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What Is A Submissive Wife

How submissive should a wife be to her husband? Where does she draw the line? For example, he makes decisions that don't seem to come from God but for self-gratification. Or, he makes decisions claiming they are from God, but appear to be foolish.

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 ---Sherry on 6/29/07
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The wife's subjection unto her husband is a type and shadow of the church's subjection unto the Lord.
If you want your wife to be in subjection unto you love her and be in subjection unto the Lord.
If you truly love your wife as Christ loves the church you won't make ungodly demands and then she shouldn't have any problem with being in subjection to a godly husband.
A man that doesn't rule his house in love and obedience to the word as scripture commands and a wife doesn't live in subjection to a godly husband as scripture commands are double minded with their lives not bearing witness to Christ and his church.
Our lives in the natural bear witness to what we believe in spiritual matters for a second witness to our faith.
---Frank on 10/20/10

Does this mean Christian husbands can make Christian wives play dress up and then they have to do whatever the man wants?

I had no idea you folks were into that sort of thing?

Leather, whips, spanking? How far does this go?
---atheist on 10/20/10

Mary, I agree with you that men should love more like Christ. When I say men, I mean all mankind (women too). The real problem with all people is that we do not love like we should. The greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart soul and mind. The second is like it, love others as yourself. We are imperfect and fail on both accounts. Sometimes sacrifical love from a husband will not be what the woman wants to hear or see. I'm not saying it happens very much but there is enough blame to go around. Men don't love like Christ and women will not submit to any authority. This is the plight and definition of the battle of the sexes which began in the garden.
---Scott on 10/20/10

Oh my word! I feel sorry for super, super-subservient women, it's not the right idea.
---Mary on 10/20/10

Don't question. He is man. I am woman. I am unto him. I walk where he walks. I sleep where he sleeps. I eat what he eats. This has been the way. This is the way.
---MJ on 10/19/10

Submission to one's spouse simply means to honor and respect him as the head of the household,relationship and so forth. If he is incapable of doing this, wives do not have to submit to anything. She should be able to call his attention to his errors, when needed. Without him becoming angry and threatening. As some men become. He should respect and honor his wife in return. Both have been ordained by God to be helpers one to another. But of course, most people(man and wife) gets it wrong. So here comes the divorce train, in many cases. The Love Chapter (I Corinthians ch 13) speaks of the ideal marriage. Most people have a long mile to go, to get to that point. Therefore we will continue to see many divorces and separations.
---Robyn on 10/14/10

Here's a novel idea: how about if men stop demanding submission and simply "love as Christ loved the church"? Imagine the happy marriages--and gladly submitting wives--that would occur as a result!
---Mary on 10/13/10

if the husband tries to make his wife do something that is against God, the wife can refuse. but as far as the other, the wife needs to submit to her husband as God instructs her to do. because there are consequences when a wife wants to do things HER WAY. believe me, i know. i was very stupid and did not do what God instructed of me and now i am having to work very hard to reconcile with my husband and to let God work ,though the waiting is hard and i have faith. i now respect what my husband says and i submit. like i should have done before.
---patty on 10/13/10

Sabbra ... "a wife has to be submissive to the point where she is physically in danger"

That raises interesting points.

It means a wife has to collaborate in crime & immorality.

We've had here wives who have joined in with their husband in sexual perversion, and kidnap and abuse of children ... and abuse even of their own children.

and others who have given false alibis to murdering husbands.
---alan8566_of_uk on 8/23/09

Submission to the husband should be for all things that are not contrary to God's word and instructions.
---Adetunji on 8/22/09

I think a wife has to be submissive to the point where she is physically in danger. A wife should not be submissive out of fear that her husband will hurt her, but out of love, of her husband and God.

your post talks out both sides submisseve to point of physical danger but not out of fear her husband will hurt her?

