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Husband Comes Home Dirty

My hubby works in construction so he frequently comes home dirty. I try to keep a clean house so I have him walk through the back, and change in the mudroom before he can come inside. His mom says this is disrespectful to him especially since he is the sole breadwinner.

Moderator - Unless you speak in a disrespectful way, it's just plain old common sense not to destroy one's home.

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 ---kimberly on 6/27/07
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IF your husband himself really feels disrespected . . . I would say this needs to be taken care of, and is a much more important concern for your attention.

But if you two have an understanding, and he appreciates you caring for the house, and therefore he's glad to prepare to enter into such a nicer place than his dirty workplace . . .

Your relationship together decides > IF the mother is just meddling, she has no say about how you two relate.
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/29/08

Madison, Thank you for your concern. Although I haven't been spending the time I used to I still have a love in my heart for you and the rest of the true "Forum Family."
I have slacked back in visiting CN due to the false cults taking over. Most blogs have become a haven of confusion. Do you remember when we used to answer and discuss questions?
That appears to be slack any more.
Pray for us and CN. God bless you I love you.
---Elder on 7/12/07

Elder: Where have you been? I have missed your wisdom on CNet.
---Madison1101 on 7/10/07

Kimberly, it appears to me that your husband respects you and your hard labor in keeping your home clean. I suggest that you forget all the "suggestions" to have him enjoy mud through out the house.
This man sounds wise enough to know what hard work is and his respect for you shows .
Forget the MIL and her foolishness. She has lost her baby to another woman. It is your duty to take care of him. It sounds like you are and he is satisfied.
---Elder on 7/10/07

Kimberly. If the conflict continues, do try the shower curtain solution.
---Ranch_Dip on 7/10/07

Thanks for your helpful comments. I've really never asked my husband how he feels.He's one of those guys who seems ok with most things, but then you never know. I will have a talk with him. Just to clarify, I'm not some shrew who is seeking control, but I'm not a doormat either. I respect my husband and his authority, but I also work hard to keep the house clean so we can both be comfortable. Thanks again :)
---kimberly on 7/9/07

I agree with perplexed. I have seen this before. It happens more than you think. Many secrets will only separate a married couple more. They both have to be totally honest with each other and they both must learn their place in the marriage according to God's requirements. Pray for them. It will do wonders! Someone prayed for me, and that prayer was answered.
---Simon on 7/7/07

Ranch dip, You are assuming, and assuming is the purest form of ignorance. Perplexed just made a comparison of their experiences. I think I hear chip calling you.
---Karen on 7/7/07

That's good, you shouldn't say anything.
Who are you to this couple, keeps many secrets, do you happen to be one of the secrets? I sure hope not.
How do you know all of the inside dope about their marriage? I do hope you are a MinLaw or someone similar, perplexed.
---Ranch_Dip on 7/6/07

What the moderator said is correct, but I have to tell you, I know a Christian couple and he is a house painter and his wife does the same thing, makes him change in the mud room. She has a job as a nurse. I can tell you that she runs his life in other areas. She's the boss and he is not. If she says jump, he jumps. You can tell she intimidates him. Because of this, he keeps many secrets from her. Shame. I don't want to interfere. I feel it's not my place, so I say nothing.
---perplexed on 7/5/07

Hi RanchDip; I LOVE your answers! :D You're a funny guy (or gal); love stuff like what you wrote! :D Have a nice day and God bless. :)
---Mary on 7/5/07

Ralph, If your "style" is to be sarcastic, I guess you're right. I've found that sarcasm is rarely helpful and is, more often than not, veiled hostility. Hence, my reading your responses to and concerning women as bitter.

You are right though - the church today is filled with foolish people following the culture rather than the Word. That's probably one of the reasons I'm still single. I'd rather be alone than settle.
---daphn8897 on 7/5/07

Did anyone else notice that Kimberly has never said how her husband feels about this?
---Susie on 7/5/07

I agree, Ralph. The MinL needs to stop being a Buttinski. Why not try Elder's suggestion, load him up in your vehicle with a shower curtain over the seat, let him wallow around in a mud puddle first - head on over to Ma's house. Hi Ma. Look Ma - no clean hands. Can I sit on your couch, Ma?
---Ranch_Dip on 7/5/07

