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Husband Left Me Yesterday

My husband left me yesterday. A lot of things have been going on...but when it comes down to it, I believe we love one another. Right now though, I'm so scared and lost...and so extremely hurt. I feel numb and lost. My biggest problem is that we go to the same church. Someone please talk to me. :-(

Moderator - Why did he leave?

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 ---Kirsten on 5/16/07
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I urge you to read Psalm 62. The psalmist there goes from not being greatly moved in verse 2 to not being moved at all in verse 6. Keep your seat in the heavens and allow the Christ in you to express Himself in this situation. He is faithful.
---Linda on 3/23/08

Sally, you misconstrue my intent.

My mentioning my wife having access to emails meant another level of security for all.

Knowing that my wife could read the emails means that there is a far less of a chance of anything inappropriate happening, or appearing that way.
---John_T on 5/24/07

Life is full of 'ups and downs', I believe a person should try not to dwell on setbacks, but view them as new opportunities of better and happier times.
---evets on 5/19/07

Thanks Sally for coming forward with the full story on your position.
---jhonny on 5/19/07


Reread John T's, blog postings. He is stating for him to email Kirsten ie his wife viewing the emails. As stated that would appear inappropriate. Thank you for extending an invitation to Kirsten.
---Sally on 5/19/07

Sally: JohnT knows several women from Christianet that he could refer Kristen to for support and encouragement who have been through this dilemma. It is appropriate for him to discuss this matter in a private e-mail rather than the blog.

Kristen, if you would like to e-mail me privately, my Cnet name is Trish9375. I would be more than happy to correspond with you as you go through this time.
---Madison1101 on 5/19/07


Reread his post. It's not on this blog, but one on one via email. Kirsten will be better served seeing either her Pastor or an appropriate counselor.
---Sally on 5/18/07

Sally, why are you surprised?

Just because I skewer the cultists,it does not mean that I am not compassionate.

I was offering the PM to her in hopes that another, well-qualified woman could help better. Yes, I am aware of the danger involved, and I was counting on the relative animosity of the blog would help keep proper boundaries.

I've done it with another woman, and wife has full access to my emails. Keeps us all safe that way.
---John_T on 5/18/07

Goodness gracious, sakes alive, Sally -
John T. is not meeting this lady for a cup of Joe. Don't get legalistic on us, he offered a listening ear, on a blog site, neutral ground. Now you're assuming way too much.
---Observee on 5/18/07

Several of the bloggers here assume too much. It is an unknown as to why the husband left. Depending on why he left, will determine how to heal the marriage. See a Pastor or counselor to help. John T, I am very surprised you are seeking to talk in private with Kirsten versus pointing her toward appropriate help.
---Sally on 5/18/07

I will say a prayer for you and your husband. It doesn't matter what happened here, what matters is that this lady needs prayer from us. We dont need the details to pray for her, do we? In the end, there is really nothing anybody can do other than pray for her and her husband weather we know the details or not. Sure, we can tell her what she did was wrong or what her husband did was wrong and blah blah blah..but it doesn't matter.
---sue on 5/18/07

Hebs. 13-15... offer up the sacrifice of praise. It is harder to praise God in the bad times, but He will honor your praises. Praise brings His Presence in and that is what you need right now, His Presence to comfort and guide you. Let Him be your strenghth and guide.
---betty8468 on 5/17/07

If you love someone, set them free.
If they're meant to come back to you,
they will.
We used to say that in junior high.
When you marry, you don't spread your wings and fly away. Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home, your house is on fire, and you ain't got no kids.
---Butterfly on 5/17/07

My little sister used to say the Ladybug ditty exactly like that when she was 4 years old. She messed it up every time, it was funny. But it's not funny when you're 28 -35 years old. Did your husband find a girlfriend?
---Butterfly on 5/17/07

I agree John T. And if I may add, I find the lack of compassion and benevolence disturbing.
---jhonny on 5/17/07

Eli. Please read the scripture again. It is not condemnatory towards your action, nor am I.
---jhonny on 5/17/07

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Kirsten, I disagree with some of the advice here. How can you praise God when you are so broken, and so hurt? Something devastating just happened to you. You need comfort, you need a friend, you need to pour your heart out to a good friend and to God. I can be a good friend to you. My email address here is donna5634 but I do not get on line much. Email me and we can start from there, maybe we can talk on the phone. I'll be praying for you.
---donna5634 on 5/17/07

Kirsten, I am sorry, it must be painful for you, but if you love one another, there is hope for you both, It could be that he is just out spreading his wings, and soon he will fly back to you.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/17/07

*Can we be held responsible for another persons sins. you bet ya can.*

My life had mental/emotional problems & took off with some guy she met in a sanitarium leaving me with a 2 year old daughter & a 3 year old son.

