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Alcoholic Invited To Christmas

Should a family member who's battleing alcoholism be "banned" from sharing Christmas dinner with the entire family or should he be allowed to come, under the condition he's sober?

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 ---Pat on 12/15/06
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What would Jesus do? That is probably the best Christian catch phrase ever invented.

Jesus ate with sinners, walked with sinners, taught sinners and came to earth to save sinners. How can anyone celebrate Christ's birth by shutting the door on a struggling family member? He should be encouraged to be sober, and all means taken to keep him that way, if that fails, do not let him drive. Love the sinner, but let him know that you hate the sin - because of what it is doing to him.
---lorra8574 on 8/30/07

Who are these high and mighty relatives of yours who cannot show love to someone who is battling a disease? I would not ban the family member. He/she is still a human being who needs love and is part of this family. Alcoholism is hard to deal with but I would make a sacrifice and show love to my alcoholic relative.
---Robyn on 8/30/07

I am soooooo sorry, Cynthia!!! :(
---Mary on 8/30/07

I would like to share a story with you. My oldest son who just recently died from cancer was banned from comming to our family christmas because he was a drug addict. At the time of the dinner he had been clean but some of my family members did not want him there. I personally did not agree with this. Anyway my son was saved 3 months before he died. I agree with Grace, just make sure there is no alcohol around. We never know when we have our appointment with death. Life is short, make every minute count.
---Cynthia on 8/29/07

Hi Grace, very beautiful and excellent answer, in my opinion. :) I'm a recovering alcoholic and my stepdad, who likes a glass of wine with dinner--won't have wine if I'm coming for dinner--or my mom would have his head lol! :D
---Mary on 8/29/07

You should allow him to come if he's sober, but you should also not have alcohol present at the gathering.

Sharing Christmas with family when you are sober might be something to help him realize he needs to stay sober. Little seeds can grow into healthy plants.
---grace3869 on 8/29/07

I like the answer Grace gave. She is spot on.
NEVER EVER invite a drunk. I did, and he insulted everybody at the gathering and now people are reluctant to come back.
I sure learned a lesson the hard way.
---John on 12/31/06

Pat, I was just wondering how your Christmas was, and what you decided to do. Bless you and a Happy New Year
---christina on 12/29/06

Pat....Let us know how Christmas turned out!
---Susie on 12/25/06

christina, great point you made.always check with God first and foremost.He will lead you on such an issue and He most certainly will not lead you wrong!
---chestnut_burr on 12/24/06

chestnut burr, thank you for saying so. We have always opened our home to anyone that family knows, who don't have close family ties,we try to show them we care and what family is about.
---Darlene_1 on 12/23/06

Let this person come and celerbrate Christmas. If he can handle a few hours without drinking and not show up drunk. If you shun him away, that is telling him, that there is no love, and it may drive him further away from God.
---Rebecca_D on 12/22/06

We have ministered in our home to many alcoholics/addicts who were not always sober or straight when they knocked on our door. But, they were invited into our home and were given the spiritual counseling they needed. Many of them have come to know the Lord and are now ministers themselves.
---Susie on 12/22/06

There was a time in my life I would have said invite him, however after 25 years of dealing with my now ex, I would have to say that totally depends upon a variety of circumstances. Seek the Lord's leading in this. Of course you wish to love the alcoholic, but if "loving" him by having him present is destructive to others,such as children, that needs to be taken into account. they also need to be loved/protected. Alcholism is progressively destructive to the alcholic and others.
---christina on 12/22/06

darlene, that is a wonderful testimony. So often we judge so harshly and if I may say, rashly. We push ppl. away instead of drawing them near. kudo's for you!
---chestnut_burr on 12/21/06

A man came to our house with a young GI and we all welcomed him in. He was an alcoholic. They came nearly every weekend and we never turned them away instead I let them know what my life stands for,Jesus, and he and I spent many times talking about the Lord. After about 2 years he was saved and baptised and became a Cristian. If I had been hard nosed and spiritually stuck up,he probably would never had heard about the Lord,especially not that much which brought him to repent and stop drinking.
---Darlene_1 on 12/21/06

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Chestnut...All of the above! I worked for a Christian drug/alcohol rehab. We are also involved in prison/jail/homeless ministry.
---Susie on 12/20/06

Susie--are you talking about life experience or working, school, book learned experience?
---chestnut_burr on 12/19/06

Buttons...Research? How about years of experience in drug/alcohol rehab program? Would that qualify as research?
---Susie on 12/19/06

By the way, I believe that everyone in a family should be invited to holiday dinners regardless of their sobriety. You can set all the ground rules you want, but the addict/alcoholic will still do what they want regardless of ground rules. You cannot control other people.
---Susie on 12/19/06

