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Divorced Over An Affair

My husband had an affair but I forgave him. A few years later we divorced because I wasn't mature enough to handle the trust issue. But because I forgave him and then divorced him where does that put me in God's eye?

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 ---catherine on 6/25/07
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Catherine...In God's eyes you are forgiven for any sin when you asked HIS forgiveness. That's what HIS WORD says. Find a good church that is on fire for the Lord. That will help you get through this time. God will always be there for you even when people aren't.
---Susie on 6/29/07

Catherine: I can empathize with your situation. My wife had two affairs on me and I openly forgave her both times. Did I get angry, NO. Jesus said: forgive others and he will forgive me when I do something wrong. Now 8 years later, we are very happily married. I know what I did wrong to make her do what she did through communication. I show her how much I love and trust her. She returns that love and trust to me. Sometimes people blame others, when we should be looking inside ourselves first.
---ashley on 6/29/07

Ok Catherine: There are Christians and non Christians at this site. So don't be surprised by what you hear. Everyone has differing opinions.Even Christians differ. Also. You never said if you were a Christian or your spouse. It is still up to you to seek the truth according to God's Word(the bible) Christians don't always have the correct answers, either. Pray and ask the Lord to open your undertanding and help you to make righteous choice about your situation. That's your responsibility, in the end.
---Robyn on 6/28/07

*I thought all christians on a christian web site who give advice would be Christian-like.*

Not everyone here is a Christian, Catherine. This site is open to the public and therefore it is open to many who believe in false doctrines and many who profess to know God but in their works deny Him.
---Matthew on 6/28/07

I thank those of you who have shown me compassion and understanding. For the most part, i can actually feel the spirit in your replies. Unfortuately, I thought all christians on a christian web site who give advice would be Christian-like. There are so many people that have such wonderful advice backed up by scripture, but in the same sense there is drama and that disappoints me. FYI:I did ask for my ex-husbands forgiveness years ago and he gave it.
---Catherine on 6/28/07

Susie, what earthly good would that do, they would only copy the number too.
---catherine on 6/28/07

In a confused mess, I'm very sorry to say. Speaking without credentials as it were (I am not a licensed Counselor or Therapist), you and your husband should have gotten weekly counseling sessions after you forgave him for his affair and stayed together. A good Christian therapist could have allowed you to express your anger at your husband in a controlled setting, while getting him to open up about not meeting your needs emotionally and spiritually. When will the states' ever abandon no-fault divorces?
---harold on 6/27/07

Hi Catherine !!! Welcome to the wonderful world of being a part of Gods Kingdom !!!!I am a new comer to this board, but, i say, welcome and be blessed !!! It is Gods will that we not sin, but, if we do, we have an advocate with the Father,and that is Jesus Christ the righteous!!! Great good news.... When you are set free, you no longer want to sin, When you came to Jesus, your slate was wiped clean....Go, and sin no more.... Peace..Shalom....
---Gayla on 6/27/07

Catherine, this may help.

Dating and Marriage Quiz

24. When two nonbelievers divorce and one becomes a Christian, the Christian may never remarry.

The correct answer is False.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
---Matthew on 6/27/07

Catherine....You could add some numbers or something after your name so we will know you are not the same as the other Catherine. For instance, Catherine#2.
---Susie on 6/27/07

See how judgmental everyone can become.

The one and only original catherine was not asked to leave church/college. She left on her own, for whatever her personal reasons may be, that is none of our business.
It's really best not to reveal too many personal details about your life, they are used for target practice later, when the judges come out with their fiery darts.
---Neosporin on 6/27/07

**2)i am not the same catherine who was asked to leave college.3)Jack, I may have misunderstood your analogy but your comment sounded judgemental.**

I was referring to the same catherine who said that God told her to leave Bible college and stop going to church.

If it sounded judgemental, I was merely holding up a mirror to her words, so who was really being judgemental but the catherine in question?
---Jack on 6/27/07

I'm sure that Jack assumed that you were the Catherine that I asked about. It happens all the time on these blogs because people use the same names.
---Susie on 6/27/07

I just came to this thread. So, thanks for your clarification. My opinion is that because you weren't saved at the time, you are not bound. I would, however, suggest you examine your heart - to be sure no root of bitterness exists concerning it, and that you have truly forgiven/released your ex-husband.

