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Lusting After My Pastor

There's a minister at my church who's getting divorced and I want to stop looking at him so much. I pray to stop looking more than 20 seconds as it is lust.

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 ---karen on 7/25/07
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This is a Character issue for any man or woman who has uncontrollable issues for another person other than your spouse OR for another spouse of another OR for someone in the position ou describe. I suggest ou take this to the Lord in Prayer, get counseling from another PASTOR not the minister you see and read the WORD.
---Pastor_Bill_Gibbons on 5/3/08

Hopefully, this is not the pastor. It wouldn't matter what position the man holds in the church. If you are lusting after ANY man you are committing adultery in your heart. That is what Jesus said. You have two choices. Stop looking or change churches.
---Susie on 5/1/08

I agree Andrea that there is no 20 second rule. As a matter of fact, the longer you entertain a thought as a dinner guest, the more satisfied it becomes.

Psalm 1:1 give the progression from the counsel of one ungodly thought to resting in a comfortable seat with it. The faster you recognize its ungodliness and deal with it, the better off you are.
---Linda on 8/15/07

Sinful behavior never just happens. It always begins with a thought. And many of the thoughts that come after the behavior are not even our Father speaking to us. They are the accuser. If you don't know your Father, this part right here could really trip you up and send your soul reeling right into the destructive, strangling hold of the evil one.
---Linda on 8/15/07

"taking every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ"

I don't think there is a 20 second rule - thats for food dropped on the floor - something like that........
---Andrea on 8/15/07

It's interesting that so many assume the minister is bad because of divorce. We don't know his situation - whether or not the divorce is his doing or his wife's.

Karen, clare is probably the only one who's addressed you biblically here. Her counsel is sound. I might take it a step further... tell a trustworthy friend, not necessarily naming the man, but let someone who knows and loves you help hold you accountable. Shedding light has a way of making darkness leave.
---daphn8897 on 8/15/07

I had the same problem. But whenever I caught myself doing it, I prayed real hard and pictured the girl next door who is my own age.
---matt on 8/14/07

If you are so inclined to look at and lust after the minister of your church, Jesus says in the Bible.."if your eye offends you, pluck it out!" Of course, not literally, but if the "lust of the eyes" is out of control, maybe you should find someplace else to fellowship to make sure you are in service in the right spirit and frame of mind!
---Theresa on 8/2/07

Hi Clare :) God bless you dear. :) Those are some of the most beautiful and encouraging words I've seen on this post in a while, we need more like you honey :)
---Mary on 7/27/07

Is it a minister in your church who is getting divorced that you are lusting after? Or your pastor? Your question seem to be two fold.
---Robyn on 7/27/07

Well, I could see the point of finding out the real truth about this minister, by talking with his wife. When I consider who a woman REALLY is, this can help to cancel out lustful interest in her.

But you can get this, without going to his wife. And I can imagine you talking with her, and it coming out that you have had an "interest" in her husband )))))>>::}}

Just get RID of that interest.
---Bill_bila5658 on 7/27/07

Things are really changing. Twenty seconds and it is considered lust. Oh really. Where did that come from? You are a woman with human feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't approach this man,come near or do anything in the church with him. Give it to the Lord and ask Him to take this spirit away from you. Keep your distance, at all costs. This temptation will pass.
---Robyn on 7/26/07

Let the Lord do a work in your heart. I know that the flesh is weak but do not feel guilty if you have desired this man. He is definitely not the plan of God for your life. If you don't feel at peace in your heart do not persist in that way. Let the cross of Jesus Christ deal with your flesh. You will not be able by yourself. The Lord himself has been tempted before us and He can take care of you.If you failed, rise up again and take your cross and continue on the road of the cross.
---clare on 7/26/07

While I understand John's point, I don't know that I would talk to her about it. That would just open a big can of worms. I'd find someone you know that would hold you accountable, and tell them you are attracted to him, but know that God doesn't want you entertaining those thoughts, and to help keep you accountable. Then I'd start looking for another church. Why stand in front of temptation if you don't have to?
---Kady on 7/26/07

Sometimes the spirit of Jezebel surrounds a Pastor or Music Leader or even inhabits them. There may be many women with the same problem you are having but not saying anything. Personally, I would run from that church as fast as I could as the lust is not just going to go away nor will this spirit."If your eye offends you pluck it out". The divorce should be telling you something. There is a spiritual opression that you need to get away from. Find a Godly situation.
---jody on 7/26/07

Plus, men are to be "tested" in their own marriages "first" (please see 1 Timothy 3:1-10), before being even CONSIDERED to be trusted with the "care of the church of God" (verse 5).

It looks suspicious, to me, that his church leadership did not test this couple first, in their own marriage. In the United States, we have a big problem with how Bible claiming groups are rushing to fill pulpits, and so they do not first properly test candidates in their own homes.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/26/07

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Karen, I'm a guy, lust is not news to me. For me, it's not just a looking thing, we can think and imagine, even if we are not present with someone.

If you leave that church, you still will be you with your ability to find someone to lust after, still maybe have the ability to choose a church, which is just another like this one.

So, we ourselves are the ones who need to change, so we can love others and not just use someone to look at, and become honest enough to join an obedient church.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/26/07

If he is the main minister, I imagine they'll be looking for a new one shortly, unless he decides to sit down on the bench.
However, if you're this taken by the spirit of lust, remove yourself fromt he situation. I don't agree with talking with the wife. It's really none of your business, the woman's been hurt enough. You can't step in a bucket of slop without getting some on yourself. After your visit, the eyes of friends she still has in the church will be cast your way. Stay out of it.
---Toby on 7/26/07

I guarantee you, after you talk with the wife about your crush, you'll absolutely have to leave that church.
Put your eyes back in your sockets and your hands in your pockets. If he leaves, you can stay. If he stays, you better go. You take up with a divorced man on the rebound, your life will also be caught up in a mess.
---Toby on 7/26/07

If this was your workplace, and you went to the boss's ex, told her about your feelings, you'd lose your job.
Stay out of it.
---Bob on 7/26/07

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A MINISTER . . . getting a divorce . . . when Paul clearly does say,

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

Does our Groom Jesus divorce us when we have affairs with Satan in worry and other evil things? Something I consider.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/26/07

I'm glad you know there is a problem. Go and have a talk with the wife he's divorcing and see what she says about him.
I'm serious. Go have a good talk with her. She will fill you in and he won't look so good after all.
---john on 7/26/07

I vote for changing churches, ASAP.
---Toby on 7/25/07

Having a lust doesn't just happen overnight. You must of had some lust for him while he was married, but paid more attention to it now, since he is getting a divorce. So if you look at him for under 20 seconds it isn't lust? Lust is lust no matter how long you look at someone. If you truely want to stop lusting after this man, praying alone won't help. You must first want to stop then ask God to take the lust away. Either you change churches or pray that God will move this man into another church.
---Rebecca_D on 7/25/07

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If you look at him in a sexual way, it is lust. The Bible says that if you look with lust at anyone, you have committed adultery with that person in your heart. Confess this and repent (turn away from) it.
---Leslie on 7/25/07

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