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Seeing A Married Man

I been seeing a married man for about 3 months now. Him and his wife constantly argue and she just resently told him that she was cheating on him, he tells me he can't stand her, but there still together. I think I may love him but I don't know what to do. Help?

Moderator - Repeat of your sins and move on.

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 ---Erika on 5/30/07
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Bottom line - move on! Details - is the information you have something learned from her or him? I am of the opinion that he wants his "cake and icing" too. If he can't stand her, why is he still with her? Really doubt he wants to be with you even if he leaves her, after all, you are doing what he says his wife is doing. (Cheating.)
---wivv on 2/2/08


I'd just like to say that my husband's ex-wife cheated on him, thus the reason for their divorce. It was incredibly hurtful to him in ways that currently still affect our own marriage. Your boyfriend's wife is a person, with feelings. How would you feel if your husband cheated on you with someone else? Break this off immediately, and encourage your married boyfriend to go back to his wife, be faithful to her, and work things out. Repent of your adultery; it's not of God!
---Elizabeth on 6/16/07

Lorra, the point was that Jesus did not approach the woman with judgment in His fists, not that there would not be a judgment. Besides, that judgment begins with the house of God, not with the sinners.
---Linda on 6/16/07

The reason judgment begins with the house of God is because Christians are expected to behave like Christians. You can't expect an unbeliever void of the life of God to live like a Christian. They are at least true to their nature.
---Linda on 6/16/07

Linda, to your use of Christ's words to the adulteress, I would remind you of John 12:46-48. Jesus did not come into the world to judge it, but to save it. But that does not mean that there will not be a judgement day. There are those who keep His Word, and those who reject it - sin is a rejection of God's Word.
---lorra8574 on 6/15/07

The reasons for this type of relationship or the feelings involved are irrelevant, adultrey is sin and is never acceptable in God's eyes. It must stop.
---maryj9396 on 6/15/07

The focus may be the "literal marriage" but the problem is the "spiritual marriage". Adultery starts in the heart, not in the bed.
---Linda on 6/9/07

I strongly advice you to stop this relationship, it is anti Chrislike, and hurtful to the party involved. a christian must feel for each other and not hurt others feelings and emotions.
---Peter on 6/9/07

Linda; It's quite true that the "marriage" term is used for special relationship,God even "divorced" Israel! A term usually connected to marriage. I simply pointed out the difference between spiritual and literal marriage. The suject here is "literal" marriage!
---1st_cliff on 6/9/07

Seeing Married Men is Wrong Wrong Wrong and causes nothing but hurt. And If he cheats on his wife he will cheat on you too!
---Kimmi on 6/8/07

They that are joined to the Lord are one Spirit with Him.

Heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ.

Joined~~~one~~~a virgin betrothed to Christ~~~married to another, even Him who was raised

For some strange reason, God likes the word "married", "joined", and "joint-heirs". Espoused even. His Word is rich with the concept.
---Linda on 6/7/07

Linda; You are wrong,Christ never married nor will He. If you want to be a "lamb's"wife then you'll have to be a "ewe"! The fact that an animal(lamb) is mentioned indicates that it's obviously "figurative" and has nothing to do with "marriage" as we understand the term!
---1st_cliff on 6/7/07

Lets Keep it Real! He got you so he can bounce back in forth for the Koochy, and you are lonely hopin that he will leave his wife. Trust me, you wont want him later, ask the lord to send you a mate after you rededicate your self.
---JEB on 6/6/07

The way of a man may seem right but leads to distruction. The relationship problems between this husband and wife and its outcome have nothing to do with the fact that you are committing the sin of adultary. Even if he divorces his wife, you will still be in the sin of adultary no matter how you rationalize it in your mind. The heart of a person is wicked and can always decieve one in these matters because you lust after this man. He does not belong to you and never will. Repent and move on.
---jody on 6/5/07

What many seem to have missed is that the person who posted this question is not repentant and desires to continue in this adultery.
---Susie on 6/4/07

I'm sorry. Tom2 is right. Jesus' first words were, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." He was addressing the accusers, not the woman. What is interesting is that Jesus, who was the only one without sin among them, never cast a single stone. After addressing the accusers in such a manner, He never had to speak to them again.
---Linda on 6/4/07