Where this puts you in God's eye? You are his precious daughter and he loves you with an everlasting love. Dive deep into him - he never leaves or forsakes us.
---daphn8897 on 6/27/07

Divorce was permitted because of hardness of hearts - Mt 19:8, but it is not what God wants.

Forgive = no penalty. I owe you $1000 & you forgive the debt, I am free from repaying you.

But you still penalized your husband. Seems that you lied (unintentionally). That would be sin. Probably need to seek forgiveness from Jesus & your ex, which may be the reason the Spirit is bringing it up in your heart.
---a_servant on 6/27/07

You had grounds for divorce, adultery.
You were not a Christian at the time, but even if you were, you would still be free.

Are you wanting to remarry this man?
---Brad on 6/27/07

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Catherine ... Jack can be forgiven for his comment because he thought you were the original Catherine.
Perhaps you could adopt a slightly different name her e ot distinguish yourself from other Catherines?
---alan_of_UK on 6/27/07

Mary 9396. it was not only the affair that is true, but it was the biggest wedge between us. being from a scrict catholic household, i knew that there is no divorce regardless of affairs, drugs, violence. (violence is not one of the reasons). so that is why i need some insight from other christians
---catherine on 6/27/07

Regardless of when you turned Christian,your husband committed adultry. The Bible teaches your release from the bonds of marriage in cases of adultry, period. Forgiveness is a mute point. Actually,with the fact that you were not Christian, the marriage was not even ordained by God in the first place but even if it were, you would not be bound regardless of your attempt to make the marriage work. You would be safe in the eyes of God to remarry do to his adultry.
---jody on 6/27/07

1) I did not make myself clear and i apologize for that. But at the time of divorce, i was not a christian 2)i am not the same catherine who was asked to leave college.3)Jack, I may have misunderstood your analogy but your comment sounded judgemental. As a new christian I came on this site for guidance and help. I asked because i felt it important to me to have a mature christian's perspective. To the rest of you thank you for your replies. i read and research all comments and this helps me a great deal
---catherine on 6/27/07

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Billie * adultery is cause to separate ...a true Christian would not commit adultery*

Billie, do you claim to be more Christian than King David, the man after God's heart who not only committed adultery but also killed the husband of the woman he had committed adultery with? People who divorce because of a single case of adultery are simply spiritually weak. Patience and the ability to forgive is the fundamental attribute of spiritually maturity.
---Jane on 6/27/07

It would be hard to trust again after such a betrayal, but to blame the divorce on that alone is not the answer. Did he do things to try and earn back your trust and show he was being faithful? I do not believe you are condemned in God's eyes for this.
---maryj9396 on 6/26/07

Trusting someone has nothing to do with forgiving them. God gave you a brain which hopefully equips you with discernment. If somebody is not trustworthy, it is stupid to blindly trust them. The notion that people will live up to your expectations of them has no basis in reality.
---ralph7477 on 6/26/07

I think if you are a christian then you should be with a christian and no everyone is not perfect, but adultry is cause to seperate. The bible does say that. A true christian would not commit adultry and I believe that.
---Billie on 6/26/07

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It is high time Christians learnt that divorce is not the solution to marital unfaithfulness. Forgiveness, prayer and patience are. If your next husband also gets involved in an affair and the one after that, how many times will you divorce? Some Christians are divorcing every month citing marital unfaithfulness! We need to grow up spiritually and realize that there are no perfect people in this world, but the power of God can change any person.
---Jane on 6/26/07

Forgiving your husband but not granting him full trust is not forgiving at all. Remember that when God forgave us of our sins, He also gave us back full trust. On the other hand, the trust issue may not be the real cause of your divorce. Search your heart more deeply and you would know where you stand in God's eyes...
---Ana on 6/26/07

Is this the same Catherine who was told by God to drop out of Bible College and not attend church?
---Susie on 6/25/07

What he did gave you the right to divorce but that doesn't mean it's what God wanted. You forgave him but didn't trust him. He's the one who committed the sin. Not trusting him after what he did is not a sin and doesn't put you in the bad books with God. You are free from the bonds of that marriage. Go on with your life and be blessed with a close relationship with the Lord.
---john on 6/25/07

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Why are you asking us?

Seems you've told us how you were called to preach and you've stood in the courtyard of your apartment and told everyone their sins and how you even preach to your walls.
---Jack on 6/25/07

The bible says that we are free to leave if our spouse cheats on us. So, no worries God will provide you someone who will not cheat on you.
---charlene on 6/25/07

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