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Son Wants A Catholic Girl

My teenage son wants to date a catholic girl. I explained about being unequally yoked, but his argument is that he only wants to date her, not marry her. He thinks I am being ridiculous for not allowing it. How do I handle this?

Moderator - If he is a Christian, show him the scriptures.

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 ---Debbie on 9/24/07
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Complacency is a self evident truth.If every thing appears smooth, when the voyage from Point A to B is smooth sailing.Is one aware of the signs on the way which says 'RAPIDS AHEAD". Maybe there is still time to get to shore.Matt16:13-19 is one such sign.
---MIC on 4/5/09

Learn what we REALLY believe, not what some bigotted preacher so and so SAYS we believe.---David

David you are so right, but I believe they have to brainwash their own minds(DAILY) that we are not christians, because they know deep down we are the FIRST CHRISTIANS.

So if we are the First, then we are Jesus' Church, which means they have to return to Jesus Church.
They are afraid of the LIES taught to them over the centuries.
It is only fear that helped their Leaders to keep their followers from returning home.
---Natalie2 on 4/5/09

It always amazes me that folks who are non-Catholic Christians are so hot to deny the name of Christian to us Catholics. We believe in the Virgin Birth of Christ, the Blood Atonement, the physical Resurrection, the Glorious Second Coming, we believe that one must repent and be baptized, we believe that "there is no other Name given among men whereby we may be saved". In our morning prayers we DAILY renew our PERSONAL commitment to Christ as Lord and as Savior.
Learn what we REALLY believe, not what some bigotted preacher so and so SAYS we believe.
---David on 4/4/09

First find out what she believes about Christ and the scriptures. To imply that the girl your son is dating is not saved is wrong and judgemental without merit. There are saved people in every true Christian denomination and among Catholics.
---CJM on 8/4/08

Thanks 2 all for your posts!I appreciate all the input.As 4 those of you who think I "hate" RCC, you couldn't be more incorrect & I forgive you for such accusations.I hate sin & I call out false doctrine.That's it though.I don't hate the person or people who are deceived.I actually love and pray for them.I'm NEVER going to allow RCC folks to guilt me into allowing my son to date someone who is not a Christian.Sorry, I must stand firm in my belief just as I would if she were an atheist.
---Debbie_in_Ohio on 10/18/07

nice try! but the fighting is not competely over and still exists there maybe be peace process in operation but all is not all complete Peace as Yet!
Do I hear an appology? (go on shame the devil) I don't know what you are talking about concerning some one deceased and posting the same blog some time ago??????
---Carla5754 on 10/14/07


The moderator makes a good point!
Show him (2 Cor 6:14).

I was crazy about the girl dated before my wife. We dated for about a year. We wanted to get married, but didn't because she was Catholic, and I am Baptist. Neither of us would give in, so I decided to leave.

Eccl. 4:12 ...a three fold cord is not quickly broken.

A perfect marriage would have: mental attraction, physical attraction, and have spiritual compatibility.

Lord bless you,
---trey on 10/13/07

The RCC prefers if we marry another RCC but it allows mixed marriages.

Re faith and work, I repeat, if Christ didn't want us to work, then he would have not have preached so much - He'd say, believe in me and you're saved.

Read Jasmes
---Caring on 10/11/07

Caring - that is not what believing in Christ amounts to....and I understand your feelings but even the RCC does not recommend a catholic marrying a Protestant

I'm pentecostal, I would not recommend my daughter marry someone anti-pentecostal
---Andrea on 10/11/07

Caring, actually there're extremists from both sides. Some Catholics think it's their works which will take them to heaven, but other extremists like Debbie think that faith without works leads to Heaven. James 2:20 says, "faith without works is dead" - so it a self-delusion for one to think that dead faith can lead to life. We need to have faith first but must add works for it to be of any use.
---Meir on 10/11/07

is impossible though to stop the division between Christians and those who follow false doctrine and think works will get them to heaven. --Debbie on 10/1/07

As per Debbie, believe in Christ, sit on the sofa, watch Tv and you're saved.

I wonder why Christ preached so much about various topics. Are we to ignore His preachings or practice what He told us to?

