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Want My Husband To Leave

How can I get my husband to leave. He's always yelling and cursing at me and my children. He has rages. He acts like he hates being here but won't leave. Everywhere he goes people hate to see him coming even my childrens school.

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 ---Renee on 8/6/07
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Dear friend,
Please leave before you become jaded and beaten down, you want be good for anyone else. You will be bitter, lonely and unable to trust another man. Staying with someone like this too long is a grave mistake. I assume you have prayed and tried to help him in some way. If so--don't wait too long. Life is too short. There is somebody else out there who will treat you like the queen you are. Forget him. Then ask God to help you map out a course for your life with Jesus at the center.
---Robyn on 12/2/10

Ok it's been 3 years since the poster posted the question..any updates?
---candice on 11/24/10

It's his home, too.

if you don't want to live with your husband under his roof, YOU leave.
---Cluny on 11/24/10

There is no excuse for his behavior. You do not cause it. His desire to have temper tantrums and get his way in a power-over relationship causes it. He chooses it. You can listen to the men here suggest it's partly your fault, but nothing YOU do will change how HE chooses to behave. I will pray for you and your children to be delivered from this abuse and that you find healing.
---Deidre on 11/24/10

Although, I have not been married I have been in an abusive relationship. I know that it is different when you are married, but God also says that a man shall treat his wife as he treats himself. God loves you so much he doesn't want you to live like that, he only wants what's best for you. I lost so much time. My kids have lost respect for me and now, feel they can talk to me any type of way. Seek God and ask him to lead you in the right direction. I pray that God will bless you and show you how you should be loved. I finally have opened my eyes and know that I must trust God and pray you do the same. No one should come before God not even your husband or child.
---Cassandra on 9/3/10

for those of you suggesting this woman should stay,you obviously have not been in her shoes. I am in where she is right now. My husband is mentaslly and verbally abusive. I have stayed,gone to counseling,prayed and now I am so beat down and downtrodden I almost cant function. And the worst part is that my children are witnesses to this. I should have asked God for the strength to leave 15 years ago instead of asking for the strength to stay. The bible does say you can separate for a time. I wish i'd left years ago.
---Arianna on 8/8/10

i am in the same situation---i have been married with him for 11 year and to me it seems like hell
---silvia on 2/6/09

Prayer is your only option. I would also suggest that you get you and your kids into therapy to cope with your husband's behavior. Your husband may suffer from a mental illness that is undiagnosed. Pray and seek the Lord for guidance in this matter. God can handle this problem and help you learn how best to cope with it.
---Trish9863 on 4/6/08

Bryan, Renee said that "Everywhere he goes people hate to see him coming even my childrens school" So, it could not be Renee causing his Rages(violent anger, wrath, fury).He can not control his behavior. Are't we all responsible for our own behavior or as adults be able to control our emotions, or get help?.
---Freeda on 8/16/07

I have one of those also. I have tried to get him to leave but he won't. It's not your fault. My husband would go off for no reason. He's not happy with himeself. Honestly there is nothing you can do to change him, but I guarantee if you leave he'll see that you are serious and change. Make sure you lay down the law and do not let him back in until he has completed every task. I made that mistake and regret it.
---Jamie on 8/15/07

What have you been doing, Renee, to "get" him to leave? **IF** you on purpose have been doing things to aggravate and provoke him, I'd say you need to stop doing whatever can help to *tempt* him to curse and be in a rage, etc., but not to compromise on right from wrong.

And I notice how you call the children "my" kids. Why not "our" kidos? DID you marry him with the Christian understanding, that all would be "we" and "us" and "our"?
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/7/07

Legally, IF he is raging and cursing and yelling around other people's kids at a SCHOOL > I understand this is CRIMINAL behavior > disturbing the peace and VIOLATING other people's children.

So, IF the workers there trusted with those children have NOT put a stop to anything like this, THEY are in criminal neglect and you "might" need to evaluate if you should trust them with your kids.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/7/07

Bryan: Rage is NOT a rational emotion. It is anger out of control. Also, you are suggesting that Renee is responsible for her husband's rage. Nobody is responsible for it, but him. He is out of control and he needs professional help getting under control.

Figures a man would post that the wife is responsible for causing the husband to be full of rage. Typical thinking of abusive husbands.
---Trish9863 on 8/7/07

Usually when someone is unhappy it is because they are not getting something that they want, for instance, money (e.g., they spend more than they make) or peace (e.g., there is bickering in the house). Do you do anything to contribute to his rage? I'm assuming that you probably do (nobody's perfect and rage is usually quite rational). I would shower him with more love, praise, and try to build him up. If you divorce him and re-marry, then you will have larger problems.
---bryan_shaw on 8/7/07

Stay in prayer.Your husband suffers a mental illness and needs medication NOW. Your children should not be exposed to this as it is abuse and will have long reaching affects. You need to confront him head on with this information and demand that he recieve PSHCHIATRIC help for medication. Otherwise,separate until he does for the children's sake. If restraining orders are necessary, get them.I will pray
---jody on 8/7/07

John, I see your points--actually do. BUT I have walked in Renee's shoes and they are brutal! :*( And especially considering she has children to think of too. I am feeling so blessed today because it would be my ex's and my 10th anniversary if I had stayed--and most likely I would have drunk myself to death by now anyway being married to him!
---Mary on 8/7/07

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So why is your husband so mad and unhappy with everything? Why does he go to your kids school? Is it because he is trying to participate in their education? or what? Think back to why you got married and go from there.Sometimes the ones that are the hardest to love need love the most.
---sue on 8/7/07

Depending where you live you have various legal resources. Seek an attorney to represent you and heed his/her advice.
---notlaw99 on 8/7/07

What is stopping you from leaving? If he is as bad as you say, then you need to take your children and get out now. Don't wait on him to leave. Some are like a tatoo, no matter how hard you try, you can't get rid of it.
---Rebecca_D on 8/6/07

Sounds like he needs help. Not the boot. Maybe he has a mental illness. Remember, the same you dish out you shall receieve in return from your heavenly father. The fact that he won't leave even though you're doing your best shows that he's worth rescuing. Do what you can to love him and get him some help. Someday you might be in the same boat and it may be nice for someone to hand you an oar instead of pull your plug.
---john on 8/7/07

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The behaviour of your man clearly shows that he's himself hurting somewhere deep in his private life. What he really needs are your love and understanding and it's his crude way of expressing that need. He needs your kindness, and support in order to heal. P'se doesnt let him down by leaving or hating him just like the people outside do. Pray for him and show him more love and kindness than ever before. May God will richly bless you for standing with his needy child.
---Jane on 8/7/07

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