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Are Abusive Marriages OK

Have you heard that women in abusive marriages must stay in the marriage and take the beatings because Jesus submitted to being beaten and crucified?

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 ---Bonnie on 12/23/07
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The Bible is silent on the issue of marital abuse as a reason for divorce, although it is obvious that God despises the mistreatment of wives by their husbands (Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25-33). Abuse should not be tolerated by anyone. No one should have to live in an abusive environment, whether it be from a family member, friend, employer, caregiver, or stranger. Physical abuse is against the law, and the authorities should be the first ones contacted if this occurs.
---Court7646 on 3/3/08

I just separated from a husband who believed this way. His abusive behavior (mainly verbal) was what was 'meant' for me to teach me lessons and build up my strength. He used I Peter 3 as a text to show that a woman should stay and teach him by her life if he was disobedient to the Word. I don't agree with this view. God hates abuse, and much of the teaching on marriage is about a man loving a woman as Christ loved the church.
---becky on 1/23/08

One woman's abuse is another's woman's fantasy world.
---Fill_up_No_more on 1/14/08

2. Could you enlighten me as to what abuse you would personally endure yet still remain with an abusive wife? Would you endure until death parted you from the abusive wife (possibly with the help of a hammer or knife)? Some women have kept their marriage vows until the bitter end (and their end has been far from a natural death). Do you seriously think that this is what God wants for some of His children? Is that what "Until death do us part" means to you?
---RitaH on 1/10/08

1. John, I'm not aware of a set of marriage vows in the bible. It mentions one man for one woman and leaving and cleaving. Can you give me more? Churches vary in what they ask couples to vow to each other but they are all along similar lines. The main responsibilities of both man and wife are regarding how they will care for and protect each other in good and bad times. They are not a recipe for a fairy tale future but nor are they a red light for either to abuse the other.
---RitaH on 1/10/08

Never. Not the God I have come to know.
---catherine on 1/7/08

Rita. Biblically, you can't find that the breaking of the covenant by one is the ticket for the other one to also break it. God doesn't treat you like that when you sin against him does he? Isn't that a childish way to go about life? "If you do this then I'll do that." No wonder so many marriages fail with a phylosophy such as that.
And no one said it was okay to abuse your spouse. It was only said that this was not a Scriptural reason for divorce.
---john on 1/5/08

Abusive marriages are not ok. I don't know where anyone gets the idea that because someone is a Christian they have to stay been abuse over and over. The sacrifice of Christ on the cross was a one time deal. No one has to be abuse to prove anything to God. He knows your heart and circumstances and what you are going to do. When someone say's they have love, and speak as they do about their wife's for all to hear, that is abusive. It is evidence they need true love, Christ.
---Mark_V. on 1/5/08

Jesus did not accept abuse out of weakness or fear. He accepted what He already knew was God's will for His life. Ephesians 5:25 tells us that the husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church. Jesus would never abuse or harm His church. So husbands should never Ever harm their wives. This may not mean Divorce. For the Lord may still see them as One. Temporarily separate and allow the Lord to work on both the husband and the wife, healing them and growing them spiritually.
---Tracy on 1/5/08

asheep: say what?
---sue on 1/4/08

Are Lord God died on calvary cross for the sins of mamkind a person that thinks he died and rose again so a man can beat his wife or children and abuse them is one of satans own for how could a God that loved the world so much and gave up his only son how can anyone have that much hate of are beloved God
---lawre_3763 on 1/4/08

No person is obliged to suffer abuse to extent that Christ suffered unless they are also obliged to die for the sins of the world. We are admonished to take up our cross and follow Him. We don't have to bear the cross that He had to bear.
---Marsha on 1/4/08

yes i have heard of these rules but i also believe that the 3rd time you are abuse by your husband it is time to leave him because your husband is on bondage with the devil and you have to asked help from the pastors who have the gift of healing to deliver your husband out of it.
---cecil on 1/4/08

This is not a true statement. Jesus went through all He did so we could live lives more abundant and that is certainly not an abundant life. God hates divorce and He loves peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and SELF CONTROL. You can seperate and get help, then come back together the way God intends. A man/husband is called to be the priest of his home and the head of his house, neither of those mean tyrant or bully. Been there done that and still together.
---Susan on 1/4/08

You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office and that's worse than school.

Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over, moaning and wailing, just lick your palms. It's a little stupid and childish but then so is high school. Right? FERRIS
This is my ninth sick day with semester. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely must make this one count.
He exits into the hallway.
---Asheep_at_the_wheel on 1/4/08

I don't care if you're fifty five or seven, everybody needs a day off now and then. It's a beautiful day.
How can I be expected to handle high school?

He bends down OUT OF FRAME.. He pops up. I do actually have a test. He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see FERRIS
Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo.
---Asheep_at_the_wheel on 1/4/08

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It's on European socialism. I mean, really. What's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan to be European. So, who gives if they're socialists?
They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. FERRIS
---Asheep_at_the_wheel on 1/4/08

Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
(looks out the window)
What a beautiful day!

He turns from the window.

Parents always fall for the clammy hands.
It's physical evidence of illness. It's
a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are
generally pretty hip to the fever scams.
---Asheep_at_the_wheel on 1/4/08

Mark: I personally applaud Trish and the many others like her, I hope there's a special place in Heaven for mental health workers. :)
---Mary on 1/4/08

A good indicator of Christmas fruitcake therapy is the inability of the therapist to cope with their own personal problems.
Many are drawn to the field to spend an entire lifetime sorting out their own personal problems or demons, trying to help or deliver others. Run from those.
Personal weakness when you're dealing with other's minds is not a good thing.
You would better served to visit the Texas fruitcake co.
---Mark on 1/3/08

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Mark: You obviously need help, and I suggest you get some. Your insensitivity is just going to exacerbate your wife's illness. Get her help and get yourself some as well.
---Trish9863 on 1/3/08

There is abuse of both the male and
female gender to each other.They are both
guilty of the same sin.Neither one apply
the righteousness of God between the two.
They are both self-righteous.
---Jack_8773 on 1/2/08

It's not easy being married to a Christmas fruitcake. You should see people's reactions when we go out in public. She probably should be living at the Texas Fruitcake Company, but you know how people regift fruitcakes, dumping them off on doorsteps and running. They would bring her right back home again. Have fruitcake will travel.
---Mark on 1/2/08

MarkD: I agree with Mary. Your use of the word "crazy" and "fruitcake" are inappropriate for a Christian to use in reference to people suffering from mental illness. Such words show a lack of love and compassion for people who are ill.
---Trish9863 on 1/2/08

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That doesn't line up with scripture.
You don't have stay with someone if their harming you. You can seperate and pray for them. You can't divorce if they wish to stay with you. You can divorce only if the bed is defiled. It's scripture...
---faith on 12/29/07

Hi, for Mark D, I can understand your frustration to a degree, I have loved people with mental illness, I also HAVE mental illness and terms like "crazy" and "nutty" are really and truly unkind. My brain and your wife's brain are sick in various ways, I feel for you but be nicer to mentally ill please--God bless :)
---Mary on 12/28/07

I am 6' 5, 39-a Big guy. My wife is 4'10. If I ever hit my wife my Father would have killed me. I was raised spouse abusers were in the same league with molesters. Any man who beats, mistreats his wife is no man.

