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Pastor Husband Can't Stand Me

What do you do when your husband, who's a pastor tells you he can't stand you anymore?

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 ---jasmine on 8/11/07
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Jesus once used a specific scripture to identify death = sin = separation. If you've lusted in your heart you've already commited adultry thus Jesus clearly says it begins in your spirit The scripture: the two shall become one, is also a spiritual identity, read carefully. I know that this "pastor?" has already left you Spiritually. The question I really have were you ever married spiritually ? Two spiritual mature christians not two unevenly yoked believers I love my wife and she is Bi-polar
---John on 8/15/07

My guess, Robin, is that he does not have the ability to love his wife because he doesn't really know what love is, having never really experienced that kind of love himself. Can't give what you haven't received.
---Linda on 8/15/07

ummm, ummmmm, excuse me, that was so sweet, Paul.
Hmmmmm, I think I'll use that one.
---Jen on 8/15/07

Linda I agree with you but I'm being practical here. Maybe her husband has the ability to love her as Christ loved the church but maybe he doesn't. I know 2 women who lost great husbands by their constant screaming, nagging and attempts to control.
Giving this woman a sympathetic answer may not be what she needed. Maybe she needed a wake up call. We don't always like to hear the truth. I'm not saying she is like this... I just see the possibility.
---robin8683 on 8/15/07

um, people fight... its part of life. Welcome to the reality of God doing his perfect will through non-perfect Christians.

hmmm... you have two verses to do... Love the Lord with all your heart... and Love your brother... With my wife, I would tell her she is forgiven and to please forgive me.
---Paul on 8/14/07

Robin, Christ loved us while were yet sinners, unloveable and unlikeable. If the Scriptures say, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church", then it doesn't matter how unlikeable she is. She is still worth God's love which is unconditional.
---Linda on 8/14/07

The man is a husband before he is ever a pastor. If he cannot love his wife with the love of Christ, then there is no way he can love the flock as a shepherd. The title "pastor" is irrelevant here.
---Linda on 8/14/07

Yes Andrea, that was ugly. But there are a lot of ugly acting women out there. Nagging, screaming, controlling, whining, creating debt, frigid...
and yes, there are a lot of ugly acting men too.
---robin8683 on 8/14/07

You should take it as being an honest expression of how he feels and maybe consider getting some help from a professional or at least try talking about it and find out why.
Of course i believe in taking all things to God through Jesus first, and I am assuming that you are praying about it.
All the best, and may the Lord help out, and send His blessings to you both!
---tony on 8/14/07

Robin that was just ugly!

Abandonment can be physical as well as emotional. A husband that abandons his marriage vows by abusing the wife may be physically in the home but not in the marrige.
The fact is we do not know the situation so we do not judge it -
---Andrea on 8/14/07

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22)

"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear."
(1 Peter 3:1-2)

Chaste conduct includes, "without complaining and disputing" (in Philippians 2:14) > ARGUING can really wreck your relationship.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/13/07

He must have a reason for not being able to stand you. What do you do? Examine yourself and change your ways OR... prepare to lose your husband. Do you think that just because he is a pastor that he should like you even if you are unlikable?
---robin8683 on 8/13/07

sorry alan - I thought you were a teenager. You must be young at heart.
---Andrea on 8/13/07

Andrea: Alan of UK is a widower.

Jesus did not say "Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord." Paul did in the book of Ephesians.
---Trish9863 on 8/13/07

He may be a Pastor, but it doesn't sound like Jesus is Lord of His life, heart, mind and soul. He needs counselling badly.
---BrideofChrist on 8/13/07

alan I suppose your still single.
---Andrea on 8/13/07

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Whatever his reason, Christ gave you a command, which is to "Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord.
Which Gospel was that in?
---alan_of_UK on 8/13/07

Fire the church secretary.
---Bob on 8/12/07

I don't think we are getting a true prospective of the situation. Until further definitive information can be ascertained I would suggest you both under go marital counseling from a licensed clinical psychologist. And report back what what the councilors findings are.
---notlaw99 on 8/12/07

Whatever his reason, Christ gave you a command, which is to "Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord." Now, what i mean by that is, love your husband unconditionally....why, because your are doing it for God, not necessarily for your husband.
---Dan on 8/12/07

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There will be trying times in your marriage, this one, i'm sure being a pretty big one. But think of it as a test of faith to God. Will you still love your husband even though he doesn't love you? I hope so, because it will show your faithfulness to God. And God will use that, to reach out to your husband. Stay faithful, and trust God.
---Dan on 8/12/07

He is taking Jesus words literal, Love Jesus and hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Literal translations can be damaging.
---Yoshin on 8/12/07

Tell your husband to read Ephesians 5:25-33 and for you to read Esphesians 5:22-24. Maybe you two just need a little wake-up call in order to settle this matter privately between yourselves. He can't be a pastor in the right relationship with God with this kind of attitude. You both need to get your eyes back on what Jesus did on the cross and the love of God. If you say you love God, and you don't love one another, you deceive yourselves and the love of God is not in you.
---Richard on 8/12/07

If your husband is a Pastor and suddenly cant stand you, 1. Check yourself, find out where you went wrong.2.Ask him why 3. Try your best to be the (Proverbs 31 verse 8 to 31)woman. If this doesnt work, Pray for divine direction and live your life for Christ
---Anna on 8/12/07

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Linda - good one.
---Andrea on 8/11/07

Well I would take it to the Lord. And ask God if I have done anything to my husband to hurt him in anyway. Then I'd say to God, Lord if I'm in the wrong, then change me, if he is in the wrong, then change him.
---Rebecca_D on 8/11/07

My first reaction is
either change yourself or change husbands.
go to a counselor that your husband can respect and learn to listen.
---Andrea on 8/11/07

Let God radiate with such a "glow" that in his heart, he cannot deny God's love for him.
---Paul on 8/11/07

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I would be wondering if his first love is really Christ.
---Linda on 8/11/07

I would ask him to give "biblical" grounds for his dislike, and if he can't give any, then challenge him to check his faith. It is entirely possible for a person to be a "preacher" without actually being saved. I suggest you challenge him with this lovingly, but, forcefully.
---tommy3007 on 8/11/07

If you haven't done anything to warrant his feeling that way,then go to the Deacons of the church and ask for your husband to be removed as Pastor because anyone who doesn't love his wife isn't fit to lead. I also suggest you checkup on him and see if there is a mistress in the woodpile, so to speak. No man starts doing that without a cause and it sure isn't a Christian way to act.
---Darlene_1 on 8/11/07

This is horrible. Though I'm sure this didn't happen all of a sudden, but has been building for some time.

Of course, if he can't stand you, how will he be able to stand anyone else?
---Jack on 8/11/07

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You cry, pray and seek Godly counsel for either marital or individual therapy.
---Trish9863 on 8/11/07

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