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I Am Divorcing This April

I am having a Christian divorce this April, however church members are saying I gave up too easily. My kids want me to marry someone else. What should I do?

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Jesus prohibited divorce except for adultery, that included lying about ones virginity. The non adulterer could remarry. The adulterer was not free to marry, and anyone marrying one is entering a prohibited marriage. A divorce without cause, was no divorce, and so, another marriage was a type of bigamy. The exception is in 1Corinthians 7:15. If the unbeliever departs, the Christian can remarry because the marriage was not 'in the Lord'. Please read Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18. Both Matthew 19:9 and 1Corinthians 7:27-28 allow remarriage.
Deuteronomy 22:17-19, 28-29, 24:1-4, Proverbs 2:17 (forsaketh husband), Isaiah 54:4-8, Jeremiah 3:1, Malachi 2:14-16, 1Corinthians 6:15-16, 7:10-17, 27.
---Glenn on 8/16/09

No matter what we do as Christians we will get talked about. I suppose your divorce is final now? If so, then if you should remarry another man (Christian) then you should do it for you, not for others and not for your children. Alot of people will look down on you for divorcing, but we're not here to please man.
---Rebecca_D on 4/26/08

If you r christian, then what r u doing divorcing and advertising it for all to know? Do u think u r being a role model doing this on air? Study the bible and understand what God says about divorce.Your airing this makes other new christians think its ok to do so..have u tried 2 sort things out with hubby?
---jana on 4/26/08

I am confused, what is a Christian divorce? I am divorced , my ex was not a beliver, and was having an affair and left me and asked for the divorce. Can two Christians really divorce according to scripture? Why are you divorcing? Does your husband want a divorce, do you?If there was no adultery, I dont think you have cause, or am I reading the scriptures wrong?
---Sandy on 8/3/07

I would encourage you NOT to remarry for some time. You don't even need to date. Give yourself time to heal from the wounds both you and the children have endured during this abusive relationship. Let Jesus be your husband and take care of you. I don't believe you should stay in an abusive marriage and if you are being advised to, I would suggest you not listen to that advise. Been there, done that. Hardly ever does the abuser really change. It would be difficult for you to have trust in him again.
---Phyllis on 8/3/07

God hates divorce and only ALLOWS it in the case of infidelity because of the hardness of OUR heart NOT adultery itself. It IS His will that we forgive and restore a broken marriage, even one broken by infidelity. I think it is actually easier to work things out with your spouse than remarry and deal with all the broken home and blended family stuff. Imagine: God's will has better results than our approach! What are you teaching your kids about God's love by divorcing your spouse and marrying another?
---Mike_P. on 2/14/07

"Seeing that Kay has successfully made this blog about herself, and a dumping ground for her posturing, I'll pass as well."

jhonny, I haven't made this blog about myself. I posted my personal experience and feelings, you made comments on them, and asked me questions regarding my view of divorce. Maybe next time I'll totally ignore all questions and comments directed towards me to avoid being accused of being a blog hog.
---Kay6588 on 2/14/07

Seeing that Kay has successfully made this blog about herself, and a dumping ground for her posturing, I'll pass as well.
---jhonny on 2/13/07

Heh Jim. "Divorce isn't the unpardonable sin." One says here divorce isn't a sin, and you Jim say divorce isn't the unpardonable sin. Kind of two extremes wouldn't you say. Could you prove that question as a thesis Jim? Here's a start in Malachi "The border of wickedness, and, The people against whom the LORD hath indignation for ever."
---jhonny on 2/12/07

I don't know if it's worth mentioning Jim, but the woman at the well didn't have seven husbands, and there is no mention that Christ forgave her for any husbands at that time.
---jhonny on 2/12/07

As I read these blogs, I am very happy to know that none of you are my JUDGE. It has been awhile since I have been on this site but now I recall the reason I quit coming here.
---TRUTH on 2/12/07

the woman at the well had 7 husbands, and
the one she lived with wasn't her husband.
Jesus forgave her... Divorce isn't the un-
pardonable sin. One needs to repent and
ask for forgivness of any part they may
have caused...makin friends and influncing
---jim4884 on 2/12/07

"I believe the blog is about divorce Kay."

jhonny, you are the one who brought up killing.

