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I Have A Crush On My Pastor

I am being counseled by my pastor.He has helped me with a horrible situation. The trouble is that I have developed a massive crush on him. He is such a good and holy man. I would never want to jeopardize what he has worked towards his whole life. Will I go to hell for my lustful thoughts?

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 ---Jennifer on 1/16/08
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If you die without Jesus, you shall go straight to HELL. No waiting until doomed day, either. Now, on to your question: If you dwell on your sinful thoughts it is a sin. If you act on your sinful thoughts, then you are in sin. Either way you lose! We are never to lead anyone into sin. Your best salvation in this, would be to ask God to help you with your thoughts. Exercise your mind and learn to kick wrong thoughts out. Not an easy feat for some. However, God can help!++
---catherine on 4/2/09

Grow up lady! Crushes can lead to a lot of trouble and headaches for yourself. Find yourself a man who you can spend time with and who will be there for you. This pastor is not infallible. He has a lot of baggage and issues as everyone else does. If you did have a chance at him, when reality sets in, you will see your mistake then. It may be too late,at that point.
---Robyn on 4/1/09

People crush out on pastors sometimes, perceiving them to be "holy." Besides all the straight-up Biblical warnings you got, consider a few more things. Pastors, in their own personal & family lives, are not necessarily more "holy." In their marriages, they have to work through things like any married couples do---maybe he's got a sarcastic streak or is impatient with his family or is a workaholic or any of a number of things. And, do you find yourself thinking, in regards to his wife, "I'd treat him ever so much better than SHE does." ??? Then you've got another layer of issues beyond the desire. No, you won't go to hell for this. But you do need to get yourself out of the situation.
---marie on 3/31/09

Find another counciler. Do not feed yourself with what makes you weak. The Spirit lust against the flesh and the flesh against the Spirit.I think you are in love with the Spirit of God and the beauity of the Lord - God on Him. Pray for eyes again for your own Husband and when you find yourself desiring to be close...pray and think of your Husband. What ever. Do not, Do not mess with what God has done with this man. and do not sin. Talk to JESUS over this. Your actions will follow your thoughts.
---Linda3939 on 2/12/08

Good choice Jennifer! I presume you're a grown woman, get over the 'crush' deal, its childish.
God bless you. Please ask God to forgive your lustful thoughts.
---NVBarbara on 2/6/08

Trish and Darlene may be counselors but experience is still the best teacher. Again separate yourself from this man.No--you will not go to Hell for your lustful thoughts. But your thoughts will get you into trouble,though. Big trouble if you don't them under control. Get a life by finding a boyfriend or a hobby.
---Robyn on 1/30/08


Follow the advice if Darlene (2 posts) and Trish, they are both counselors.

In her first post, Darlene said that your lust was a normal reaction for a female counselee to have for the counselor. It is called transference.

But "normal" does not mean "without danger". You see it, and that is good. That happens with pastors and counselors.

Keep your pastor, but get a new counselor.
---John_T on 1/29/08

Not to sound harsh (but this is the reality of it), the Bible says that if you lust you commit adultary in your heart. The Bible also says that all adulters will have their part in the Lake of Fire. Repentance is the only thing that will set you free.
---Leslie on 1/29/08

Jennifer,I must commend you for your decision to remove yourself from temptation. Your question "will I go to hell for my lustful thoughts",the answer is yes. Matthew 5:8 But I sayeth to you whosoever looketh on a woman/man to lust after her hath committed adultry with her already in his/her heart. Start afreah,ask forgiveness from God,wipe your slate clean and praise God you had the wisdon to flee temptation. Change is hard,God be with you and keep you. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 1/29/08

You will absolutely NOT to go to hell for these thoughts (assuming you are already saved). On the other hand, I would STRONGLY encourage you to find someone else for counseling. The Bible makes it clear, that while your pastor may be the shepherd in your life, you should seek for older women to teach you.
---Jeremy on 1/29/08

Jennifer :: Sharing the love of God with each other is NOT a sin.I have many Lady friends both Young & old & have 6 grown up daughters 11,grand daughters & 11 great Grand so I have had plenty of Practice at Respect & I love each one of them dearly.
---Emcee on 1/28/08

Thank you Natasha. I have decided not to see him anymore. I sure will miss him, though.
---Jennifer on 1/26/08

