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Husband Argues With Me

Should I get a divorce? My husband gives me little affection. He tells me everyday he loves me , but all he does is argue with me over silly things and hurts my feelings all the time. He doesn't want a divorce. What to do?

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 ---donna8489 on 6/20/07
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If he loved himself and respected you, he would at least take care of his own body. I personally could not live in that situation unless I had a lot of energy. Are you prepared to be lonely for a long time? I feel very sorry for you and will think of and pray for you this week.
---frances008 on 11/2/08

My spouse refuses to attend church or take leadership role in the home. He drinks beer and smokes everyday. He barely will bathe and keep himself clean. Looks to me to feed,dress and bathe him. Otherwise he will lay around in nasty,smelly clothes and eat very little.His teeth has fallen out because he refuses to go to the dentist. He does not take regualr check-ups.He has lost his virilty now and is very unaffectionate towards me. But he does say he loves me everyday.Is pretty civil to me. Is like a mother hen towards me. Worrying constantly about me. Even when I am at work. He is very generous towards me with money. Not selfish at all. Should I go on?Should I divorce?
---Mildred on 11/1/08

(Eph 5:22 -33)as a christian Jesus is the prince of Peace. you should know your obligation as husband and wife in line with the bible then pray for each other no one is perfect but when you don't fulfill your purpose then abuse will be the order of the day. Love is giving, caring, bearing and overseeing mistakes,it starts by planting that seed you will reap it e.g Jesus said when a brother hits on one cheek give him the other meaning if he wrongs you do the opposite i.e do good it works.(Rom 13:10)
---flore5374 on 10/23/08

Takes 2 to argue!
---sue on 7/18/07

I know that it may be hard to argue over some things, i know it hurts a lot. But, also remember, In the Bible it says not to divorce! Try and talk things through with him. Maybe even try counseing at your local church. They can help! Pray to God and let him take care of it all. Give him all your pain and sorrow!!! Bless You!
---Alyson on 6/27/07

Mary, give modern day practical examples of how a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church. To most women, it means that the husband should do and say whatever she wants. Most women would not be happy with a truly Christ-like man, even though you say otherwise. Jesus was self-sacrificing and a led by serving. Yet, it was always His way or no way, wasn't it? He told it like it was and if you didn't like it, too bad. Today, women call that "emotional abuse".
---ralph7477 on 6/26/07

You are more blessed. I had a husband who never bothered to argue with me. I believe, he does love you but there is something in his character that needs a little "repair". You could help him mend it. It just takes a little more patience from you...
---Ana on 6/26/07

Hi; good point actually, Ralph. It is true, nowadays, most women don't want to be a wife; however, so many men don't want to be a godly husband. They just want their own way all the time; if they loved like Jesus Christ, I guarantee women would be tripping over themselves to be with them. :)
---Mary on 6/25/07

Mary, if you knew me you would realize how accurate your statment actually is. The fact is that there are miles of women who want to be married to a man. Of those, only a handful desire to be a wife to a husband.
---ralph7477 on 6/24/07

Ralph: Oh dear :*( You're going to stay single? :*( Don't you know there's a line of us a mile long competing for the chance to marry you? :D :D LOL! Just a little onry humor--we need some humor on this one bad! :)
---Mary on 6/23/07

We can obey our hate or we can obey God. Being disrespected or hurt by others does not grant us license to disobey God. As long as we will not obey God, then we are not being led of the Spirit.

Rom 8:14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

Gal 5:18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
---a_servant on 6/23/07

I have trouble understanding why a wife who considers her husband a "little boy" would even want affection from the man she disrespects as a man.

Maybe the arguing is his (wrong) way of asserting his manhood. Maybe he hurts your feelings as revenge for hurting his. After all, most men would be hurt if the wife they need & seek respect from, considers then less than a man.

