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Having Affair With My Pastor

I have been having an affair with my pastor and I feel so guilty about it. When I repent, he calls me and I go back again. He uses scripture to jusify our sin. My dreams reveal warnings and I know I'm not the only one. I will leave the church because I don't respect him anymore.

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 ---nicole on 12/28/07
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I am sorry to hear this. I too became under te influence of a pastor to be told that the reason he does the things he does is because I am so desirable. Not confessing that it was sin. These men need serious help.
God created us in the image of God. In 1 John, it talks about those who come and say they are from God but are true deceivers for they do not speak the truth. The holy spirit in you is saying run and I would suggest this. You will have a hard time getting away from him. I will suggest getting someone you will trust and share your concerns. Also allow yourself the grace to forgive yourself and seek out the love God wants to shower on you. Remember for none of us are without sin.
---Wendy_Breuring on 9/22/09


Just what do you mean by 'strongaxeing'? If you find my approach objectionable, please let me know what you think I'm doing wrong, and I'll consider it.
---StrongAxe on 2/10/08

Pastors who commit adultery should not be reinstated to the pastorate. Yes, they can be forgiven and can serve the Lord in some capacity if they repent,....

but they have permanently disqualified themselves from the pastorate. To return an adulterer to the pastorate is like returning the fox to the hen house.

If you're in the ministry, you need to step down, too. You have permanently disqualified yourself.
---Cindy on 2/9/08

How can you repent if you don't know what it means? Repent means to turn away from. You can't sin and turn away from sin at the same time. You should feel ashamed, not just guilty. He can not use the bible to justify what your doing is right, because it isn't. He is wrong and you are wrong, if you don't make things right with God. You'll die lost without God.
---Rebecca_D on 2/9/08

Thanks Alan :-)
---Jennifer on 1/22/08

Jennifer ... You are quite right to ask that.
Isn't it strange how some people have jumped on your reply and turned on you?
And they did not bother to answer the original question from Nicole.
I think there are troublemakers around.
---alan_of_UK on 1/21/08

A Catholic priest who is the head of a given parish is called the pastor... why do people have trouble with this one??????????
---Jennifer on 1/21/08

There is no way he can justify this, Jesus came to abolish sin, not condone it, in his own house. A married man having sex, is adultry. A single man having sex, is fornication. A pastor having sex, with a female from the congregtion is a tradegy.Report him to protect his next victim. If you truly care about him & the church, fast and break these chains of darkness. The bible says to do nothing to cause your brother to stumble, and this is what will happen, to many in the church, if this continues.
---Gayla on 1/20/08

Anyone of us can be tempted at any time, however, the bible says that when temptation comes, he will make a way of escape from it. Your conscience is speaking to you, and God is speaking to you in dreams, please heed these warnings, because if you do not, much pain is in store, the welfare of the whole church is at stake, as well as everyone that will know about this, if it becomes public. Jesus is coming for a spotless bride, without any wrinkles, which means pure, not defiled. Run..Now. While you can.
---Gayla on 1/20/08

So, it is idolatry for a woman to depend on me, rather than first trust and depend on God. Well, pg1, this means it is wrong for me to seek the gratification of being sweet and nurturing so a woman becomes emotionally dependent on me rather than God. Thanks, pg1, I needed this (o:

Also...if she fools herself into so depending on me, she is jeopardizing all that **Jesus** paid His own blood for her to have, and which a genuine pastor works for her to enjoy.
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/20/08

I thought Alan asked a perfectly normal question what's paranoia got to with him asking? why attack him?, Usuping is not a Godly friut, but peace, love, paitence, long suffering, joy, rigeousness! you could have said sorry if that's the way he read your response.........
---Carla5754 on 1/20/08

But I haven't done anything... only plagued with these thoughts. he doesn't know at all. he is my friend. It all really began with a dream of ehich I had no control over whatsoever, and now, I just can't seem to stop those thoughts from entering my mind. I do push them away when they come, I assure you all.
---Jennifer on 1/19/08

