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Unsocial Mother-in-Law

What would you do if you ask time and time again if your mother-n-law would like to go somewhere with you and your children. but says no every time. But then a few days later go with her other daughter-n-law and children? To the same place as I asked. I spoken to her, but won't give a answer.

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 ---Rebecca_D on 5/23/07
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COntinue to love her and invite her out. If she chooses not to be with you that is her choice. If she doesn't like you, she doesn't like you the only thing you can do iw continue to love her and treat her with respect, love, kindness and in the Spirit. YOu shouldn't let it get to you. We love becasue of who we are, not becasue of how people treat us.
---RYan_Z on 11/3/08

Rebecca...The thought just came to me that perhaps your MIL is insecure in her relationship with the other DIL. By spending more time with her, maybe she thinks she is gaining the love from the other DIL that she has from you.
---Susie on 5/31/07

I love her dearly. And Lord above knows I will never try and hurt her in anyway. But when my kids come and ask me why she goes places with her other grandkids and not with them, it hurts me. So I had to say something to her. I don't expect her to go everytime. Just sometimes would be nice. The last time we went shopping together was right before Thanksgiving in 2004. I understand at times she doesn't want to go anywhere, we're all like that.
---Rebecca_D on 5/29/07

Rebecca...Maybe she is spending more time with the other DIL now since she knows she will be spending more time with you and your husband when she is old and not able to take care of herself. What's really weird is that she won't even give you an answer as to why she does these things. I'll be praying that the Lord will touch her heart to be more open with you.
---Susie on 5/29/07

I know that my mother-n-law loves us and her grandkids very much. There is no doubt. She and I share a deeper relationship on an emotional level that her daughter and daughter-n-law doesn't understand. She knows that when her and her husband gets up in age, that I and their son, will take care of them and not stick them in a nursing home. And she knows that we will be the only ones not fighting over their stuff. While the others are already starting to fight over who gets what when they die.
---Rebecca_D on 5/28/07

rebecca: this may or maynot help but I will try: My MIL and I had a tiff oneday and she later told me why she didnt like me: I had so much that she never had.. like: happy disposition, always get on with people, easily approaches strangers with ease,smiles always and has no fear of getting into the unknown like asking questions I shouldnt without fear hahah..I was shocked cos I didnt think I was that we get on like fire cos I assured her that she can have the same if she wanted.
---jana on 5/28/07

Honey you are in a very bad spot. It is good to get along with mom in law if possible. This is very bad for the kids, as well.It could cause untold problems and strain on your marriage as well. I hope hubby can handle his mommy and can see all sides of this issue. If not-you are in for a tough time with mom in law. May God be with you.
---Robyn on 5/27/07

Rebecca....Maybe your mother-in-law gets convicted when she is with you as she sees Jesus in you. If you like, you could email me. Susie6997
---Susie on 5/27/07

It may not necessarily be because she's not Christian, but rather hurt and has not discussed her position with you. If shes not interacting with the children it's real deep. Do the right thing and ask her whats wrong, you will only speculate and make decisions that are not necessarily right because you don't know whats bugging her.
---Carla5754 on 5/27/07

Be prepared for hearing something that you may not like, don't answer her straight away, it leaves the door open for a better response. M'inlaws will make their own minds up anyway and to allow her, her say she will consider what she said and wonder if she said the right thing. Argue and it will reinforce her position without question.
---Carla5754 on 5/27/07

Hi Rebecca; I don't know what advice I can offer but I do sympathize: my ex husband's mother was like an ice cube at times! Warm as a freezer to me, but really to most anyone; she had problems; just love your MIL the best God will help you to. :)
---Mary on 5/26/07

Forgiveness is the key. If we confront every member of our family with every thing that bothers us, soon enough, we're standing alone out in left field. When the chips are really down, they won't be there. Forgive your Mother-in-law. There's a time for bulldog tenacity, but not with M-in-laws.
---SearchnRescue on 5/24/07

I am a born again child of God. And have been for over 7 years. And at one point she was a Christian. Now, I don't know her heart, but her actins shows me that she is no longer a Christian. Her other daughter-n-law goes to church once a week, but cusses alot. Her other son, has been married to the same woman for 15 years. She used to go places with us, but within the past 4 years, it all stopped. My husband is cluesless, just as I am. I don't want to say anything now, because her mom is in the hospital.
---Rebecca_D on 5/24/07

I posted this once, and it didn't get up here, so I'm saying it again.

Rebecca, have you considered discussing with your husband just WHY your mother-in-law doesn't like you?
---Jack on 5/24/07

Is her other son on his second marriage or his wife on her second marriage?
---ralph7477 on 5/24/07

The more you push, the less she'll respond to you. Confront or question, she'll run the other direction. If you have rubbed her the wrong way, she's letting it reflect on your kids. Parents try not to have favorites, but some are better at hiding it than others. Here's an opportunity to be a witness in her life.
Forgive her for favoritism. When that happens, whatever she does will not affect you. When she sees that you're unmoved by her actions; she might stop punching the favoritism buttons.
---SearchnRescue on 5/24/07

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It seems your mother-in-law has some unspoken dislike about you, but doesn't want to mention it to avoid conflict. I suggest being direct with somebody who is being indirect with you. Go to her when both of you are alone and ask straight-forward what she has against you, then go from there. This kind of tension only gets worse if left unaddressed. Avoid sounding disrepectful at all costs, and try hard to see things from her perspective. If this helps you let me know.
---Anthony on 5/24/07

Rebecca...I had the same problem with my mother when my children were small. She favored one of my sons. She would buy seven sets of clothes for him on birthdays and only one set for other kids. There was nothing I could do without causing an argument. Unless your children are very disruptive and disobedient or you preach to her all the time, your mother-in-law is just showing favoritism which happens a lot with grandmothers. I have relatives who don't want to be around me since I married a preacher.
---Susie on 5/24/07

She is making it very obvious to you, there is something or someone she doesn't want to associate herself with. When you put it into Gods hands, pray over it, I trust God will answer you, Could this possibly be a way of God telling you, your time is up here now, and its time to move you to a new state or country even? I don't know but sometimes stuff like this happens when God is preparing someone to be brought to a new level, new place, new beginning somewhere else. hope this helps.
---Cynthia_1 on 5/24/07

Examples. About a month ago, my kids wanted ice-cream. And they asked Mamaw to go with us. She said no, she'd better stay home. That evening or the weekend, she went with her other daughter-n-law and her kids, to get ice-cream. Last Tuesday there was a Circus in town. My kids asked Mamaw&Papaw to go with us, they said no. Mamaw said she wanted to stay home. Before we got back, she left and got ice-cream with her other grandkids. My son asked why does she go with them and not with us. What do I do?
---Rebecca_D on 5/24/07

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Rebecca: My mom gets funny that way with my kids and my niece and nephew. She will decline my invitations and always go see my niece and nephew. Of course, all the kids are grown, but Mom did it this past Mother's Day.

My advice, love her anyway, and let her be quirky. Pray for her heart to be sensitive and keep loving her.

We can't change other people, only ourselves with God's Holy Spirit doing the hard work.
---Madison1101 on 5/24/07

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