Saying God ok's beating is teaching something that would only have use in making a lawn green.
---MikeM on 12/28/07

NO> any kind of abuse is unacceptable. This is different from incompatibility. where both are miserable as a resultof haste & the desire to get together.The saying "Marry in Haste & repent at leisure"then applies.IMHO.
---Emcee on 12/27/07

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Mark-It's not easy being a Christian husband in a Hedonist greco roman illumati sociey. You take a hit from everyone legally. It hurts. Christ gave us wisdom and peace in His word from the writings of the Kings and His NT. Many feed off anger and are like emotional vampires. When husbands seek GOD totally and concentrate on Him, everything around changes in time, if we obey torah path. Emotional abuse or physical will not work for anyone. James 1:20. Christ knows nails do not feel good, but He rose!
---yochanon on 12/27/07

Mark D, there is a lack of love for your wife on your part. You have tried to get her help? Maybe you need the help. Do you think divorce will help her? It might be for your convenience. Maybe she (or you) needs to be committed to an institution for the mental ill. Good Doctors/Councelors can tell you.
You picked her to marry. If she wasn't like this before maybe you caused it.
Do some soul searching of yourself. If she is truly sick you have no reason to leave.
Check your spiritual life.
---Elder on 12/27/07

John, you still seem to be saying that the wife should keep her part of the covenant (to stick with him) even though he has broken his part by beating her. Sticking with him shows her love for him and beating her shows his love for her, is that how you interpret a covenant? As far as I'm aware, when one person breaks a covenant the other is free to say that it is no longer valid or can actually sue the one who broke the covenant/promise/agreement (whichever you wish to call it).
---RitaH on 12/27/07

It's not easy being married to a fruitcake.
You have to weigh the balances, are the fruits outweighing the nuttiness.
How much will the kids suffer if you leave.
---Mark_D. on 12/26/07

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to bonnie - as I said another perverted teachings of the bible in the name of obidience. those people who teach these kinds of 'obedient to abuse' bec christ was nailed & crucified' should be treated the same way so they can understand what abuse is.
---mike on 12/26/07

John: Read 1 Corinthians before you reply to my post. An abused wife should separate and seek therapy. IF her husband gets help, she can consider reconciling. IF not, she should seek a divorce, and (IMHO) stay single for several years before seeking a new relationship.

Marital abuse does a lot of damage to the wife and children, not just physical.

No abused wife should every be guilted into staying where her physical safety is in danger.
---Trish9863 on 12/26/07

I've tried to get help for her but she remains in a nutty state. Anyone that is around her for any length of time feels sick.
How do you stay married to a crazy person?
---Mark_D. on 12/26/07

My wife is nuttier than a Christmas fruitcake. What would you do if you were married to a woman that told so many lies that she couldn't remember them from one day to the next. Her head is filled with lies, what would you do if you had to live with a liar? How do you keep that from being passed down to the kids?
---Mark_D. on 12/26/07

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Obviuosly abuse is sin. God's heart grieves relationships that arn't connected to Him. Safe Professional Christian counseling may assist "if they chose". Safety & right moral decisions are important. Living as a victorius Christian is different than living as a victim. Christ overcame and set our record straight. All abusers must repent, repay, reconcile themselves and be reconciled if possible. This is God's character speaking from His word. Fear God and keep His commandments. Love.....
---yochanon on 12/25/07

Maybe to help out those who believe they have an excuse to opt out of a blood covenant because the spouse isn't living up to a standard, the marriage vows should be changed to read like this.
"I promise to love my spouse as long as they love me like Christ loves his Church, or else I'm not loving you anymore and I'm leaving."
If it was worded like that then people wouldn't be breaking their covenants to love and be together until death do them part.
---john on 12/25/07

"There are far better ways of dealing with an abusive spouse than divorce or abandonment." John would you please spell out what these better ways are? To liken what the questioner is asking about to siblings who fight is rather strange. Bonnie isn't referring to a marriage where they 'fight each other' she is referring to a wife being abused physically (she uses the word beatings - plural). If she refers to a real situation, her own or someone else's, the wife (and children) should get out NOW.
---RitaH on 12/25/07

No. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. . . If a woman flees for her life she has not sinned. It is wrong to tell a woman to stay where she may be killed.
---Linda on 12/25/07

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I post this question because I saw this comment on a supposedly Christian website, which stated that abused spouses must take the abuse because Christ took His beatings and was crucified. I was shocked and horrified when I read that.
---Bonnie on 12/25/07

did christ tolerate the pharisees, religious leaders of their 'religious abuses, & injustices'? many of the people were stumbled bec. they were 'confident' of their righteousness. Mal 2:7-8 says that they are the messegers of god & that their teachings caused many to stumble.
---mike on 12/24/07

Only the blogger knows how much of a situation is truth.

