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Unhealthy Relationships

I think I might be in a unhealthy relationship, but am not sure. How do you know if you are in an unhealthy relationship or if that is just life?

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 ---Susie on 5/21/07
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Are you edified by the relationship or torn down? God is in the "body building" business. God is the God of all comfort and hope and there is no corrupt communication found within the boundaries of the life in Christ. If you are not at peace, then I would ask Father the reason for it.
---Linda on 1/26/08

Susie, let's look at it in a different way. The fact that you are asking the question is sign that something is not right. But to be more sure, ask yourself this - are you better with him or without him.

My husband and I are better together than either of us were apart. He makes me better, not just feel better, but inspires me to act better and live better. I do the same for him, not because I nag or badger him, but just because I am who I am, he wants to be better. That is how it should be.
---lorra8574 on 6/16/07

Susie, P2: The two are meant to become one flesh and the whole is truly greater than the sum of the parts.

My husband and I also share common values and religious experiences - we are both compatible in prayer and worship and both agree that a strong knowledge of the scriptures is valuable. His collection of Bibles matched my own - now we have a huge collection of Bibles.
---lorra8574 on 6/16/07

You know which relationship you are in. Anything that tears you down physically, mentally or spiritually is unhealthy and you need to move on. They are not the right one. If it is based solely on lies, deceit, immoral conduct and the world, it is not of God. If you laugh, sing, dance, are never angry, support and encourage each other to be the best person you can be, if is of God. So many times no one bothers asking God if the other is their soul mate. They look at the outward shell and not the heart.
---ashley on 6/16/07

Something totally healthy is impossible because, we are living in a unhealthy world. But in relationships, You do not wish to go nuts in order to keep a relationship. That is being a nut gone to seed.
---catherine on 6/16/07

1# Mary good call. I myself go to one of these Churches. I'm not sure if it is good or bad. What I do know is that previous Christians say the Crusaders had some exempallary qualities. Yet we question their motives for the Crusades. Though I imagine they would have massive criticisms of our way of life and acceptable ethical norms that are biblically grossly evil in the eys of God as well. My point is that there are many things that many good and bad traditions in our Churches nowadays.
---Marty on 6/15/07

The thinking pushing this trend is the fact that the Church became irrelavent; didn't minister to the needs of people. But like the Crusaders are we sacrificing one virtue for another; ministering to those in need but at the same instigating something foul in the process. For me it comes back to how to love people. There isn't really any handbook on to do this; the only true way to do this I believe is by becoming more Christ Like. Hopefully these attempts to honour God do not bring disgrace to Him.
---Marty on 6/15/07

I may be out of the mainstream here, but I have always questioned whether or not the concept of "unhealthy relationships" is a biblical one or a secular psychological one. More and more pop psychology is passing for gospel in a lot of churches and that is not a good thing. We are all sinners saved by grace, if we are Christians, and we live in a fallen world. I think something totally healthy would be impossible.
---maryj9396 on 6/15/07

Healthy is how your relating is with love fresh, sweet, gentle emotionally, no commotion but clarity with God. He will have you loving all your brothers and sisters in Christ...NOT getting possessed with some one friend or romantic favorite >

"'For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?'" (in Matthew 5:46)

A healthy companion will help improve you in enjoying God and caring for ALL other people.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/07

there are many unhealthy issues in a christian love,and giving are paramount.I have always endeavored to give more than I receive.but alas it han,t worked.I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWICE TO TAKERS sorry about the caps.
---tom2 on 5/27/07

It is not just life. Unhealthy relationships can make you unhealthy. There is one exception, if God puts you there for reasons only God knows. Believe this or not, He does do this. Let me warn you, make sure it is God, because, if it is, His grace will sustain you, And you really need that.
---catherine on 5/27/07

(1) Well, there are always problems in any relationship. You need to make sure YOU are doing what is healthy.

Healthy relating includes "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

Also, "Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14)

No matter how rottenly the other relates, YOU are never excused from relating in prayerful and sweet and sensitive submission to the Lord..."without complaining and disputing" ! ! !
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/26/07

(2) "And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15) This is Paul's healthy way of relating with ones who even love him less and less while he loves them more and more abundantly.