1. i agree with you Jen. Many here speak as if they have never been tempted into sin. Do not let their harshness upset you. There is some truth in a few of their statements though. So take out the human judgement from their statements and focus on Jesus.
---Natasha on 1/25/08

2. We will ALL always face temptation as long as we live. Its the decisions we make when that temptation comes our way that determines how we live our lives. Please pray about this and trust God. Your prince charming may be just around the corner if you allow God to lead you to Him.. i think you do already know you shoudlnt act but i can hear you are tormenting yourself. I definately would cut contact with the man.. RUN :) lots of love x
---Natasha on 1/25/08

At what point to I give any indication whatsoever that I had ANY intention whatsoever to act on these feelings... The issue is the feelings and thoghts NOT whether or not I should act on them Give me a break!
---Jennifer on 1/22/08

If it's going to interfer with his Priesthood Why push it? your feelings are carnal and against your Churches rules and regulations, then YOUR WRONG. So ask him to leave the priesthood marry you join a Christian Church convert and maybe you can convince him and live Happily ever after, at least he could preach again and end this silly debate. It all sound like stolen waters taste sweet or sweet to the mouth but bitter to the stomache senario. CANNOT BE GOOD in fact it's confusing!
---Carla5754 on 1/22/08

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He is the Pastor. I didn't mean to mislead. Catholic churches also have Pastors who are the priest in charge of a given parish.
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

Now that everyone knows that this is a Priest and not a Pastor and that both of you are single, this will probably change the comments you are receiving.
---Moderator on 1/17/08
---Mark on 1/21/08

All I can say is that it gets stranger by the day, the counsel and comforting committee of one, for one, by one.

All of the self comfort and counsel doesn't appear to be helping, not for about 8 years now. Nor does the bearing witness of yourself, to yourself, for yourself.
---Mark on 1/21/08

If you are saved don't dwell on those thoughts, because chances are you will act on them. And you will be in trouble, big time with God.
---catherine on 1/21/08

Emcee.... Thank you!
---Jennifer on 1/21/08

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Emcee .... Not ALL
---alan_of_UK on 1/21/08

You Guys ALL astound me, Give the Lady a break. In sincerity,Honesty she has exposed Her Feelings,the Priest is a holy man. Shame--Jennifer if your getting Good advice. if you are stll able to control the attraction angle.Thank ask God's guidance in your Thoughts to strengthen your resolve,You Know what you are doing.I for one commend you. Why? because you use the word Respect, remember "You also must not lead Him into temptation"God be with You my dear child hope the problem is solved.
---Emcee on 1/21/08

Many will stand at the door, seeking an invitation to the Wedding Feast..
Lord, Lord, open for us...we prophesied in Your Name....
---Mark on 1/21/08

Mark ... It seems that the times you quote Jesus speaking so harshly, is to those who speak evil themselves.
He did not condemn in such vicious terms those who had fallen into sin (even the woman at the well was not so abused.
And to think that Jennifer has confessed to having a crush ... not taking any action on it.
Having a crush is not a sin, yet you have judged and condemned her.
That's not like Jesus
---alan_of_UK on 1/21/08

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"I never of Jesus talking to people this way."

"Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things?"
"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
"But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment."
"For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
---Mark on 1/21/08

" evil man out of the evil treasures of his heart brings forth evil things."

"When an unclean spirit goes out of a other spirits more wicked than himself shall enter and dwell there..the last state of that man is worse than the first. So shall it be with this wicked generation."
---Mark on 1/21/08

"..for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able."

"When once the Master of the house has risen up and shut the door, and you begin to stand outside and knock at the door, saying,
'Lord, Lord, open for us,' and He will answer and say to you, I know you not.."
---Mark on 1/21/08

We ate and drank in Your presence, ....
"Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity."

"There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob,...and yourselves thrust out."

"GO, tell that fox, 'Behold, I cast out demons and perform cures today and tomorrow, and the third day I shall be perfected.'
---Mark on 1/21/08

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Manipulation. Creating your own monster and then make believing you're scared of it.

i agree alan. there is some really horrible replies to this message. i believe christians are meant to offer advice in love and kindness and base their replies on Jesus' word.. i never heard of Jesus speaking to people this way.. it makes me scared to post here in case of being nailed for it..:(
---Natasha on 1/20/08
---Mark on 1/21/08

The counseling and comforting routine.
Counsel and comfort sin, then throw in a few mockers to validate a false witness of self,
hoping to appear legitimate.

