs.
---lynet on 12/7/06|
You poor thing, STOP seeing this man, if thats what you want to call him..You have your whole life ahead of you..For one its wrong. Your husband does not deserve to be cheated on and nether does his wife.Think of all the people that will get hurt over this. An affair is just that only an affair nothing good will come out of it.. good luck..and may GOD, help you through this...
---Rose on 12/7/06|
What can you do??? Are you a believer in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour? If you are, then you know what you're doing is sin. You need to stop the affair immediately. Find a Bible believing church & talk to the pastor & get some biblical counseling....both you & your husband. If you're not a Christian, do you want the help and counsel of us as Christians? Then our advice is to accept Jesus Christ as your Saviour & confess this affair as sin & seek what God says about help for your problems at home.
---Lindal on 12/7/06|
Repent for your sins and run from the temptation as fast as you can!
---doug on 12/7/06|
Erica::What would Jesus Say??'"Let him, who is without sin cast the first stone"Yours is indeed a difficult situation. You do however need to find a solution to the problem.Obviously you are a pretty girl & this man is taking advantage by feeding you, what you should have heard from your Husband.We all can give you advice, some palatable, some not,Prayer is the recourse to finding a solution to your situation; may He recieve you with open arms& who ever it is needs to Respect you .Bless you lady
---Emcee on 12/7/06|
(I.)kim , You have totally missed the point here. Donna no doubt, did her part as a wife, but it wasn't enough for her husband, as with many spouses, they are never satisfied, they are restless with their marriage, so they look for "outside" companionship/stimuli to satisfy their "self-inflicted"/"self-centered" restlessness. Donna9759, Did the right thing...
---Mrs._Morgan on 12/7/06|
(II.)kim , ...She turned to Jesus instead of turning to despair, resentment and fussing. It's so sad that many women and men suffer in silence why their spouses neglect them, All they need to do is TURN TO JESUS. There is a old Christian hymn that I love, It's called "I must tell Jesus" it goes: " I must tell Jesus all of my trials; I can not bear these burdens alone. In my distress He kindly will help me; He ever loves and cares FOR HIS OWN." God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 12/7/06|
I'd suggest trying alittle harder on your marriage and working less on ruining yours. clearly you can see there is a problem get help. you once had feeling for your husband that led you to marry him. Now the rosy glasses have been removed but what you loved is still there (just now you see all the rest).
---Jared on 12/7/06|
All i can say, due to the fact that i'm not even clsoe to being married yet
That guys have a hard time trying to understand what women want, its a fact of life...The girls gotta tells the guys
---Mark on 12/7/06|
You are committing Adulty. Sin leads to death the word teaches. I would encourage you to end this relationship now and repent. Ask yourself this.. If he would cheat on his current wife what makes you think he wont cheat on you?? If he really loved you he would never have put you into this position in the first place. Or is there a Jezebel spirit at work here??
---Barton on 12/7/06|
DONNA9759 WROTE: By the way Erika, when my husband wasn't giving me attention and spending tons of time on the internet with his friends in a chatroom, I went to the Lord and I prayed every single night, I memorized scripture and I fell in love with Jesus....---Donna9759 on 8/21/06
Perhaps, Donna, if you weren't so busy memorizing scriptures your hubby wouldn't have been in chat rooms.
---kim on 12/6/06|
Erika - It sounds as if you've fallen into society's deceptive definition of "love". Love is not as much a feeling as it is a decision. True love is resisting temptations as they arise. Devote your life to Jesus and He will lead you back to your husband. I assume that when you married you made vows to both your husband and God, and one of those vows was to remain faithful in the best of times and the worst of times. Your situation is the worst of times.
---dana on 9/3/06|
Stop the affair. You can't find the peace God wants you to have if you are looking for it in the wrong places. Look for your fulfillment in your creator. Read The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity.
---Melodie on 9/3/06|
Stop the Affair the man you are committing Adultery with wants you for 1 thing only. question did your husband and you live together before you got married?
---willow on 8/25/06|
Of course she knows she'll be chastized on this site, and it's exactly what she wants -- either to receive some form of punishment she feels she deserves, or because she gets off on it. Or perhaps she's just trying to stir y'all up? To that end, I say "you go, girl"!
---david on 8/24/06|
Reality check here!!!!! Chances are that you are not this man's first affair and that you will not be his last. Is that the kind of man you love?????
---Susie on 8/24/06|
The only problem??? You are the reason why your marriage is in trouble. and yet you blame it on your husband. If you want someone here to tell you that it is okay, girl you came to the wrong place. How in God's name, can you do this and say the there is just "one problem"? You can pray for help all you want, but the help must come from you first. Saying just a simple prayer won't help you, you must first be convicted, are you under conviction Erika?
---Rebecca_D on 8/21/06|
By the way Erika, when my husband wasn't giving me attention and spending tons of time on the internet with his friends in a chatroom, I went to the Lord and I prayed every single night, I memorized scripture and I fell in love with Jesus. Today, Jesus is the love of my life and I want no other. I pray you get there too. I am going to be praying for you. We can't just tell you you're in sin and get out, we need to give you Jesus and you need to see Jesus as your Husband because HE is your Husband.
---Donna9759 on 8/21/06|
You need Jesus!!!!! Pray a prayer like this: Jesus, I am a sinner and I obviously don't know you beause if I did, I wouldn't be doing this awful thing. I am in lust and don't know it. I am deceived because I think I am in love, but it's lust. I repent of my sin and I will give it up because I am ruining my life and his family's life. I know the wages of sin is death, but I don't know you. I repent and please help me never to do this again. In Jesus name I pray.
---Donna9759 on 8/21/06|
It is called adultery, not an affair. You need to stop your adultery immediately, ask the Lord Jesus Christ to forgive you and ask Him into your heart if you are not saved, then go back to your husband where you belong.
---Helen_5378 on 8/21/06|
What you can do my dear is to end this affair immediately. Go back to your husband. repent ask for Gods forgiveness.
---pkay on 8/21/06|
"The only problem"
What about the betrayals ... Of his wife, of your husband, of his children, of your marriage vows (which were presumably made before God)?
---alan8869_of_UK on 8/21/06|
Erika--have you ever stopped to think that if your lover leaves his wife for you, he'll leave you for someone else?
I'm sure it's occurred to him that the same thing will probably happen to him if you leave YOUR husband.
---Jack on 8/20/06|
WOW this site never ceases to amaze me! What do you THINK people are going to say here, at this Christain site? For you to go ahead and keep commiting adultry and dont worry about it? LOL. I apologize if I sound mean, but you know the answer already!
---sue on 8/20/06|
Mod: Glad to know I am doing some good. :)
---Madison1101 on 8/20/06|
Erica::People who play with Fire usually get burnt & leave big scars which never Heal do yo want to didfigure yourself??
---Emcee on 8/20/06|
Your marriage is not a failure because your husband is not paying attention to you. Your marriage is a failure because you are cheating on your husband. It is called adultery. It is a violation of the 10 commandments and it is a sin.
What you can do is confess, repent and stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about Christ who died on a cross to buy your salvation. 1 Corinthians 6 is powerful. Read it. Psalm 51 is another good reading.
Moderator - Preach it.
---Madison1101 on 8/20/06|