submissive is what True Christians do with Christ ...we are submissive to obey HIM

a True Christian husband is OBEYING Christ and through husband a wife also obeys

someone must lead

submissive is NOT about CONTROLLING another ...Christ NEVER controlled anyone or FORCED anyone to believe
---Rhonda on 8/21/09

I think a wife has to be submissive to the point where she is physically in danger. A wife should not be submissive out of fear that her husband will hurt her, but out of love, of her husband and God.
---Sabbara on 8/21/09

I do believe a woman should be submissive to her husband. That doesnt mean letting him control u it means loose some arguments. Learn what meakness is.The man is the head of his household and will b held accountable for the ways he leads his family. If u dont agree with him but its not against the word of God pray. God can get him better then u can and touch his heart.You will be blessed when u take self out the picture and put God in it. Work the word u have not cuz u ask not.B blessed woman and pray.
---taneka on 8/20/09

Glenn: I actually partially agree with you, only for one, I don't believe someone has to be the "boss" in marriage--the head but NOT the boss. And you're right--God can indeed use women who act like Esther rather than Vashti but I also respect Vashti: she didn't let her husband humiliate her in front of a bunch of drunken men.
---Mary on 7/9/09

In marriage, someone is always the boss. Properly, it is God, husband, wife, children, Ephesians 5:21, 1Peter 1:14.
If you do this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, and he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, this resolves the situation. It is impossible to let disobedience rule in your relationship with your husband, without affecting your obedience to Jesus, but if your husband is asking you to do something immoral, Acts 4:19 and 5:29 allow you to say no.
p.s. God finds a women more useful if she acts like Esther, and not Vashti.
---Glenn on 7/8/09

mima is correct! EVERY SINGLE WORD IN THE BIBLE IS INSPIRED BY GOD. What believers must do that the wicked man can not do is study scriptures, understand scriptures. Even I may say things that for some could be difficult to grasp. As far as being submissive to one's husband. The scriptures whom God gave through Paul should be taken in light with other scriptures. Never, ever, forget this. Less confusion and less arguing.
---catherine on 7/5/09

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Sherry, what kind of lies does he tell you? About income(less than what he earns or greater than what he earns? OR about his whereabout(in B when he says A)? OR does he makes you promises he will not keep? or what?
---Adetunji on 7/5/09

This statement by James is outrageous!!!
---mima on 7/5/09

God did not instruct women to submit to their husbands. It was the apostle Paul in his letters. That related to a specific culture at that time. The fact that men have used this as a benchmark for all relationships in marriage is misguided and ignorant. Surely letters written by a single man cannot be deemed as the "words of Christ". A healthy marriage consists of 2 people, equal in respect for each other, and equal in decision making. When one of them becomes dominant, it's unbalanced. Only weak men want to dominate, and even weaker men use the Bible to justify it.
---James on 7/4/09

God did not mean submission as a man lording over a woman and exercising complete control in a childish manner. The man is to Love the woman as Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church and never made foolish decisions and inflicted them on anyone. He nurtured and loved people. He placed himself in the form of a servant. In 1Pet3:1-7, we see that the man is to give honor to the wife. This is not about bossing a woman around as some childish individuals percieve it. Pray and study together.
---jody on 10/15/08

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Master: You are so funny!
---sue on 8/21/07

Maser Michael: "the discilpline of the wife is at the mans discrecion. just as the child is spanked, so is the wife."
WHOA!!! Hold on a minute! I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with you! I'm no feminist, but I'm not a doormat either! If my husband loves and cares for me, he won't see the need to "spank" or discipline because he will have already earned my love and respect. I will not let any man hit me, regardless if he's my husband or not. No woman should ever be hit!
---Katie on 8/20/07

listen to wisdom,
the discilpline of the wife is at the mans discrecion. just as the child is spanked, so is the wife. The feminists want it stopped because they want their say. the fact is that spanking is as necessary for the wife as it is for the children. It teaches limits,obedience,and deters divorce.
---master_michael on 8/20/07