Debbie, you hate Catholics and that's against MY Christ's teaching.
---Caring on 10/10/07

Carla, is your post, below, an old one that has been revived and re-dated? That would explain why you say what you say perhaps. I spotted an 11 month old (re-dated) part 2 of a 2-part response from a deceased relative of mine on a different blog here last week.
---RitaH on 10/5/07

carla, your news is a bit old. The violence in Ireland is substantially over and has been for some time, a few years now.
---alexia on 10/5/07

Caring tell that to Northern Island where the fighting has gotten so out of hand, murdering and killing each other like it was going out of fashion DAILY/MONTHLY/YEAR IN YEAR OUT FROM WHEN. I don't see Bush/British intervening there to the point of taking out their leaders. Jokers!
---Carla5754 on 10/5/07

Caring, Debbie
I agree entirely, for any one talking her son out of the relationship because the girl is Catholic is not a Christian attitude.It isn't even being a fanatic for the Lord and HIS ways, but rather misguided religious zeal and fanaticism. Brethren, if we're really Christians, let's have love and humility. Nothing mars Christian witness than a Pharasaical spirit of religious pride which rubbishes the faith of other Christians and raises itself above others. Often this is due to ignorance.
---Rose on 10/5/07

I think each person is different and each situation is different. So the person invloved with the other, should be strong in his faith to know if the other is as well.
No matter what religion under the Christian umbrella, Jesus is the Key factor.
Without Him you have nothing.
If they love the Lord and His commandments and follow Him, they are A-O.K.!
---Lisa on 10/1/07

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As for me I work with RCC members, and a dozen other denominations in the 'scouting' program. They are all decent fine people. Mormons, methodist, RCC, etc.

A few years ago a large 'mega-church' in our city pulled out of the council, saying 'they did not want their boys assoiting with those in cults.' That meant all not them.

That church, is, by example is teaching-crippling- their youth by teaching them religious bigotry, nothing less.
---MikeM on 10/1/07

1. Catholics are christians so are Methodists, Baptist. I'm methodist my wife is now, but was orginally catholic. Her oldest brother is a Jesuit preist, one of the most christian people I know.
2. Christian means beliver in Christ, his resirection and that he is God's son.
3. All Christian Church's have come from groups that broke from the catholic church.
4. Not all catholic preists require you agree the children will be catholic.
2 son and daughter are methodist, middle son is baptist.
---charles on 10/1/07

All of this conflict is so sad to read. I wonder what a new person to this site must think about the whole thing. Three years ago when I first found this site, I met such warm and caring people. The set up was different and was much more friendly and welcoming. Now, it is harsh and controlling.
---Annie on 10/1/07

what frightens you so much andrea? the fact that Catholicism might in fact be the true church, or that you're just one of a unknown number of unchurched sole interpreters? Do you worry about pride? The first step is to recognize your fear, and then address it, You get nowhere with your sad very very unchristian.
---alexia on 10/1/07

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Lisa: I do agree. I can't imagine how someone who is saved though stays in a church that teaches such blatantly false doctrines, but I have heard it happens sometimes. I would need to know if this girl is a true Christian before condoning the relationship though (just as I would with a girl from our own faith). It is impossible though to stop the division between Christians and those who follow false doctrine and think works will get them to heaven.
---Debbie on 10/1/07

here we go again huh?
A Christian can be with a Christian if they want to. They can marry as long as the are converted to Christ.
Catholics are that settles that!
Stop the division.
---Lisa on 9/30/07

For a RCC to call others anti-catholic when it is RCC that have clear views on marrying outside of Catholicism.
What its alright if your willing to give your children to them!
Its not bias to not want your kids involved in Catholicism its for everyone's good.
---Andrea on 9/30/07

Caring: Thank you for your opinions. I sincerely disagree, but you have a right to your opinion. As the moderator stated -- I have showed him scripture and he understands. If you need to call me a fanatic, so be it. I am a fanatic for the Lord and HIS ways, not some church doctrine. I will pray for your enlightenment. God Bless.
---Debbie on 9/30/07

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Debbie, talking your son out of the relationship because she is Catholic in my opinion is not a Christian attitude but a fanatic attitude.

We Catholics never call you Protestants evil or try to prove you are evil. We simply explain what we Catholic mean by doing what we do.

Hatred against Catholics had been very obvious in these fora.
---Caring on 9/29/07

Debbie said: "Even Satan and his demons BELIEVE in Christ. Does that mean they would be equally yoked?"

Satan and the demons believe that Christ exist but they don't believe IN Christ same as we Christians do.
---Caring on 9/29/07

you may read scripture any way you want, but you have no right to pursue your unorthodox views that Catholics are somehow not good enough theologically for you. Your silly personal interpretation should not be pushed on another human even your son. You will be sadly surprised one day. You raised the issue, don,t blame the posters.
---alexia on 9/29/07

Caring: We should mind our own business with it involves our children? He is not an adult yet. If we do not help our children understand then who will? I do not condemn others for how they choose to believe or what they believe, but following scripture is what is of utmost importance to me and it is what I feel compelled to teach my children. I cannot "mind my own business" when their futures are at stake.
---Debbie on 9/28/07

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Rebecca: I appreciate your stance and I do see your point. I don't agree though. Even Satan and his demons BELIEVE in Christ. Does that mean they would be equally yoked? Believing is only the first step to being saved.
---Debbie on 9/28/07

I'm sorry if that looked like I was saying RCC believed in a different God. I intended to say its the same God- Jesus - Holy Spirit. But a different way to salvation. It is one of -church- sacaments - works - grace not just grace
---Andrea on 9/28/07

Caring - the discussion about religion would only be nil if they didn't have any.

