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Are Old People Lonesome

I am asking the views of men and women who are 60 years and older. What is life beyond retirement? Is it really lonesome when you get old and you are alone?

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 ---Roxy_S on 9/9/06
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I live alone and love it. I can go to bed when I want to and can sleep as long as I want to and eat when I want to. Being alone isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sort of nice to know I am the only one I have to take care of me.
---shira4368 on 4/25/12

hi, family..basic truth..old,not so old(smile) like myself, young even a toddler can experience loneliness! Now,the thing how do you handle it?Families break up!...death,or family secrets,lack wisdom,distance,or too selfish,unforgiveness,bitterness or unconcerned! That where the Lord comes in! He is the family YOU 'n Me nev'r had...Many of us! (Love ch.)1Cor.13:8 Love never fails.
---ELENA on 4/24/12

Donna66:Yep I am glad I did get out of that kind of work. Little pay,abuse and no thanks.I gave much and got very little in return. Worked my fingers to the bone. I still love elders, because I have many within my own family, but I will leave the work with them, to others. At least home healthcare.
My problem I think was: I was too nice with them and not strict enough.
---Robyn on 11/18/08

Robyn ---Thank God you got out of elder care!
Everybody deserves the right to be an individual.

>>They are set in their ways and refuse to change,most times. There are exceptions to the rule. They do things the same old way they always have,eat the same foods,don't take risks.<<

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? If you are trying to get them to change,you probably will find them less than friendly. Older people often resent younger people telling them what to do.
---Donna66 on 11/10/08

I think Mic right.
It depends on how you wish to spend your time. My parents are 61 and 66.
They live on a modest retirement check which they live check to check.
No savings in the bank.
But, enough to pay their bills and their own personal enternment.
Thank God, they are covered medically by the Military for their rest of their lives.
But, they are hardly home.
They travel around spoiling their grandchildren and greatchildren and return to kids rotten than before to their parents.
They even have to take time to rest in between visits to recover.
They love spending the little money they have on their grandkids and are very happy.

Life will be whatever you make of it.
Some are lonesome in their 30's.
---Nicole on 11/8/08

Raine: you are 1 in a million.If you have helped oldsters as you have, you deserve a medal.I use to have a soft spot for oldsters, as well.I worked with them for a while(home health) but my opinions quickly changed. I still respect them bu these people gave me hell! They were ungrateful,unfriendly,stingy,hateful. The list goes on and on.
Most oldsters are lonely people. I think. They are set in their ways and refuse to change,most times. There are exceptions to the rule. They do things the same old way they always have,eat the same foods,don't take risks,down on themsleves and look for others to respect them but never gives any, in return. People like this are usually ver y lonely and friendless. Even when they are young.
---Robyn on 11/8/08

Donna:- So why did God put man in control Gen3:16 & 22if his desire was to make man Rocky 1-4 and see real Man does not throw in the towel.Despair is a sin.Sorry but that is how I see it.
---Mic on 11/7/08

Donna ... Sadly, my own experience confirms what you say.

Being a widower is horrible
---alan_of_UK on 11/7/08

Men seem to have more difficulty aging than women. I'm not being seems to be true. Men's associations are often work-related. And some men are not good at forming new friendships, otherwise. Retirement seems to threaten their self-esteem more than it does for women. And being at home all day with a wife can sometimes make them demanding.

Women tend to have a wider range of friendships, even if employed. And, I think, having managed a home and family, often a career as well, makes them more adaptable.
---Donna66 on 11/5/08

I often wonder about that issue myself. My spouse is retired and that is the worse thing tht ever happened to him. He refuses to do volunteer work. He no longer has a truck. Which was ok, his driving skills have slipped. But he does not think so. He does not take meds and in relatively good health. He does not keep in touch with old friends and very few relatives.I am his whole life,mostly.He has grown kids who don't come around much.
The world is not going to beat a path to his door. We have to learn how to reach out to others,show love and be willing to get involved. It is a two-way street in relationships.
---Robyn on 11/5/08

In reply :- NO but it depends on how you define lonesome or as the song says "Are you lonesome to night"?Nope I sleep and dream. During the day 6AM -11Pm is busy and this is b/c I have a large family many contacts, phones ringing, projects Happening,Blogging,cooking,Home repairs and projects sometimes 24 Hours is not enoughand at 84 Nearly.What it boils down to is what you make of life,Your contribution,Young girls find me amazing as I share and make life entertaining. MOTTO "Smile and the world smiles with you, CRY and you cry alone"last but not least PRAY and you commune with God.Life is never boring.
---Mic on 11/4/08

Yes it is lonesome
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/4/08

I've always had a heart for those 60 and beyond. I made the rounds to all of their houses, before I started to school, in my neighborhood. Cookies, hawaiian punch, good times.
Some are very lonely and love attention. I attend community events with them, play silly card games, go to church, walk their pets. I have a friend of 88 that's so special. She has retired kids, they're busy. Any way you can help a retired person is a blessing, clear their walks, water the lawn, so many things you can do.
---Raine on 5/7/07

