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I Cheated On My Wife 4 Times

I am about to be divorced by my wife of 20 years who I love dearly. However, the divorce is my fault. I cheated on her 4 times in 20 years and it came to light recently. What do I do?

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 ---Wade on 8/29/06
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Pray that God helps her to forgive you and then spend the rest of your life making it up to her. She will not trust you the same and you have to be willing to deal with all the questions and prying that she may do in the future if it works out.

Then, sir, please be faithful to her as there as some of us who are gettin up there in years and would love the opportunity to have a wife and have yet to find one. Live the life that some of us dont have!

Never take for granted what God has blessed you with. Singles life can be very very lonely at times, especially around the holidays when others are with their loved ones.
---JackB on 11/19/09

Pray, Pray, Pray. Forgive yourself, ask God for forgivness, and tell your wife that you know you hurted her in the worst possible way imagine. Don't tell her that you are sorry, tell her that you were wrong and that you will give her space to breathe and won't pressure her. Then you show her by actions only and wait on God. The key is to have faith in God and patience. A whole lot of it. Keep yourself occupied in something positive and seek God for guidance. I'll be praying for you and yours. I know this may be very painful for you and it is for her also. Trust me I know. Take care~~~
---Sharon on 11/15/09

Beg God for mercy accept any consequense He puts on you and ghet on with your life serving God undivided
---Andy on 5/21/09

Leave your wife alone, get divorced and give her back her freedom without the stress
of having you around. Go be a playboy and leave her alone. You obviously cant handle a real relationship.
---BOB_GREEN on 5/20/09

CRAWL back to her if needs be, what else can I say and Pray she will recieve you back,if Her love is true and strong enough.ask God to forgive you too.
---Emcee on 3/31/08

pray and fast ask god and your wife to forgive god's answer for your marriage.if god still want you together she will come back to you,but it does mean you will not pay a price for your sin it will take time for healing for her and your marriage.
---linda on 3/31/08

It doesn't matter if you cheated once or a hundred times or how long you've been married. You committed adultry and hurt your wife really bad. About the only thing I can think of is for you to pray and ask God for forgiveness. Ask your wife for her forgiveness also. Maybe ask your wife to attend marriage counseling or for both of you to talk to your pastor. Good luck, God bless.
---sue on 3/17/08

Uh oh, somebody must be mad as a hornet.
They're using my name and telling really big whoppers.
It's not the first time. Big whoop.
My spouse thinks I am great. We've never been apart one day of our marriage.
---Brad on 5/31/07

I've been married to my wife for 15 years and together for 18. cheated on me 6 months into our marriage w/friend of 30 years and others. lasted for 13 years and just found out. now have 2 children. Will forgive her, she has a new heart and a clean slat. has forgivness from GOD and me. Not easy. Starting over
---Brad on 5/31/07

I just want to say that I will pray for you. I understand what you are going through I have been in your wife's shoes. It was 7 times in my case. As far as I know. Look it won't be easy. God can fix anything, but he will only fix it if you want him to. God will not let you continue to hurt you wife either. Repent and sin no more. Thank God you have a faithful wife, because so many people don't. Pray and ask God what you should do.
---timothy on 5/29/07

To sum it all up in one sentence. You reap what you sow. Once is forgivable. Four times is a slap in the face of your wife and also Jesus Christ. There is no love for either or you wouldn't have done it. EVER. You never hurt someone you love with all your heart. You profess you love her, but its words only and words are cheap. Adultery is like alcoholism. Once addicted, it is almost impossible to break the trend. I hope you learned your lesson and live sin free for life now or the cycle is never ending.
---ashley on 5/27/07

It looks like there's not much you can do about it except admit your adulteries and that your wife has the right to divorce you.
---Jack on 5/26/07

You need to think of the circumstances surrounding these infidelities. You obviously need some couseling together IF she forgives you. If not then you need to consider counseling for yourself so that in the future you remain faithful to whomever you marry. When you feel tempted, you need to talk it over with your spouse and resolve the problem. I would rather have my husband confess he is having temptations rather than to commit adultery and find out later.
---Nancy on 10/8/06

W/O a doubt I know what U R going through. I know U love(d) your wife and do not really know why U did the things U did but U may B more ashamed @ this point than anything. BEST thing is to come clean. Be honest lay it out on the table and tell the truth. Ask for not only her 4giveness but for her help as well. Let it happen as it may after that. BUT do it. Tell her 2 ask and U tell w/ pure honesty. She may hurt more but at least if she does not come back U will have her respect as a man.
---RQ on 9/8/06

Wade did you know that God does forgive us for our sins and always. The thing is if you are aware of them just don't do them and keep on praying and turning all things over to Jesus and don't think about what you have done. Just pray and keep on going fworard and remember you wife might forgive you if you adked her and meant it deep down in you heart. Sounds like you do have a concious.
Glory to God
---Ken on 9/1/06

As iron sharpens iron so does one (wo)man sharpens another. Thank you Katie, I needed it.

