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I Am Depressed And Sad

How do I handle it when my husband ignores me when I'm sad or crying, withholds affection from me, or uses Bible verses to back up a criticism of me? I'm tired of being sad.

Moderator - You may need to see a doctor to determine why you are sad. It is not normal to be in a constant sad state if that is the case.

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 ---Bonnie on 12/23/07
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catherine- My word to you is this: learn why God wants people to tell Him their problems and wait on Him. Many people have problems and rush off to a doctor or psychiatrist. Let the Lord be magnified. A man or woman who goes to a doctor when they feel like it is likely to find out something. When they go to God, they are able to live until they go to the doctor. A woman who wants help for crying or sadness does not sound like someone who is about to die. People have problems sometimes that are not always related to death. News for you catherine - people sometimes cry when they're not sick in their head or their body.
---Betty on 2/13/09

Try this. Try and don't run to the doctor everytime that you hurt or something strange seems to be happening to you. You would be surprise how your ailments won't do you in. Are you afraid to die? Who wants to live down here anyways?>>> Not advocating suicide. Think how much money and time that you can save, by just waiting>>>Ofcourse keep in touch with the living God.
---catherine on 2/13/09

Alan- Please excuse me. My impression was this: since she was able to write a blog question, she might be able to pray for herself. Glad you're all better now.
---Betty on 2/13/09

Betty: Some people run to some kind of doctor whenever anything bothers them. That's their choice. Some people know God can help them more."
Alan's comments are very sincere ones. He's not a fake like many tend to be. Just remember that God Gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

A common sin I notice is the abuse of God's kindness. Think before any of you blast me.
---Paul2 on 2/13/09

I would recommend counseling for both you and your husband. If he doesn't want to go to counseling than you should still go. If you go to a church talk to your preacher, minister,etc. They will pray for you and your marriage. Pray for your husband for the next 30 days. Even though your husband is withholding affection and is critical of you. God can change that. Trust in God and go to him with your concerns he will never leave your nor forsake you. We all have power and authority in Christ, when he uses the bible verse to back up a criticism, ask him who died and left him judge and jury, surely God frowns upon people who judge others. Get in the bible yourself and point out scriptures, trust me he will stop criticizing you. God Bless You!
---Kelly on 2/12/09

Betty ... If only you read what I said you would see that I do beleive in God.

I went through a terrible time of severe clinical depression, and that that time lost all awareness of God, and felt all the things I mentioned before. I KNEW Betty that no-one, even those dying painfiully of cancer, had been through anything as bad as this. I KNEW I would never get better.

But as I said, God carried me, even though I did not realise it. He, through my dear wife (now sadly gone to Him) and family and doctors brought me back to normality.

Had they told me to pray and be healed, I would not have been able to do so. Thank God for the doctors they took me to.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/12/09

Alan- The Lord is magnified. If you don't believe in God, why are you here? Surely doctors are good sometimes for some things, but not for everything. Some people run to some kind of doctor whenever anything bothers them. That's their choice. Some people know God can help them more. There is a time for doctors and medicines, yet there is a time for God's help. Hope you're better now. Be good.
---Betty on 2/12/09

He sounds like a religous person who does not know how to love and it probably came from his past and his parents not expressing love for him, so he cannot give that to you,
Both of you need to seek christian counseling and if he doesn't want to, then I would say pray for him and ask God to deal with his heart and command all those demonic strongholds to be broken in Jesus name and ask God to change his heart and teach him to love you. Seek out a women's church group and get prayer yourself so they can support you. God bless you.
---Janine on 2/11/09

Catherine ... I have to beleive my own experience.

I beleive the final verses of Romans 8.

Ever read "Footsteps in the sand"?

God carried me when I was no longer aware that He existed.

And He used doctors to get me get better.

Deny that if you will.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/11/09

Not many people suffered by the hand of Satan as I did before Jesus just one day showed up and saved my life here and in the here after. So I do understand what God is saying about all this stuff, including depression. I understand much more than most. I was tormented my whole life by the devil. I am very sorry, but people just don't know a lot. What they think they know they learn from other people. God is the only answer. God knows much more than we do. He created us. God understands. He knows that Satan comes but only to kill, steal, and destroy lives. He hates God and everything that God created. I believe God over man.
---catherine on 2/11/09

Catherine & Betty ... I pray you never have real depression, when you KNOW you will never get better, that there is no way out, that what you are suffering from is worse than anyone else has ever suffered, that you family would be better off without you, that there is no God.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/11/09

