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Right To Favor One Child

Is it right for a dad to favor one son over the other and do it openly?

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 ---carol on 11/30/06
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Suspicious dear, did you say
"children are a gift from GOD period" or did you meant "children are a gift from GOD, period". which one is corect englisH,
yal isn't proper English either. so before blowing everyone of with no good reason, think of this one "love one and another as I have loved you (Jesus words) most christians here know that they need improving therefore (i'm one of them they reason and see what other's think, they test and keep the good, i pray you could do the same.
---andy3996 on 8/10/11

Is this blog a joke? Seriously, you people are "christians"? Really? If you are really serious and not a hoax of some kind...most of you need intense training in things such as boundaries, true spirituality, parenting and spelling as well actually. GEEZ! PLEASE stay away from MY church.
---Suspicious on 8/9/11

Who said everyone that visits here is a Christian? Many people just share with people like themselves.
Most Christians will never be as perfecto as you....I'm sure you're Church is full of Perfect Sheep. We are the ones you turn away, we come here...homeless...being hopeless,by "your" measure stick. Would it be too much for u to pray for us?
---Trav on 8/10/11

Is this blog a joke? Seriously, you people are "christians"? Really? If you are really serious and not a hoax of some kind...most of you need intense training in things such as boundaries, true spirituality, parenting and spelling as well actually. GEEZ! PLEASE stay away from MY church. Anyway, children are a gift from GOD period. They need to be TRAINED to be pleasant and well behaved. Good grief...yall talk like they either just "turn out or they dont" and its some kind of crap shoot. YOU RAISED THEM!!! Children deserve unconditional love. If you need to mature to be able to do that please delay having children. Good grief!
---Suspicious on 8/9/11

No, however, mothers do it too. My dad was an alcoholic, my mom just outright looney. They did this all the time. Caused family to be torn apart. My brother still lives with my mom and she keeps up his son. The grandchildren are hurt, we are hurt as family and due to her bitterness over the years, she always says things against another child to say the other said it to cause fights and then denies it. She is 70 years old ahd still does it. We all live in a hell in this family over a mom that is bitter and shows favortism to the youngest child. My sister and I don't talk. Everyone doesn't get along. It is sad. She is jealous of her new husbands son because he has money and is successful.
---Connie_Chandler on 3/12/11

Growing up, my mom favored by brother, She always wanted a son. He always got more at Christmas, different rules. He was given a car at 15, wrecked it and given another one. Now at 50 still lives at home with her and her new husband. She plots against her husbands son because he is successful. She has even done crazy things such as put people up to make maliscious calls to her daughters.Her whole life is about protecting him and making people think he is successful.She shows favortism to his son and it hurts the other grandchildren.I have heard millions of stories about the youngest being spoiled. I had to share this story. I live in She destroyed our family.Sadly, he will run when she gets sick & we will be left to pay the bills.
---Jessica_Johnson on 3/2/11

What are you trying to do, Get my blood boiling, today? This has got to be the absolute worse parenting in this world. That's one thing about my dad he didn't like any of us. You can do, you can absolutely destroy a humans life in this. How much it hurts a humans life in this. Completely destroy it. Especially, if the child who's being abused, in this, is somehow different. I am sorry. I will end this blog for now.
---catherine on 8/25/10

My mothers a Christian.Since childhood favors my brother, he has a family but is financially dependent on her. When I was struggling financially on 2 occasions my mom borrowed $ from me for my brother, she promised to pay me, but never did. At the time I had no car, no place of my own.She's bought him 2 cars and supports them with many things,they live quite luxuriously.I have 3 boys the 2 younger ones barely know her cause she isn't involved. I have always felt I could not tell her the wrong she has done, because I've had too much respect for her. The very rare occasions that she does come over, she's very quiet and uncomfortable to be here. I need advise on how to tell her what's she's done and does.I've been praying for her eyes to be open.
---Roxanne on 8/25/10