Validating self will not ever comfort, console or cover sin, whether it be real or make believe. False witness of self. What kind of a testimony is that?
---Mark on 1/21/08

Natasha...Jesus did not do everything with gentleness as you suggest. He ran the money changers out of the temple. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery to go and sin no more. He didn't say, "Oh, I love you so much that you can just keep on living anyway you want." Jesus said that if you have lust in your heart it is the same as adultery. Jesus rebuked people and told them to repent. Look it up for yourself. It's all in the Bible.
---Susie on 1/21/08

I think that you should fast, breaking the spirit of lust, that has attacked you. You can be free of this, so that it will not control you. It is there to bring you down, and him too, if he is weak enough to fall for it. This is not of God.Deal with it, so that you will not be condemned by it, and so that you can be proud of yourself, not walking in guilt and shame. Jesus teaches us to be overcomers. Not indulgers....God be with you, for being honest. Now, be free.
---Gayla on 1/20/08

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i agree alan. there is some really horrible replies to this message. i believe christians are meant to offer advice in love and kindness and base their replies on Jesus' word.. i never heard of Jesus speaking to people this way.. it makes me scared to post here in case of being nailed for it..:(
---Natasha on 1/20/08

It's nothing unusual for the counselee to get a crush on their counselor. Most professional counselors know this and take steps to at least try and eliminate this problem. In your case I would suggest you change churches. This pastor has helped you, and now it's time to help yourself by just getting away from him. I don't know if you are still going to him for counseling, but leave if you are. He has now become a "crutch". (He may not know this.)
---wivv on 1/19/08

hi, i can understand your predicament as i once had such an experience. the best thing to do, since you say he has helped you enormously, which i take to mean your situation is better, is to end your personal counceling now. you can still remain fond of him, but tell yourself that it is because he is a good and helpful person, through the spirit of Jesus, and learn to praise the spirit for His help. good luck and may the Lord be with you always to keep you on the right path.
---jeri on 1/19/08

There are two types of lust. The first is the natural biological realization that 'Hey, this is an attractive person that might be a good choice for a life-mate."

There is nothing wrong with this sort of lust, as it is a natural part of choosing a spouse. (Though acting inappropriately upon it might be.)

It's the other: "Hey, man, I'd do that!" type of lust that comes without regard for the person inside the body, or even the body's well-being that is sinful.
---Nancy on 1/18/08

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For those who are clueless, Jennifer's "pastor" is a priest in the Catholic Church.
---Susie on 1/18/08

began to redirect your thinking. You have the power to overcome a "crush" on your pastor. Began to pray to God that he will prepare you for the man that he has for you. Tell him what you want. Have you gone to hell yet for any other lustful thought you had??? But beware lusful thoughts turn into sinful actions which produces sin (separation from God, no man is worth that not even your pastor)
---Clara on 1/18/08

A spirit of Lust.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
---Mark on 1/18/08

If he really is a holy man who deeply cares about you, you can understand that all he has worked for includes that you become pure in God's love which makes us naturally free from lust. So, IF you are secretly lusting for him, you ARE jeopardizing all he is laboring for.
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/18/08

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I understand that loving him includes trusting him...trusting how he would desire you to go to an appropriate person for help...and who can let him know about you are trusting your pastor. Or dinner, I "think" you full well know, would be not appreciative of all he has worked for. But if you get effective help, THEN a dinner to celebrate . . . with a chaperone and trusting him to be in the know about things so he can make his own choice about if he has dinner with you.
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/18/08

I now notice how Jennifer said she would not jeopardize what he has worked for...nothing about jeopardizing his marriage. So, from this, we could have detected he's unmarried and a priest...who has had a "whole life"... thus could indeed be sixty. So, she told us, just perhaps without actually saying it (o: Afterthought can be clearer ((o: Hopefully, Jennifer, you won't wait until mere hindsight makes things clear to you (((o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/18/08