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Susie-Maybe you should do a little homework before speaking out so harshly at me. If you have studied this out and can give the proof thats OK, But unfounded answers are not wise to express to someone who is asking advise on such a serious topic.
---buttons on 12/18/06

#1-I am the wife of an alcoholic.I joined Al-Anon.One of the first things that I learned there was that many times the spouse of the alcoholic can cause more harm within the family than the actions of the alcoholic.Now,I know that there are alcoholics that are violent, so please note that I said "in a lot of cases."I saw this within my own family.I realized that by confronting him while he was drunk hurt my kids.My crying,yelling and begging hurt my family more than my husbands drunkiness.
---chestnut_burr on 12/18/06

#2-You have to learn to choose your battles carefully, to make sure that your children are safe verbally and physically.Confrontations should be when the spouse is sober and even then you should be in control of your emotions.As for inviting or not inviting a family member due to their addiction I believe its wrong to not invite.We are to love the sinner,hate the sin.By not serving alcohol you are keeping temptation away, atleast for that time frame.
---chestnut_burr on 12/18/06

#3-Hopefully they won't come drunk and if they do hopefully someone that can be trusted to do something right can take control of the situation.
---chestnut_burr on 12/18/06

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buttons...You are so off base with that comment saying that the sober people are the ones causing the most harm and not the alcoholic. That is totally not true! It is, in fact, a lie. Alcoholics and addicts do so much harm that often it is irreparable in families.
---Susie on 12/18/06

The references to my earlier posting are, Pleas read Matthew 21:31,32; Luke 7:37-50.
---Eloy on 12/17/06

I don't know how much you understand about alcoholism but it seems there is more here than an issue of a dinner. In relationships involving alcoholism the ones that cause the most damage are the ones that are the sober not the alcoholic. Why does he want to be there? and why do some want to ban him.(DON'T ANSWER) If there are those that can't be civil with him there maybe you should decide which needs to be there the most.
---buttons on 12/16/06

Madison are you on Christia-net, I tried to look for your profile more than once but I can't find it there and I'd like to ask you something.

---grace3869 on 12/16/06

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ALL should be sober. There are many people fighting off alcohol out of their lives which are much more Christlike than there are many self-righteous nonalcoholics who have no spirit of Christ in their life. Sharing Christmas dinner has nothing to do with sharing alcohol does it? Then if you care at all, help him fight his battle, support him, have No alcohol at the dinner nor in his presence, and offer Squirt soda or some other non-alcoholic beverages for all. Please read 21:31,32; Luke 7:37-50.
---Eloy on 12/16/06

Invite him but let there be no alcohol on the premises. I know that this means that no-one else will be able to have any either but they won't die for lack of it - he might if he gets his hands on some. I hope it is a truly happy family event.
---m.p.a. on 12/16/06

Do not ban the man. Make the best of it. This is secular, but watch Christmas Vacation (Chevy Chase). They had the same situation. Very funny. I'm not saying alcoholism is funny, not by a long shot. Be Christ-like, with Love, and no booze.
---R.A. on 12/16/06

If you love him, let him come. No matter what is 'wrong' with him he is still family and should be treated as such.
---sue on 12/16/06

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Of course he should be invited. He is your family and you know we all have hardships that we have to face. I have had the experience of seeing some lives changed after being addicted to drugs. Offer encouragement, but do not accept the alcoholism. Embrace the person, and above all do not be an enabler. Dana9769
---Dana on 12/16/06

Is banning this person an act of tough love? If not, don't turn your backs on this person. I would specify that no alcohol be present and ask that he be sober. I know an alcoholic who when going without alcohol for very long would seizure. I've seen this myself. He walked out of church and fell down in a seizure and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Be very careful about this person's condition. He might very well need the alcohol. Remember, this person is very sick and needs your support and love.
---Nellah on 12/16/06

He should be allowed to come under the condition that he is sober. In return, you should make absolutely sure that there is no alcohol there at all, including in the Christmas pudding. If he is battling, he needs to feel very much wanted and loved.
---Helen_5378 on 12/16/06

Good solution, Grace.
---Jack on 12/16/06

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If you want to help this person it will require a great sacrifice from you and or anyone else that wants to. I speak from experience. Nobody should feel like they have to accommodate this person just because its holiday season. Your decision should be based on, why this person wants to be there with you.
---buttons on 12/15/06

Why would one ban an alcoholic from a family gathering? Of course you should include him. Ask that he come sober, and be sure that there is no alcohol served.
---Madison1101 on 12/15/06

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