Its not the God that Catholics believe in - its salvation through works. It is very complicated but would you want your kids praying to Mary
---Andrea on 9/27/07

Who says Catholics are not believers of Christ? They are. They believe in the same God as a Christian does. So how could he be unequally yoked? Your son is of age. He knows right from wrong. Let him make some decisions in his life. You can't make them all for him. Unequally yoked is between a believer and a Non-believer. clean and unclean.
---Rebecca_D on 9/27/07

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A Catholic friend of mine dated a Protestant girl. Arguments about religion = Nil - discussions about beliefs = Nil - other problems about religions = Nil. Now, if someone is a trouble maker and irrational, then problems will arise.

It is imperative that we allow people their freedom. Insulting RCs will only make the insulting side look bad. So basically, everyone should mind his or her own business.
---Caring on 9/27/07

you have not cited any scripture nor any scripture that says it applies to catholics. your premise is absurd and highly insulting.
---alexia on 9/27/07

find that girl in a catholic church.
---Debbie on 9/24/07
you seem to have a good handle on this - if you go to inplainsite it gives a very complete view of the RCC compared to evangelical christainity

personally I'm so happy my daughter found a like minded non- denom pentecostal guy - I could explode.
yeah God!
---Andrea on 9/27/07

alexia: May I ask you a question? What does "unequally yoked" mean to you? Do you not believe in scripture? Are you saved? Comparing race to religion is a total unfair comparison. God does not command that we marry within our race, but rather that we not be unequally yoked. Perhaps you do not understand what that means. Blessings to you and you are in my prayers for guidance on scripture.
---Debbie on 9/27/07

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Thirty years ago christians worried about marrying Jewish people, or blacks, or whatever. You can think what you wish, kids brought up in this kind of repressive atmosphere usually reject the parents and the faith. To tell a kid there is something wrong with a girl because she is catholic is simply barbaric...and your scripture interpretation is sad.
---alexia on 9/27/07

Alexia - No matter what you believe theologically - it is preferable that people marry within their faith - marriage is difficult enough.

I understand your own husband is not a believer and that it is not a problem for you - it would be a huge problem for a christian.
---Andrea on 9/27/07

alexia: What a truly mean thing to say. I never said to "exterminate" or even to "hate" those who are not equally yoked. I simply said that it is wrong to date when unequally yoked. I'm quoting scripture, so are you then saying that God is akin to Hitler? My son already has made the decision that catholicism is flawed by his own studies. I'm not concerned about that.
---Debbie on 9/27/07

I find statements like "he is young and isn't looking for marriage, so why is it wrong to just hang out and date her" very strange! Why are teens in your country who aren't looking for marriage, engage in dating, moreover with the encouragement of their parents? Don't they have more useful things to do with their lives, than "hanging out" with girls they aren't interested in marrying? This kind of lifestyle may account for the high divorce rates even among Christians in your country!
---Aduula on 9/27/07

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Mark 7:17: "And when he was entered into the house from the people, his
disciples asked him concerning the parable. 18: And he saith unto them,
Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever
thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him, 19: Because it
entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught,
purging all meats?
---Nana on 9/27/07

Mark 7:20: "And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth
the man. 21: For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts,
adulteries, fornications, murders, 22: Thefts, covetousness, wickedness,
deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: 23: All
these evil things come from within, and defile the man."
---Nana on 9/27/07

Don't we know that even amongst our own faith there can be unequal yoking?
For example: I Corinthians 5:11: "But now I have written unto you not to keep
company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner, with such an one no not to eat."
---Nana on 9/27/07

So then, what is unequally yoked? It is the joining of them who love to defile
themselves from the fullness of their heart with those who do not. All else is
empty talk and Pride and Prejudice.
---Nana on 9/27/07

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Actually, Catholics do not require Protestants to convert before or after marriage so long as they are willing to raise the children Catholic. And one should not date at all unless they are prepared to pursue marriage as a possible end result. That is what dating is for.

