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Living With My Boyfriend

I have been in a relationship for five years with my boyfriend. I have three kids and people tell me that I should get married. However, I heard a pastor say that once you have been living together the marriage will be cursed if you get married. He doesn't like church but I love church.

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 ---Ebony on 8/1/07
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Asyln-"You don't use your love as a bargaining point to force him to go to church"

I know a very controlling Christian woman who forced her husband to attend church or she would kick him out and he would never see his kids again. And she would have found a way to do it too! They are the most un-Christ like Christians I've ever met.
---cjmybad on 5/10/11

As a Christian, I am appalled at these comments. You don't use your love as a bargaining point to force him to go to church. You lead people to faith by how you LIVE your life. It's a Christians responsibility to lead the lost to Christ, but not by giving them an ultimatum or shoving it down their throats.

It's also different if your boyfriend just doesn't like church. Church is for like-faith to gather. If your boyfriend has faith and has trusted Jesus Christ, then that's still being Christian.

Your marriage is NOT doomed because you lived together before you got married, that's just a load.
---Aslyn on 5/8/11

There is a consequence for living in sin. Maybe this is what the pastor was refering to and there is nothing false about that. If at all possible, get married. You are also setting an example to your children who may want to run loose because of your example.
---john on 4/18/08

Ebony, If you really want to follow the LORD, and end up in Heaven, you should get legally married. But, the Bible warns against being UNEQUALLY YOKED. That means a Christian must marry another Christian, because someone who does not know nor love the Lord would cause friction in the Saint's attempts to serve the LORD. The LORD wants the married couple to walk as ONE UNIT, headed for the SAME GOAL. I would suggest either WAIT until he should be Saved, or leave him and TRUST THE LORD FOR A GODLY MAN.
---Gordon on 4/18/08

God calls it fornication if you are not married and the bible says no fornicator goes to heaven... also, you cant just marry anybody to not fornicate... Gods will is for us to ask Him who we are to marry.. Itis His plan not ours.. if you marry someone just to get married and it is not the one God intended for you, that is sin as well... this man could be someone elses mate and you are living with him.. and maybe God has someone else for you.. you need to ask HIM. and then obey
---bonna6566 on 4/18/08

As a Christian, you are not under curse. That was done away with on the cross. Marriage liscences arent that old. Some people use certificates.

Are you both married in your heart? That is what is important.
---Dennis_Thompson on 4/18/08

You are living in sin because you have not been born again into the holy family of God. Therefore the laws of the Bible do not apply to you. You are in sin because you have not accepted Christ,as your personal, savior, not because who you live with or marry.
---Rev._Dave on 4/3/08

As of now, you are living under a curse. Your Pastor is wrong on this one. In order to remove the curse you must repent. Repenting is not just saying I'm sorry, it is righting the wrong or turning away from sin. Marrying this man would release blessing into your life. You are already in covenent with him through your children, you might as well consecrate the covenent.
---Marcia on 8/3/07

Your pastor is wrong. Though you should either get married or get out of the relationship, because you are currently living in sin.

Another thing to think about, if someone truly loves you or you love them, what is the best thing you can give that other person?

The Answer: Heaven

If he truly loves you he will attend church and open is heart to Jesus and be saved. If not and he refuses to open his heart you have to save your own soul and that of your children.
---Francis on 8/3/07

This is a tough one to give a pat answer to. What constituted a "marriage" in the Old Testament? It was the conjugal act itself. It was not going to a preacher or justice of the peace and getting a license etc. A father had the right to give his daughter to a man. Why do you think they ask this question in marriage ceremonies today?, who gives this women in marriage or to this man? In my opinion a piece of paper does not constitute a marriage.
---C65 on 8/3/07

Society and government look upon living together as being against the rules and regulations of the state. I think this is done for financial reasons a lot of the time... so they can nail you for more taxes, etc.
Can anyone show anywhere in scripture where a couple went before a JP or preist, pastor, etc. to be married? Give me just one verse.
---C65 on 8/3/07

Rev Dave "You are in sin because you have not accepted Christ,as your personal, savior,"
How do you know?
---alan_of_UK on 8/3/07

There isn't too much scripture that speaks of living together. But we know that God is in favour of marriage. About your Bible says that Jesus came to break the curse upon us...So Pray and ask God if he will bless your union..I think if you are both willing to get married < God will be there for you.
---tony on 8/2/07

the pastor was right, every person who lives in sin is not blessed but cursed. the bible tells us that, for the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is enternal sister it is a sin to stay with your boyfriend when you are not married.
---Stela7768 on 8/2/07

This is a most unsatisfactory situation to begin with. But the best thing you can do now is to marry and try to put something right.
---Ktisophilos on 8/1/07

I totally agree with Alan. I was going to say something to that effect, but I don't think I could have done the justice Alan did.
---Linda on 8/1/07

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Ebony: This pastor was very wrong and misinformed by telling you this lie. The marriage will not be cursed if you marry. The union is cursed now because you are living together without benefit of marriage. This is wrong. You have added fuel to the fire by having kids. Another point: you like church and he does not. That is not good for the relationship. This is going to cause untold problems for you and this man in the future.
---Robyn on 8/1/07

It is evident your pastor doesn't know his Bible. Although a Christian isn't supposed to marry a nonChristian,but no curse on that,you have already overstepped that rule,and the Bible says it's better to marry than to burn. A married Christian is told if nonChristian wants to stay then you stay,how do you know he won't be saved by your testimony. You are already in a marriage relationship,marry,make it legal, pray for his salvation.
---Darlene_1 on 8/1/07

If you are a christian & already have a family, marriage IS the next step.The Pastor gave you false information.
---candice on 8/1/07

Ask your pastor where in the world he heard or read such a thing like that!! It certainly IS NOT evenly remotely implied in the Bible . HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE! Some of mans teachings can put you in Hell and lead your kids there with you. Also, I would really pray about staying with a man who does not like Church if you do. Is he a Christian? If not,you may have some tough decisions to make to set things right with God for yourself and your children. My prayers are with you.
---jody on 8/1/07

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Ebony ... Your pastor has uttered a hate-filled lie.
---alan_of_UK on 8/1/07

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