Responding as a boy would be fitting since you think him to be one anyway.
---a_servant on 6/23/07

Donna I would pray and pray. If you leave your husband for any reason but adultery you can't remarry.
---Matthew on 6/23/07

Donna, thank you for your post. Sometimes I sit at night and think that maybe it would be nice to be married again, to be truly loved by a woman. Then I read posts like yours and others, and I quickly remember all the reasons why I intend to stay single.
---ralph7477 on 6/23/07

Hi a servant; sorry, but I still hate chauvenism in men. Not biblical leadership, but chauvenism. Ever notice women were the most loyal to Jesus during His time on earth? He respected them, quite unlike the "godly" males of that day--and so many today.
---Mary on 6/22/07

Hi again; just something I'd like to make you "godly" domineering and chauvenistic men to think about: how many women have you unknowingly hurt and caused them to leave a church body because of blatant sexism? Trust me, you can hurt a woman beyond words with chauvenism in the church. You can make her feel God likes you better because just by your attitudes. Trust me, godly and domineering are NOT the same, gentlemen.
---Mary on 6/22/07

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"Most men are little boys in a man's body."
"soooo chauvenistic"

Rom 14:4 Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth.
:10 But why dost thou judge thy brother?
:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more

1 Cor 11:3 .. the head of the woman is the man

And then we wonder why the church is so ineffective.
---a_servant on 6/22/07

donna, it's like Dr. Phil says, the reason why your husband does these things is because he can. Why do you argue back? Why not walk away or give him the silent treatment? He doesn't want a divorce because he enjoys what he's doing to you. This is why I have a problem with men marrying but not being husband material when they marry. Most men are little boys in a man's body. They need healing and deliverance at the hand of Our Lord Jesus Christ. I will be praying for you.
---donna on 6/22/07

Hi Mary. Ephesians, chapter 5 clarifies what is meant by "submit"
and it definitely is not as the fellers have indicated with fervent
---Nana on 6/22/07

And people wonder why Jack is not married!!!
---Susie on 6/21/07

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Hi Nana, I agree with you--"submit" is often given to a woman as the answer to every problem! :/ And Jack, you have a valid point about asking the husband's point of view. I will admit. But I still think you and John both are soooo chauvenistic!
---Mary on 6/21/07

Respectfully flore 5373 ''.....When you don't fulfill your purpose then abuse will be the order of the day....'' Where in the bible does it say that?
God bless carlaX
---Carla5754 on 6/21/07

Do you spend too much time together? Do you have any hobbies or interests of your own? Or maybe you should actually have some fun together. Lighten up a little bit.
---sue on 6/21/07

Better still John ''until I see fault''
---Carla5754 on 6/21/07

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Sounds like insecurity & he may not have been taught how to give affection.

A faithful wife has a lot of influence with God. Pray for your husband & ask God to show you what to pray for regarding your husband.

Gal 5:20 ..variance, emulations, wrath, strife

God may have you pray against demonic spirits. They want to rob your peace & hurt your feelings & divide the oneness that you are to have with your husband.
---a_servant on 6/21/07

My husband always asks my opinion on things we are going to do. He will say, "Where do you want to eat?" When I tell him where I want to eat, he will always say, "You want to eat there? Wouldn't you rather eat (where he wants to eat)?" I don't know why he bothers asking me in the first place. He does this with everyone, not just me. He always wants his own way.
---Karen on 6/21/07

It sounds like that you are trying to find an excuse so you can divorce your husband. Maybe your husband likes to joke and you wear your heart/feelings on your sleeve and anything and everything he says, hurts your feelings. I agree that some can take joking too far. But really why do you want a divorce? There must be another reason, another person in your life perhaps?
---Rebecca_D on 6/21/07

Hi Donna, at last I checked my bible on the topic, neither lack of affection nor petty arguments, were acceptable grounds for divorce.

What do you do? Your husband doesn't want a divorce and you have no acceptable reason to divorce, so stay married. Work, work and then work some more on finding a solution together. Study marriage in the bible, together. Pray for guidance and seek out the advice of other happily married people who can encourage you.
---AlwaysOn on 6/21/07

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Why do you argue so much with your husband over silly things, Donna?

Just what do you think the word "submit" means, anyway?

According to the Bible YOU are the one who is argumentative, not he.
---Jack on 6/21/07

**Wow, John; good to know that you know the Word regarding submission; do you know anything about husbands loving their wives and not treating them badly?! They're in there also; I suggest you look.**

Mary, don't you think the fair thing would be to hear things from the husband's side before you make up your mind and judge him?