On second thought, cover both seats with shower curtains. Kimberly, you wallow around in the mud with your husband.
Both show up with only the whites of your eyes showing. Hi Ma. Whats ya got in the fridge, do you mind if I check it out, we're a tad hungry.
---Ranch_Dip on 7/5/07

Sue, as I stated in my very first post on this subject, if the husband has no problem following his wife's directions, and they are both satisfied with the current setup, they don't really need to do anything differently. I'm sure the mother-in-law has opinions on many other things but this couple will do their own thing and hopefully they will have a long and happy marriage.
---ralph7477 on 7/5/07

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So Ralph, what should this couple do? Should the wife wait at the door everyday and when her husband comes home follow him around with a broom, dust pan and mop? This is such a simple thing to solve: take off your dirty boots when your in the mud room! Jeez. The MIL should go home.
---sue on 7/4/07

Marriage is a partnership and his mother is not in it. You two need to live your own lives DO NOT Allow interference. The best way to handle her is to smile and not answer.
---blue8838 on 7/4/07

To the judges, judging answers/experiences of others, and make a diagnosis, prognostication...throw in some tongue lashings, admonishments and all of the other spiritual phrases used; to all the prophets using name-calling and other junky church performance exploits/ the show you're putting on for us - do you believe the blogs are the Church?
---July_4th on 7/4/07

Daphne, we both have a fairly long history on these blogs, so I say the following with the utmost respect...You have no idea what you are talking about. You are dead wrong on all accounts. I am more free now than I ever was. Forgiveness, or lack thereof has never been an issue. Bitter? Why would I be bitter that I am no longer bound to a lifetime of dealing daily with my ex-wife's behaviour and the related stress and high blood pressure. Some days I want to thank her. Continued...
---ralph7477 on 7/4/07

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Daphne, I write the things I do because my eyes have been opened to the sad state of what marriage has become in the church. My experiences aside, I observe it all around me and on the blogs. Attitudes completely at odds with biblical perspective. I know how children are needlessly hurt, and how husbands AND WIVES are so often bound to a lifetime of grief and misery which could so easily be reversed if a spouse would only adhere to biblical guidelines. It's my style that bugs you. Join the club.
---ralph7477 on 7/4/07

Hehehehe! Oh dear Elder, you are one of my all-time favorite bloggers! :D You bring such a needed dose of humor; God bless you! :)
---Mary on 7/3/07

Has any one noticed that the only ones disturbed about the relationship of this husband and wife and their "living conditions" are those on the outside?
Those people are the MIL and a bunch of CN writers.
Even my ancestors were not allowed to drag a buffalo into the Teepee and they got along just fine? So, let's go scalp those who are causing the troubles.
---Elder on 7/3/07

Ralph, Not scolding... just pointing out what you've already revealed. You are bitter - bitter about a wife who cheated on and left you. You have not forgiven her - and are still held captive by that unforgiveness. She was wrong and sinned against you terribly. Don't allow her sin to continue to taint your life. Jesus forgave you... when you didn't deserve it... I challenge you to do the same - and, then you'll truly be free.
---daphn8897 on 7/3/07

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Ralph, What I see is a dear brother, who was terribly sinned against... but who really hasn't moved on from it. Most of the time when I see you post a response to a marriage issue, you react negatively to the woman's perspective. It is a pattern - which reveals unresolved issues. Not trying to be pesty, but I guess if you have an open wound, anything touching it irritates.
---daphn8897 on 7/3/07

Ralph...If it makes you feel better I will tell you about my day. I painted the bathroom and sat down on my living room sofa in my paint clothes to rest. My theory is that everything is washable. This attitude comes from raising three sons. It is more important that people be comfortable in my home than that they not mess it up.
---Susie on 7/2/07

Gee Daphne, after that scolding you gave me, I feel like Kimberly's husband might feel if she catches him entering the house straight from work. This isn't the first time you have described me as bitter. Frankly, I have nothing to be bitter about. On the contrary, I can walk right into my house with my shoes and work clothes on and nobody gives me any grief, anymore that is. My manager quit, thought she could get a better deal with another company. Somehow my company runs smoother without a manager.
---ralph7477 on 7/2/07

Ralph, You didn't "tell it like it is." What you did is react rather than respond - and yes, the tone of it was sarcastic. It's too bad you're still allowing bitterness to color your view of things. You've got so much to offer, but bitterness taints what could've been good counsel.
---daphn8897 on 7/2/07

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Daphne, there was no sarcasm in what I wrote. If the question was submitted word for word as we see it, then I simply told it like it is.
---ralph7477 on 6/29/07

kimberly...Have you ever asked your husband what he thought about this? What would you do if he didn't go through this ritual?
---Susie on 6/28/07

Ralph, Why be sarcastic rather than offering a helpful suggestion?