Pam, what do you mean by "she should be punished" if a woman questions or doesn't serve her husband? You make it sound like a woman can't have her own mind, that all she's here for is to serve her husband. To me, marriage is about being equal, making decisions together, having opinions, respecting each other. Not the wife serving the husband at all times and losing her own identity. If any man expects that of me, I'm gone, sorry, not worth losing myself.
---Katie on 8/13/07

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A woman should be at her husbands feet at all times. He should have the final word. A woman should serve her husband and not question him or she should be punished. The line is drawn at illegal activities.
---Pam on 8/12/07

Remember your first and foremost commitment is to God and all your life must be shaped according to the Word of God.Yes wives submit to husbands,but the verse above that says submit to one another,your husband shouldn't ask you to do anything contrary to God's Word/Bible. If he does, God's people are never suspose to submit to Satans ways no matter who tries to get them to. Draw the line at sinning,you know whats right to God. Be Holy as Christ is Holy.
---Darlene_1 on 7/19/07

Could it be that your wife isn't a "born-again"Christian? Could it be, that if she is, she doesn't study the Word, or is determined to do as she pleases. You say "she has children". Some women are overly sensitive about step-dads disciplining their children. There may be issues from her past. I'd suggest a lot of prayer and some counseling from a good Christian Counselor.
---Pat on 7/19/07

.amber, you still are posting falsehood, the man and woman are not made for each other, for the man was never made for the woman. "For the man is not from the woman, but the woman from the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man." I Corinthians 11:8,9.
---Eloy on 7/19/07

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.amber, God can save a woman as he saves a man, but they are in no way made equal. The woman is the weaker vessel, the man is the head of the woman. I know many women want to be men, but they are not, neither ever can be, some try and even have surgery to alter how God has made them, but this is all in vain. A man is a man, and a woman is a woman, each made to have their place according to God's plan. If you wrongly think they are equal, just walk into the opposite restroom facility to releave yourself.
---Eloy on 7/19/07

.emcee, God dwells in my soul, you look in the mirror as you speak to me.
---Eloy on 7/19/07

I cant talk to my wife because of her mind set it's all most like only what she says go's and nothing else shes has three children and when i try to bring order and disaplin i am under mind so i dont know what to do i am so frustrated and it dose not help my health i have trid every thing i am at my wits end
---Vernon on 7/19/07

And may i add that a husband cannot truly love and a wife cannot truly love unless they know Christ. Unless they are in love completely with Him and He is number One in thier lives. When they are completely submitted to Him and honor Him above all things and seek His face then their marriage is in order and there is blessing.
---Amber on 7/19/07

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Man and woman were made for the LORD and for eachother. They are equal in partnership and with the LORD--when they are submitted to HIM. IT is beautiful and holy.
---Amber on 7/19/07

You know at times both partys can be wrong i here and understand all points of veiw here but my wif makes decisison with out talking to me and it has cost us greatly she wants me to not have an oppinion about anything just say yes and shut up i am dsiable i have had three heart attacks and two strokes and i am a diabetic and have high blood pressure
---Vernon on 7/19/07

amber,"Wives submit yourselves up to your own husbands, as up to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. So as the church is subject up to Christ, so the wives to their own husbands in every thing." Eph.5:22-24. If you love your husband as the church loves Christ, then you will follow suit and also lay your life down for your lover. Otherwise you have no love, and he will reject you. Please Read- Luke 18:26-35
---Eloy on 7/19/07

amber, "Likewise, you all wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord." I Peter 3:1,6. So your words are not true. Wives are Commanded to obey their husbands as their head, even as the church obeys Christ as the head. And to go against this order of God is rebellion and sin from the wife.
---Eloy on 7/19/07