Donna is one of many women on these blogs who complains that her husband doesn't do things her way.
---Jack on 6/21/07

Robyn. With your phylosophy there would be no one married for long as there is no man or woman that can possibly meet all the needs of any spouse.Marriage vows don't say "until you quit meeting my needs," they say "until death do us part, for better or for worse." People who intend pulling out of a marriage should examine the vows before they say them. Otherewise, stick with your word, it's as good as you are yourself.
---john on 6/21/07

Sure it takes two to argue. Arguing should be for discovery
and for decision making as to the best course of action of
any given issue. Where there is no love between couples
arguing gives way to bickering. How do we reach agreement
in an issue between two people is just as is presented in
Matthew 18:15_20.
---Nana on 6/21/07

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I find unfair , to say the least, to tell a woman
to "submit" to your husband and leave it at that. What I find
rightful requires something in return for the wife's submission.
Colossians 3:18: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." Do look up what it means
" it is fit IN the Lord". Of the husband it is required what
follows in Colossians 3:19: "Husbands, love your wives, and
be not bitter against them."
---Nana on 6/21/07

As for verbal abuse, it could in the end be worse than some
physical abuse. Counseling is good advice and also to seek
an older sister in the faith most definitely.
---Nana on 6/21/07

Wow, John; good to know that you know the Word regarding submission; do you know anything about husbands loving their wives and not treating them badly?! They're in there also; I suggest you look.
---Mary on 6/20/07

You can see the extremes one might choose from the replies. I prefer Walker's so far. Have you tried to make changes he asks for? Have you both sat down, prayed to God for guidance and talked the situation through. Write each of your thoughts down. Ask him to write yours and you write his. Compare them and seek equality in each other. Read the last proverb. Read 1Tim.ch2-3, 1Cor.11,1-16. And of course Gen.2:20-25. Pray for God's order in your family as we all should.
---mikefl on 6/20/07

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Submit youir will to your husbands as the scripture commands and most of these so-called these problems will go away. The husband is the head of the hushold, and has complete dominion. Your own selfish will is the real problem.
---John on 6/20/07

If he's unwilling to go for Christian counsel, take him to the doctor.
It sounds like rapid cycling bipolar behavior which is often missed or called depression.
The verbal abuse wears you down. It numbs your emotions until you no longer feel anything. If he's not Christian and you are, you're not supposed to leave except for adultery. The Bible doesn't say you can leave for verbal abuse.
Physical abuse is another matter. I don't believe children and wives should be beaten to a pulp.
---Davis on 6/20/07

Honey you need no one to tell you what to do in a situation like this. You do not have to stay anywhere your needs are not being met and you are not happy. You can separate from someone you are not getting along with. If you don't, things are going to get worse and worse. He may not want a divorce, but I would not keep staying in a hurtful situation, of this nature. Its not about what he wants. He has to consider your needs as well.
---Robyn on 6/20/07

Dear Sister in Christ, Read 1 Peter 3:1 through 3:6. That my wife ever saw the person I am now amazes me, but she kept praying, and continued to 'show me' that she was a Christian woman, by the way she acted. My hardness turned to tenderness, and my attentiveness increased to the point that I can't even imagine being without my wife at my side. Also: See Matthew 18:22. We'll keep you both in prayer. God Bless,Caminando con Dios
---Walker on 6/20/07

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I honestly don't see anything in what you shared that is biblicl grounds for divorce. Are you both Christians? You need to keep Christ as the center of your marriage and be in prayer for His wisdom and strength.
---maryj9396 on 6/20/07

The only thing wrong with your marriage is that you both haven't yet learned how to get along with eachother. It takes two to argue so don't blame him for that either. Divorce is only going to add to the sin and is not God's will. Find help to learn how to treat eachother with respect.
---john on 6/20/07

Obey scripture. Find an older christian woman with whom you can develop a discipleship relationship and pray about your marriage with her. Learn about what the Bible says about marriage and divorce. Attend women's Bible studies to find out how other wives deal wtih this probelm.
---madison1101 on 6/20/07

Should you get a divorce?

Well, it says, "Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14) So, should you get real enough and strong enough in love so he can't tempt you into arguing?

And it says, "And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" (1 Peter 3:13) So, should we get right with God in His love which keeps us from being hurt by Satanic people?
---Bill_bila5659 on 6/20/07

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Paul's example of how to love >

"And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15)

So, do I need to get committed to following the love example of Christ and Paul? Does marriage excuse us from loving the way Jesus says to love? Sounds like you are in a situation where you can learn to love like this.
---Bill_bila5659 on 6/20/07

Join the club. I've talked to my husband about his lack of affection with no change. He mentions daily how much he appreciates that I can do all the things I do for him and his family. He constantly jokes and teases. He doesn't like the way I wear my hair or dress. I pray a lot. But, it gets old when you do everything for someone and get treated like you are their personal servant. Pray for me and I will pray for you.
---Karen on 6/20/07

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