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He Loves Another Woman

I am engaged to a wonderful man, however I recently overheard him talking to his ex wife on the phone (he has two kids with her who are now grown) and at the end of the conversation I heard him tell her that he loves her. He claims that he is over her. Should I be concerned?

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 ---Marina on 9/10/07
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Unfortunate - though I am also divorced (VERY SADLY) and remarried (immoral - still unsure). My main concern is the comment about loving her. I once dated a woman who had an old 'ex-boyfriend' but it was clear that they still cared very much about each other, and it got badly in the way (that was my ex-wife, though we did not divorce because of the ex-boyfriend) of our life together. You may be in a dangerous situation, though some other formerly married couples still say they love each other, though they are not married. But better try to see what he really feels for her and for you
---peter3594 on 3/8/10

What do you expect? sorry to sound harsh but your not clueless when he got married he prolly said until death do us part, then forgot he said death not fault.
---Carla on 3/3/10

Yes you should be concerned and may want to reevaluate the notion to marry this man. Divorce is something that God clearly dislikes. If he is actually still in love with his wife, this is serious. In Gods world, he is still joined to her and it appears that in reality, he is joined to her on a human level. God's will is for him to return to her according to the Bible. Do you really want to be with a man who is in some way still married to another? Please seek God and pray about this. Pray for him as well as his x. There are other men who are available to you in Gods eyes and who you can love.
---jody on 1/18/10

how bout you ask him? talk to him about it instead of posting a blog eh?
---john on 1/18/10

Doesn't seem right to me, personally. Sure, people who have been married and had children will always have a bond...but I dont think it's appropriate to continue to say "I love you" as if you're still together...when you are with someone new.
---Todd1 on 5/25/08

People express love that is known as Phileo which is Greek for Emotional love. Two kids and a life of previous commitment can be hard to overcome. He will come to a deeper love for you as you grow in Christ. Please keep God first in your future marriage. Learn to love with Agape love. Commitment is the center of a marraige, love is the centrifical effect that was given to us by God. Remember the love shown on the cross. Learn these verses both of you, Ephesians 5:22-33. Live by it! God Bless!
---chip on 5/24/08

What all did you hear besides I love you? He was married to her and had two kids with her, so there will always be a bond between them, you have to talk to him and see where his heart is. When you date someone with kids the ex will be in your life, if you can't handle it, Leave now before the marriage.
---Bennie on 9/29/07

Just a thought Marina, is there any possibility that one of your husband's children was with his ex-wife at the time and that she/he also spoke with her/his father. Could he have said "I love you" to an adult child, rather than his ex-wife? If not, I agree with those who say that the future doesn't look too bright for you with him. Now might be a good time to move on and out.
---RitaH on 9/15/07

Marina, Marina, Marina. I can't believe your post. Should you be concerned! What! I would be outraged! and he would have to tell me something and I mean something.....not just anything. He is lying to you and telling his ex he still loves her. You better give the ol brain a cleaning and get ready to do battle. If you decide to go ahead and marry this man ,you want have anyone to fault, but yourself ,when the playhouse comes tumbling down on you.
---Robyn on 9/14/07

Although I am basically in agrrement with answers given, I DO believe there are times it is ok to say I love you to an ex. Just today I told my ex 'I love you' after telling him that his mother died yesterday. I believe that we are to love evryone and there are times it is appropriate to say it, even needed. Pray about this as all other things and allow God to show you what He will.
---Christina on 9/12/07

One of my pet peeves is when someone posts a question and doesn't ever respond to our conversation.
---Susie on 9/12/07

My children stay at their father's house when they come to town. I have had to call his house to speak with them, as they do not have enough minutes on their cell phones at times.

I have also spoken with my ex to arrange our holiday meals so that they do not conflict so that the children can attend both homes' celebrations on holidays.
---Trish9863 on 9/12/07

It seems as though he's not over his ex-wife yet - if he tells her that he (still) loves her. You can forgive someone and move on, speaking to them amicably, but you don't have to reconcile with them, especially an ex. It sounds to me like there's something still between them ... If you love him that much, seek counseling.
---Jen on 9/12/07

That is very strange indeed. I would not marry him. I would not seek counseling or ask escuses. He said he loves her and he SHOULD have that reserved for you. Not a good candidate for marriage. You can do better. I am sorry:)
---jody_martin on 9/12/07

My exhusband and I taught our daughters to read, write, use telephones, drive cars, etc. We also taught them to have the command on the English language to where they can both communicate freely. Him and I do not find it necessary to talk....we got a divorce. We communicate with our grown, mature, responsible daughters as adults.
---Annie on 9/12/07

Susie: Two of my children were graduating from graduate school in different states on the same evening. It was necessary to speak with their father to discuss who would attend which event.

Recently, my ex made hotel arrangements for both his family and my extended family, and our children so we could all attend our son's wedding in St. Louis. Our daughter had requested that we all stay in the same hotel so that we could make it easier on her as she had our 2 month old granddaughter with her.
---Trish9863 on 9/12/07

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Other than seeing your ex-spouse at a wedding, funeral or birth of a grandchild, I see now reason why there needs to be any communication between ex-spouses. My children are grown and any communication I have regarding them is handled with them as they are adults.
---Susie on 9/12/07

Susie: I am divorced and all of my kids are grown, yet there are occassions when it is necessary for me to communicate with my ex. We usually make it easier by e-mailing, but there are times we use the phone. I do not say "I love you" as that is totally inappropriate given he is remarried. As long as we have living children between us, there will be occassions that make it necessary to talk.
---Trish9863 on 9/11/07

I suggest you get premarriage conseling with a pastor. You owe it to your self. you can not afford to get caught up in forever and be miserable. fix it now find out now. believe me when I say it is easier to find out the truth now then to pretend and find out later. a waste of your life and his.
don't mean to sound hard but God has plans for you. and you can't get off tract.
God Bless
---denise on 9/11/07

Since their children are grown, there should be no need for him to have any contact with his ex-wife. Have you asked him why he continues to talk with her on the phone?
---Susie on 9/11/07

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In my humble opnion, "RUN!"
---denna7667 on 9/11/07

Absolutely you should be concerned. "I love you" from him belongs to you, not her. Break the engagement now before your heart gets shattered.
---Helen_5378 on 9/11/07

Yes, you should be concerned. Give him back the ring and find someone else.
---Trish9863 on 9/10/07

Marina, search your heart and really think about this relationship. Most of all I would say that if you are a christian, than maybe God is allowing this to happen before you marry him to show you that God may have other plans for your life. I am not trying to tell you what to do, but the "warning signs" are there. God bless you.
---Cynthia on 9/10/07

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