Betty you are 100% correct. May God bless you forever.
---catherine on 2/10/09

I must go with what God tells ME. This here chemical imbalance thing is rarely the case. In other words it is rare.>>>I just up and asked Him one day. And that was His answer back to me. I must tell you now that I am saved I surely do agree with my God, Lord, and Saviour. Have a good evening, everyone.
---catherine on 2/10/09

Alan- God wants people to be treated like humans and not like vats in a lab. It is natural for people to be sad from time to time, or as long as an issue is not resolved. My guess is she is sad because her husband is bad. Find out what that means. Many people want medicine for their ills, but God's ways are best. My wish is for her to get better, and I think it will happen if she calls upon God to make it happen.
---Betty on 2/10/09

Depression is often caused by, or maintained by a chemical imbalance in the body/brain

It is wise to go to a physician. That is why God has given them the skills and wisdom and desire to help.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/10/09

The Lord knows many people are sad and depressed from time to time. It sounds like you did not let God choose your mate. For if you had, you would not have these problems. It sounds like he is up to no good. Find out what I mean. It is not natural for a man to act like that. Let him go his way and you seek the Lord, for only He knows your circumstances well enough to help you. You need the Holy Spirit to guide you. Call on Him and don't give up until He answers. Go to church, and see if he will go with you. Make use of your time. Get out and do things for God. Make sure that it's God's will first though. Can your husband if he's no good, for something is wrong. Check with God.
---Betty on 2/10/09

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I don't usually recommend someone who is saved to see a shrink. God is the best there is. A warning: His ways are so above the fleshly shrinks. Your husband is wrong in quoting scriptures while you are depressed. Tell him to leave you alone in your depression.
---catherine on 2/10/09

If you feel sad or down it is your bodies way of telling you that there is something not right. Just the same as a broken arm or sore throat. It sounds as if your husband needs to act with greater kindness, seek your support elsewhere if he is incapable of providing it. Everyone needs people that they can lean on, friends, other Christians, counsellers or even doctors. They will all help, you just need to ask!
---becky on 2/10/09

Husbands should not IGNORE their wives for any reason.

Husbands should not criticize their wives. If husbands disagree with what their wives have to say, the husband should peacefully and lovingly explain their point of view so they can BOTH discuss/decide what the best course of action should be on a matter/issue. Christians should NEVER impose shame, guilt, humilation, or intimidation on ANYONE, neither should they ever use scripture to inflict harm in any way.
---greg on 4/7/08

Your husband sounds like an ice berg. Perhaps you could jokingly let him know what he is to you, and if you could in your honestly, allow your heart to speak to him, perhaps, just perhaps you can retrieve the situation by using humour. I found it helped me a lot. We call each other awful things in jest all the time. Some nicknames stick around for months. It is a way of dealing with it without confrontation. Laughter. Humour.
---frances008 on 4/7/08

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Honey. He's just a man. This is why God gave us two sides of the brain to deal with pain and everything else we women juggle. Take some time out for you. Do things that give you joy. Do you have an older female friend that you can talk to? There is wisdom in those years. A bonus if she's a Christian and you can feel some spiritual reinforcement. And God can take your tears. He's cool like that. ,D God Bless You.
---Nicola on 4/7/08

You don't need a doctor. You need to rebuke the devil. Tell him to go to hell.
---Willie on 4/5/08

Bonnie::One day Jack heard a voice "JACK"being on his motorcycle repliedHere am I lord. "Lord wanted to grant him a wish Jack asks for a bridge to be built from the beach to Hawaii so he could ride his Motorcycle uninterruptedGod says Come on Jack get real,those are material things look what it would take to do that so jack says you know how much I love my wife But when she cries & I ask her she says nothing.contd.
---Emcee on 3/3/08

Bonnie(contd)::When she is sadand depressedI ask herwhy and look at her and she says "never mind".God please can you give me the ability to read her heart and mindand God Replies Jack Jack Whoa thereeasy go slow How many lanes do you want on this bridge.!!!!!life is like that
---Emcee on 3/3/08

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Although women should submit to their husbands, the Bible also tells men several times how they are supposed to treat their wives. The husband is not to take on the role of the dictator, but show respect for his wife and her opinions as well. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it... (Ephesians 5:28-29).Again...(Ephesians 5:33).
---Court7646 on 3/3/08

You wives must submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. And you husbands must love your wives and never treat them harshly (Colossians 3:18-19). In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard (1 Peter 3:7).
---Court7646 on 3/3/08

Clinical depression is a physical condition that must be diagnosed by a physician. The symptoms can not be alleviated by one's own will. Contrary to what some in the Christian community believe, clinical depression is not always caused by sin. Depression can sometimes be a disorder that needs to be treated with medication and/or counseling. Of course, God is able to cure any disease or disorder. However, in some cases, seeing a doctor for depression is no different than seeing a doctor for an injury.
---Court7646 on 3/3/08