Nocole and Jennifer, both of you should always take counsel with women in the church. Not men. Man should never counsel women by themselves. If they do, they should always take someone with them. This is done so that matters like this don't happen. If you think you can stop, forget it. Even a person that beats his wife says he will stop but doesn't. Once you have tasted that temptation you will want more. It takes time for God to take care of those problems with prayer. But you have to have faith first.
---Mark_V. on 1/19/08

One time you are saying pastor and then you are saying preist.which is it?? Girl don't walk but run as fast as you can and get a way from him you don't need him you need God in your life you keep this up and he will take you with him stright to hell the bible talks about this kind of sin
---Betty on 1/19/08

Jennifer dear:: I sincerely Believe you show character by disclosing your true self but why turn yourself in to a whipping post to this forum .Let it Lie & do what your conscience tells you.Go in Peace.
---Emcee on 1/18/08

Jennifer dear:: I sincerely Believe you show character by disclosing your true self but why turn yourself in to a whipping post to this forum .Let it Lie & do what your conscience tells you.Go in Peace.
---Emcee on 1/18/08

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Jennifer said: I need him because he has been so helpful in guiding me through a horrible situation that I still struggle with today.

Make sure that you won't compensate him by destroying his life. Be responsible and dignified as he apparently had been with you. Look for an available guy.
---Caring on 1/18/08

Lovable ... No I do not have paranoia!
But I do watch what you write, because you have made accusations against me, and am concerend when you make similarly unjustified accusations and judgments on others. Maybe you do not realise the effects of what you say.
By the way, I have on some occasions supported what you have said, so I don't have a "down" on you!
I'm not sure what your refereance to "strongeaxing" means ... it's not in my UK dictionary
---alan_of_UK on 1/18/08

Alan, do you have paranoia?
Why are you running behind everyone "dusting up"?
Strongarm, strongaxeing doesn't work with me.
---lovable_linda on 1/18/08

Jennifer, what you need is God, not this pastor, you seem like you already know it's wrong, if you want to be a Christian, stop what you are doing, it's that simple, get your guidance first from God's word, and then if you have questions on something, ask a minister, but not the one you have now, if I were you, I would strongly consider changing churches, to remove any further temptations, best wishes, and God bless
---Anthony on 1/18/08

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Lovable ... Why do you suddenly attack Jennifer, rather than answer the original question?
---alan_of_UK on 1/17/08

Where does your need for God factor into the equation? The priest is only a instrument used by God to work in your life. God did not intend for you to become dependent on him. Please do not make excuses for holding on to something that does not belong to you. It amounts to two things according to Scripture lust and idolatry. I hope that I do not appear harsh. I do not want to see you get hurt.
---pg1 on 1/17/08

I'd never move in on him haven't you been reading
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

Accountability personality partners.
Evidently, you are ready to make your move.
Moving in on your target, edging closer.
Your answers are becoming more cryptic and coded, but will reality and accountability take a backseat?
---lovable_linda on 1/17/08

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I need him because he has been so helpful in guiding me through a horrible situation that I still struggle with today. Without him, I probably would have committed suicide. I can't give him up, but would never hurt him in any way shape or form. I care about him far more than I crave to be with him.
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

I am curious. Without giving too much detail,if you desire please answer this question. Why do you believe that you need him ?
---pg1 on 1/17/08

Dear sister it is so hard to say u are the wrong one but since it happen again and again leave that church but do not leave God.Be stron g and courageaous to believe in God, God bless u
---mahta on 1/17/08

Thank you, but I need him. He knows me, and understands me. I will resist teemptation. he never made a move on me.
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

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Hi Jennifer,
You are still in dangerous territory. Seek counsel from someone else. It will only get harder to resist the temptation and your feelings, especially if he begins to show an interest in you. Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 1 Cor. 10:12. God has made a way of escape for you. Please take it and seek counsel elsewhere. v.13

Blessings and Peace to you
---pg1 on 1/16/08

I am currently in a situation where I am seeking guidance from my priest, but I am also falling in love with him at the same time. But, never would I act on it. He means too much to me. Stop it now.
---Jennifer on 1/16/08

My dearest sister
I am so sorry that you fell into that sinful situation. I can identify because it almost happened to me. You are right in your approach. Repent and leave that church. Change your telephone number and do whatever else is necessary to separate yourself from that pastor. I will keep you in my prayers
---pg1 on 1/11/08

