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Keep From Resenting Hubby

I am a born again Christian w/20 years sobriety & my husband is not walking with the Lord and recently starting doing drugs. I wish I hadn't married him but feel that it is unbiblical to leave him. How do I keep from resenting him?

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 ---Jan on 7/9/07
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Doing drugs is dangerous,first of all. Very dangerous for you and him. He could come home bombed out and kill you,himself and everyone around. Pray for your husband but do seek help,immediately! Praying is what we should do and God is able to answer our prayers. But God wants us to do something to help ourselves, as well. If you keep praying for him this will stop you from resenting him. It is hard to hate or resent someone you pray for. It works,just try it! But if worse comes to worse, you can leave your marriage. You can separate, but not divorce, until your spouse decease. Gbu.
---Robyn on 10/11/11

First off, Congrats on the newly sober lifestyle. Secondly, I will highly advise you to pack up and separate and give him a clear understanding as to why you are doing it. Tell him you love him but you refuse to enable him or support his decision to use. You owe yourself and everyone you hurt and healed relationships with to keep yourself clean.
Next, get a strong support system. Be it AA or something at church that you can get a good moral band of friends that can keep you on the sober road.
I wish you the best success with your new clean life. I really do. God Bless You!
---Nicola on 8/28/08

Resentment is not the problem here.

The first thing is NOT to be his enabler. It could be that the most loving thing you can do for him IS to leave him.
---Jack on 8/28/08

Jesus Christ came to set the captives free. Jesus took all addictions on the Cross.
---Helen_5378 on 7/11/07

Annie: I am also in recovery, and work in mental health as well. I totally agree with your thoughts on a recovering person not living with an active addict/alcoholic. I kicked my son out when he was using heroin, as I was newly sober at the time.

A Christian spouse can and should separate, but not divorce if at all possible. Thoughts should be toward reconciliation at a later date, when the addict gets clean and sober.
---Madison1101 on 7/10/07

First of all, congrats on your 20 yrs. And I commend you for not wanting to take the easy way out. The only thing I have found that counteracts my resentment or bitterness towards someone, is to pray for them, and ask God to give me love for that person, and forgive them. This isn't a one time prayer either. We are to bring our thoughts into submission to this daily. One day you'll find it not so hard to love that person for God will have changed your heart.
---Kate on 7/10/07

As a recovering person myself with over 22 years clean/sober and as a professional counselor...I'd never advise anyone in recovery to live with a person using drugs/alcohol. Let's be careful advising someone to live in an environment that could lead them to their own death.
---Annie on 7/10/07

I would advise you to learn how to stop enabling and practice what you learn. One of two things will happen, either he will come to accept drug rehab treatment or he will leave to find another enabler.
But divorce isn't the unpardonable sin and this sin is already in your heart so you really aren't earning any brownie points with God by staying with this man.
---Robin on 7/10/07

Hi Rebecca; I can see your point, but as a recovering alcoholic myself, I would be concerned that her husband's drug use might tempt her to use her drug of choice again. I know for myself, one drink and I'm right back in the hole! It can be difficult.
---Mary on 7/10/07

You know yourself what course alchohol and drugs take. If he is taking an addictive substance like meth(a killer of self )the downward spiral will pull him and the family down with him. The end for him is either death,prison or rehab. You know this. If this is the level he is going toward, it is not biblical to enable him and help him destroy himself and the family. You know yourself that tough love is the answer. He needs to hit bottom. That doesn't mean to divorce him but don't enable him. pray on this.
---jody on 7/10/07

I admire your dedication to him. It would be unbiblical to divorce him but it would not be unbiblical for you to lovingly separate from him for his own good, with the intent on helping him any way you can. I have seen this type of plan work many times and very quickly. Some call this tough love. Meanwhile, be strong in the Lord as you are in danger of falling in his pit as long as you are living with him.
---john on 7/10/07

When you were drinking all those years, how many people didn't want to be around you because you drank? In those years, how many people really stood by your side while you was getting help? Don't you think your husband needs that same love and support you got? think back how your life was, now think how God helped you. You can help him, but dear God don't leave him.
---Rebecca_D on 7/9/07

How did you get sober? I got sober by attending AA meetings and surrendering to God. In surrendering to God, I found the strength to do what I cannot do normally in my own power.

That said, you may want to attend Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings and talk to other family members of drug addicts and alcoholics.

Pray for him. Read "The Power of a Praying Wife." Scripture says to pray for our enemies. I would say someone you resent qualifies.
---Madison1101 on 7/9/07

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