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Husbands Blames About Kid

I'm a very unhappy wife of 12 years. I have 4 children and one child is my step child. She is out of controle at 13. She trys anything to get high and involves her nine year old sister. My husband blames me for her actions and refuses to send her to treament. I've been thinking of getting a divorce. What do I do?

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 ---Patricia on 1/2/07
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People quickly jump to the conclusion that a divorce settles everything, but it doesn't. It's very painful to go through a divorce, as I'm sure it's painful to be in your situation. Counselling is the best thing to try right now. If your husband refuses to send her to treatment, then why don't you take her? Or call someone at your church as ask them to counsel her. Ask your Pastor to counsel her if she won't go see a professional. And most of all, PRAY hard!!!!
---Donna9759 on 11/30/07

If you don't already attend church, please find one, preferrably one with a small youth group.
---faye4464 on 1/4/07

There is a lot of very good advice on here. Remember: you are her step mom, she probably resents you a bit. Her father needs to talk to her. Is her bio mother around? Could you possibly get the whole family together, including her bio mom, father, you and a good therapist, and just talk? Does she have a school conselor she (and her father & you) can talk to? God bless.
---sue on 1/3/07

I am concerned because I am just now overcoming a horrible drug addiction I've had for over 30 years. It is not a good life for your daughter or the whole family.My older sister also had a great infulence on me regarding drugs. My sister is now dead due to drugs. Please, tell your husband how important/serious this is. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. Get that kid some help! Before it's too late!
---sue on 1/3/07

Okay...she is your step child, and will ALWAYS resent your position on dicipline and authority over her. Your Husband needs to go to her with open communication. She does these things for attention and distraction. More than likely she does not want to get high all the time, but wants something else that getting high is filling the void for. HE needs to talk to her, have her express her feelings, wants and needs. She needs stability above all else, divorce will send her spiraling out of control.
---Been_There on 1/3/07

part 1: Have a serious private one-on-one with the unruly child. Explain to her your authoritative relationship to her, and the facts of how drugs damage your health causing illness (physical, organic, and mental); dealings with the law and arrests; and robs your money and any real happiness. Tell her you want better than that for her;
---Eloy on 1/3/07

pt 2: then spell out your "tough love", with penalties for her misbehavior and disobedience, like sitting in a corner and no having supper, groundings for a time, taking away privileges, and after she understands why she is being disciplined than the corrective action can be lifted. And also give love and positive affirmation for her good behavior and deeds with compliments and whatever treats suitable.
---Eloy on 1/3/07

Psalm 1:1 "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly..." Seek only Godly counsel.
---faye4464 on 1/3/07

On the basis of what you're saying here, it sounds like your step-daughter is acting out against the friction betwen you and your husband in this matter.

Divorce will NOT help this situation. She will still act out.
---Jack on 1/3/07

Take the girl to a treatment facility and have her evaluated for drug addiction. It does not matter if your husband blames you for her behavior. She is killing herself with drugs and needs someone to help rescue her.
---Madison1101 on 1/2/07

Put the kid on lockdown.
Accept all unfair criticism understanding this is simply a denial of his own failure. (a sin of pride to him)

There's a lot less confusion and aggravation if YOU CHOOSE not to be offended by your husband's sin, you might actually be able to work together and make progress.

Who cares who's right? Why allow an already hurt child to have more on her plate? Is that what she needs, more confusion to sort out from YOUR divorce and wounded ego?
---Pharisee on 1/2/07

Why in the world does your husband refuse to get your daughter into treatment? Divorce is not going to make anything better, but probably make it worse. Pray and get your daughter help. The best thing would be to get the whole family into counsling.
---sue on 1/2/07

Patricia, you won't help them at all by divorcing. You are pouring your life into them and you are not being recognized by man but all of heaven is cheering you on. Don't give up. You are the only one that is helping. Without you what chance do any of them have? Find some prayer partners. Don't return evil for evil but rather return love and see what you can conquer.
---john on 1/2/07

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