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How To Leave My Family

Married 21 years. Three young children still at home. I am a full time homemaker. Husband emotionally abusive alcoholic. My sons don't want to leave with me. They want to stay with Dad. How can I leave them?

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 ---Regina on 7/28/07
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With that said, I know that emotional abuse isn't easy to deal with, but forgiving your husband as Christ has forgiven you is the first step. Finding out who you are in Christ and abiding in that union with Him in your spirit will bring about a divine flow toward your husband that will cover the multitude of sins. Everybody wins this way. No losers in Christ.
---Linda on 3/4/08

If I thought for a minute my kids or myself was in danger of the husband, I'd leave him. God did not put anyone on this earth to go through hell. I understand your kids don't want to leave their dad. But if you left, maybe it will open the eyes of your husband. To become a better husband and dad. Prayer alone won't do. You need to put legs on those prayers. And leave. Don't divorce him, just seperate him for awhile. Maybe that is what he needs a touch of reality.
---Rebecca_D on 7/29/07

2)Next, it is important to move methodically,secretively and carefully. You do not want to abandon the children without the proper authorities being aware of the situation and knowing what the next step is. Just because they think they want to stay there does not mean that it is best for them and they can be shown this through counseling once they are removed from the situation. They need your protection. They are victums too. Pray! I will pray for you too.
---jody on 7/29/07

If you leave those children, you will regret it for the rest of your life. You chose children, now be their Mother. If you leave, I question your motherly instincts.
You married for better and worse, you have worse, but you have children. A mother that would abandon them needs Jesus Christ. Jesus would never abandon His children, and neither should you. If your husband is not physically beating the family, you need to go to Church with the kids. Pray your husband will turn his life around.
---Dottie on 7/29/07

1) It's about money with the young children.Right? I have seen this before when the father(abuser)give the children "things" and makes them overly aware that the source of money/things remains with HIM and mom is poor and cannot take care of them or give them what they want. Their decisions are based on survival. You need to contact all of your local womens abuse help/ legal/funding /housing and child protection/agencies and tell the entire story including the brainwashing of the children.
---jody on 7/29/07

This is a difficult question to answer because emotional abuse is difficult to define. I am the mother of sons & know first hand how protective they are of me. Your sons reactions are certainly interesting. They apparently are not aware of the degree of torment you are experiencing. I would caution you about leaving your children with an alcoholic father. My sister-in-law was raised by an alcoholic father after her mother left. The abandonment created deep emotional scars that no child should bear.
---DoryLory on 7/29/07

The bible states God will always make a way of escape. Before you make your move, pray and ask God direction for each step that you make. ask the lord to remove the bondage of rebellion and abuse on your son's minds, so that they can move in obedience. They have seen you abused and it is a weakness to them. Their father has fed them with lies. Remember that your trust is not in what the enemy does, but how God works all things for your good.
---Stacy on 7/28/07

He will release their mind in the name of jesus. I command satan to loose his hold of fear on you so that you can fully trust what God is about to do. Pray and fast. Seek the lord in all your ways and he will direct your path.
---Stacy on 7/28/07

Honey. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Such a sad tale. Twenty one years almost down the tube.We spend so much of our lives giving and giving, only to be pushed aside and treated so badly. Then your sons want to stay with dad. Why? How old are these sons? If they are underage, you and your spouse need to talk about this before you make a decision to leave. If they are of age, leave without them. One thing for sure, please pray and ask the Lord for help and strength to move on.
---Robyn on 7/28/07

More: Sounds like dear ol' dad has brainwashed these sons against you honey. Usually sons are protective of their mom. This is a complete turnabout. That it may be. But I would be planning to move on with my life. This is not going to be easy for you dear. Are either of you born again? If you are not, why don't you consider giving your heart to Christ. He never fails and always satisfies. He can turn your pain to joy and weeping into laughter. He is wonderful. Blessings to you and my deepest prayers.
---Robyn on 7/28/07

You should not leave young children to live with an active alcoholic who is still drinking. If you must leave for your safety, you MUST take them with you. I suggest you separate temporarily for now, and seek marital therapy where your husband can be confronted about his drinking and behavior in the marriage.

Most importantly you must pray. God can do miracles in the lives of alcoholics and their spouses.
---Madison1101 on 7/28/07

I am surprised that the children do not wish to leave also if he is abusive. Is the abuse aimed solely at you and, if so, is there a reason why that is so? I think that many women would find it difficult to stay in that situation yet they would also find it difficult to leave their children behind. Perhaps that is the reason that he still has a hold on you. You are in a very difficult situation and you are in my prayers Regina
---RitaH on 7/28/07

Isn't it awesome how children care more for relationship than they do behavior? They can be as mad as a rabid dog at their friends one minute and playing in the mud puddle with them the next. They truly do care more about having a friend (or a father) than they do about the offense done to them. Wouldn't it be great if adults functioned the same way?
---Linda on 7/28/07

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