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My Husband Is Lazy

I am 21 years old. I have been married for three years and I have a one year old daughter. I am working and going to school right now. My husband has lost 3 jobs in the last three months. He has not been trying very hard to look for a job. He depends on me to find his jobs. What should I do?

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 ---Brooke on 2/20/08
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Luke 10:38-42 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lords feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, Lord, dont you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! Martha, Martha, the Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to train the younger women to love their husbands and children.
---bike on 1/30/13

Family, this is an old problem. ..still a Today problem! To Stamatina you are very much correct in my opinion. The first thing God.made for the man... was WORK! He is not serious when he tell her look out for him jobs.... I have been through this. Not good. Thankyou! Love of jesus! ELENA
---ELENA on 1/30/13

Any one old enough to remember Ma and Pa Kettle? Pa Kettle was not a hard worker, yet Ma loved him dearly. Pa was a simple man more concerned about his pipe. He won a slogin contest and magnificient house when all he wanted was tabaco. Why don't you watch some old Ma and Pa Kettle movies? I recommend you rent the movies and may be a little humor will help. "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough concerns."
---born on 1/30/13

This is the age that women work. You have a one year old child. There may not be profit in having two incomes. Your husband should look after the daughter while your at work and in school. That is work enough. There is no savings in paying others to sit your child. The only thing accomplished is that neither of you see the child.
---bike on 1/30/13

If matters were reversed, will we say that the stay home mom is lazy? NO. Rather we say stay home mom's are hard working. No one wishes to criticize the stay home moms. Sounds like your platter is full between work and school. Sounds like it is good that your husband be a stay home dad.
---aaron on 1/30/13

The fact that you state he depends on you to look for his jobs is confirmation that he is playing you. He knows you are anxious for him to work and he is in no hurry to go out and get a job because he is comfortable right where he is. Instead of looking for a job for him you should be making his new job at home uncomfortable with the expectation he will do everything from chores to taking care of the kids, shopping etc. Most men hate this kind of stuff. Stop everything you are doing above your working hours. Stop talking about him getting a job and start acting like you don't care but to work and be lazy at home because you are tired. Be firm and dont cave in.
---Stamatina on 1/30/13

Is he lazy or depressed? Maybe he needs a good physical. Explain what you printed above and see what your doctor says.
---wivv on 3/11/08

If this were me...I would continue to work and further my education but I would NOT buy anything for my husband. No food, no clothes, no gas for his car, no NOTHING. Then if that didn't work I'd tell him he has to move out until he can act like a man and contribute to support his family.
One day he's gonna wake up and find that he's too old to begin a career and he'll have to work at minimal jobs the rest of his life.
---sue on 2/26/08

I'm guessing by your age he is also young? If so, he needs time to grow up and mature into a godly man. Keep him in prayer, be patient with him, and force him to grow up. That is, don't enable him to remain a "kid". Make him look for his own jobs. I realize sometimes it is easier to just do the foot work for him, but he has to learn to stand on his own two feet.
---kady on 2/25/08

Mama's boy or lazy,

Mama he's lazy, lazier than me
and on the couch is where he says he always wants to be...

Mama, I found a man, but he's not like I thought
At first he seemed like a dream, so we tied the knot
Now I'm afraid - the truth is out, all my jewelry's in pawn
It's sad to know, that he won't go to work 'till the money is gone...

---Bob on 2/22/08

Mama he's lazy, lazier than me
and on the couch is where he says he always wants to be

Oh mama, I've always said, my life would be grand
Well this ain't right, so tonight, I'm leaving this lazy man
He thinks that I'll - be home from work, but little does he know
I'm all done, I pawned his stuff and hid his TV remote !!
---Bob on 2/22/08

Notice that Brooke did not say her husband was "lazy". That is the title the moderator gave this question.
---Susie on 2/22/08

Joe thanks for the testimony, I've seen it time and again where the very thing you spoke of is TRUE!

That aside, I'd say that you had better be honest...No not about what you think of him, but what you feel the sense of loss and the pain it causes you.

Harsh words will only stir up strife, much more will be accomplished with tears and honesty. Don't force anything, wait for an easy time be direct and temper your words with grace. If talking doesn't work see Joe's advice.
---Pharisee on 2/21/08

You could give him back to his mother.
But honestly, you are fulfilling that mother role.
If you don't help him, it's possible that he may not look for work because he is accustomed to a life of leisure. Old, bad habits die hard.
Bible says that a man that does not provide for the family is no better than ....I'll let you look it up the rest of it.
---Bob on 2/21/08

Have faith in God. Let not mercy and truth forsake you, bind them to you and never forget to apply them. By doing this you will "find favor in the sight of God and man." Trust in the LORD completely, focus on Him, "lean not to your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path." Do not judge, condemn or criticize your husband. The way to develop the best in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
---josef on 2/21/08

Dear Brooke
Your husband sounds as if he is depressed and discouraged, maybe even giving up, I had a bad year before similar to his, my wife never called me lazy, The Lord had been testing me and I soon got through it and now God is blessing us. i suggest to you both to seek the Lord, and some career counseling as well as your Pastor.
---Jim on 2/21/08

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First, PRAY for him and your heart attitude. Second, he may need a physical to determine if he has anything going on. Then, see if he is depressed. Losing three jobs may be a sign of depression, or a cause of it. Third, see if marital therapy or individual therapy is in order for him. But, most of all, pray for him.
---trish9863 on 2/21/08

first, take it to GOD , prayer changes things, and have alot on your plate, don't look for the jobs for him.GOD'S word says the man is the head of the house, so you have to let him be the man!you don't say your husband age, is he the same age? the reason why i ask is it don't seems as if he may not be ready for the family life, talk to him to see what exactly is the promblem!
---cherry on 2/20/08

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. This is not limited to men!

Prayer changes things, but mostly prayer changes me.

I found that 30 years of marital problems I thought were faults of my spouse were resolved when I let God have His way in me. I couldn't get there without being on my knees a long time, then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was the problem.

Thank God!
---Joe on 2/20/08

Was he like this before you married him or has he changed since marriage? Perhaps his parents did everything for him and he expects you to now do the same. He needs a short, sharp shock though. This is not how it should be. Because you have a child together he needs to realise that he is (or should be) the main bread winner and he needs to accept his responsibility as a family man. Would he listen to you if you said this to him?
---RitaH on 2/20/08

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