"Do you still believe divorce isn't a sin? Appears that way."

I don't believe divorce in itself is a sin. I believe the motive behind divorce is the sin. Some divorces are from God. Mine definitely was. God was more concerned with keeping me alive than keeping my marriage together. He would never put a marriage above a persons life.
---Kay6588 on 2/12/07

I believe the blog is about divorce Kay. Do you still believe divorce isn't a sin? Appears that way. Well that's all I have to say in that regard.
---jhonny on 2/12/07

"God said don't kill"

jhonny, do you believe its a sin to kill in self defense?
---Kay6588 on 2/11/07

That's a very interesting post George. Thought provoking. I've never heard Deut 21: 15, a scripture that is used to emphasize the right of the firstborn, here used in a fashion pertaining to divorce and adultery. I'm not sure I understand your point pertaining to the scripture. Are your sure?
---jhonny on 2/11/07

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George ::Jesus is not a man per sae"Leader" He is GOD,sole administrator of all the universe He is also compassionate & Just God."He who is without sin let Him cast the first Stone"HE is the only Judge .His love is supreme & far fetching.Your tone of charity resounds on Parallel walls.This is not a boss & secretary issue it is one of Abuse, unequally yoked, needs compassion by the Creator.Not the understanding of an OT Pharisee or Scribe.
---Emcee on 2/10/07

Kay why would God make exceptions to his standard. In the case of murder and divorce, adultery, etc. "For the hardness of your heart". That's the premise for the original exceptions to the law. God said don't kill, people kill anyway, God's lovingkindness, mercy and judgment made provisions to the law. Those men who were talking to Christ were trying to circimvent the law by quoting a a writ of diviorcement provision to Chirst in Matt.10 They themselves were divorcing wives.
---jhonny on 2/10/07

Chirst qualified this intentional misunderstanding of provision in divorce, which eventually had supplanted the law, and made for easy divorce. Matt5:31 "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
---jhonny on 2/10/07

They were putting away their wives without cause. Christ said they have to commit fornication first. And that's what THEY were doing, committing fornication, and dropping their wive for a new model. Their wives wern't the problem, they were.
---jhonny on 2/10/07

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JESUS, OUR LEADER, said: She who divorces her husband and marries another man, commits adultery against the first one. That teaching is in more than one gospel. I would recommend to stay with him. If he has other women, that's no reason to leave him(deuteronomy 21:15). To improve the relationship, try this: shut up for a month and just serve him in everything, like a christian woman should. Like a secretary would serve her boss. ever wonder why bosses fall for secretaries? See what happens next.
---george on 2/10/07

KAYD:In the eyes of God a dissolution of a marriage is very serious.I give below extracts for your own guidance.Matt5;31-32. Mark10;2-12Lk16;18. Gen223-24. Rom.72-3. 1Cor.7;10-11 &39. some factors are taken into consideration when determining a case on its merits; but to get the details & Facts One would have to contact a priest or Bishop.Blessings
---Emcee on 2/9/07

jhonny== You know, God will on occasions allow exceptions. I guess it has something to do with each individuals [sometimes.] It may be rare.
---catherine on 2/9/07

Kay God allowed exceptions in the law. These exceptions are in addition to God's standard. "Thou shalt not kill", but if and when you do kill God provides a colony wherein you can be safe from the family of the victim.
Provision in no way circumvents the law. Divorce is adultery with the exception of a couple of provisions. You cannot Kay overcome divorce as sin by citing a provision. These exceptions are based on God's lovingkindness.
---jhonny on 2/8/07

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Yes Kay. And I only suggested you take your own advice.
---jhonny on 2/8/07

"However to enter into another relation ship violates the law of God."

Emcee, where does it say in the Bible that a Christian woman cannot remarry if her non-Christian husband has left her?
---Kay6588 on 2/8/07

kay D::May I interject at this point.A volatile relationship should NOT be tolerated. For the safety of the wife & children a separation is essential:However to enter into another relation ship violates the law of God.This is what makes a decision painful.The road is lonely & Rocky but if you stay the course the rewards are abundant.I share this with love.
---Emcee on 2/8/07

"Kay where do you get the notion divorce isn't a sin, and you tell me to study more."

jhonny, if divorce is a sin, why does Jesus allow it when adultery has been committed? Would Jesus allow sin to be practiced?
I don't recall TELLING you to study more. I simply suggested it. I've studied the subject over and over again, and I'm still studying it.