Not all women are trying to usurp their husband's position in the home. Even corporation owners follow their manager's safety rules when visiting the floor... especially in industrial/manufacturing. They've given the manager a task, and honor the process the manager came to.

A housewife/homemaker is the manager of the home... and the husband is wise if he takes care to honor how she takes care of his "company".
---daphn8897 on 6/28/07

Toyin!!!! :( You're just lucky I'm not your wife--and vice-versa! I can't believe someone actually got to me even more than Ralph! But you sure did! You can quote Scripture all you want, but I sure don't see Jesus in you with that chauvenistic attitude!
---Mary on 6/28/07

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I agree, Elder. The prob is the MiL.
She's stirring trouble. Her house is probably a wreck (maybe), and she doesn't want her little boy being picked on. She needs to clean up her own backyard, (mind), and Quit Tracking Her Muddy Shoes Across Her DiL's Carpet.
---Trisha on 6/28/07

There's a good chance this husband might not be able to speak up even if this bothered him. I wonder if the wife has ever asked him if this is what he wants to do. Maybe the MIL is repeating what the husband has said to her.
---Susie on 6/28/07

As long as it's done respectfully. Seems to me that he would want to help you keep the house clean by coming in the mudroom that's what it's there for.
---Franc4938 on 6/28/07

The Bible made it clear that "The husband is the head of the house and wives should submit to their authority. No matter how dirty the man is he is still the head and owner of the house not that alone but the heaad of the home and also ur head. there is a way to approach the issue choose the right word at the right time to address the issue.
---toyin4845 on 6/28/07

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As long as your husband doesn't mind having you as his new mom and if he doesn't mind being told under what circumstances he's allowed to come into your house, everything should work out fine.
---ralph7477 on 6/28/07

I agree with moderator, it's just common sense to want to keep your house from getting all the construction site dirt all over it. Does your hubby feel disrespected in any way? If so, then ask him what he wants to do, after all he's paying for the house, if the stuff isn't taken care of he's the one who will have to buy new stuff.
---sue on 6/27/07

If your husband has no problem with this arrangement than that is all that matters. I don't see it as disrespectful.
---maryj9396 on 6/27/07

To those who take issue with this couples relationship in the matter of keeping the home clean;
If he was to walk into a strangers house he would not think of tracking dirt/mud in their home. Why should he show any less respect for his own wife and home?
I didn't see where his wife said he had issue with removing his dirty clothes before entering the main part of the house.
It is his mother that needs a nose grinding. It is getting into other peoples business.
---Elder on 6/27/07

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I agree with the moderator, and what is a mud room used for, unless it is for what you are using it for, and that to remove most of the dirt before entering. I would imagine that this is fine with the husband, as he surely loves his wife, and wants to help her in any way he can, and this surely is a small sacrifice to pay, and a very reasonable one, at that. Keep up the good work.... Be Blessed, In Jesus!!!!
---Gayla on 6/27/07

Complete agreement with the Moderator's comment. That's what mudrooms are for - dirty clothes. If the house does not have a mudroom, then the primary caretaker of the inside of the house has to train both the kids and the working person to use the garage or the porch as a staging area for removal of shoes, boots, gloves, and outerwear. It is a smart husband who's mother trained him to leave the dirt outside where it belongs, but not all wives are so fortunate to have a pre-trained man. Teach respect!
---harold on 6/27/07

I am one of five kids and grew up on a dairy farm. My poor Mother never did sufficiently demand help from my domineering, but hard-working Father, in helping to keep the cow smell out in the barn, and so, we kids thought nothing of wearing our dirty clothes and shoes into the house either. When I was married and had my own place, I had animals too. But, I had learned a few things about housework and cleanliness, and I took the lead by removing my dirty clothes downstairs. It just made sense to me.
---harold on 6/27/07