Fancying someone is not sin nor does it negate your christianity. God created attraction between man and woman. The sin and mockery occured when she acted on her feelings for this man which in turn led to a illicit relationship.
---pg1 on 1/11/08

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Stop attending this church!! Common sense tells you that this relationship is wrong. He is just selfish and satisfying his fleshly desires. He is using you as a pawn. You are not special to him. You are not the first. He has had other affairs before, and STOP STOP taking his calls. Please come out of that relationship. Resist the sin. Think about yourself. Do you love yourself? Is this what God really wants you to do? Honor the ten commandments. Remember God LOVES the sinner but hates the sin!
---Elsa on 1/11/08

You need to get out of this situation immediately. You are not only sinning against the church but against your body.
Pray for strength, and utilize wisdom. Don't answer his calls and get far away from the situation. He has stolen your body, don't let him steal your soul.
---rraea8898 on 1/10/08

This is a very sad post and a very bad example for pastors everywhere. Who can the people believe in and follow these days? This is why the church is in the condition it is today. People don't respect their leaders and therefore will not open their pockets to give their hard earned money. For what? We can mess off our own money. We don't need anyone to show us how to do this. But God is still in control. This affair will bring untold harm and pain to you if you do not get out while you can.
---Robyn on 1/10/08

No fear of God. No one has this. Even believers do not fear God as they should. Every believer is guilty. One reason why we treat people rotten. If we are constantly aware of a living Creator a living God we would be much more incline to hold back our evils toward people. No fear of God no regard for man. The world the devil laughs.
---catherine on 1/10/08

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I do not know how it happened, but I did not write the blog dated 12/30. Somehow someone else used my name and I am retracting anything to do with that writing. God Bless:)
---jody on 1/9/08

Proverbs 28:13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.
---scripture on 1/6/08


It takes two to tango.

While there are many tales of jezebels corrupting saintly (but flawed) men, there are just as many tales of men in positions of religious power who can't keep their pants zipped, and use their power to force vulnerable women (and/or impressionable youngsters) into compromising positions.

It looks like the latter here: She always feels guilty about it, but HE's the one who calls HER, and HE's the one using scripture to justify sin.
---StrongAxe on 1/5/08

"the biggest hipocrites are always in church"
---dan on 12/31/07
Hey, Dan where do you think they shoud be?
---Elder on 1/3/08

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Cindy ... I think it was over a year ago I last made pecan pie & I'm not sure I mentioned it here.
But strangely, I am going to see my daughter and boy-friend tomorrow, (they also live in the City & County of Bristol,... which until the second reorganisation of our lacal administrative authorities was called Bristol, Avon) and have promised I will make pecan pie as my contribution.
Pecans are quite expensive over here though, since we have to import them.
---alan_of_UK on 1/2/08

Al, how did all of those pecan pies turn out?
---Cindy on 1/2/08

Nicole, You are feeling guilty because what you and your pastor are doing is wrong. If you really want to go to Heaven, you need to repent and turn away from this sin. The Pastor is even more accountable, as he is supposed to be leading the LORD's Flock in Paths of Righteousness, NOT to the Gates of Hell. Humble yourself before the LORD and tell your pastor "No more sin!" And, don't follow your flesh, follow the Holy Spirit (SHKHINYAH). YAH Bless you to do Right!
---Gordon on 1/2/08

Caring ... It has only been 4 days. Perhaps she has been away with family over the New Year.
---alan_of_UK on 1/2/08

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How come Nicole posted the original question and she never showed up anymore?
---Caring on 1/1/08

nicole: your mocking God's word..if you fancy the poor pastor, then your not a true christian but a worker of satan to pull the man down..Dont fool around with God, either get right with God, or get out..sorry, thats my advise
---pam on 1/1/08

If your Pastor is unrepented, or does it again that is bad. If you have dreams, God is speaking to you and you ignore the dreams that is worse. Even intertaining the idea that i might be o.k. is worse yet.
Repent to God thr his Son Jesus and your are instantly forgiven. Leave the Church, find one that preaches the whole truth. Move on in your walk with the Lord...dont let this drag you down, you have been forgiven and you have repented.
---don on 12/31/07