God Bless :)

---Kay6588 on 2/8/07

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Kay6588, God definitely doesn't want someone to stay with a sadistic beast, but still the rules of [re-marriage] stand, once again many have been taught wrong about re-marriage. I too am happy you are [alive and well], I have witnessed that type of behavior in someone else's marriage,I really feared for her safety, it was really horrific. God said He wants His people to be "at peace"(1 Corinthians 7:15). God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 2/8/07

Kay where do you get the notion divorce isn't a sin, and you tell me to study more.
Of course there are provisions. God hates divorce. It is betrayal. God hates betrayal. God loves loyalty. The Lord's supper is kept on the night he was betrayed. Divorce is betrayal, and that is a sin, for those who believe sin still exists.
---jhonny on 2/8/07

Kay, I'm sorry you were subjected to such a dangerous and painful ordeal. I am glad you are alive to talk about it.
---jhonny on 2/7/07

jhonny, I wasn't trying to be rude to you.
---Kay6588 on 2/7/07

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Kay, while you're at it, may I suggest you take your own advice. I regret, what you've been through.
---jhonny on 2/7/07

jhonny, may I suggest you study the subject of divorce a bit more before you make such comments. Divorce itself isn't a sin. Like I've shared with you already, sometimes divorce is a blessing from God.
---Kay6588 on 2/7/07

A christian divorce. What bible is that in. Associating divorce with Christ to make it a more holy divorce is un-christian. A Christian divorce, is that like a christian murder, or a christian fraud, or christian idolatry. God hates divorce. Keep his name off of it.
---jhonny on 2/6/07

jhonny, I was speaking from experience. When my husband divorced me it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. In my case divorce was a blessing from God. My ex tried to break my neck twice. I prayed and prayed for God to deliver me from that situation and He did.
---Kay6588 on 2/6/07

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Kay, they think she gave up too easily. What threat of death and abuse are you referring to. If she was under threat of death and abuse would they say she gave up too easily.
---jhonny on 2/6/07

You are so correct about a great many pastors and priests. They do so much to damage God's reputation and christianty. What we need to realize is, that God did not put these people in the ministry.
---CATHERINE on 2/6/07

An advice to all those who seek councelling on these blogs:

You can only include very little details of your problems so any advice given here might be the opposite of what that person might need.

When problems hit, best thing to do is to seek professional councelling and at times it's advisable to seek the councelling of a non religious councillor. I've known of pastors and priests who did more damage than good with their fanatic councelling.
---Caring on 2/6/07

"Divorce destroys families and harms children."

Some divorces are necessary to keep the spouse and children from being harmed. Do you think a woman should stay in an abusive marriage where the husband has tried to kill her?
---Kay6588 on 2/4/07

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"Divorce is not the sin, it is remarriage after divorce that is the problem."

lorra8574, if divorce isn't a sin, then why is remarriage a sin? That doesn't make sense. If we're free to get a divorce, then we should also be free to remarry.

I believe we can divorce and remarry under certain circumstances.
---Kay6588 on 2/4/07

A christian divorce? What kind of a church goes along with that?
---jhonny on 2/4/07

This is a difficult issue. Divorce is not the sin, it is remarriage after divorce that is the problem. Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 are connected to Mark 10:11-12, and Luke 16:18. The "pornea" clause is found only in Matthew. If your marriage was properly joined under God, then you are not truely free to remarry while your spouse is alive. However, today many marriages are mere contracts and not covenents and in those cases I really don't know.
---lorra8574 on 2/4/07

The is WAWS, Walk Away Wife Syndrome. It appears that HaSatan uses this as a tool to cause a marriage to dissolve by working on the wife to her dissatisfaction. It builds and builds until she is tricked into thinking divorce is the only way out. It isn't, except Matt 19 (re: adultery). Divorce destroys families and harms children. 5 years after working out marriage issues more people (who stayed married) are happy. The same number who divorced find their problems followed them into divorce.
---Ramon on 2/4/07