I LOVE Elder's answer! :D Good one!
---Mary on 6/27/07

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My husband retired from construction after working for 40 years. We always had a front door that he came in. He had enough sense to take his muddy boots off before he came into the house. He always went right to the shower to clean up. It never occurred to me to make him go in the back door and change his clothes there. My house remained clean all those years without making my husband feel like it was not his house.
---Susie on 6/27/07

This reminds me of those people who insist that you take your shoes off before you go in their homes. We figure that they consider their floors more important than company.
---Susie on 6/27/07

Pay no mind to her comment. She isn't part of your marriage, and is overstepping her boundaries in your relationship. It's between you and your husband what door he comes in, and why.
---Katie on 6/27/07

Be thankful he's coming home.
Install an outside shower stall with a solar heated water supply. He can shower off outside and then come in.
---Sidney on 6/27/07

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Being a housewife, with children is a full time job. I told my husband whom is a Policeman that I work just as hard as he does, if not more. He didn't believe me. Well when I had my kidney removed last year, I couldn't do nothing for at least 5weeks. He had to tend to the children, cook, clean, wash clothes. Everything that I did. At the end of the day he asked me, How on God's green earth do you do what you do? I looked at him and smiled.
---Rebecca_D on 6/27/07

You are not being disrespectful by wanting your home to stay clean. Your husband respects your wishes, or he wouldn't change in the mudroom. If he didn't respect you, he would disregard what you say and walk through the house mud and all. Don't worry about what his mom says, she isn't the one whom has to clean your house. You can tell her that if she wants to come to your house everyday to clean, then her son can walk through the house mud and all.
---Rebecca_D on 6/27/07

What does HE say?
You must not appear house=proud, but it really does make sense to come in the way where he will not leave a mess everywhere.
Perhaps his mum would come daily to clear up the mess he makes by tramping mud over the best carpets?
---alan_of_UK on 6/27/07

You speak of what your mother says but what does you Husband say? Sounds like he changes in the "mud room" so he must not mind it. If he is paying for the home, it only makes sence that he would want to keep it nice too. He probably does not want to cause it to be a pig pin any more than you want it to turn into one. If you are not treating him like he is not special, there is no reason why there should not be protocal for keeping the house nice.
---jody on 6/27/07

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Your MiL is trying to cause problems, and she's probably jealous of you. Why change a winning game if it's working out for you.
You clean, he works, and the house stays clean, and it makes your job easier. Some MiL's like to stir up trouble. I have some inlaws like that. One recently left my house after a two week visit. The mother is a terror and her teenage daughter didn't lift a finger while they were at my house. I couldn't wave fast enough as I saw them leave the driveway.
---Trisha on 6/27/07

I would be respectful to his mom, but unless you are treating him like he must obey your law, and he is complaining that he feels disrespected, I would remember that your job is to serve the needs of your husband, not your husband's mother.

Est 1:22..every man should bear rule in his own house..

Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

She has no rule in your house & you are not subject to her, but respect her.
---a_servant on 6/27/07

Just thank God you have a husband Mine died of a massis heatache .
---Betty on 6/27/07

I totally agree with Bill. If this isn't, nor has ever been, an issue with your husband, then the mother needs to find a hobby. Could it just possibly be that he so appreciates your keeping the house that he respects you for it by entering through the mudroom?
---Linda on 6/27/07

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I would suggest asking him directly. He may have said something to her. If it ends up he has no issue with the process you've established, then ask him to address his mom. I agree with Elder, the apron strings need to be severed.
---daphn8897 on 6/27/07

A clean house isn't more important than the people that live there. If his shoes are dirty ,yes,take them off in the mud room,but you should understand that your hard working husband deserves a shower before he puts on clean clothes. Why is your house more important than the man who pays for it? Taking care of a home and overly protecting it are two different things. Homes are for people not people for homes.
---Darlene_1 on 6/27/07

I would plan a visit to her house with him directly from his job on the muddiest day you can connect with. Take him into the living room and ask Mom where should he sit so he can feel respected.
It is time for Mom to let go of her "baby" and she needs to be politely told so.
Your husband is to cleave to you not her.
Her problem is not where he changes his clothes but that you are the "other" woman in her little boys life. Tread lightly but smartly. Win her over.
---Elder on 6/27/07

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