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I Cheated On My Wife

I cheated on my wife of ten years, though the internet, never went though with intercorse, but contact females. My wife left me and said she never wants to live me again. I miss her so much, the phone calls, the time togeather. What do I do to move on without her. I messed up and want her back.

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 ---Dudley on 6/21/07
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No problem Susie. I have blonde moments and I am a brunette, at least by birth :)
---maryj9396 on 6/25/07

jerseygirl, there may not be a specific scripture that says to forgive yourself, but we are told over and over again to forgive everyone else so why not ourselves as well?
---maryj9396 on 6/25/07

2-continue. I have many female friends all over the world that call for advice or just to talk. When they call, they speak to my wife too and there is a deep love between all of us. Problems occur, when you lie and say you are single when you are married. Many women are jealous though and that is the main problem. They attack their spouse through their own insecurity. My wife and I have seen many ladies that want more than friendship and we delete them together.
---ashley on 6/24/07

Sorry Dudley, I sympathize with you. But to me, although what you did is wrong, its relatively minor in the wider scheme and purpose of marriage. It amazes us here in Africa how couples in your country divorce over such minor issues! People vow to remain one until death does them apart only to break up over small issues. A couple who cant forgive 77x7 times is not ready for marriage God's way. For me even if my wife produced a child out of wedlock, provided she repents, I would look at the wide picture.
---The_African on 6/25/07

Men love playing games online. My wife and I have met many sweet, kind ladies online over the years that contact me and we have adopted five of them as our own daughters. many ladies are hurt by inconsiderate jerks (MEN) who love playing with emotions. There is a difference between making friends online and having affairs with them. Honesty is the best policy so no one gets hurt. My best friend is online in the U.S. My wife knows about her and she supports the help I give her. Trust is the key.
---ashley on 6/24/07

Would someone happen to have the Scripture that says we should forgive ourselves?
You hear that alot, I don't know of a Scripture that says we should forgive ourselves. Love your neighbor/computer dating friend, as yourself is not the same thing.
It is a catch phrasey type of thing, "you need to forgive yourself."
---JerseyGirl on 6/24/07

So Dudley, I'll bet you are sorry that you asked. People can be cold. The Bible says to confess your faults to one another that you may be healed. You have done that in a big way. The repercussions of your actions have caused you such pain and you cannot undo what has past. Your only option is to seek God for resolution and comfort. The lesson is learned but only God knows the future. You must love Him with all of your soul, heart, and mind. He will lift you up.
---jody on 6/24/07

I'll be honest. I've been on the giving end and receiving end. Neither is fun. Was glad I caught 2nd husband! Sorry it was my best friend. lol ... If you want her back, tell her. Show her. Pray and talk to Christian counselor. Ask God's forgiveness first. It may not work out. We have to suffer the consequences of our "messes". I hope things work out for you.
---Nellah on 6/24/07

You have to forgive yourself for violating her trust in you. You must forgive her for not wanting to work it out. The past can't be changed so you must look to the future. Ask God for strength and guidance. When painful memories surface pray blessings for her and yourself. Get involved with being a blessing to others. Do activities that bring you delight. Surround yourself with people that have positive outlook and is encouraging.
---Gilbert on 6/24/07

mary...You are so right. I had a blond moment. I read it as "cheated on my wife for ten years". He didn't say how long he has been carrying on these online affairs.
---Susie on 6/23/07

Apparently,none on this board, has made this mistake, since most all are very judgemental, if they offer not mercy, then it will not come when they need it.As for me, i would reccomend fasting.It is showing God that you desire to see him move, more than you desire the things you are willing to give up.He is able to move on her heart for forgivness, if it is possible for her.Stay away from women, show yourself clean, tell her that you are willing to do what ever she asks, then leave the rest up to God.
---Gayla on 6/23/07

I am sorry Susie, maybe I read it wrong. It said it was his wife of ten years, not that he cheated for ten years. I don't know. We are all entitled to our opinions and I do respect that.
---maryj9396 on 6/23/07

