well bonnie,please don,t feel guilty for your decision.youth usually does make many bad choices. people believe it or not are first attracted by physical attributes.my suggestion would be good christian marriage counseling too bring to light things that you appreciate about each other.if you are both christians thats a really good start.
---tom2 on 1/31/08|
If your husband feels trapped in the marriage, you may never feel love from him. Talk to him about what you want from the marriage, but then tell him that if he wants to leave that you're not going to force him to stay. He may choose to leave, in which case its his choice, not yours. On the other hand, he may choose to stay, in which case he's no longer trapped. He's choosing to stay. I believe this is the way God deals with us. He loves us and wants us to stay close to Him, but he never forces us.
---Chris on 1/30/08|
To answer your question ... I've been doing marriage counseling for over 35 years and have proff that doing a list is one of the best ways START to solve any marriage problem. You aren't suppose to share this list with anyone but the spouse.
---wivv on 1/29/08|
No-one is duty bound to reply to anyone else's questions so could I just ask that those of you who are fed up with certain people's questions, cannot understand why certain questions are asked or think that people are stupid for asking, just let the questions pass you by and leave those with positive answers to do the responding?
---RitaH on 1/5/08|
Im sorry you are so unhappy. I know God doesnt want this in a marriage.
Time for serious decisions to be made for the sake of both people
---RICHARD on 1/3/08|
Mike, what are you talking about???
---Liz on 1/3/08|
Seems like you are experiencing emotional/verbal abuse. Google patrica evans books on emotional abuse. It will give you insight.
---raynard on 1/2/08|
What you are doing, "Bonnie" is posing questions of self adjulation, for self promotion that directs all attention to your life. It is monotonous and provokes little Christian discussion, but provokes others to disgust.
They garner more enabling for your hatred directed at marriage and spouses and do not encourage bloggers to give Christ-like replies about what a Christian marriage should be.
We all know by now exactly what a rotten marriage is through your domination of the blogs.
---Mike on 1/2/08|
Thank you again to all who posted messages with good suggestions and support. And to those of you who choose to be negative and judgemental, please note that I am NOT looking for sympathy or doing the "oh, woe is me" thing, but I was doing what we are all SUPPOSED to be doing here on these blogs: sharing with my supposedly Christian brothers and sisters.
---Bonnie on 1/2/08|
Yes, you will be rewarded. You made some dumb, stupid, mistakes. But you married each other. God will help you, if you are both serious with Him. Have a great life.
---catherine on 12/31/07|
How's that working for you, wivv?
List making. What happens when you make the list, check it twice, how much do you decide to put in writing and then come to the net and gripe about the rest of it?
---Mike on 12/30/07|
Here's what you should do: sit down together with paper and pen, and as a first step determine to make this marriage work. Each of you make a list of what you like about the other person in a column. Share this with each other. Than write in a second column of what you don't like. Share it, and have the other person suggest what you can do to have the problem solved. Write it down. In a third column, write down a date for completion. This is the first day of the rest of your life, so enjoy it.
---wivv on 12/29/07|
One thing that we all have to realize is that we all have made wrong choices at one time or another. As far as your marriage, keep loving your husband. Look to God and Pray to Him for His strength. He loves you and He will never leave you nor forsake you. Rest in the everlasting arms of our Heavenly Father. He will guide you, lead you and He does understand what you are going through. He knows all about it Bonnie. I will also keep your husband and you in my Prayers. God Bless!
---Cynthia on 12/28/07|
Bonnie:: If it is any consolation to you my dear ladywhat you are experienceing is a blip or a second compared to ETERNITY.so Hang in there. We are born to recieve His reward this makes you Perfect which is what He wants.
---Emcee on 12/27/07|
So if you decide to keep on living your very good life with your husband that you cannot stand, it's time to stop preying on us for sympathy.
The woe is me drama is getting very old.
"I thought this was a Christian site". "I'm new here." "I'm leaving".
If there's anyone in your life that has ever told you to find help, I'm certain you've told them all off by now.
---Rebekah on 12/26/07|
You may have got married for the wrong Reasons. But it would be equaly wrong to get separated for the wrong Reason. Happiness is within YOURSELVES to do what is Right. If You do, God will help you.2 wrongs do not make a right.Pick up your cross, follow Him.He is the door to both your salvation.Grin & bear it now, it is temporary.There is no Later.
---Emcee on 12/26/07|
Has anyone ever heard of speaking the truth IN LOVE? Why is it that every time I post on the blogs, a lot of the responses are said with judgment? I AM loving my husband. You don't know what I'm dealing with - little affection, criticism, negative comments about my relationship with Christ, ignoring me when I'm sad or going through something, impatience. All of this in spite of my being affectionate and showing love. Counseling did not help. I guess we will pay for our mistake for the rest of our lives.
---Bonnie on 12/26/07|
You got married for the wrong reasion.
But if you love one another,you can make it work.You need God in your marriage.
That is where you and he will tie the loose
---Jack_8773 on 12/24/07|
As I told you in a previous blog, get therapy to learn what makes you tick. As for your marriage, I would include marital therapy to learn how to love each other in spite of your impulsivity.
---Trish9863 on 12/23/07|
You are retaining your marriage from obligation.
You're stuck on being gratified by your marriage. You should stop counting what you gain from it and be careful to put a full measure into it at all times.
What we do for selfish reasons will always fail us, but when we give expecting nothing in return we receive joy and the comfort of being closer to the Lord.
I hear a lot of people say they married the wrong person but few ever say "I wasn't being the right person."
---Pharisee on 12/23/07|
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Keeping marriage vows should not be looked at as a reward vs. a divorce as punishment.
That's a childish way of looking at marriage.
Obedience is better than sacrifice. You made a commitment before God to honor your husband/marriage. A loveless marriage on your part does not constitute a reward from God one way or the other.
---lovable_linda on 12/23/07|
A loveless marriage means that feelings are more important than choosing to love your husband, for better or worse.
If you're looking for a reward for wallowing in misery, forget it.
God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Diligently seek God and He may help you forgive your husband. I agree with the Moderator on your other questions. Your depression and sadness are far beyond what any of the bloggers here can help you with. Seek medical and/or ministerial help, ASAP.
---lovable_linda on 12/23/07|
Strange, but I knew there would be a flurry of these loveless marriage questions surrounding the holidays.
I pulled up an additional flurry of the older versions yesterday.
May God help you find the professional help you've been needing for so long now. This is not something that the internet can help you with.
---lovable_linda on 12/23/07|
You can be happy if you let go of what your marriage ought to be and accept what is.
It really is self sabotage to expect anything in an imperfect world to be even bordering perfect. Instead we should find a gratefulness in our hearts that in such a cruel hard place we've been given a helper.
Love is realized by emotion, but created in decisive actions. The choice to love is there at every turn and you'll take it if you remind yourself of what you really deserve as a sinner.
---Pharisee on 12/23/07|
Seems like a lighter version of David and Bathsheba. Your motives were wrong but you are in a blood covenant now. Any marriage can be a good marriage if the two will get together and work it out without the option of "well, if it doesn't work we'll just split up." Loving your spouse is not an option, it's a command, so God must realize it's attainable. Godly counselling is of utmost importance to both of you. God will reward your steadfastness.
---john on 12/23/07|