Around the holidays, loveless marriage questions increase along with scenarios of death. Someone is dying, on the verge of dying or they've died and some lose someone about every two weeks.

This person is in need of medical and/or ministerial help that we are unable to provide. May God help this person find the help they are needing. May it help them to return to soundness and completeness in Jesus Christ.
---lovable_linda on 12/24/07

pt 1 - another perverted teachings of the bible in the name of obedience. that is why women in abusive marriage & children in abusive families end up being emotionally,physically destroyed bec. a pastor told them to be christ-like, patient, submissive & 'long-suffering.'yet those who preach this are hypocrites!
---mike on 12/24/07

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My word, what a load of fertilizer!

First off, Jesus was crucified to save us. For anyone else, it's just abuse, without any virtue.

On the contrary, staying in an abusive relationship is just the same as telling the abuser, "It's okay to sin by beating up another human being."

People who are abused should get out of the relationship the VERY FIRST TIME they are abused. Before they start thinking that it is okay.
---Nancy on 12/23/07

If you think you are in an abusive situation use all of the legal remedies available to you to get yourself and any children out of that environment before you or any children are hurt. There is no biblical reason to stay in an abusive marital environment.
---Phil_the_Elder on 12/23/07

That is the biggest bunch of *** I've heard in a long, long time.

Jesus took beatings and death to save us from our sins.
---sue on 12/23/07

Are you being beaten? If so, get out now. If not, why are you asking this. No woman should stay if her physical safety is in danger.
---Trish9863 on 12/23/07

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Condemn your good senses and subject them to the awakening that their denial can only bring.

Serving Jesus as Lord involves the death of the self will. It's very unpopular talk these days and I think It requires courage to even inquire of such a thing. It also implies a heart that wants to see the glory of God, one that has considered standing in the gap to find Christ.

These tings were not revealed to you by flesh and blood, and all good and perfect things are from above.
---Pharisee on 12/23/07

Only you know the truth if you are really being beaten or if it is an emotional 'beating'.
Without medical help, it's possible that your husband is worn out from trying to help you. Please find medical/ministerial help.
---lovable_linda on 12/23/07

No I have never heard that. I would say that, if that is the case, the same should apply to men who are beaten also but I think it would be hard to find a man who would agree with that. Who is it that is putting around such an idea, do you know?
---RitaH on 12/23/07

It's a matter of choice, and I would commend any who stay for Jesus' sake.

At the same time I could never look down on someone who says that they can't bear it any longer. I have no idea what it's like to be them nor do I have knowledge as to what measure of faith they have and I'll never answer for their choices.

My advice in either case is to stay true to their faith and be sure to find forgiveness for their abuser.
---Pharisee on 12/23/07

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There are far better ways of dealing with an abusive spouse than divorce or abandonment. Maybe that's why the Bible doesn't give instruction for it. And isn't it strange how we parents expect our kids to stay home and work things out if they physically fight with eachother but when it happens to us we cry and run?
---john on 12/23/07

That statement sure is contrary to what Paul said in Cor and Jesus said in Matt.
You musta heard that statement from an abuser.
We are called to peace not battering.
Women need to stop taking this junk. We are instructed to obey the laws of the land, where they don't conflict the Word of God. Beating and abusing a spouse is against the law everywhere. (Except maybe Utah)
---Elder on 12/23/07

No,I never heard of that one.Who came up with it Jim Jones?
---shirley on 12/23/07

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