As far as biblicial text go, you are just as guilty as he is. Thank goodness we have a forgiving father. Repent and don't go back, be strong, he is preying on you, he is doing the enemies work. As for him, because he is suppose to be the shepard of his flock, he will be judged more severly than you. Be strong and pray, you can overcome this.
---lisa on 12/31/07

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First of all, I agree with wivv.That is good advice.Secondly,true repentancedoes work-please consider your dreams.The Lord can use dreams to get the message across.There really is no scripture to justify sin.Repent,be baptised in the name of Jesus Christ,and recieve the HOLY Ghost.Acts2:38.
---donald on 12/31/07

If you do change Churches,dont think that the devil will just sit by and let it go.He'll bring it up again and try to make it happen again.It is up to YOU to stop it.It is not the will of God.Repent.In Jesus' name.
---donald on 12/31/07

This preacher ought to be run out of town with a burning torch. And hell he is going.
---catherine on 12/31/07

the biggest hipocrites are always in church
---dan on 12/31/07

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I knew several women in the same position, and it's not an easy situation to be in especially when you are feeling unloved and unknowing vunerable to flesh seeking men who should know better. It's okay for people to chastise you but not so easy for people to help you with the right support. You have confessed here but you need to confess your sins before God/church and read scriptures concerning this Go online bible and type confess/repentance this will sort all the scriptures for you to read.
---Carla5754 on 12/31/07

Take it to the Lord in prayer Remember if you confess your sins and repent God is just and able to forgive you both. You need to ask your pastor to forgive you, he needs your forgiveness too and both need to repent. The Elders must then decide on how to restore both of you back to where you were before you both sinned. You can then make a decision openly if you wish to remain/go. Your not the only one and nor will you be the last to sin there is no big or little sin, SIN is SIN regardless.
---Carla5754 on 12/31/07

meika...I can think of scripture a single pastor can use to fool a woman into immoral involvement with him.

(1) "'For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.'" (Matthew 18:20) He could tell her Christ will be there with them because they are "together" sharing love. Also,

(2) "Test all things, hold fast what is good," (1 Thessalonians 5:21) claiming they are testing how they would be sexually in marriage. (3)>
---Bill_bila5659 on 12/30/07

(3), meika . . . "but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:9) He can say that since they can't help it, this means they are going to get married. (4)>
---Bill_bila5659 on 12/30/07

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meika...what worked to fool me was thinking of how Adam and Eve had no one to pronounce them. So, I did not procrastinate...nor did the emotional degradation of the wrong spirit having me get immoral with the one I thought I was going to marry. There is "the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience", Paul shares in Ephesians 2:2.

So, if you do what is wrong, you won't be able to con your way out of the emotional trouble witch will be there for you.
---Bill_bila5659 on 12/30/07

Yes, move quickly and change telephone.
---Judita on 12/30/07

You and your Pastor need to be converted.
If you seek the true God and His demands
for our salvation in life.It seems that you will have to go further than you are in choosing a church,and in righteous living.
It is written that the BLIND Cannot lead
the Blind,or they Both will fall into the
---Jack_8773 on 12/30/07

Jesus said agree with your adversary quickly or he will send you to the Judge and the the Judge will send you to the jailer and he will put you in prison where you will pay to the last penny.
Because you are in sin you have made God your adversary, His word Judges you and condemns you to death, The devil the jailer will have
dominion over you and all hell will prevail against you and this Pastor,
Repentance is not saying you are sorry, It is turning from Sin to righteousness.
---exzucuh on 12/30/07

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This typr of thing is what causes people to lose their hope in the Lord. There are many false Christ in the world, but ye shall know a tree by the fruits in which it bears. Get out know while there is still hope for you. God is forgiving but His forgiveness will only go so far. If it was endless then Satan would not have been cast out.
---jody on 12/30/07

The word "Pastor" mens "shepherd" - that is, someone who TAKES CARE of sheep.

