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My Husband Won't Tithe

Married 15 years, 3 kids. Husband not spiritual leader, but Christian. Goes to church. Does not want to share a spiritual life. Sarcastic about church wanting money and won't tithe. He has such anger towards me. I have intimacy problems that I can't seem to correct. Need practical encouragement.

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 ---chris on 8/9/07
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It sounds like your husband has some bitterness, anger and unresolved childhood issues that may stem from having been hurt at a church, or by 'church people'or by a parent that was a church person. The result is rebelliousness, and fear of intimacy. Forget tithing issue, he needs to forgive whoever harmed him as a child, deal with it, and only then can he start healing. Then he will want to give. He feels he doesn't have to give, because 'HE' needs all the help.
---tony on 8/27/07

Congratulations to the Husband who Refuses to be in BONDAGE TO LEVITICAL-ERA LAW! NO 'CHRISTIAN' today is required, requested or even SUGGESTED to TITHE according to the New Testament Standards. CHRIST SAYS: The Children are FREE!
---JoeMcDaniel on 8/26/07

I'm so sorry! I've been exactly where you are. It's a difficult to impossible situation. Mine never improved. He was raised in church. After I became a Christian he rededicated(I thought)was rebaptised by his childhood pastor, then went right back to how he was. He cold-shouldered me if I took the kids and went to church. It almost seemed like jealousy. More in my next post.
---Pat on 8/16/07

Mary: I am a feminist. I believe that women should be able to have the same jobs as men. I believe that women have been treated poorly by men, and that men have used the Bible to bully women into subservience, not submission.

I was speaking of Guyann's sarcasm, and obvious contempt for her husband. That is what I read in her posts. There are obvious unresolved issues in her marriage, and her lack of not being honest with him about tithing seems to be just the tip of the iceberg.
---Trish9863 on 8/15/07

Trish, um, I can see your points--definitely--but to say her attitude shows she is "not indwelt" by God, well that's kind of harsh. You see, I love the Lord, yet I have struggled with feminism, because of the way men IN THE CHURCH have treated us. It's sad but true. There is 2 sides to the issue--many "godly" men see only "wives submit" and not "love as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it".
---Mary on 8/15/07

If what you say is true, then he is not a christian. That's not to say he is not a child of God, but a christian is Christ-Like. It further sounds like he is walking the broad path which most children of God walk. Tithing is not a requirement in NT teachings. Most importantly, nothing should be done grievingly. What a person does must be done out of love for God or else it is worthless. He needs to find that love again and get back on the strait path. Visit more more info.
---BaptistCommentary on 8/13/07

Guyann: You can choose to be sarcastic about obeying scriptures and living the Godly life if you like. Obedience to God in marriages is not easy, and not always pretty. Study Ephesians 5, and Proverbs 31. I wish I had when I was married, maybe we would still be together.

Your attitude says you are not indwelled by the Holy Spirit of God.
---Trish9863 on 8/13/07

Oh yes, this isn't about me, this is about Chris. Chris, I have changed my advice. Respect your husband's wishes about tithing. Go ahead!! Buy him the big screen TV, new car, or whatever he wants. God wants you to be a submissive wife. ~Quyann "Guyann"
---quyann on 8/13/07

Holly, Trish, and Andrea: Thank you for opening my eyes. I will do as my husband wishes and stop attending church, serving those less fortunate than us, and worship the ground my husband walks on. I will tell everyone I am a christian, but feel nothing in my heart. All of our money will now go to him so that he can live like a king on this earth. That is the way he likes it.
---quyann on 8/13/07

I will start living my life like him, when the cat's away, the mouse will play. I will live like a heathen. If I had a nickel for every time he deceived me, I'd be rich!! Thanks so much, I now see that I was put on this earth to serve my husband and not God. What an enlightenment.
---quyann on 8/13/07

Guyann...I believe God would rather you be honest with your husband than sneak around behind his back to give to God. By sneaking around behind his back, you are not honoring your hubby and you are putting a wedge between you two, possibly causing severe marital problems and trust issues within the marriage. Part of honoring God is being honest and acting in integrity. God will be much more blessed if you are honest...being dishonest and secretive will only cause more intimacy problems, not less.
---Holly4jc on 8/13/07

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some DO NOT obey the word, they, without a word, MAY BE WON BY THE CONDUCT OF THEIR WIVES, when they OBSERVE your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

A wife going behind her husband's back would not be viewed by her husband as displaying "good conduct", because if he found out, it would only anger him and cause him to dig his heels in deeper and take a stronger stand concerning his beliefs.
---Holly4jc on 8/13/07

guyann: I agree wtih Andrea about deceiving your husband with your tithing. We should be honest and upright in all we do, including our tithe. Secretly giving to the work of the Lord does not honor Him as much as submitting to your husband and letting your husband decide how the tithe should or should not be given.
---Trish9863 on 8/12/07

