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Wife Having An Emotional Affair

My wife is having an emotional affair on me. She is in love with her boss and I feel neglected and hurt by this. I'm not sure if the trust will ever return. She did not sleep with him but says she still loves him. Looking for advice.....Biblical advice. Maybe personal experiences.

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 ---NICK on 8/8/07
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Ec 1:9 "there is nothing new under the sun". I'm amazed how common a problem this is. I've read many articles since I've been going through it with my wife. It helps to know I'm not the only one going through it, but it's sad it's so prevalent, even in the church! It's frustrating how she rationalizes away her actions so easily and even believes that God sanctions them, and brings these men to her to satisfy her need for emotional connection that she says I can't provide. We have tried 3 counselors. She rejected them the moment they start looking at her. She only wants them to deal with me. I myself welcome the input because I know I'm not perfect. I'm willing to do anything I can to move in her direction. She just won't do likewise.
---Dave on 9/26/11

This is funny I just wrote this about 5 mi nutes ago about my husband--He is having emotional affairs with numerous women--I really don't know what to do- either he continues to lie or he tells me part-even though I have proof-may God give you wisdom in this
---Sarah on 10/27/10

My opinion is that an emotional affair is just as serious, if not even more so than a physical affair. Once the heart and mind are involved it goes way beyond physical If she has apologized and wants to move past this I think you should agree together to make this a serious matter of prayer and seek complete reconciliation. I will pray for you both!
---Yvonne on 3/8/09


Not completely true. No person is ever "truly" satisfied with anything they have unless it's of the Lord. People have always wandered their eyes, but only when our eyes are taken away from the Lord. Even when everything seems to be right at home: food, comfort, luxury, or even love, one is always going to wander because it's in our own fallen nature.

Perhaps things aren't right at home because the focus on God is not there. How was you and your Spouse's relationship with God? Were you leading her towards Christ? Have you spent time together with Jesus?
---Jon on 2/23/09

No one who is truly satisfied at home goes elsewhere.

And for those who are not "truly satisfied at home" to go elsewhere before they communicated with their partner doesn't make it right ...putting blame on betrayed partner allows the "unsatisfied" partner to relieve themselves of any responsiblity

if the one who is "unsatisfied" is so selfish to NOT communicate their dissatisfaction (preferring to EXPECT their partner to be a mind reader) then how can their partner ever "correct" their "faults" and why is it the "betrayed" are always victims twice over?

dissatisfaction is created in ones own mind it is never result of someone else
---Rhonda on 8/29/08

My husband had an emotional attachment to a co-worker. They used the title "prayer-partner" to justify their actions. He admitted this recently. I can understand this man is upset by his wife's actions.
Trust the Lord, Jesus will carry you through
this difficult time. I am also praying to our Lord, everyday to give me strength and
understanding, for these two people and their misguided judgments. I will pray for you and hope you find a way to forgive your wife . She needs you now more than ever.
---Pricilla on 8/28/08

Hosea talks about taking his wife of fornication back. God hates a divorcing,and the only scriptural grounds for divorce is Adultery, emotional affair does not count. I know how your wife feels. It may be something she has to struggle with. Be patient with her and find out what in your relationship was missing that she was getting from him. No one who is truly satisfied at home goes elsewhere.
---Faith on 8/14/08

In having gone through a similar situation, be strong in mind and heart. Psalm 34:18 states, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit". There is power in prayer and he has the answers for your situation. Put your trust in God. I will pray for you!!
---Sonya on 3/28/08

Im not proud to say that I have been on both sides of the fence, thus I would say that yes it is a form of adultery. The reasons for our mislead choices are many and without knowing your relationship it is hard to say what is really going on for the two of you. My few suggestions: Paul explains dont let the sun go down on an argument, Jesus teaches if your eye sins pluck it out, and love your enemy and forgive them.
---eva on 9/23/07

I am so sorry to read about your wife. You want her emotional faithfulness. You want her to have emotional ingertity in the marriage. This is why it hurts so badly.
I wrote a book emotional purity. I keep a blog, but can not put the address. search emotional purity blog and you'll find me.
---Heather on 9/18/07

J.D., when do you think you might tell your husband? I don't think you ever will.
You are very adept at living in a fantasy world or lying, I think you'll continue to pull this one off. It probably won't be the last affair. But there will be one final affair and then comes the judgment.
Until then, I'm sure we'll continue hearing tales from the fantasy world.
---Sabrina on 9/1/07


It's important to keep the 'wandering eye' in affair begins with a lustful look..., you are the "friend" aren't you?
---Sabrina on 9/1/07

Continue to pray and seek God for guidance the Lord will see you through.We pray in the name of Jesus that this ungodly relationship be broken today in Jesus name.Amen Remember that scripture says that what God has joined together let not man put asunder..
---Roslyn on 8/31/07

When I read all the answers from the same person, I feel sorry for this person, don't you?

For two years, there has been so much instability revealed through replies from imaginary people. It makes my spirit feel nauseous. The red flags are always there. Something happened to these blogs when this person became many, trying to "torment the religious spirits". But what they do not understand, they did it all in the flesh, with some unholy strategies and agendas.
---Bob on 8/31/07

When bloggers respond with sincere replies to a phony, imaginary persona - that bothers me.
When an imaginary persona asks for prayer for an imaginary situation - that
bothers me.

Why doesn't that bother you, lovable linda?
---Bob on 8/31/07

DoryLory, AlwaysOn - you do enjoy the html commands.
Kevin - did you come clean?
---Bob on 8/31/07

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After the computer program helped track her moves, you apparently called her on the carpet, yes?
Do not forget counseling.
Have you ever eaten an onion blossom, those are tasty.
It might have scared her that you found her out before she lowered the boom. You kicked the props out from under her, so to speak.
Counseling is still needed or she may resent the computer controls and look for another opportunity. Dig your heels in, but don't become controlling or strong arm her.
---Bob on 8/9/07

If it's any comfort, your wife is not in love with her boss.