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.amber, According to the truth, God's word, and the Holy Bible, the husband most certainly is made to be the head of the wife, that is God's way. So you can lie and refute this all you desire, but it does not change the truth. God made man after his own shape, and then he also created a woman from man's rib in order to be the man's helpermate and to bear him company. Please read the Holy Bible, and see that the man is the head of the woman, and not as you wrongly say to twist this the other way around.
---Eloy on 7/19/07

Christ layed His life down for His Bride (the church). Husbands are to love their wife as Christ loves His church. I honor submitance as a woman--what i am saying is that a woman cannot submit to a man if he not love her as Christ loves the church (as the head of His body). Or she would be vulnerable of abuse from her husband.
---AmberG on 7/18/07

A husband is not meant to lord over his wife.
That is not his place. The LORD only is LORD.
---Amber_G on 7/18/07

Wow! Honestly, I need to take some pepto-bismol before reading some of these posts--including Eloy's for sure! :( Shame on you.
---Mary on 7/18/07

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Eloy:: Jesus Christ lay down His life for those He loved was he a DOOR MAT or do you make Him one & you claimed communion with him ----right?Search your soul.
---Emcee on 7/18/07

.amberGazda, you wrongly posted, "the husband life is to be layed down for his wife", do you suppose thta is like lay down like a doormat for the woman to wipe her feet on? This is not found in the Bible, but the opposite is true, the woman was made to be the helpermate for the man, and the man was never made for the woman.
---Eloy on 7/18/07

.amberGarcia, there you go again perverting the word. The Bible says, Wives obey husbands, it does not say, husbands lay down your life for your wife and permit her to usurp authority over you and use and abuse you. Nope, not in the word. But wives obey your husbands in all things, even as the church obeys Christ as the head in all things. If you are not willing to submit to the authority of the man as your head, just as the Bible instructs, then I strongly suggest that you do not marry.
---Eloy on 7/18/07

As the church we are the Body of Christ and there is no difference between male or female, Jew or Gentile. Christ is the head of His body (the church) and we are His body. He is our Husband and we are His Bride. He is Provider. When man and woman get married, the order of the household is Christ, Husband and then Wife. Husband and wife serve as the Bride. Christ serves as the Head of the houshold. The wife is able to submit when she is loved and honored as Christ loves His church.
---Amber_GAzda on 7/18/07

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A husbands life has to be layed down for her --"love your wife as christ loves the church" and "wives submit to your husband." When a husband loves only then can his wife submit. When wives submit then the husband is able to love and honor. Marriage is a picture and an example of Christ and His Church. It is a high calling.
---Amber_Gazda on 7/18/07

.mary, when a wife follows God's order to obey her husband, then there is nothing to be sorry about, but only joy is present for both the wife and the husband and also the Lord of heaven. And a Christian husband is not chauvinistic towards his wife, neither is a Christian wife disobedient towards her husband. But the nonChristians whom do not pray together nor follow God's Commands will argue and be selfishly abusive towards their mate.
---Eloy on 7/18/07

I know I may incur the wrath of some But Authority with love is not the answer its Love with authority as Jesus is with his bride "The church"Men love your wives First & Last this is what they live for.
---Emcee on 7/17/07

Sherry, you've got the same name as my sister-in-law, and it sounds like you're asking the same question she might have, about my brother, when they first got married. But I hear, now, she's pretty dependent on him > he's pretty smart, and takes care of handy man and financial stuff.

And haven't YOU made choices that didn't make any sense to others? But does that mean you were mistaken? You knew and could see what others couldn't. So might your husband.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/17/07

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"For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body." (Ephesians 5:23) A human body is submissive to its head, but the head can not stay alive without its body. Also, the head is sensitive and even subject to the feelings and needs and enjoyments of the body.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/17/07

But what if the guy seems to be making decisions which are self-gratifying and foolish? Well...being her head, I would tell her in advance that if she ever has a problem with a decision that I am making, I WANT her to challenge me. This way, if she ever questions me, she is being submissive to what I told her to do (((o:}

She IS my helpmate . . . to help keep me the head of our marriage screwed on straight.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/17/07

Paul says, "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) So, I'd say there IS m-u-t-u-a-l submission "to one another" in Christian marriage...but with the head over the body.