Please do not EVER favor one child over another and if you do, never, never admit it. Do your best to honor each and every child no matter what. My parents favored my brother and sister over me and actually ADMITTED it! Devastating! Interestingly, my sibling who was one of the "favorites" has not spoken to our parents in 15 years. My parents have shifted their favoritism of that child to yet another child, whom they "feel guilty about" or "sorry for". Beware of this trap! Just decide you love all your children the same and tell them they are ALL your favorites and always will be. Let them know they cannot "earn" your love. Your love for them is a gift from God.
---mystery on 7/28/10

This reminds me of the parable of the two sons. Read Luke 15:11-32
---Reverend_Shahzad on 6/18/09

I'm going through the same thing my husband his parents are christian and they favor the son that was on drugs and now is not and now is serving God .My husband is doing well and works so hard to provide for us and he is a christian. i just don't understand. they would call and ask for us to pray for the other son and when we mention something wrong with my husband they would say but your brother has this problem though,they always give money to the other son. they alway put my husband down and be little him and and never hardly call him they call the other son all the time and he lives out of the state. we live a couple hours away from them and they hardly ever call.they told the others son to not call his brother because he would be tired.
---dianne on 5/20/09

Yes i have the same problem with my mom and my brother they have always been close and i have always been the one standing on the outside watching her adore him and wondering what i did to make this happen although my situation is the opposite from the others i am the "good one" who gets good grades does what shes told and is always neat!
---Katie on 3/9/09

Mima if your Mom set you up to be higher in your mind than your siblings apparently its effect elevated your vanity severely blinded to damage it caused your siblings ...ignorant non-christian parents cause division separation WITHIN their own families ...thanking God for mother setting you apart may be "good" in your mind ...but deliberately causing STRIFE leads to more negative thoughts emotions vanity jealousy etc from the god of this world 2Corin 4:4 ...hopefully if you had children you didn't poison them too by breaking this destructive cycle

setting any child apart from their siblings cause "not so favored" siblings to naturally act with jealousy ...parents who believe their other children are unaware are fools
---Rhonda on 3/5/09

What damage. What damage this can do to the unfavored child, who is a person.
---catherine on 3/5/09

Mima ... It did wonders for your self esteem.


What do you think it did for the self esteem of your siblings?

But like Robyn, I think that in the long term, you are the one who was damaged, rather than your brothers & sisters.
---alan8566_of_UK on 3/4/09

mima: Your mom did a disservice to you and you did not know it. I pray it did not hurt you too badly. This is something I find unbelievable and strange in this world. Why would untrain,evil,controlling,insensitive people(among other descriptions) would be given such high and lofty positions as parents. She fed into your selfishness and ego. And it made you feel good but it was damagaing to you. You should never feel superior to your siblings and other relatives. We already have too much trouble and hate in this world. Families are in deep trouble already because of your mom's way of thinking and attitude.
---Robyn on 3/4/09

Doing that openly causes many untold troubles for himself and his family. I would not do that. It unleashes many demons and devils to tear up his(dad's)home and wreck his and the family's life. That is a terrible thing the dad is doing.
---Robyn on 3/2/09

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A side note about favoritism, I am the third child in a family of four children, Mom and Dad.
One day when I was about 10 years old my mother took me aside and said," now let me be very straightforward about this, you are my favorite child, I didn't plan it that way but that's the way it is.
The rest of the family knows about my mother's favoritism towards me. Sometimes there's jokes made about it.
Being told this by my mother early in life did wonders for my self-esteem. Also my mother and I shared a kindred spirit and that within itself was a great confidence builder.
I sometimes just stop and thank the Lord for making me a child to my parents.
---mima on 3/2/09

No but that's a common problem with parents that possibly never had the counselling before marriage, It causes so much sibling revelry it's amazing.

---Carla3939 on 2/26/09

I have two sons that I try to treat equally.Sometimes it is hard to try not to favor one over the other. When one son is thoughtful,giving,loving etc..Everything you have ever wanted and the other is the complete opposite, it is a very hard thing to not play favorites. It is tough business having kids. Heart wrenching and upsetting sometimes. Perhaps having one kid is the best solution.
---Robyn on 10/13/07

This is never acceptable. You should know the answer to this question. What Father would be so callous to do this? Even though this is an easy thing to do,sometimes. But we must not make differences among our children. Not a very nice thing to do. Nor a wise thing either.A wise man builds and blesses his home. Not divide it.
---Robyn on 10/12/07

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Absolutely not, no one should favor one child over another. God is no respector of persons, in other words God does not show favortism towards His children. All children have diffefent personalities, and we may have to show love to them in different ways, depending on the personality of the child, but your children should know that they are loved equally. No favortism.
---Cynthia on 10/12/07

No, of course not, no matter what.
---sue on 10/12/07

m.p.a. Being favoured doesn't always have a happy ending for the favoured one

how true!