Sometimes guys are so unused to female emotions they find it difficult to comprehend why we cry, don't worry. God understands and if your husband and you pray together about your depression or just pray by yourself you will find this situation sorts itself out. As for your husand using bible verses to back up his arguements' remind him Jesus taught tolerance, forgiveness and love, not anger nor malice. xxx
---Annabell on 2/23/08

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I think the first thing is to find out what causes you to be sad,this is something only you can answer,the best thing is to find help,if it is an emotional problem speak to some one you trust, also pray about it,change the way you think about yourself,confess positively and above all ask God to give you Joy.
In John 8:10 Jesus came to give us life in all its fulness,never forget psalm 46:1 says God is our rufuge,an ever presnt help in time of need,Jesus loves you and is concerned about your situation.
---grace8758 on 2/19/08

Prayer is an important step in dealing with depression. tell you father in heaven how you feel. let HIM care the sadness and depression for you. Try to help others even if you feel sad. The Holy Spirit will help to carry your burdens, and make them lighter.
---micha6568 on 2/15/08

When you are depress and crying. Think. Just think of two resons why His people should praise Him. [Had better praise Him]. One reason is because of who He is. Another reason is that when Jesus was on the cross He was unrecognizable. Did not even look like a man from the beatings He had received. I almost got sick to my stomach. Infact, I said to God, "I think I am going to be sick". [Isaiah 52:14].
---catherine on 2/4/08

Hello Dear: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this period of sadness. I understand your pain. I was in a relationship where I experienced the same. Do you have other interests? Can you take a few days of vacation to reflect on everything that is going on in your life? Will pray for you. glora3346
---Gloria on 1/21/08

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Physician, heal thyself.....
---Crystal on 1/6/08

#2 Anxious carefulness makes us overly careful and produces a dread and more sorrow. When we disolve we pine away, lose our worth, and perish. And when men melt.. Luk 21:26 Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things... Trust and believe and turn back to God.
---jhonny on 12/31/07

Rebekah we often repel the things we most need for ourselves.
Bonnie it stands that as a society we are wallowing in bad news, bad reports, bad mentions, bad rumours, bad advice, bad teachings bad doctrines amd bad messages.
"Life" has it's many disappointments and we often feel shame. Many are troubled by the loss of hope, expectations having been often frustrated. The sub-conscious becomes a sea of sorrow, unwilling to be appeased into quietness. Peace disturbed by anxious heaviness.
---jhonny on 12/31/07

Because you do the same thing, Alan.
It is obvious.
---Rebekah on 12/31/07

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Take the bible and ram it down his throat. For he is no man of God. Ask God to either deliver you from this monster or you just don't know what you are going to do. I am seeing red this morning.
---catherine on 12/31/07

Why are you so sad? Sometimes husbands, or men, are not that emotionally tuned as their wives. They just cant offer sympathy very well and only make it worse. Do you have any good friends that can lend an ear and some sympathy?
---sue on 12/29/07

It's possible your husband is scared. Another fact that may effect your husband is he doesn't know what to do about it. Even another factor is he has not experieced sadness or depression himself. Now to you! It could be a physical problem and you should consult a doctor - not a wellmeaning friend or even a pastor, but a physican. Ask the doctor to check your calcium level.
---wivv on 12/29/07

Thank you to all who showed concern and caring for my situation. I guess I didn't word my message very well. I am not suffering from depression. I was talking about being sad in a situation and wanting support from my husband. Rebekah, I have no idea what you were talking about.
---Bonnie on 12/29/07

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Rebekah ... you seem to be saying that Bonnie is a multiple blogger, and you can identify her whenever she psot using different names.
What makes you think this?
---alan_of_UK on 12/28/07

Rebekah I haven't seen any of your answers that were with a loving approach. You must be a terrible person to critisize those on here who want help. Bonnie, the best thing to do, is pray constantly and read your bible. People (especially women) go through changes in their life and hormones are affected. Try to talk to a Dr. it could be depression based on what your body is lacking.
---Amy on 12/27/07

When one casts themselves into the victim role, and hangs their happiness upon what they get from others, the inevitable result will be depression.
If you are truely tired of feeling depressed, then find a role where you can bless others. Find activities that you enjoy and plunge yourself into them. Invite your husband but do it even if he doesn't go along.
Set goals for the new year then write a plan for accomplishing them. This will provide a focus for each day and thus your life.
---robin8683 on 12/27/07