Betty, the Lord bless you and keep you. May He comfort you and give you new friends in Christ, and may your daughter realize that each moment she spends with you, is precious.
---John on 5/7/07

I get lonely i have church friends i have 3daughters two live out of state one lives in the same town i do but she doesn't call or com vist i have to go to her hose if i see or talk to her having church friends and daughters grand childern and great grand children but they can not take the place of a mate.I also have a dog who i share my popcorn with i think she thinks she is human
---Betty on 5/7/07

(part 1) It takes time to become a good old peach >
first there's that cute little buddy, so fuzzy;
then the green teen, maybe having a nice shape
but NOT mature;
and then in your middle age - -
yes, you may be oh so colorful,
even with all that peachlight
coming down, all around you;
and yet, you're still going to be
at least a little bit bitter and sour,
deep-down inside.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/6/07

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(part 2) Because we need to go through
some heat of the summer,
before we can reach a ripe old age;
but then is when we can get
sweeter and sweeter,
and even more and MORE juicy,
because we made that COMMITMENT to
l-e-a-r-n how to love >
"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.'"
(Matthew 11:29)
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/6/07

I am 67 and I am having the time of my life. I am just sad I didn't learn how to enjoy life before now. I don't have a minute to spare. I sing in a trio and I am currently painting a mural at my church.(that is a hard job. No, No, I am not lonesome or lying around sad.
---shira_9639 on 5/5/07

Yes, and I'm not alone, but my husband works nights and night is not the time to do volunteer work, go shopping, see friends, etc. All my family live far away. So I get lonesome for human contact. The rest of the time I have an active life.
---Virginia on 11/24/06

Yes, and I'm not alone, but my husband works nights and night is not the time to do volunteer work, go shopping, see friends, etc. All my family live far away. So I get lonesome for human contact. The rest of the time I have an active life.
---Virginia on 11/24/06

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Alan -- I have a cat, too. He helps a little with the empty house syndrome, but cats are sooo independent (or so they like to think) I've done volunteer work, also. I didn't find it too rewarding, because for me it was a lot like my job. (I'm a retired nurse). But I've been able to help neighbors or young people in my church with various needs and built real reciprocal relationships. That has helped the loneliness more.
---Donna2277 on 10/13/06

The people who tell you Jesus can take the place of a beloved spouse, have obviously never lost one. I find that a lot of bloggers her are young, very "spiritual", "on fire for Christ". They have a good knowledge of scripture but not, unfortunately, of life.
---Donna2277 on 10/13/06

Rachel ... thank you so much ... I am still in the UK!
No afternoon tea is not the institution that it was. I doubt if it ever was for men, because tea time is 4.00 and they would still be at work.
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/13/06

Donna ... # 1 You have said "Jesus will never provide the love and companionship of a wife. His relationship with you is different" and this is really what I meant.
But when I last said that here, I was chastised and told that if I was a real Christian, Jesus would be enough, and would replace my lost wife.
So I hid behind not being a good enough Christian.
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/13/06

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Donna ... # 2 I have been adopted by a female cat. At first I called her just "cat" but she decided to move in properly, and when I took her down to the vet, I had to give here a real name. My daughter suggested Mary, and so that is who she is.
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/13/06

Hello Roxy why would it be difficult for man to be alone,after his wife passes on?The word "normally" opens a new can of worms,but then again there are many extenuating circumstances.AGE, circumstances, family, Friends, hobbies, & a persons flexibility, when one door closes another opens, God is merciful.Memories are also a good thing,as is devotedness.
---Emcee on 10/13/06

Roxy S I think from my own experience, and from my observations, that women are better at coping with life by themselves than are men.
That may be because we are so useless at everything!
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/13/06

Donna ... # 3 I have various voluntary jobs, helping people, which occupy a lot of my time. But the house is still empty when I get home (except for Mary)
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/13/06

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Alan of UK -- no matter how "good" a Christian you are, Jesus will never provide the love and companionship of a wife. His relationship with you is different. If your house feels too empty, consider getting a pet (but do some careful research to decide what kind suits you ...a dog is happy to see you if you've been gone all day or only 5 min.) Don't just "meet" people, find people you can help (let the lord lead you on this). You will always miss your wife, but you need not be lonely.
---Donna2277 on 10/13/06

Being a senior citizen is basically what you make of it. There are physical and mental infirmities which we may or may not be able to do any thing about. The challenge is making the best of your situations; and never ever giving up.
---Phil_the_Elder on 10/13/06

My mother just turned 80, and she is so busy and active, I can't keep up with her. She volunteers one day a week a a Veteran's hospital a block from her home. She goes to the Thrift Stores once a week with her high school best friend, and she travels all over the world with her boyfriend. I hope I have her energy in 30 years.
---Madison1101 on 9/23/06

Mr. Alan of UK, I'm assuming you have not moved to the US. I know it's not tea and crumpets, but you have 100's of pals here. My grandmother was from Wales. She adored afternoon tea, I bet you do, too. You sound like a sweet fella.
---Rachel on 9/22/06