God shows no favoritism, and we should strive to be the same. As a mom of 10,I see personality differences and in the natural one might tend to favor 1 over another. As in all things, this requires prayer, having the attitude and love of Christ.

My ex favors 1 over the destructive. He's even gone so far as to give gifts to 1 child for christmas and not another. It's so sad for them.
---christina on 12/3/06

I have 5 children, 4 girls, ages 34, 29, 27 and 25 and a son who is 16 tomorrow. I love them all and I make sure that they know it, but I have to be honest here and tell you that I do favor some over others. I cannot help it. That is just the way it is. My daughter Nancy for example, is positive and has a wonderful outlook and is favored by a lot of people as well. She lights up our lives. I would never reveal to the others who my favorites are but this is the way of life and life is what you make it.
---Peter on 12/2/06

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Joyce and Donna's stories combines virtually tell mine. I think fear of my brother made my mother always back him rather than me. Only in old age has she found courage to tell him he is wrong. His attitude has made him friendless, bitter, estranged from all who should be close to him. Being favoured doesn't always have a happy ending for the favoured one and it's very wrong on everyone to do it.
---m.p.a. on 12/1/06

My former husband favored one son over the other when they were small and still does today. One is 42 and one is 38. Today , the bond of friendship they had for so many years in spite of the favortism , has been broken because of one son not being able to accept his dads behavior any more and has been made to feel inferior and this has put a bridge between my sons. This breaks my heart.No parent has the right to treat one child better than another.
---carol on 11/30/06

I am going through the same thing with my mother in regard to my brother. He has always gotten away with things that he shouldn't. I had to put my foot down last month, and my mother is now angry with me. I endured physical and emotional abuse from my brother, so that he wouldn't hurt my mother. She is in complete denial that any abuse occured. I told her that I could no longer endure his actions and that if she wasn't happy with me, she was free to leave and if she left, it would be her decision.
---Joyce on 11/30/06

Put yourself in the place of the son who wasn't favored, how would you feel? AWFUL, right? There's your answer. I was the black sheep of the family and I knew everyone favored my sister, but guess what? God made me the prettiest, and I grew up, accepted the Lord, and I now am the only one in my family who has a very close walk with the Lord. I'm not bragging, just making the point that God takes the black sheeps and makes them whiter than snow.
---Donna9759 on 11/30/06

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No, but it happens, usually due to that one son meeting certain expectations of the dad. It is always easier to love someone who is everything you ever expected but that is the why the Word tells us to love unconditionally even those who don't meet our expectations. The truth of the matter is that we didn't meet any of the expectations of God when He sent His Son, the only one to ever meet the perfect expectations of the Father, to die and rise again so His favor could be given to us freely.
---Linda6563 on 11/30/06

Speaking as a mom of two boys...NO WAY! Fathers and sons have the kind of relationship that can impact a child in amazing ways, both good and bad. If I were you, I would address this issue before the "unfavored" son suffers irreversible emotional stress.
---reva on 11/30/06

No- some do have favorites at different times in our lives- but no as a parent U can not ever show it if U do have one. It will hurt the one and put the brothers at odds instead of uniting them. I joke w/my kids and whisper in each of their ears U are my favorite and they all laugh- or joking I say my favorite today is the one that listens the best! But seriously no- you just cant pit one against the other they need to be loved as unique people.
---Jeanne on 11/30/06

This question is a no-brainer. Absolutely, positively NOT! Now, there are the times when one child seems to be favored because that child respects their parent while another does not. A parent cannot help but be closer to this child who honors him/her. But, when it is time to do for one, you do the same for the other. Always keep the lines of communication open because, even that wayward child needs to know that he/she can come to the parent and that parent will love them unconditionally.
---Crystal on 11/30/06

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