Jennifer, You did not mention that both of you are single in your initial question. The Moderator is right, you both being single makes a big difference. In GOD's Eyes, it would very OKAY to go out with him, certainly as a friend. But, why would "all he worked for" be in jeopardy, according to you? If it's all innocent and platonic, what would be the problem? And you said LUSTFUL THOUGHTS, that's usually meant in a sexual context. What EXACTLY do you mean, then, by LUSTFUL?
---Gordon on 1/18/08

Lustful thoughts have sent many people to hell. God knows your thoughts and God does not want you to have unclean thoughts nor to go to hell, pray to Jesus and ask him to give you clean thoughts, pure thoughts, holy and right thoughts: and choose clean thoughts and live.
---Eloy on 1/18/08

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Jennifer...You know fully well that what you are talking about is sin. I will remind you that vows of celebacy have been totally ignored by hundreds of priests in the false church that you attend. You need to read the Third Chapter of John and see what Jesus said about being born again. Accept Jesus as your Savior and that will be the start of a new life for you.
---Susie on 1/17/08

The remarks here from one person have been despicable, but we must forgive the writer for he seems to be sick in his mind, both here and elsewhere
---alan_of_UK on 1/17/08

Jennifer, I have to reply here because so far, is it just me, or are all these answers really wacky? Anyway, no, dont take this man to dinner or anywhere else. Don't even see him again, no matter if you need him or not or there will be big trouble in your future. Go to another priest and tell him how you feel. My opinion.
---sue on 1/17/08

Jennifer, priests may take a vow of celibacy, but that does not stop some of them from sexual abuse. You need to steer clear of your emotions. Write him a note thanking him for his kindness, and find another spiritual counselor.

God bless.
---Trish9863 on 1/17/08

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What's the cutoff for comments? Is it noontime now. Oh, I sit on pins and needles waiting to see what the priest/pastor single/married woman will do next.
Jennifer, you like the celebrity attention status. I know you do. Too bad there's not any paparazzi following your every move like B.S., (spears). We could all load up and snap photos for the Exterminator.
---Mark on 1/17/08

Jennifer, the good thing about it when you're in the boyfriend mode, we don't hear from the old foggies, not so much.
No, you kick it up a notch and become the B.S.(spears) darling of the blogs.
It's giddy, bubbly, high on the mountain top.

I dread it when the cake falls and everything becomes very low and blue again.
---Mark on 1/17/08

Jennifer, get real Sis. A "crush" is a teenage fantasy, you're a grown woman. Seek out some professional help elsewhere with a different kind of counselor. What could possibly be the extreme outcome of this? Would you want to be responsible for this man breaking his celebacy vows?
Take him out to dinner...I don't think so! Keep your distance from him.
---NVBarbara on 1/17/08

He is the Pastor. I didn't mean to mislead. Catholic churches also have Pastors who are the priest in charge of a given parish.
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

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Now that everyone knows that this is a Priest and not a Pastor and that both of you are single, this will probably change the comments you are receiving.
---Moderator on 1/17/08

If this man runs from you, God Bless him.

If this man runs to you, look out. Being a magnet for all the wrong kinds of men would be a result of being the wrong kind of woman.
Initially, love sick infatutation hides the true person. When that wears off, after marriage, you can see the end result.
Like attracting like.
---Mark on 1/17/08

Go to another Catholic priest and confess all that is in your heart that you are concerned about. He will give you better guidance in this matter, than you will find on this site, because there are to many specifics in your heart that need to be conversed & prayed over.

And if your to ashamed to confess all that you feel are sins then maybe you shouldn't seek any other contact with this priest? God Bless
---Shawn.M.T on 1/17/08

I am not, and never was married. SOmeone is mixing me up with someone else.
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

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I should have numbered those.

I was telling you about a brilliant girl in high school that attracted all of the wrong kinds of men. She was brilliant without any common sense.
She was attracted to successful types but they were not attracted to her in any way.
Through bad marriages, divorces and a desperate search for men, she ended up one miserable woman.
---Mark on 1/17/08

who the heck are you talking about, Mark?
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

oh yes, good idea. Go have a nice dinner, drink some wine, and, yeah right you won't end up in the sack. Such an invitation is absolute sign that you are willing to "go to town" with him. If you do, enjoy the ride!
---Francis on 1/17/08

But no one has answered if it is ok for me to take him out to dinner as a kind gesture for all he has done for me. What are the boundaries?
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

