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Told Not To Marry Me

Whenever my husband and I argue, he tells me that God told him not to marry me and that he should have listened to God. What am I suppose to do?

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 ---SHONN4398 on 7/30/07
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They say the really best revenge is to stay married. Divorce gives them what they want.
Get even, stay married.
---Molly on 4/23/08

Pray and seek the Lord. Get into marital therapy. Read "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian.
---Trish9863 on 4/18/08

Honey this is so sad for your husband to say such evil things to you. The troubles and trials of this world. How much more are you going to take? No one needs to be abused like this. Next time he smarts off and say thiese things, let him know its not to late to listen to God. Take the advice and move around and don't look back. God bless you honey.
---Robyn on 8/23/07

If your husband made a mistake and went against God's plan, and married you, that is HIS problem, NOT yours.

He made his own bed, and now he has to sleep in it, whether he likes it or not.
---Mark on 8/23/07

I would ask him, "What does God now say to you about me?" If he say's God says anything but to stay with you and love you, then he's simply making it up.

Keep in mind, God wants you to love him and treat him with respect too. I know it's hard sometimes.

Even if you're in the middle of an argument, stop and close your eyes for a second, take a slow breath, and pray quietly "God, please grant love in my heart and the strength to display it. Guide my tounge for peace."
---Tonya on 8/11/07

Jesus is so sweet and pure, beautifully wonderful and so loving . . . just unbelievable and so kind. People don't have a clue how Jesus is, how His real love is. So, get with Jesus, and see how He takes care of things >
**He** will satisfy you. **Jesus** desires to marry you, and He WANTS to share your troubles with you, sister SHONN,
b-u-t this includes how we need Him to CORRECT us however we need to do better.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/3/07

John: It is never one person's fault when a marriage goes bad. Both people are to blame. There are many factors that go into making a marriage work. First: Love of God is the main factor, then love of spouse(man/woman).Everything else should fall into place. If the marriage is still not successful, you should check to see if, one of the main factors are missing. Even an unsaved couple's marriage can work if both are committed to each other.
---Robyn on 8/3/07

Because you have not been specific it is very difficult to answer just on what you have written. I would only speculate as did others and give you the wrong answer!
---Carla5754 on 8/3/07

Possibly the problem is the woman. A good woman can please her husband, softening his heart. Vanity in general and vanity specifically in women can ruin many a marriage. Submissiveness is not popular in todays do what you want culture, but it is a Biblical mandate. Pride goes before a fall, thus humility in a marriage may lead to its restoration. A womans compliance may indeed lead to a restoration and building of a sound marital foundation.
---John on 8/3/07

One thing for sure,if God really told him not to marry you,he didn't listen to God so he sure won't listen to anything you have to say. Remember this,things said in the heat of anger are meant to hurt and once he has cooled down he may not mean it. Don't argue,turn your back on his hateful, hurting outburst and walk away. Pray for peace in your home and stay in the Word of God asking God to lead you,in whatever you do.
---Darlene_1 on 8/3/07

Your husband is controlling, manipulative and abusive. Next thing he will say is that he can divorce you because your marriage is not "bound" in heaven because God didn't want him to marry you.
---Susie on 8/2/07

I knew a couple, and the husnand committed adultery and left his wife (who had just borne their 5th child)
He said that he felt secure in Jesus because Jesus had forgiven his sin.
And what was his sin? Of marrying the wrong woman to start with!!
---alan_of_UK on 8/1/07

As Catherine says, we use God to justify ourselves.
Incidently, he married the second woman byut split us after two year and has indulged in a series of affairs since.
I wonder if he is still saying Jesus has forgiven him for so many wrong choices, and that he does not need forgiveness for deserting his wife and children?
---alan_of_UK on 8/1/07

Not to approve your husband's actions but such hurtful behavior can only come from someone carrying deep hurt themselves. Your husband needs to understand that a strong marriage comes from building up his mate, not from tearing down. The book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman (it's available on-line) describes how we individually perceive love and acceptance and how to reassure each other in ways that speak to them personally. It would help your marriage relationship.
---DoryLory on 7/31/07

He is using God. And everyone of us had better guard against doing that. Not every sin God knocks you on the head over, But out of love for Him we want to do right. And what this man is doing is not right.
---catherine on 7/31/07

What does your husband say about marriage to you when you are getting along.I think that you and your husband both should just do what God says you should.
---lee_a._leblanc on 7/30/07

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I do not know what to tell you to do but I do know that this man will some day stand before God and need to explain why he so cruely made that claim and blamed God for something that he chose to do. God does not like to be used in vain disputes to hurt someone else!! He will be punished.
---jody on 7/30/07

Well, I understand God COMMANDS us not to argue > "Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14) > to me, this is the same as being told not to commit adultery > it is an absolute no-no, NO EXCUSES, at all.

And look what arguing can bring. How much more proof do you need? Arguing breaks him down so he can talk like that. I'd say offer your apology for however YOU helped get yourselves in the argument.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/30/07

i really think your husband is just angry and looks at a way too hurt you. that is wrong but we all react in different ways. god will deal with him with this,i suggest trying not to argue with him and take every thing that bugs you to god first and watch him work in your husband.
---nikki on 7/30/07

Beware, this is verbally abusive by him trying intimidate and shame you. I spent years, even with Christian counselors in my own therapy and in marital therapy, trying to unravel this kind of behavior and the damage that it does to a person and a relationship. It is beyond that, but his attitude that is not you to blame, but what the condition of his heart and stuff that he hides behind instead of being authentic in a loving and respectful way.
---Belle on 7/30/07

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That is a terrible thing for a man to tell the woman he suppose to love. Why don't you accomodate him and find someone worthy of you,dear. He is verbally and emotionally abusing you. Leave him in the hands of the Lord. I would separate from this heel. Only God knows what he may say or do next. I would not wait around to find out.
---Robyn on 7/30/07

It sounds to me like he is using that to hurt you. I mean, what could be more hurtful than to hear that not even God would recommend you to someone? I wouldn't put a lot of stock in that and just realize that it is his way of "getting in the last word". Many people use God as the last word even if the last word they spoke isn't consistent with His nature of love.
---Linda on 7/30/07

Though he may be saying that God said not to marry you, the God I know wouldn't have revealed that because it is not love. His place is to walk in love toward you. Anyone who can say they heard God say not to marry you should be able to hear Him say now, "Walk in love toward your wife and honor her." At this point, God is holding him more accountable for walking in love toward you than He would for what he believes was his disobedience.
---Linda on 7/30/07

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