As provider, I would want to provide her opportunity to learn how I do things, and to question me so she could learn and be able to think for herself . . . in case I ever were to die or be disabled and she would need to take over my responsibilities.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/17/07

I would draw the line where his decision seem to be foolish and for self-gratification. He would really have to be a man of God, knows the Word and lives it in front of me and the family. Not just doing foolish things to twist and turn me the way he wants to. If he truly loves me and wants the best for me, sure, I would and could be very submissive.
To tell you the truth. It would have to be God for me to submit like this. Really really God.
---Robyn on 7/17/07

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Eloy: "unruly and disobedient wives"?! I feel sorry for your wife, and for John's also, if you guys are married. They are not children, they are your spouses, for crying out loud! Not arguing submission here, just the attitude of chauvenists--which is NOT like Jesus.
---Mary on 7/17/07

i was lost as was my hubby when we married our marriage was very one sided as it was all about me!now that i know the Lord,i have more respect for him and our oneness and he has authority over our family.Glory Be To God!HE is ALWAYS right.
---kim6437 on 7/17/07

Submission means willful obedeance subjection means to be forced . so there it is .
---Vernon on 7/17/07

Wow... ok..Having had an example of a great marriage --I can tell you this: A husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church--supports her, lifts her up, encourages & protects her. In this safe loving environment, a woman WILLINGLY submits to her husband because its SAFE to do so and she trusts in him.--In this they work in harmony.
---mistysppl on 7/17/07

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There are no lines to draw in a Christian marriage- instead communicate together. Did not Sarah call her husband, lord? Did she draw a line to go against her husband when he took their only child up the hill to slay him? Who will you be submissive too? Will you be righteous and obey your husband, as the Bible instructs, or will you be rebellious and go against God's order and do your own thing? Unruly and disobedient wives is one reason why divorces are so many today.
---Eloy on 7/17/07

Leslie, please look up the definition of "submit."
---Matthew on 7/17/07

John, you're sooo sweet, MARRY ME, PLEASE! :D NOOOOOOOOOT! :D
---Mary on 7/16/07

Jack, what do you expect women to do until they do get married? Sit around and twiddle their thumbs? Most women aren't ready for marriage upon leaving high school. And I've been out of school for several years now, and am nowhere near ready for marriage. In the meantime, I have earned a college degree, and am planning on furthering my education. When I am married, I would like an equal relationship, where both make the decisions.
---Katie on 7/16/07

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Submission means respect NOT subbordination. The Bible teaches to be submissive (respectful) one to another (equal respect and partnership).
---Leslie on 7/16/07

There is so much confusion about this, yet the scripture is clear. On these Blogs I read about women going to college instead of marriage, women in the work field when married with children, this all flys in the face of scripture. Both men and women and men are in rebellion. A woman is to submit without question to her husband, a real man takes authority in the home. In the Church both need to study and defer to 1st. Corinthians.
---John on 7/16/07

A submissive wife is one who loves and trusts her husband and shows it by her actions towards him. She knows he is the leader of their home and knows he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their home. Therefore when there are disagreements, and there will be, she allows him to make the final decision, knowing that it will be O.K. She's not a door mat, just a loyal member of the family. She chooses to make love and trust her top priorities.
---Abby9467 on 7/16/07

A wife and husband should be submissive to each other, and we draw the line with putting God first even before our spouse, children, or others. So long as we always put God first, we cant go wrong. All the Praise and Glory goes to God and God is the only we worship and give full Praise and all Glory. We dont do that with the Mother of God, a spouse or anyone else.
---Brenda2 on 7/3/07

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A submissive wife is one that knows she is loved and respected by her godly spouse. She knows her spouse loves the Lord above all and through that love he(spouse) loves and shows her this. Not just talk the talk. He knows his place within the family, he is a great provider, father and is secure within himself. She becomes submissive through this process because she too loves the Lord and because of this love for Jesus she submits to her spouse, willingly, knowing this is pleasing to the Lord.
---Robyn on 7/1/07

People lie for fear or to gain something. But his motives are not Satan's motives, who is the deceptive spirit behind all lies.