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Susie, Jesus would say, "Go and sin no more" but that would not have been the first thing He said. Notice in John 8 that He doesn't speak one word throughout that whole thing until He addresses the woman with, "Where are your accusers?". He didn't answer to the accusation, He didn't speak to the accusers, He didn't revile in return. He just illustrated redemption and dealt with everybody on the platform.
---Linda on 6/4/07

Once the woman saw that her accusers were gone out and it was settled in her heart, Jesus said, "NEITHER do I condemn thee; go and sin no more." Though He did say, "Go and sin no more", He said first, "Neither do I condemn thee." Major redemptive truth there.
---Linda on 6/4/07

I see this kind of like the garden of Eden where the tree of life is in the midst (where they brought the woman to and where Jesus is also) and the accuser shows up and all of a sudden there is another tree in the midst (see Genesis 3:3) in full view of a woman. Both trees cannot be in the same place and only one remains in the revelation of Jesus Christ, the tree of life.
---Linda on 6/4/07

also remember what he said first?let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.theres alot of stone throwing in the church today.
---tom2 on 6/4/07

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Jesus would have told this woman to "Go and sin no more".
---Susie on 6/4/07

LOVE your posts here Linda!! :) You responded most like Jesus would, I think--loving without condoning. Good answers indeed.
---Mary on 6/3/07

1st Cliff: I suppose everybody telling her to stop the sin is helping a whole lot. We are to behold the Lamb, to set our minds on things above, to look unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. By the way, Christ did marry a people. That is why the mature church with all its individual members is called the Lamb's wife. Surely even you, with all your intelligence, know that the word "wife" denotes the existence of a husband.
---Linda on 6/2/07

Instead of causing her to focus more on her sin by telling her to stop it, I encouraged her to look at Jesus. He is the only Savior from her sin and is more interested in her and loves her more than anybody on this blog. He is also her righteousness. And you helped her how? This is a distraction and distraction is an enemy of God's people. What to do? Re-focus.
---Linda on 6/2/07

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Start the day by bowing your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ and then giving Him every thought. That is not sanctimonious drivel. By the way, I do understand what she is going through. Been there...and the counsel to me by the Holy Ghost was the same.
---Linda on 6/2/07

Lord, who shall abide in Thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in Thy holy hill?....He that backbiteth not with his tongue,...nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor....In whose eyes a vile person is contemned, but he honoureth them that fear the Lord. Psalm 15:1,3,4. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. Proverbs 3:7.
---Wayne87 on 6/2/07

"You have heard that it was said, 'You SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY' Mat.5:27

"Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality....just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God "Gal. 5:19-21
---Rosana on 6/1/07

Many years ago while married to a man I dearly loved, I became the "wife" that you talked about. My "then" husband and his "lady" tried so very hard to make me the reason they committed adultery. That hurt more than I can tell you. My 2 young daughters were victims of adultery too.If you only could know the pain that you are causing innocent people.
---Annie on 6/1/07

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Linda; "Take a good look at the Man who already married you,His name is Christ Jesus"? What kind of nonsensical statement is that? Erika is talking about a real life situation and you give her sanctimony? Jesus is not married now nor will He ever be. The "Marriage of the Lamb" is totally figurative! With all your getting, get understanding!
---1st_cliff on 6/1/07

God never takes away His love for you. This happened to me. I realize the other woman didn't love herself as God does. When one does not love oneself, one cannot see where one deserves better than someone else's cheating husband. I pity her not realizing God's love. God has a mate looking/waiting for us w/real love as 1 Corinthians 13. When God brings a mate to your face it's not something you have to "think" about. You know it. Satan will convince you that lust is all you need.
---Kathy3336 on 6/1/07

I agree with the sentiments of Ashley, Betty, Annie and some others - why would a serious person even make a post like this? The Bible says that in the last days, people will even boast about their level decadence. But make no mistake about it - you will reap what you sow!
---Rooney on 6/1/07

Is this post really worth being responded to? The Bible makes a very interesting observation in Proverbs 26: 4-5: If you answer a silly question, you are just as silly as the person who asked it. Give a silly answer to a silly question, and the one who asked it will realize that he's not as smart as he thinks. But anyway, everyone are entitled to their opinions.
---Jane on 6/1/07

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I can offer no compassion for someone who is seeing a married man. That is sheer stupidity and moreso a sin against God and man. Get out of that and repent now.
---betty8468 on 5/31/07