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"My kids want me to marry someone else." Reminds me of this. Isa 3:4 "And I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them. 12...O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths."
Maybe we could ask, what are your marriage vows, as there are many variations, and is there adultery. And finally, who leads you, church members and kids?
---jhonny on 2/3/07

continue to pray, seek God & his wisdom, knowledge, guidance. By all means, don't do something simply because someone else wants you to do this. above all, trust & follow God's guidance. above all, trust God.
---jodollie on 2/2/07

As i read your case, you say it the same 2004.Remember what ever you desire, it shall be done.Ps37:4. In every prayer God answer it.If theirs a problem, their is a solution.Because what you have done before, it gonna repeat again, how about your future.Change your life style.God bless!
---maria_theresa on 1/21/07

As i read your case, you say it the same 2004.Remember what ever you desire, it shall be done.Ps37:4. In every prayer God answer it.If theirs a problem, their is a solution.Because what you have done before, it gonna repeat again, how about your future.Change your life style.God bless!
---maria_theresa on 1/21/07

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I was in the same situation in 2004. The way I handled the problem was; I went to God. I prayed to Him in Jesus name; if my husband and I should be together then change me if Im doing the wrong thing as a wife. Change my husband if we are going to work it out.If we should not be together then remove my husband. The Lord removed my husband, he left me. May God keep you safe and covered in His Sons blood.
---Pat on 1/21/07

Mrs. Morgan - ("People have different ways of writing, period") -- There is not that much difference really apart from spelling. The capitals thing does make posts unreadable. We are here to correct one another; it is not the job of the moderators, unless it is of a serious nature. :)
---Helen_5378 on 1/19/07

Divorce is asked of Christ and He answers that God made a man and woman to be together forever. The caveat is that God made this for the Garden. If you have struggled for years with your eyes on Jesus and not on yourself then it is permissible if your spouse abuses you, cheats or says he wants out, abandonment. Your decision requires you to answer only one yes or no question. Stay focused on the outcome of your Christ centered decision. Not be perpetually in a state of confusion ruled by Satan.
---Kay on 1/19/07

BRUCE5656, Yes, I use to use a lot of Caps, but not for the reasons some thought. I did appreciate when you let me know how the bold/underlined/italicized type worked, most just are not aware of those features. Some use under case, some bold red Cap letters,Large Print, etc. Ok, that's all I have to say. God Bless!
---Mrs._Morgan on 1/18/07

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I agree with the others,
It is difficult to read what you have written Catherine. I have to go over it a couple of times to pull it together. It would be helpful if you would write as the rest of us do.
---lynet on 1/18/07

Mrs. Morgan: Catherine may not be aware that her ALL CAPS usage is rude and not acceptable in internet communication. Bruce is totally right in correcting it as he has. I find it rather difficult to read Catherine's posts because of it.
---Madison1101 on 1/18/07

Mrs Morgan,
I gave Catherine the benefit of the doubt that she might like to know what I told her. I know I mentioned it once before on another blog but saw no reply. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she did not see that (vs simply not acknowledging it) and offered the advice once more.

I have no intention to harp on it or continue to repeat it.
---BRUCE5656 on 1/18/07

If I remember correctly, you were appreciative of being told the same thing when you started here. Why would I think any thing different about Catherine? It seems a little... inconsistent of you to have appreciated being told and objecting to my telling her.
---BRUCE5656 on 1/18/07

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Mrs. Morgan...We still have the English language. It really bothers me when people tear up our language with all these abbreviations. You know, the "f" word has become a part of normal language everywhere, but we sure don't need to use it here. It's getting to where young people really don't know how to write properly because they use so much garbage language and abbreviations.
---Susie on 1/18/07

Bruce5656, Some months ago a person was telling a woman to stop using "U" for "you". Some get worked up over lower case and upper case letters, and I have seen two people(one male and the other female) get so mad that they want CN to "kick off" some. Do you make up the rules on CN's blogs or not? It's best to voice your concerns to CN directly about some issues,let CN determine these things, After all it's their website. People have different ways of writing, period.
---Mrs._Morgan on 1/18/07

Catherine...On other posts you have mentioned that God took you out of church and out of Bible College. Did he take you out of Bible reading too?
---Susie on 1/18/07

