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Friend Had Child That Died

Your best friend at work or at church had a child who either died because of a serious illness or a sudden death, like a car accident. Would you try to help them or out of helplessness, try to avoid them? What would you say to them? How would you act around them when they came back to work?

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 ---Raymond on 8/22/07
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I would not avoid them but I would not try to be too pushy either. They already feel alone and rejected. I would approach them and let them know I was there for them in any way they need you to be. Ask them if there is anything you can do for them and be a good listener and a friend more than anything in cases like this. Be there when they are ready to talk but do not try to force them to talk.
---denna7667 on 9/15/07

Mary, I can relate to exactly how you feel. I to, lost my oldest son to cancer not to long ago, and I agree as well that the love of the Brethren was and still is a tremendous help to my family as well as myself. The Glory goes to Almighty God. He is carrying all of us who have lost loved ones and we are healing moment by moment because of our God. Praise His Holy Name! We have comfort and hope in that we will see them again.
---Cynthia on 8/23/07

It isn't just upon the death of a child that people tend to avoid a person. When I was a child and lost my mother, the other children did this. I guess they just didn't know how to handle losing a mother, so they literally stopped talking to me. I had one friend who was still my friend. Finally, the other kids convinced her and she also stopped talking to me. The Lord delivered me out of that situation when he put us in a Christian foster home because of our father's not providing for us.
---Karen on 8/23/07

Try to be there if they allow it, & unless you had a child die yourself, donot say "I know what you're going through" because you donot know unless you've been there.All you can give is support & a shoulder to cry on.
---candice on 8/23/07

Good points, Raine.

Also (or perhaps another way of saying the same thing) offer soft absorbent shoulders.
---Jack on 8/22/07

I recentley lost my much loved grandson.I have never experienced anything before in my life so painful.I have noticed that people are reluctant to mention his name or even express their sympathy,because they are unsure of my reaction.I think it is alway's better to reach out to that person.It may be difficult for them at the time,but I am sure they would be grateful to know that someone cared enough to express sorrow about their loss.
---jeana on 8/22/07

I would be sympathetic to the person because my son died following a serious illness and people avoided me like I had scarlet fever! Yes, "good" Christians. Just talk to them, love them, cook for them, help them clean their homes, take them out -walking or driving. Talk to them about their child. My son's body is gone, but he is alive in my heart and I like to talk about him still.
---Mary on 8/22/07

First if it was my best friend I wouldn't have to ask that kind of question. You should already know how to comfort them. However my advice would be that you don't have to say anything, just listen and offer any help if needed. Don't avoid them, help them. How would you feel?
---Sabrina on 8/22/07

Just be there. You don't have to say or do anything, when someone has lost a loved one or is going through a trying time in their life the best thing you can do is be there, sometimes sitting for hours or days in silence. Remember that Job's friends said nothing to Job when they first arrived, as good friends they were just there for him.
---Ryan_Z on 8/22/07

Of course I would try to help them, and I have helped friends who have had children die in the past. I have gone up to them and offered my condolences and offered to listen if they ever needed to talk. Occassionally, I would ask them how they are doing, and remind them if they needed anything I would be there for them.
---Trish9863 on 8/22/07

I had this happen to one of my friend's and it isn't easy for anybody who loses a child or any family memeber. Just be there for your friend u don't have to say anything you can just lend out our shoulder and let him or her cry, yell, and scream if they want just let them know u will always be there.
---ANN on 8/22/07

And when they comeback to either church or work again just be there for him/her if they need ur surport and they will. If they at bitter then just let it go, because it will take time to heal they won't forget but they will heal. And most of all act normal when they comeback to work or church and again just be there that means more to them than the words do.
---ANN on 8/22/07

John 15:13, Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends...
Avoiding your best friend would be fear.

I worked many, many years with two men who died in a two month's span. One from a heart attack, the other from diabetes. The boss allowed the entire office to visit with the wives, for as long as we wanted, often as we wanted, on company time. Good boss.
---Raine on 8/22/07

After the funeral was the most difficult time when all of their relatives were gone.
If this is your best friend, you need to open your heart and be there for whatever they might need. Food, errands, service the car, whatever you can do, but don't avoid a friend in need.
They may not remember what you did or if you said any comforting words, but be there for a listening ear. If they want to take a trip down memory lane with photos, be there. Listen, that's all you have to do.
---Raine on 8/22/07

You try your very best to help them deal with their grief and other problems they may have. Be available and a good listener. Only offer practical solutions that are within their resources to implement.
---Phil_the_Elder on 8/22/07

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