As for being unequally yoked, that depends on their level of commitment to their faith. If either is weak, then there will be problems. If both are strong, then there is hope.
---lorra8574 on 9/26/07

Alexia - please - the RCC teaches not to marry outside of the faith (catholic faith). We're just encouraging her to teach her child what's in store for him.

You I encourage to seek God.
seek means to 'crave'
---Andrea on 9/26/07

thats a lousy way to interpret and I warn you...your son will do some of his own interpreting when he gets of age, and you really won't like that. Boy you would have fit in nicely in Germany in 1939.
---alexia on 9/26/07

Debbie, if your son wishes to associate with a Catholic girl within a group of friends that's one thing, if he wants to go for a coffee and chat with her about school work that might also be O.K. but dating in the sense that most of us mean 'dating' would come in the category of 'unequally yoked' I would say. If he says he doesn't want to marry her perhaps you could point out that it might be giving her false hopes by starting to date her. Marriage might be exactly what she has in mind.
---RitaH on 9/26/07

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I'd do the same thing that any good catholic would do - if she's willing to convert - no problem. But if she or her family are anti-protestant they are looking for problems later in their relationship.

he needs some teaching on the history of the RCC and what they say about protestants.
---Andrea on 9/26/07

Caring: I do NOT teach hatred. That seems to be a very nasty thing to accuse me of. If this girl was a very nice atheist, should I also stand by and not show him scripture about being unequally yoked? I thought we were supposed to raise our children as God tells us in scripture?
---Debbie on 9/25/07

Debbie, I agree with your son that you're being ridiculous. Please do not teach him hatred against Catholics same as is being taught here on the forum.

If the girl is a good girl, let him date her and be happy about it.
---Caring on 9/25/07

Friend, we are only mere human beings .. Give it all to God. Go down on your knees and pray about it..It works you know..God hears your cry..I have a son as yours and I just left it in the hands of the Lord..Now, they are going to marry ..the Lord blesses
---jana on 9/25/07

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lorra: VERY good point.My thinking is that my son has strong objections to catholic inconsistencies when compared to scripture.I don't understand why he would want to have that in a relationship.I want him to choose a girl that he knows has a personal relationship with the Lord (not with a church per say).A girl that openly speaks of the Lord as if He is her best friend. I believe he will more than likely not find that girl in a catholic church.
---Debbie on 9/24/07

When my son was in junior high, he dated a girl whose father was a rabbi at the local synagogue. I had gone to high school with her uncle and her father also taught in our school district. Her father cut the relationship off, not us. We knew it was not serious, and they have remained good friends, and they are both in their twenties now.
---Trish9863 on 9/24/07

Debbie, what you say may be true of a lot of Catholics, but I do not know that it is any less true of Protestants. The majority of Protestants that I know personally, would not be classified as "saved", they live pagan lives with common values. Many Catholics that I know personally, are deeply devout Christians, but they are who I choose to associate with - I know that many other Catholics do not fit this mold.
---lorra8574 on 9/24/07

Notlaw, I am afraid that you have to consider me "theologically and linguistically incompetent" then because I say that they will be unequally yoked and I don't think that many here will disagree with that.
---RitaH on 9/24/07

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notlaw: I disagree with you on the unequally yoked thing. I married a catholic myself (and we are now divorced). I attended mass, etc. and found that 99.9% of catholics are NOT saved and thus are not Christians. I consider that to be unequally yoked.
---Debbie on 9/24/07

Notlaw, with due respect my friend, your insult through ignorqance.
While there some points in common with true Christianity. But don't take my word for it, lookup the Catechism and compare it with the Bible.
---mike8384 on 9/24/07

The term "Unequally Yoked" can only appliy to a relationship between a Christian and a Pagan (a non-believer in YHWH). The girl is Catholic, Catholics are Christian so the terminology "Unequally Yoked" can NOT APPLY. There are doctrinal differences and requirement of education of an children Catholic that must be considers. But any one who tries apply "Unequally Yoked" on this case is theologically and linguistically incompetent.
---notlaw99 on 9/24/07

Some Catholic girls can be saved. Tell him to bring her over for dinner. Ask her questions to see if she loves the Lord. Ask her if she'll go to church with you folks. Ask her if she thinks she's going to heaven when she dies. If she says yes, ask her how she thinks she's getting there. Through belief in Jesus is the way to get there, but let's see if she knows that. Befriend her and then see where it goes from there.
---Donna on 9/24/07

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Yes, he is a Christian and I have shown him scriptures, but his argument is that he is young and isn't looking for marriage (he is 16), so why is it wrong to just hang out and date her. I'm afraid that my objection is simply pushing him to her.
---Debbie on 9/24/07

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