"no husband should withhold affection, ignore his wife, and berate her by quoting scriptures."
Nancy on 12/23/07

Nancy, you don't know what Bible verses she is being given, if any. They all may be correct. We are hearing one side of the story.
Maybe this woman is trying to gain ammo to destroy her husband. We don't know.
---Elder on 12/27/07

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I think that the moderator is partially right. Sometimes depression is cause by something much deeper than just emotions. Sometimes it can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. I know this because my husband I have both at one time suffered from depression. It is a very serious thing, much more than just being sad. My husband got to the point that he couldn't even bring himself to leave the driveway in the morning to go to work. It was very sad for him and for me.
---Cryst4583 on 12/26/07

A lot of people don't understand the seriousness of it, and they think that you should just be able to stop feeling the way that you are just as easily as stopping your doesn't always work that way. Maybe your husband just needs to gain a better understanding of what you are going through. Perhaps when you make an appointment to see the doctor he could go with you. The doctor will be able to explain things more clearly, and answer any questions that he might have.
I hope this helps you.
---Cryst4583 on 12/26/07

Until tomorrow, when it returns with a new batch of questions, more horrid details that are forever changing with every breeze.
Let the over the top highly IQ'd part of yourself take you to a hospital or wherever you can receive help.
You need not turn on us for suggesting a doctor, or suggest that we are tagging you which is ridiculous.
The details you've dropped about your life are so high in number, a child could easily see when you post new questions/answers.
---Rebekah on 12/26/07

Attention addicts are similar to religious addicts. Addictive behaviors do not stop with usually one.
I'm tired of your sadness and depression, too.

If you ever were the "prey", you are now preying on the patience and good intentions of others. Do you not find it selfish?
---Rebekah on 12/26/07

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Hold your head up,God is listening to you.
Bad attitudes does not escape God's attention.Get closer to God by doing all that He requires of us in what we do and say
and watch your sadness go away.
---Jack_8773 on 12/24/07

Fragile mental states require a doctor, absolutely.
I don't believe there's enough comfort from all of the CN bloggers that will make you feel better. This is a job for God.

Tomorrow, it will be back and an internet community is a temporary bandaid for serious problems.
You need to find some real people that can help you find your lifeline in Jesus Christ.
Actual people that can give you instruction and that may be from a medical facility.
---Rebekah on 12/24/07

A doctor is probably a good idea, especially if you haven't had a recent check-up.

But no husband should withhold affection, ignore his wife, and berate her by quoting scriptures.

This is a form of mental abuse/neglect, and marriage counseling is in order.
---Nancy on 12/23/07

Hi hope you are feeling better it is easy to give advice believe me i know what you are going thru and its not easy always remember no matter what verus your husband uses against you the scriptures in the Bible come from the love of GOD SO WHEN YOUR HUSBAND USES THESE AGAINST YOU HE IS DISRESPECTING THE HOLY WORD OF God Jesus Christ will never leave you side no matter what so on this most Blessed time of the season Rejoice in the Lamb of God
---lawrence on 12/23/07

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After a complete physical from your doctor, ask for a referral to a psychotherapist and psychiatrist for an evaluation. Depression is a physical illness, but sometimes has roots in our histories.

As for your husband, do not look to him to meet your psychological needs, he is a mere man. Look to the Lord for your fulfillment. Read the Psalms and learn how David worked through things with the Lord.
---Trish9863 on 12/23/07

You could be suffering from clinical depression, which is NOT a character defect or spiritual flaw, but is a physical disease.

I wonder how many women here use scripture to back up their criticisms of their husbands.
---Jack on 12/23/07

You handle it with only grace.
If you keep record of wrongs you have a scoresheet, an ever growing tally of reasons not to give grace and have mercy for the weak. (weak because he can't focus on his own sins or express love to the needy)

You handle by finding the place where you are like Jesus- Rejected, denied, alone and yet still willing to set the other one free from what could be held against them.

That's strength and that's the one the Lord will reach down to. Proverbs 4:14-19
---Pharisee on 12/23/07

Bonnie you should study the Bible and the verses that your husband is giving you to see if he is being truthful. If he is then change. If he is not then show him from Scripture where he is wrong.
Either way when you study the Word you will be surprised how quick your depression will go away. If it doesn't then see a Doctor. Your body may be in some sort of chemical unbalance. The Doc and a good complete physical will tell you.
Take care of this quick. We will be praying for you.
God Bless.
---Elder on 12/23/07

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I agree with the Moderator.
Your husband may not be qualified to help you and neither are we.
You may need to be under the care of physician for your well being and your family's well being.
---Rebekah on 12/23/07

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