Susie, patting pet sins on head, there, there now, is enabling. Some would rather enable than deal with the hard, cold reality that sin is death. If you can't stand the heat, it's time to get out of the kitchen. To restore a Christian is different than pulling someone out of the pit.
---JerseyGirl on 6/23/07

Dud, I make no promises about restoring your marriage.
You need Jesus Christ. If you knew Him once as a little child, it's time you repented and renewed your heart. It's time for you to crawl out of the pigpen and renew your tastebuds, Dud.
---JerseyGirl on 6/23/07

Mary...This was not a one-time affair. This was a ten-year affair with many women online. This man says nothing about repenting before God. He only talks about how much he misses her phone calls and their time together. Experience has taught me that a person (not just a man) who has a long-term affair of ten years, is likely to continue deceiving after being caught. It becomes a "catch me if you can" mentality.
---Susie on 6/22/07

I agree with you, Susie.
He's still the same person without Jesus Christ.
He wants what he wants, his wife back after he pulled the rug out from underneath her. Apparently, she's not missing him quite so much. Must have been some filthy communication on those screens. Gag.
I know a man who pulled this same stunt.
When cybertrash was making it on the scene 10 years ago, he began writing women at work.
He spent his working hours wasting taxpayers dollars contacting women.
---JerseyGirl on 6/22/07

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susie, with all due respect it is kind of harsh to assume that he would cheat again, that doesn't always happen. People can and do repent and learn from their mistakes.
---maryj9396 on 6/22/07

This same man went on a 'trip'. He parked his truck on a hillside, it wasn't quite in gear. It rolled back over him and killed him. He wasn't even 40.
God knows what he was doing before that fateful trip and so do I.
My sympathy for you is zero. I know today, and I mean today, you better get on your kness and repent. Tomorrow may not come.
---JerseyGirl on 6/22/07

Want her back for what? So you can cheat on her again? Would you want a woman back who cheated on you? Think about it!!!!
---Susie on 6/22/07

Thank you for comments to help me see that Dudley's wife can be in a lot of even-dizzying pain, now.

So, you do not need to be just so concerned only about what YOU are feeling and what YOU want.

I myself have had my OWN tendency, when I have messed up, to just want to get MYSELF off the hook. Prayer with honesty about this is a MIRACLE > God bless you to become honest about this.
---Bill_bila5659 on 6/22/07

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I don't know if you can communicate with your wife. If you can, tell her how you feel and that you will go for counselling. Tell her you will not have a computer and set high standards of conduct around females. Tell her that she is the only one you really want. Give her time, she is hurt very much. Tell her you will wait for her as long as it takes. Pray a lot and be patient.
---john on 6/22/07

You may need to give your wife some time to think and heal and pray through this situation if it is fairly recent. She must be really reeling right now. I agree with what others have shared that counseling would be a good idea.
---maryj9396 on 6/21/07

Oh, boy!

I believe she is thinking about this. She may or may NOT get to missing you enough to give you another chance.

But if you want to have love with her, I'd say you need to change big-time; you can't keep on being how you are, with your ability to do what you did. You owe this to yourself, ANYWAY, whatever she does. Prayer for you, with compassion.
---Bill_bila5659 on 6/21/07

First I would seek some good christian counselling for yourself. Then invite your wife to counselling with you. Maybe you should get rid of your computer?
---Roberta on 6/21/07

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First I would seek some good christian counselling for yourself. Then invite your wife to counselling with you. Maybe you should get rid of your computer?
---Roberta on 6/21/07

Your first concern should be to become born again. Read the Third Chapter of John. It will tell you (in Christ's words) what born again is. That will be the only step you can take to go in the right direction.
---Susie on 6/21/07

Studley, Dudley...
Has she divorced you, yet?

If she doesn't want you back, you'll have to move on. Trust is a precious commodity, so few realise that. Evidently, you were describing with details what you wanted to do, that was enough to turn your wife's stomach. You need professional help.
---Garth on 6/21/07

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