At the heart of every affair is someone who's self esteem is DEVASTATED. Part of the restoration process is for the victim to make the tough choice to move on. It is essential for her self esteem, even though initially it is very difficult, to file for divorce and move forward, even if/when/as reconciliation efforts are under way.
---David on 9/1/06

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Wade, you need to think about whom you hurt by your actions. I hope you don't have any kids. You are a weak man. I wish there were some easy answer for you, but, I'm afraid there isn't.
I know this isn't a very biblical or Christian reply, but I admit I'm not the best of Christians. Good luck to you and your wife.

Moderator: There is an easy answer, Turn to God. Only God can restore your life. Only God can heal you from an apparent addiction to cheating. Only God can put forgiveness in your wife's heart. Turn to God.
---nimbus on 9/1/06

Well you can't take back what you did, if she is fed up right know you can't changed her mind in my opinion.
---tonya on 9/1/06

You should get into therapy and find out why you cheated on the woman who trusted you for 20 years. Forget trying to save the marriage, it is probably too late. Find out what makes you think you can have sex with four other women other than your wife.
---Madison1101 on 9/1/06

Have you asked under what terms she will accept to keep your marriage intact?

What you have done wrong is something that many others have done but concluded that it would not be worth the lost of wife and family so decided not to continue such activity.

Advise is to pray, fast and seek forgiveness.
---lee on 8/31/06

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Thank you for that apology to Wade, David. It blessed my heart. I hate to be harsh with others.
---Katie on 8/31/06

4X or 400X, results the same. Are divorce proceedings underway? Marriage covenant is broken, wife has option to leave you. If she takes you back, establishing trust will be a mountain that may take another 20 years to perfect. Do you have tenacity to fight through looks of doubt and unbelief, etc. for however long it may take? With honest Christian counsel, you could make it.
---Rachel on 8/31/06

Katie and Michelle. You are right. Wade, I humbly ask your forgiveness for my comment. It comes from very recent and painful personal experience in this area.
---david on 8/31/06

(Continued) Wade didn't "quit" (if he has~most don't), until he got caught. While I'm not "casting the first stone", I DO NOT advocate women standing idly by and letting their husbands (who LOVE THEM DEARLY?) hit them in the head with rocks!
---david on 8/31/06

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Sorry guys. We live in the "real world". I said God loves Wade, no matter what he does, but let's be realistic here. Wade has serious problems he needs to address The reality of his wife divorcing him is an essential element in his "treatment". Even God honors the "laws of natural consequences". Wade's wife is apparently strong enough and possesses enough self esteem to let him go. (Continued~ this 85 word thing is difficult :~)
---david on 8/31/06

Whether you get back together with your wife or not, you SHOULD get help for yourself. Otherwise, you will just continue in this pattern with her or with a future wife. This is a stronghold in your life and you have to face it. Get the book "Every Man's Battle" and the workbook that goes with it and WORK the program. If possible, attend the Every Man's Workshop sponsored by New Life.
---Crystal on 8/31/06

Wade, if you mean business and are truly sorry for what you've done, then you first need to bring this to God and repent and ask His forgiveness and seek His guidance. Maybe your wife will be willing to try to work things out. And don't listen to the nasty unkind comments posted on this blog! As Christians, we need to speak the truth in LOVE, not be cruel to each other.
---Michelle on 8/31/06

David-Shame on you! I have NEVER been so taken aback by someone's comments on this site before. I feel like a momma bear protecting her cub! LOL. You do not know this man, and what state he may be in. I admire your compassion for this man's wife, but I do NOT admire the manner in which you just spoke to him. Badly done.
---Katie on 8/30/06

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It will be hard, it will be long, and it will be painful, but do not give up, do not lose hope in the Lord. He can take back the years the locusts have eaten. He can restore your marriage. Be patient, be teachable, be persistent in seeking God. I will be praying for you and your wife.
---Katie on 8/30/06