This guy is no pastor - he sounds more like a wolf in sheep's clothing who is out to fleece you (emotionally, spiritually). Run away! And quickly!
---StrongAxe on 12/30/07

(1) Confront him with the obvious fact that you both have been sinning. Suggest that you both repent of the sin individually and together. Both ask God for forgiveness. If he still persists, (2) same as #1 but with a trusted person, possibly who as also been involved with him, (3) take to church leadership AND remember ... this individual is ABUSING you with power and position!
---guiseppe on 12/30/07

Nicole...You needed dreams to give you a warning? The pastor is not the only person committing adultery here. There are no scriptures to justify sin. You made the decision to become intimate with this man and must repent before the Lord yourself. You say you "will" leave the church, but haven't yet. Why not? Are you hoping that he will decide that you are the only one and leave the others?
---Susie on 12/29/07

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Go to a real Christian, for support, and take this to real leaders...whoever they are. IF his church has genuine Christians as elders/deacons, just tell them > they can tell if you're sincere...IF they know the Holy Spirit's prompting.

Also...I suppose you can record him on the phone, and bring a leader to wherever he next tells you to meet him??? Or, ...after, perhaps, he has denied he has anything to do with you...have him show someplace where leaders are waiting for him???
---Bill_bila5659 on 12/30/07

There is no way a person can justify adultry by using scripture. It reads more like you have let your emotions get in the way of biblical teaching. You should leave that church, and make it impossible for him to contact you. It might be wise to inform the leadership of your church, if you can trust them not to turn on you. (Just remember it will be your word against his.) What would be in your favor is to find some other woman he's "hit" on.
---wivv on 12/29/07

If your are a real Christian, you will truly repent and fear God's wrath of Hell fire and warn that Pastor. Obviously The Holy Spirit has warned you. If you both value your eternal inheritance-repent. Read 2 Tim 3:6-9 for yourself. This is dangerous.
---yochanon on 12/29/07

Please get out now. Resist the temptation to return to his arms. God will bless you abundantly for your obediance if you turn to Him for strength. Ask yourself your life full of peace and joy and calm contentment? You can only experience God's blessing of those things on God's terms, not yours. Be strong, turn away and don't look back.
---Leann on 12/29/07

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Nicole, The best thing you can do would be to leave that church, first of all, because the pastor is wrong if he is using scripture to "justify" the relationship, and secondly, you're probably not the only one he's doing this to. If this church has a multiple elder system, you should go to them and confront the pastor and have him removed from his position.
---tommy3007 on 12/29/07

Humm... let's see here....
He uses Scripture to justify sin and you use dreams for direction.
First you have NOT REPENTED. You keep going back. Now you blame the Pastor for your failure.
Get real sister you know the answer.
Forsake your sin and this sham artist. Find someplace that you can really learn for the Bible and get outta your bed of sin.
---Elder on 12/29/07

Boy, that'll show him, leave the church.
You should have left that particular pastor and church long ago.
Now you'll have to attend therapy sessions to get your head back on straight and to avoid having a lobotomy.
Maybe you should have attended sessions before your affair.
---Mike on 12/29/07

Report it in whatever way you can- take the punishment of the church if any and let them restore you, and by all means get this incident on this man's record.

He shouldn't be in a position of power if he lusts for it and abuses it. If you leave and say nothing you let it continue to the next church member or next church.

The upheaval will also aid the Elders to be a little more careful next time and this would benefit the church in the long run.
Do the most good for the most people.
---Pharisee on 12/29/07

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I think you would be wise to leave this church and find yourself another church to be in, and also to start praying for yourself and your pastor, preferrably in tongues. I also believe you should be bringing the issue to other elders as soon as you have let go of him (if not sooner), so they are aware of what is happening in the church and do something about it.
---sharon on 12/29/07

Does your pastor quote the scripture that says "all things done is darkness, will be bought to the light". Your dreams are God's way of telling you to STOP!!! If you don't get out of this relationship your life will never be the same again. Please remember that obedience to God is better than sacrifice.
---DawnMarie on 12/28/07

hello i just wanted to say that if you know the word and you have it in your heart theirs nothing that this person can quote in the bible that will justify this matter. how is he suppose to be a pastor and he can't even live right and if he's married he's commiting adultry!!! please tell me what scipture can back that up.. please respond back i want to here this one!!!! Meika
---meika_davis on 12/28/07

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