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And, no, he is not married. He is a Catholic priest. They take a vow of celibacy. He is in his 60s and I am in my 30s
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

He has never in any way given me the impression that he was interested in an intimate relationship with me.
---Jennifer on 1/17/08

Jennifer, GOD demands Holiness from His followers. That's not a popular thing to say. But, GOD does not Judge according to what the "majority" thinks or FEELS. As "Pharisee" said, you won't go to Hell for thinking that your pastor is ADORABLE, but, do not let yourself entertain lustful, especially sexually lustful thoughts of him, for that CAN lead you to Hell if left unchecked. If he's married, LEAVE HIM ALONE, except as a Counselour. YAH Bless you to follow the Holy Spirit.
---Gordon on 1/17/08

The more important issue is , Is this Pastor Married?
---Carla5754 on 1/17/08

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To attract their attention, she would run by their houses in jogging clothes. She would figure out their schedules and be jhonny on the spot. Always visible and always available.
Pretty soon, these guys felt like they were being stalked by this girl who was crazed with love and had no concept of how desperate and scheming it appeared.

Needless to say, she attracted all the wrong kinds of guys. The users, the abusers and the every Mr. Wrong you can think of.
---Mark on 1/16/08

She would have her girlfriends drive by guys she liked and slink down on the floorboards.
She hid in the bushes and climbed up on rooftops to catch a better view from across the street, using binoculars. Ridiculous and back then, they didn't call it stalking.
Love sick infatuation.
She never caught one of those good guys, as bright as she was.
She had to settle for users, takers, abusers and she ended up marrying Mr. Wrong a couple of times.
---Mark on 1/16/08

The moral of this story, like attracts like.

If he runs from you, God Bless him.
If he runs to you, you no doubt have attracted another man like all of the other men that you have attracted all the days of your life, and that's not good.

So leave the pastor alone and go back to your own husband.
---Mark on 1/16/08

Let's say that you're actually about 46 years old and behaving this way. That's not acceptable. It's not proper at 16 or 46.
It is a way that will degrade your reputation.

Don't behave like this, it's abby normal.
---Mark on 1/16/08

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Regardless of anything you need objective counsel, most counselors are a bit intuitive to begin with so he may have an inkling that you are attracted to him.

If that's the case he should have at least addressed it, and with the case being as it is I assume he doesn't know, and then that would leave the burden to you.

If you can't stay in the spirit long enough to keep these thoughts captive you need to find new counsel or this may be unfruitful to you.
---Pharisee on 1/16/08

What you're feeling for your Pastor is tranference,it's common in therapy. You're transfering the strong emotional feelings or attachments you've had for significant others in your life to the Pastor. You redirect feelings and desires, especially those from childhood, to him. Since it is manifesting itself in lust you need to find another counselor,get away from temptation. Tell the new Counselor what happened he can help you understand why and you can get over it by self control. Pray for God's help.
---Darlene_1 on 1/16/08

Like attracts like and that's a scientific fact. Let's hope the man is of a sound mind and strong in Christian convictions.

This type of infatuation reminds of a girl in high school that I knew. She was bright on paper, top of her class. When it came to common sense, she was at the bottom, lacking class.
She ran after every bright, most likely to succeed type of guy, but with one major problem, none of them were interested back.
Nadda, zip, zero.
---Mark on 1/16/08

Jennifer...Talk to your mother about this.
---Susie on 1/16/08

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Repent and then only think about repentance for your sins instead of hell or lustful thoughts, and youll never worry about going to hell?
---Shawn.M.T on 1/16/08

jennifer, truth be known, you've probably already pushed the man into the broom closet.
Wait 'til big dog daddy catches you putting a liplock on his associate.
There's no way, a faithful married women would be behaving or talking like you do.
Faithful. I bet you can hardly wait for the church dance, another opportunity to dig your claws in.
---Mark on 1/16/08

Jennifer, No, you won't go to Hell for thinking the pastor is adorable, he probably is, but henceforth you have to get control of yourself, or take up counsel with another- especially if these sessions are alone.

Obey your conscience, but bear in mind, he might have developed feelings for you, and may be thinking the same, I don't know marital statuses here, but don't rule anything out.

In either case you should be honest with him and let him have the opportunity to do what's right for him.
---Pharisee on 1/16/08

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