Just in case you missed the posts to you elsewhere, all capital letters are considered yelling and rude on line.
---Bruce5656 on 1/18/07

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This is from the EnglishClub website for example:
"Do not write everything in CAPITAL LETTERS. In English, it is not polite to use a lot of capital letters. In fact, text written in capital letters is difficult to read. You never see a book written only in capital letters. Using all capital letters is called "yelling", which is the same as shouting. Why is it difficult to read capital letters?"
---Bruce5656 on 1/18/07

I WILL NOT LOOK up EVERY scripture, but their is one cause I READ IT AND IT SAYS===IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND, either go back to HIM or remain single.OTHER than this it's between you and GOD. HARD decisions.PLEASE, IF YOU ARE A BELIEVER PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
---CATHERINE on 1/17/07

God is against divorce agreed, but he gave us a sound mind to make the right choice. i have walked away from my marriage many times lookng for a divorce, it never happened, what is going on in your marriage i don't know, wife abuse child abuse i don't know, i don't know your reason for a divorce. don't jump into something you may regret later, don't let your kids tell you what to do..pray and ask God he will answer if you give him a chance..
---mary on 1/17/07

Please don't do it. God's word says He hates divorce. You must try to work it out. Your kids are telling you what you want to hear-they are your kids and they want to please you. You are the parent-do not put that heartbreaking, life altering decision on your children. be an adult. You are not talking about dating or not dating. you have a family. you made a commitment. you know what is right.
---emily on 1/16/07

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There is no such thing as a Christian divorce but there is Christian grounds biblically for divorce. Abandonment and marital infidelity are within the Word but I think the word abandonment can be used to to our benefit, therefore releaving us us of the vow we took before God.
---joan4689 on 1/16/07

If the unbeliever wants to leave let him go. I propose since Christ died for me that I might be free in Him how can I agree to let another in marriage take from me what Christ has died already for? This is grounds for divorce; physical, spiritual and emotional abuse that may cause a death in any of these areas. Since Christ died for me I can't come into agreement and let another trample on what my Lord and Savior has already done for me.
---joan4689 on 1/16/07


Re minding our own business.

Perhaps you missed the fact that April asked for our input into her situation.
---Bruce5656 on 1/16/07

April, as a woman who has been where you are now standing all I can say to you is to take care of yourself first. If there is anyone who thinks that you are wrong just tell them to come stand in your shoes and take the abuse you are now taking. God did not give you to him to be a punching bag. You are to walk by his side not be trampled on by his feet. Praying for you Sis and keep hanging. God bless you. Marth6338
---Martha on 1/15/07

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Divorce should be the last thing in every christian, but if the marriage is not making you happy or if you really feel that the lord is leading you there do it but let the guidance of the lord be the first priority.
seek yeah first the kingdom of God and all other things will be added unto you.
about the kids think of how the divorce may and will affect them. remember your not living their life but ur life its upon you to make your own decisions other people count but God counts most.
God bless
---JACKLINE on 1/15/07

Maddison, I missed to read the post where it mentions violence. In such situation April should report him to the police and if things don't change, kiss him good bye.
---Caring on 1/16/07

24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.
Are we called to bondage or peace?1Co7:15, "A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."
What is the price for our peace?
1Co7:23, "Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men."

10,"Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11, But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled..."
---jhonny on 1/15/07

I agree with Madison1101, Susie, Phyllis, and Lynet. I personally do not believe that Jesus Christ wants anyone to have to endure an abusive violent marriage!
---Pat on 1/15/07

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You can not do what your children wonts you to do put this in the hands of God commit it to him and he will show you what to do ask him to help you and leave it in his hands don't try to work it out your self
---Betty on 1/15/07

Jana: First of all, please type out the words, and not use chat-speak.

Secondly, if you read the replies to the original post, April's husband is abusive and she is divorcing for her safety, which I, and many other believers, support.

It is often necessary to divorce to ensure that the property is divided to protect the victim in domestic violence.
---Madison1101 on 1/15/07

Caring: Of course the children want to be separated from their father. He is abusive. Children don't want to be around violent parents.
---Madison1101 on 1/15/07

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