Andrea... "Don't judge a person unless you've walked a mile in their shoes!!"
---quyann on 8/12/07

guyann --------oh ----if you want to decieve your husband and think that in some unknown way brings glory to you may notice your stretching me- its not a good thing to advise someone else to act inappropriately.
Now for you, God owns all the gems, oil reserves, etc etc its HIS - He never needs us to lie to give to Him.
I'm not trying to be judgmental of you, I'm married a very long time, but rethink this. OK.
---Andrea on 8/11/07

What is the big deal about tithing? It is an Old Testament thing. We dont stone our children if they are bad anymore. Give him a break. Everybody should be nonjudgmental. Your pain is self inflicted.
---yoshin on 8/11/07

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I could have written your blog about myself, sounds very similar. Here's what terms I have come to: I secretly tithe. Whenever you get any extra money find a way to tithe with it. Like, whenever you go to church by yourself or send it into a christian org. As far as intimacy, not everything can be fixed with counseling, but try. If not, go without and commit yourself to the bond with Jesus. Remember, it is you alone who has to stand before God and not you and your husband.
---quyann on 8/10/07

I hate all this emphasis on tithing anyway - makes me livid when preachers say 'GOD SAID SOW A SEED WITH ME" He did not. If we tithe it is to our church not some one on TV - if you want to give an offering OK but when they lie about the word - OH IT JUST INFURIATES ME!!!!
I tithe bc it is a good way to budget my offerings but when my husband was not saved I would not tithe. I would not give him one reason to stay away from the church.
---Andrea on 8/10/07

1. Tithing is an Old Testament practice and law, and therefore does not apply to the church.
2. God desires "cheerful givers," not hen-pecked men who are pew warmers.
3. If you are a believer, then give from your heart. Let God deal with your husband. It is a heart issue--out of your realm of responsibility or ability to change.
---Ang on 8/10/07

Debby-I am very interested in what you said about the new convenant not requiring a 10% tithe. Please explain this scripturally. I don't tithe, but I give what I can to the church and other groups in need. I also feel that the giving of our time and talents is a part of tithing.
---melissa on 8/10/07

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Chris..just carrry on as normal, dont worry if he dosent want to tithe..just let him be and u just keep praising God in your own way and never give up on God..and hubby. Remember this, the enemy is doing all this..we r in the last days..satan will do as much damage as he can to get a lot out of heaven..just hold on dear, Jesus is just around the corner..DONT EVER GIVE UP ON GOD..will pray 4u both
---jana on 8/10/07

Chris,sometimes we just get stuck like a mouse running in a mouse wheel. Can't see beyond church and leadership issues. Do you see that you are not allowing him to lead with all of this concern of yours? Let it go. You cannot remake who he is but you need to accept who he is. He is angry because you are trying to change him. Ask God to help you love him the way he is. Ask God to give him wisdom and a zeal for God. Also might need to pray for his salvation. Might need professional help. Let God.
---jody on 8/9/07

Chris, I would skip the tithing for now and let your husband know that you will agree to his terms on this even if you don't agree with not tithing. As far as the other issues, I make sure I tell my husband every day what it is that I love about him. Don't just think it -SAY IT. Intimacy issues have to be discussed in private not on a public blog. Sorry. Talk to your pastor about counseling too.
---Andrea on 8/9/07

It may be that he has not yet "entered into rest" (which I believe is the "New birth." As spoken of in the book of Hebrews. You must submit to him though and treat him kindly. As for tithing, skip it since he doesn't want you to do it. And under the New Covenant, ones no longer need to tithe 1/10, although it is clear that if possible, they should donate what they can to the people in the church who are needy - not to pastors, etc. That's how the New Testament church did it.
---Debby on 8/9/07

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Does not sound like your husband is much of a Christian to me. If he is indeed, a Christian, he is a carnal and misguided one. You have a lot of problems on your hands with this man. It is his decision to tithe to the church. But it is better when a family does it together. The devil is wreaking havoc in your relationship. You and your spouse need to pray together and see what God has to say about all of this.
---Robyn on 8/9/07

even though we love our husbands & want to help, we can't make them do anything especially tithing.That is something between the individual & God.If you tithe countinue to do so ,but don't expect much if your husband doesn't want to.
---candice on 8/9/07

Count your blessings your husband is a Christian. What he does about tithing is none of your business,it's between him and God. You aren't your"brothers" husband's keeper nor are you responsible to see that he tithes. Stop nagging him about it,cultivate you marriage relationship and let go and let God take care of your husband's tithing. You have intimacy problems because you are holding ill feelings for your husband,pray them out of your mind. Concentrate on loving your man. Pray for him.
---Darlene_1 on 8/9/07

**He has such anger towards me. I have intimacy problems that I can't seem to correct.**

I think these are tye REAL problems, Chris.
---Jack on 8/9/07

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Speaking from the stand point of a Stewardship trainer. You Church does need members who are will it support the church by Tithing but your marriage more important. Don't press stewardship with him, he is not ready. It is causing a major problem with your marriage. You are having intimacy problems concentrate on solving that issue by counseling or self study. Then try leaving the kids with someone and try to have a few good weekends together away from home and concentrate on you mutual physical needs.
---notlaw99 on 8/9/07

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