God is gracious and merciful and loving. He loves you so much! He just wants you to be whole in him. He loves your wife so much. He wants the best for her too. After seeking the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul, ask your wife to forgive you. Tell her you love her, and want her back, but know that she is hurt and cannot trust you right now. Tell her you will do what it takes to gain that trust back, and then DO it. To be cont.
---Katie on 8/30/06

You pray. Fast and pray. Weep and pray. Repent, and pray. Hold fast to Jesus. Ask him to save you from this self destructive behavior. Ask him to forgive you, and come into your heart. Spend time reading his word, and praying for your wife, for her heart to be softened, for your love to be rekindled, for YOUR heart to be changed forever. Seek the Lord like you've never sought anything before in your life. Put all your effort into your relationship with the Lord. To be cont.
---Katie on 8/30/06

Wade, God can move mountains. He can calm the wildest storm. He can heal the sick. He can deliver a drug addict in one prayer. HE CAN RESTORE YOUR MARRIAGE, AND MAKE YOU A NEW CREATION. HE CAN BREAK THE CHAINS THAT BIND YOU. HE CAN REMOVE THIS SIN FROM YOUR LIFE, NEVER TO RETURN. To be cont.
---Katie on 8/30/06

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YOU ARE NOT TRASH! TAKE THAT COMMENT AND THROW IT BACK INTO THE PIT OF LIES! I am shocked, upset and abhorred at that comment! God loves you. Nothing you have done can EVER cause him to not love you. You have admitted your sin, if you ask God to forgive you, he will do so. If you ask for Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, he will not leave you or forsake you. He is God, He is your Creator, and he wants to be your friend. To be Cont.
---Katie on 8/30/06

Dude: Stop whining, square you shoulders and do whatever you can to help this woman "move on". You're trash (even though Jesus still loves you) and will continue to do the same thing again and again. 4 times is only what you admit to. I BET it's more. Do you think you should have thought about this when you were with the other women. Do her a favor and GET AWAY FROM HER. Let spomeone descent try to heal her.
---David on 8/30/06

Are you more sorry for: the pending divorce, or being caught?

Your comment, "it came to light" makes you the innocent party; all would be OK if it was not revealed. Your tone (4 times in 20 years) seems more manipulative rather than contrite repentance because it is excusing rather than accepting blame for adultry.
---John_T on 8/30/06

The first thing you have to do is come to terms with truth. Why is it that you don't want her to leave? This may be behind what compelled you cheat.

The next thing you do is tearfully show her this new attempt at understanding self, make yourself vulnerable, accepting her anger, and asking for help and mercy.

Go see a pastor or Christian counseler if you're having trouble with part one. Affirm her value by showing her that the old you is expendable.
---z-pha3394 on 8/30/06

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Repent, repent, repent. That means you open up to God and promise NEVER to do this again!
Then repent to your wife, ask her to forgive you and to pray with you that you 2 can start over. Counsel would be an excellant idea.

If she goes for none of this, STILL repent and become a better person!
---NV_Barbara on 8/29/06

It is good that you are taking responibility for the affairs and divorice. you might want to look at the "love dearly" part of your senence. Do you really know what that means? check out Eph. 5:25-29. Do you love your wife the way christ loved the church? It appears that you "dearly loved" yourself no matter her pain, YOU were more important. If you realize that, it would be a good start to the healing it is going to take, for you to be a husband that she could trust again.
---Jackie on 8/29/06

First of all you must repent of your sin i.e. ask the Lord Jesus to forgive you and if you are not born-again ask Jesus to be Lord and Saviour of your life. Then pray and pray and ask your wife to forgive you.
---Helen_5378 on 8/29/06

Off the top of my head: Repent, apologize to her and God, mean it, completely sever all ties with any other women, beg her not to leave you, attend counseling (personally and as a couple if she's willing), be tested for any std's, allow her the choice of divorcing or remaining with you and vow to express greater character whether she stays or not.
---AlwaysOn on 8/29/06

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First, you should let your wife know that you are truely sorry for having been so foolish as to think that you could love her while cheating on her 4 times!
Second or first confess your sin to God and ask Him to forgive you and to help you overcome your sin and start a new walk with Him. P.
---pierr5358 on 8/29/06

Have you asked her to forgive you?
You should clearly pray ... maybe God will tell you what you can do ... He knows so much more about you betrayeal of yuo wife than you have told us.
---alan8869_of_UK on 8/29/06

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