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From the responses of Mrs. Morgan and the rest of the female bloggers who cared to answer the posted question, I could conclude that women would do well in their old age even if they are alone. There are only two men who cared to answer. Emcee said that he has already adjusted but Alan of UK still fells lonely. Can I say that men would normally find difficulty adjusting to being alone?
---Roxy_S on 9/15/06

(2.)My Great Grandmal died in the late 80's was born in 1881,and she was a fiesty one, country as she could be, farm woman, saying "I reckon this, and reckon that", her mom was a very religious Scotch-Irish Woman(Accent and all) who lived way up till the early 1940's. I have always been drawn to the elder's,even as a child, I find their conversation more interresting. --Mrs. Morgan
---Mrs._Morgan on 9/11/06

shira_9639 , (1.)You sound like my Mom, she is all active and everything, physically in shape and what not, and she just turned 70 in August. People on her side of the family live very long, and are robust. It's not strange for people on her side on the family to live beyond 100 years old, This is why I have a good idea of my family tree, cause everyone lives so long!
---Mrs._Morgan on 9/11/06

Roxy S,I believe no matter our age as long as we depend on Jesus, to see us through the hard times, we can overcome anything. Jesus is the energy we need to propel us through. Jesus has always been part of my contentment. When alone I sing praises to the Lord some of the time,but all the time I know I'm never truely alone as long as I have Jesus. Liking your self and own company is also important. Find what makes you happy when alone. Alone can give you time to pray for others too. Rest in the Lord.
---Darlene_1 on 9/11/06

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Roxy, I am female and I am involved with my church. I have been married (to the same man) since Oct 3, 1957. He is alive and well.
I keep adding things to my plate and now its getting full. Our group traveled 70 miles and sang at a homecoming and then 65 more miles last night to sing at a revival. We got home at 11:30. I will admit I am tired today.
---shira_9639 on 9/11/06

From the responses of Shira 9639, Darlene _1, Donna 2277, Annie, and Alan8869 of UK, I am getting a picture of why some old people are lonely and why some are not. I am also getting an idea how to beat loneliness if ever or when my retirement comes... Thank you, folks.
---Roxy_S on 9/11/06

Roxy_S::Your blog caught my eye.I am 82 My wife went to her heavenly Rest,5 years ago am I lonely? Yes at times when day is done& you are left alone with your memories.But it depends, finding interest, cheering others,being attentive to others. your Family are your fulfilled Dreams,I am still supportive & this brings me smiles of satisfaction. The secret lies within yourself SEEK & you will Find.Bringing Joy to others is bringing Love & joy to yourself.
---Emcee on 9/10/06

Darlene: I came from a very large family. That is, our family consists of many children, aunts, uncles, grand parents and other relatives. I always seek to be alone to be by myself. I enjoyed being alone because I can do many things. I am more lonely in the midst of a large crowd... But I am okay now because I am still relatively young... But what about if I am going to get old? Would I still have the energy to propel me through?
---Roxy_S on 9/10/06

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I'm 61, work full time as a counselor for female alcoholics/addicts, and not one day of my life am I lonesome. I've just recently married, but was very happy living alone also. I have no intentions of retiring until they make me leave. Then, I'll volunteer. As long as God gives me enough health to make it, I'll be at work.
---Annie on 9/10/06

I'm 65, have no children, no close family at all. But I am like Darlene. I enjoy my own company. My family never was close and I've spent many years living alone as a divorcee. My life is busy. I have good friends ( more helpful than family ever was.) The lonely ones are those who have lost people they depended upon...or those who haven't learned to reach out to help others.
---Donna2277 on 9/10/06

Roxy ... I'm age 66, lost my wife 4 years ago after 33 years.
Yes I have children, spread over the country. I can visit, but not live with them, it would not be fair and would not work
I meet and know lots of people, but when I go home there is no-one else there.
And I am not a good enough Christian to find that Jesus offers the same sort of companionship and love that my wife did.
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/10/06

Alan of UK and Shira:
I am sorry, guys, I have to ask you these questions. I need to know what's beyond my working years. My decisions in the near future might be influenced by your responses. Thank you.
---Roxy_S on 9/10/06

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Shira: I am sorry but I have to ask regarding your gender. Are you female? Aside from painting a mural, you are basically with your church. The reason why you are not lonesome. Are you living alone? Or with a family member?
---Roxy_S on 9/10/06

Alan of UK, why did you say that it is really lonesome when you get old and you are alone? Don't you have any children? or relative to be with?
---Roxy_S on 9/10/06

I am less lonely in my mid-sixties than at many earlier times in my life. For those who have spent their entire adulthood as a married person and then lose a mate, it can be very lonely. But many people (esp. women IMO) go on and find new friendships, new activities and a new life. I cope with a lot of things more easily now than when I was younger.
---Donna2277 on 9/10/06

I believe people who have had brothers and sisters, or several children,are more lonely when by thenselves. I am an only child and always was content to be alone,I learned the skill of being alone was to entertain myself. I am never lonely when by myself,and I'm 68. I can't even grasp the depth of loneliness others feel even though they try to tell me.
---Darlene_1 on 9/9/06

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