She is being TEMPTED by what she thinks is love for him.

Have you tried telling her that you are feeling neglected?

And have you done your best so that SHE will not feel you neglect her?

If she really wants her marriage to succeed, she will remove herself from temptation and possibly an occasion of sin by quitting her job.
---Jack on 8/9/07

Because of the nurturing nature that women are designed with, it would be very unusual for a woman who feels loved and cherished, to develop a wandering eye and risk the destruction of her family. I suspect you are doing everything in your power to demonstrate your love to your wife but what happens is, we all intuitively want to demonstrate our love and appreciation in the ways that make *us* (ourselves) feel loved and appreciated.
---DoryLory on 8/9/07

The fact is, we all perceive love in different ways and what stirs feelings of love in you, likely does nothing for your wife. A wife who does not feel loved and cherished is just like a husband who does not feel loved and cherished ... an open target. The book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman should be required reading by every married person. (It's available from the Internet.) It's a small investment, an easy read, and will make a big difference in your marriage.
---DoryLory on 8/9/07

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Grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. I have two cousins with emotional crushes, unrequited love. After 30 years, one still asks about so and so in the town where I live. How does he look, have you seen his picture in the paper, what do you know, on and on. She's on her second marriage and still looking back at the one that got away. I find it very strange.
---Toby on 8/8/07

The other has a crush on a very successful man that married someone equally as successful. After 30 years, she still second guesses her life. If only she had the same education/success, maybe he would have picked her instead. She searching for any scrap of info, hoping for a crumb. If you take the marriage quizes here, they'll tell you that it is wrong to be attached emotionally to past loves in any way. You are to put off the old man and put on the new. Bury those crushes with the old man.
---Toby on 8/8/07

I felt dissension in my spirit and put the pieces together. I put a program on our computer to monitor everything that happens on it. I found an e-mail telling saying "if she was there right now she would give him a big hug and kiss and she loves him very much". I discovered later that she was planning on leaving me in a month. The Lord has truly moved here for reasons that I don't have space to explain. So far our relationship is blossoming again and we are both seeking Jesus together.
---Nick on 8/8/07

#1 - I am so very sorry. I am responding because a good friend of mine has been having an "emotional affair" on her husband as well. Despite my prayers and endless pleading with her, she contiues to live in her fantasy world. I hope by sharing part of her issues with you, it could in some way help you with your wife. Ironically, my friend is completely infatuated with her boss also. see next
---J.D. on 8/8/07

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#2 - She has within the last several years had gastric bypass surgery and lost an incredible amount of weight. She had been overweight the majority of her life and has been really excited with her new slimmer self - that is the first issue. The second issue is her age - she is mid 40's and is exhibiting signs of perimenopause. The next issue is her boss is a very keen, assertive and highly successfully business man. see next
---J.D. on 8/8/07

#3 - Her hubby is successful also, but she sees him as a "pushover" because he waits on her hand and foot. Unfortunately, She no longer respects him and sees him as "dull". I truly believe my friend exhibits classic symptoms of manic depression at times. She is completely wrapped up in her own little world. see next
---J.D. on 8/8/07

How did you find this information out? Did she tell you this herself? If she did, she should not have. This is very cruel of her. Make sure you are not reading more into this than necessary also. I think it will pass. Sometimes we make mountains out of molehills. If she is talking about this to you, I suggest you tell her how you feel, and she should respect your wishes and keep it to herself. I cannot imagine why she would even want to discuss this type thing with you, of all people.
---Robyn on 8/8/07

#4 - She is just not herself and I truly feel that her and her marriage are under attack by ungodly forces. So if your situation is anything like my friends - my advice to you is: PRAY, get everyone you know to PRAY, insist on CHRISTIAN marriage conseling and that she finds another job. Then be patient and loving and let God bring her back to you. My prayers are with you.
---J.D. on 8/8/07

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Warn her against falling way from Christ if she persists in her sin. Just as Paul did in the case in I Corinthians 5. Do not divorce her unless she commits adultery, and won't stop doing so. Pray for her. Continue to treat her in a loving way, but never condone her sin but reprimand her as necessary.
---Debby on 8/8/07

I've been councelling couples for 22 years and unless this just started very, very recently, I have found that were there is an emotional affair the other will be there also. Biblically, you are to be to her what no one else should be. Physically and spiritually you are to be the protector, provider, and lover. Be to her these things. By now she's probably not listening to you so try and get help for both of you. Let her know how much she means to you and that you'll do anything to keep her.
---john on 8/8/07

I suggest you recommend your wife to get another job and distance herself from her boss. Because as Jesus Christ said in Matthew 5:28 'But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.' - Your wife has already committed the sin of adultery in her heart. Only if she wants to save her marriage with you, and trully repents and seeks God's help, will you both be able to move on and leave this emotional affair in the past. I will pray for you both!
---Vicky on 8/8/07

I am so sorry. This has to be very painful for you.

The Biblical advice would be to forgive as men are to loves their wives as Christ loves the church. How many times do we, as the church . . . spend more time watching TV or doing other things than spending time with Jesus? Hosea Chapters 1-3 are about his wife being unfaithful to him and he forgives her and redeems her. This was an example of Israel being unfaithful to God and God forgave and gave Israel and Ephraim another chance.
---Gena on 8/8/07

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#2 . . . Nick . . You will need help with this. Both of you should be in counseling so that this marriage can be healed. The trust can return, but the root of the problem will have to be exposed and dealt with in a godly manner. I will be praying for you.
---Gena on 8/8/07

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