I disavow any responsibility for her sins as most of her problems were there before the marriage.
---elj on 5/17/07

Part B) Both Rebeca and Chara are right. Time to praise God, seek support and counseling . While your feelings of loss , and mourning are normal , it is not a time to crumble under feelings of self pitty induced by responses of well meaning advisors . Stand firm, tall, and face the problem . For anyone here to respond with advice , clairification and information is needed as per moderator . These responses are from personal experiences because they do not really know what they are dealing with.
---jody on 5/17/07

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Alan, I agree with Mary, and will go further.
Male mod, your comment was not helpful.

The central issue NOW is Kirsten's feelings of abandonment and fear.

While the why is important, it is a later process

Kirsten, I urge you to go to your church pastors and experience the loving arms of Jesus through the servants in charge.

You want to talk to me? I am john7768, but it is far better to blog with a godly, non-condemning woman.
---John_T on 5/17/07

Hi Rebecca and Alan; maybe I was too hard on the moderator; I tend to think with my emotions and not my head at times. Much as I wish I were always more rational, my emotions usually take over--grrr! :( But you guys are right--maybe moderator wasn't being so mean. :)
---Mary on 5/17/07

Kristen, Some good thoughts noted here already. Going to your church leadership is a one of them - maybe even asking your husband to do the same. I applaud you not going into details in such a public forum - and not taking shots at your husband.

You need to surround yourself with godly women who can correct and encourage you with the word - women who won't judge, but won't coddle you either.

God is good... and he will be with you through this.
---daphn8897 on 5/17/07

Can we be held responsible for another persons sins. you bet ya can.
This scipture shows responsibility for the sin of two parties, one directly and one indirectly, and it may continue.
Mat 5:32 "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication(gk.porneia:-illicit sexual intercourse), causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
---jhonny on 5/16/07

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A man I respected left his wife. His sons prior, took him to a strip club. Boy, did I miss something, he said. Feeling somehow he didn't sow his wild oats, or he could have done better, or got more. All this available sexuality even in advertising, everywhere, is not good. A man should not leave his wife. Christ spoke openly against it. We reveal our mercy and forgiveness by which standard we will be judged. Jam 2:13 For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy;
---jhonny on 5/16/07

Hello, I know how you feel. I've gone thru the whole thing myself. If I can be of any support, please email me. It's been 10 years for me, I'm remarried, but the pain is still there. The children are the ones that suffer the most. How could an individual be so selfish to leave a lovely family, especially his children for someone else?
---Been_There on 5/16/07

kristen, I was married in wife left for another man in 1982.we got back together 3 years ago,she left 8 months ago for another man who was a high school boyfriend 50 years ago.numb?
---tom2 on 5/16/07

HI! I've gone through the same type thing and my husband and I divorced. We still go to the same church!! It was hard at first but the Lord thy God is who kept me through this storm. I couldn't do it without him. My husband's reasons for his leaving was adultery and wanting to chase unchristian dreams. Hold on and everything will work out for you.
---Quel on 5/16/07

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If you know you both still love each other, then I would go to your Pastor and get counciling. A Pastor said one time, it's not so much about changing the other person, as it is changing yourself. And I find that to be true.
---peg_hemphill on 5/16/07

Kirsten: why did he leave? What has been going on? By the way you addressed your question, it sounds like one of you cheated on the other. Mary, the Moderator just asked a question as to why her husband left. No one should give her a pity party until we know all the facts to the story. Which has holes in it.
---Rebecca_D on 5/16/07

You need to talk to God, if you are saved. I know it is easy for me to talk. But I have no other answer.
---catherine on 5/16/07

mary ... I am sure the Moderator did not mean to imply that her husband left Kirsten because of a fault on her part.
But perhaps he was not as careful as he should have been in the wording of his comment
---alan_of_UK on 5/16/07

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Time is a gift. Just like women are gifts to men and Jesus ia a gift to all mankind. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says to every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Count it all joy even when it seems so hard to. Now is the time to seek God like never before. I do not know why your husband left but glory to God give God the praises anyway. It will drive the devil crazy.
---chara7388 on 5/16/07

It is times like these when we need Christian fellowship most. You really need some support. Spend time talking with friends, family and/or clergy. If your husband calls and you are communicating, ask him about seeking professional christian marriage counseling. It could save your marriage. Remember that Jesus said "come to me all you who are heavy laiden and I will give you rest". Seek God through prayer, Bible reading and praise. This too will help. May God rest in you.
---jody on 5/16/07

I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand your pain, as my husband left me a little over 6 years ago.

I would encourage you to contact your pastor or the elders of your church for someone to intervene concerning his attending the church. He is in violation of God's rules concerning marriage and should not be free to attend church withtout someone talking to him first.
---Madison1101 on 5/16/07

I am soooo sorry Kirsten!! :( And the moderator should have showed more compassion in my humble opinion. You are in our prayers dear; keep writing; we'll keep talking. Bless you; Mary
---Mary on 5/16/07

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Kirsten, I am sorry this has taken place. I had the very same thing happen to me back in 1999 and I remember how scary it was. At the time this happened, I wasn't working and everything had to change for me just to support my children. However, the most important thing that took place was what the Holy Spirit spoke to me right after my husband told me he was leaving. That word brought peace and stillness to all the questions in my mind.
---Linda on 5/16/07

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