You are commanded to love the ones who are unhealthy > but do NOT let them degrade you > stay with how YOU are to relate, and do only what is healthy for you and others.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/26/07

If you have liposuction friends, you need to take a good hard look at what it is you are doing to attract the same kinds of people, over and over again. Same goes for unhealthy relationships, what is it about yourself that attracts them. It's not just life.
---Dottie on 5/24/07

I have a theory in life. If something is a hassle from the beginning, it will always be a hassle. When you see things going downhill fast, time to bail!!!!
---Susie#2 on 5/24/07

sometimes the replies here make me shudder to think they profess to love Jesus Christ. You are either for or against Him, no in between. anything that draws you away from the spirit of God is not of God, hence satans temptings. the spirit of truth is never wavering. It is peace from within. to say otherwise denies scripture. I could give them to you, but why bother, many ignor them anyways. search yourself to learn truth. that is the only way anyone will see truth is to read truth themselves.
---ashley on 5/24/07

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ashley said, "if you feel pressured to sin, have doubts, don't feel the presence of God in your life, it is false and get out while you can. end it immediately"
ashley, can you back up what you're saying with scripture? Because Jesus said you can "get out" of a marriage if the spouse committs adultery. You are giving very UNBIBLICAL advice. How can you blantently tell her "Get out" when you really don't know their hearts, neither Susie's or the person she's asking about.
---donna on 5/24/07

It is irrelevant, marriage, engagement or dating. two people support, uplift and edify each other, you feel at peace with God and continue growing, you know it is right. you respect each other, love grows and above all trust is established. if you feel pressured to sin, have doubts, don't feel the presence of God in your life, it is false and get out while you can. end it immediately. you know when you are with the right person but common sense tells you when you are doomed to failure with the wrong one.
---ashley on 5/23/07

What do you mean you think you might be but not sure? Either you are or your not? How is this person treating you? Fairly okay, sometimes okay but other times it is not okay? If it is like this, then break the relationship off. If this man isn't treating you like the way you deserve, then I wouldn't be with him.
---Rebecca_D on 5/22/07

Donna....I agree with you. We need to know a lot more about this situation before we can determine if this is unhealthy. I figure this was just someone using my name to post as she is mad that I confronted her on her own problems. I'm the "Susie" that has posted here for the last few years. I didn't post this one.
---Susie#2 on 5/22/07

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tom2, that was my ex too! That's why I asked Susie all those questions. Let's wait to see what kind of relationship she's talking about...friendship or marriage or engagement.
---donna on 5/22/07

If you are thinking it might be unhealthy, there's a pretty good chance it is. If it feels like this person is getting the best of your relationship and you are getting nothing, it is probably a really bad relationship. What is happening that makes it seem this way to you?
---Susie#2 on 5/21/07

boy donna you described my x perfectly.never could do enough for her.she just sucked the joy from everything.always unhappy,always taking and never giving,always complaining,and never satisfied.from year 3 to year 25.boy it was hard to endure.
---tom2 on 5/21/07

If you think it is unhealthy, it probably is. Healthy relationships are centered in Christ and spend time in the word, prayer and discussion. They are uplifting. They cause no reason for doubt. The individuals take pleasure in serving or making each other feel special/happy. They take no pleasure in discord. They are able to have some seperate interests which split them up ocasionally without feeling jealous of lonely. They compromise. Pls read Eph,5:21-33; 1 Cor 13. They are not unequally yoked.
---jody on 5/21/07

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Is the other person sucking the life out of you? Are they abusing you verbally or physically? Are they giving and caring or always taking and making you do things for them? Are you equally yoked? Are you feeling like they are more like your roommate more than your spouse? if it's your spouse you're speaking about. Is this a friendship you're speaking about? I have what's called liposuction friendships. Friendships that suck the life out of you. Can you give us more specifics?
---donna on 5/21/07

Susie, are you married or is this a dating 'relationship'? I don't see relationship and marriage as the same thing.
If you're not married, you can certainly bow out of a relationship. Where's there smoke, there's fire. So until we know, it's difficult to suggest anything else.
---Brad on 5/21/07

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