I remember the day when a woman who was "seeing" a married man was looked down upon the same as a prostitute. It is no different. You are sinning against God! Why would you think you love a man who can't even be true to his wife?
---Susie on 5/31/07

many wonder why non-christians ignor them. Why? I cannot hear you speaking, your actions are too loud. Jesus said, avoid the very appearance of evil. He told Mary, go and sin no more. Except a man repents, he can in no wise enter the kingdom of God. did Jesus say those things so everyone can ignor them, or did he say them so we could return to live with him in His kingdom. He said: If ye love me keep my commandments. The last time I looked, thou shalt not commit adultery was one of them.
---ashley on 5/31/07

Why would you even make this post? Are you seeking approval for your behavior? You need to leave the wife's behavior out of it.
---Annie on 5/31/07

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Take a good look at the Man who already married you. His name is the Lord Jesus Christ. That should be the married man you are seeing.
---Linda on 5/31/07

Count the cost. The cost and consequences are too high!! You will lose so much more than he ever will. Ask God to help you see this man clearly. To love God more than you love your own desires, and discover where your relationship with God needs strengthening. Women look to unaccessible men because something is broken within us. Seek God for deliverance, because the consequences are far reaching. God loves you enough to get you out of this without too much scarring.
---Miriam on 5/31/07

I'm pretty sure he meant to say "Repent of your sins". Nothing can come of this but grief, for you, the man, and his wife. Guard your heart, and let God guide your life.
---Chris on 5/31/07

Whether or not his wife is cheating on him, you only have his word on it. But you know for a fact that he is an adulterer. Even if he did divorce his wife, you will know in your heart that you will never be enough for him and you will only compound your own sin of adultery by making it a permanent condition should you marry him.

You must decide this moment, do you love Christ OR do you love this man? You cannot have both, it is one or the other - Heaven or Hell!!!
---lorra8574 on 5/30/07

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You know what to do.
---lynet on 5/31/07

Even if you put morality aside for a sec, the guy is betraying his wife and you are an accessory to his treason.

You are committing a serious mistake and destroying a family.
---Caring on 5/30/07

You are falling for the oldest story in the book!! He said she told him she was cheating on him? Why don't you go and ask her for yourself? And in the meantime she could also fill you in on what kind of a guy he is. Get out of this mess while you still can and repent. This is a married man you are messing with. You have no business doing anything with him. He is not yours and you are in sin and may be an aid to his marriage break up.
---john on 5/30/07

What part of hell do you want? I agree with Mod...repent of your sins and run the other way from this guy.
---Ralph on 5/30/07

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The Bible states "Flee fornication" Adultry is not only a sin against God, but your own body. God says "Be ye holy for I am holy" A MAN THAT CHEATS WITH YOU WILL CHEAT ON YOU! You can not let the sins of others justify your evil actions. "Make no provisions for the flesh". "Walk in the spirit and you will not fullfill the lusts of the flesh" God has much to say about this situation. Get into the word and obey what it says. That is your only legitimate recourse.
---Tsuanne on 5/30/07

Just because they are having problems in their marriage, doesn't mean he can run into the arms of another woman. that is a big mistake. there still together because he wants his cake and eat it to. If he cheats on his wife, more than likely he'll cheat on you if together. I'd drop him faster than a speeding bullet. You can do better. There are more fish in the sea and alot are not attached.
---Rebecca_D on 5/30/07

What part of "Thou shalt not commit adultery" don't you understand? Repent and move on. Don't call him, don't write to him, don't see him again. To do so would be to continue in sin.
---Madison1101 on 5/30/07

GET OUT of this sinful relationship NOW!
Don't even consider 'love', this sounds like plain old lust. REPENT (not REPEAT as Mod's answer misspells!) then RUN!
---NVBarbara on 5/30/07

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you do know what to do. GET OUT,no wonder they argue,maybe she cheats because he does? not that 2 wrongs make a right they don't.if he leaves her for you how long before history repeats itself? and he has an affair because he hates you?more important thoiugh GOD hatyes sexual immorality and adultery is in that category
---doree4573 on 5/30/07

You are causing him to betray his wife, thus you betray him too, and you betray yourself.
---alan_of_UK on 5/30/07

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