Go to God and say, "Father, my husband is putting me in bondage with his lies, due to our oneness." "But as Your daughter, I want no part of Satan via my husband, but You require that I submit to him."

"Please stop him from submitting to Satan for Your daughter's sake, in Jesus' name." "Thank You & praise You, Father."
---a_servant on 7/1/07

First of all, the husband shouldn't make any big decisions without first talking it over with his wife. That is called respect. If I have to make a decision I take it to my husband. If we are unsure on a solution, we take it to the Lord and wait for an answer. Just because the husband is head of the house, doesn't mean that his wife is a slave to him. I don't obey my husband's every commandment/wish, but I take heed to what he tells me.
---Rebecca_D on 6/30/07

a servant..
***Be sure Satan is not trying to destroy your oneness (marriage) by magnifying his faults to you.***
This comment stood out to me and made me stop and think. I hadn't thought about it. I used to love him blindly, but he burned me when I discovered he lies a lot. I called him on it and forgave him. The problem is that I keep catching him in lies.
---Sherry on 6/30/07

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cont...I need to decide whether it's a trust issue or the devil heightening my awareness like you said. It's easier to move on when you feel that someone has learned from their mistakes rather than continue to sin. Thank you and I will continue to pray about this and think about your words.
---Sherry on 6/30/07

You do not need to submit to sin. Imperfect men will always make bad decisions, but God knew that when He commanded wives to submit.

You can always appeal his decision (or lies) to God. If God agrees with you, then He will Spiritually move your husband, or circumstantially force him to make another decision.

Getting money from a fish's mouth seems pretty foolish, but it was from God.

Be sure Satan is not trying to destroy your oneness (marriage) by magnifying his faults to you.
---a_servant on 6/30/07

It looks like there are two of us here. Two Brenda's that is and I am new so I will put numeric number 2 next to my name so everyone will know it is two different people on here.
---Brenda2 on 6/30/07

Dear Lady, take comfort by reading about David and Nabal's wife in I Samuel. Nabal was a fool, but he was rich, which allowed him to be very brash in his behavior anyway. Clearly, Nabal's wife, being no fool, had to act against her husband's wishes, or all of Nabal's household would have been killed by David's men. Were do you draw the line? I think that you started to compromise it years ago, so it will take some real effort for you to re-establish a reasonable line. God will help you.
---harold on 6/30/07

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The first few verses of Eph.6 tells us that when we submit to authority because of our faith in the Lord, the Lord will repay the same to us.
1Pet2:18 says to be submissive even if the authority is "froward". That means the authority doesn't have to be perfect or correct, our job is still to be in submission.
1Pet2:19-20. For this is thankworthy... that you suffer... for this is acceptable to God.
---john on 6/30/07

You should pray together on every subject and come to a mutal agreement. If you feel uneasy about a decision, just pray for the Holy Spirit to block it from coming to past or that truth will be reveal to you and your husband. A wife is a help-mate to her husband, as is the Holy Spirit to us. He leads us into truths. Submit to your husband and love him according to the word, but don't allow his discisions to pull you away from God. Prayer is the key to unlock and correct all situations in life. Go there.
---Brenda on 6/30/07

you should be fully submitted to your husband. if he makes a decision for you and for your family then you should present your concern. if he still holds to his decision then you need to trust God to work it out in the end. In doing this you will obey God by submitting to your husband and God promises that he will work all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. you may not think it is right and it may not be but God will come through for you if you obey him.
---Djay on 6/29/07

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