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Uninvited To Catholic Wedding

My son uninvited us to his Catholic wedding. His fiance who has never met me, did not want me there because of my past before I became a Christian. Regarding my preacher husband, my son said, "We don't want him telling everyone about Jesus at our wedding and reception." What do I do?

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 ---KarenD on 2/20/08
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Your son and daughter in law are both at fault.prayer is the only answer. Perhaps a card or gift you can send them for their wedding would have been appropriate. You must forgive them to restore your relationship. Usually what the bride wants the bride gets. My only cousin on my mother's side of the family invited me to her wedding-but did not ask me to be a brides maid. I was hurt. She had 10 brides maids. But I got over it.
---lisa on 5/25/08

Never force yourself on anyone.
Teach by example.
Ask your daughter-in-law out to lunch, and without being defensive, listen to what she has to say. She has a right to her feelings, just as you do.
Invite them over for dinner so you can see the photos. Tell your son you're sorry you missed the big day.
Speak with kindness, not as a victim.
---deb on 4/3/08

Dollie.....Thank you for your comments. I have not tried to contact my son since this happened. I know that the Lord will work it out. Unfortunately, his brother tells me that he married an extremely controlling woman who is arguing with all the other relatives too. So, at least I am not alone.
---KarenD on 3/25/08

you did the honorable act, respected their desires--and let them have their day-- why put yourself in situation where conflict could have come up. put all this in God's hands, pray for son/wife, extended family members also self that bitterness, hatefullness does not take hold. it's hard to love those that do not like you but with God all things are possible//my prayers are with you/family//
---dollie on 3/15/08

It is a shame that a person holds grudges against someone because of their past. Your future daughter-n-law is in the wrong. It is also a shame that they don't want Jesus at their wedding. Because by shunning Christians away, they are also shunning God away. Both your son and his fiance needs to grow up and get saved. I'm sorry but if this man's wife choses who he sees and who not to see, she needs to learn to be submissive and her husband needs to have a backbone. Give it over to God.
---Rebecca_D on 2/25/08

Karen, isn't it strange how everything is turned on the head, upside down, and you are accused of bad child-rearing, etc. your husband of being a prosthelyzer from the benches, and so on.

Jesus taught that to enter the Kingdom of Heaven we had to put our hand to the plough and never look back. You did your best for your son, offered him the true Christianity that you had, and he chose another way.

You can only watch from a (safe) distance and be there for him if he ever needs you.
---frances on 2/22/08

Lisa...Where did you get the idea that my son is communicating with me? I haven't heard from him since the call saying that she wanted him to uninvite us. We would not have even stayed for the reception because of the heavy alcohol drinking. How many Christians would be getting drunk at a wedding?
---KarenD on 2/22/08

karen can you please take this blog off and put up your real question?
you have changed your question 2 times.

1- your son is now with his wife....they are supposed to break free from their parents and now they are one. They have their life now together. Let them be.

2- your son does communicate with you still. You should be grateful

3-only prayer can do the rest.Pray for healing.
God bless you
---lisa on 2/22/08

Karen ...if she's that dominant contolling manipulative to him - pray more for him - her too ...maybe God will soften her heart

send a card to his office address (not home) every 2 to 3 weeks just letting him know you're thinking of him - wishing her well too ...very sad - my heart and prayers go out to you - there is nothing else you can do ...attempting to see him probably stir up her wrath ...your hands are tied your son has done the unspeakable - marrying a women who leads him and he obeys her
---Rhonda on 2/22/08

Bob....My children are all grown. My husband has more class than to try to convert people at a wedding and reception. We are well-respected in our community. This woman has taken control of my son's life. We had been invited by him and she made him call me and tell me not to come. I had intended to give them some family heirlooms for a wedding present and she didn't want them either. She refuses to meet me. He did not want to do this. Please pray for this situation.
---KarenD on 2/22/08

Move on. Forget the wedding, the family whatever. Work on the soul. Lovingly guide them back to a true understanding of God. Turn the other cheek etc. Remember that if you train up a child, he will not depart from it when he is old. Doesn't say anything about the middle years.
---dan on 2/22/08

I should have said, "What do I do to have a relationship with my son after this marriage?" She decides who he sees and refuses to even meet me.
---KarenD on 2/22/08

Everyone at the wedding,Catholic or other denomination who accepts Jesus was born died,raised from the dead is waiting for his return,is already aware of Jesus.
Especially if they are Catholic. They Worship Jesus our Lord an Savior.
It sounds like your son-his wife didn't want the preacher to come there thinking he needs to convert..when those attending Catholics are already saved!
---lisa on 2/22/08

I would really like to hear the son's version of this story.
There are no repeat performances for child rearing unto adulthood.
Wake-up call, for no more repeat performances of this situation for the other siblings.
---Bob on 2/21/08

The dye was cast a long time ago.
It is a real wake-up call for the family.
You still have time to turn things around with your other children, healing for the family unit.
---Bob on 2/21/08

I apologize I thought you were looking for sincere feedback.

It appears this questions was only posted on 2/20/08?

Why would you pose a question of (What do I do?) if the wedding has long been over?

Trivial now ...not looking for an answer to the absurd wishes and prayers for your family
---Rhonda on 2/21/08

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Karen, if possible try to let your son know that you agree with his decision, or were not in the least offended by it. He is a victim as much as you are. One day he may need you to pick up the pieces of his life and if you are not there, it could be tragic.
---frances on 2/21/08

KarenD one poster tells you it appears your home is dysfunctional while going on about her sons wedding ...another tells you it's a wake up call - I disagree - it appears your son/future wife are disrespectful hurtful by uninviting rather than discussing

...nothing you can do except respect wishes ...don't attend ceremony - may cause more hostility ...a few weeks before wedding send card with warm wishes to your son and his future bride with your gift ...then pray letting go and let God...
---Rhonda on 2/21/08

When I encounter questions of this nature it really,really pains me to believe someone you birthed could be so cruel. All of the answers and guesses in the world could not answer it properly. My heart goes way out to you mom. More than you will ever know.I would be hurt beyond repair but God knows best. I would recover from it by the grace of God and so will you. God's love and blessings to you dear. I love you in Jesus name.
---Robyn on 2/21/08

The wedding is long over. We did not attend. My husband is not his father. His step-mother and his new wife's mother both work at the Catholic Church/school where they were married. He did not want to do this, but was forced to do it by his wife. Please pray for them.
---KarenD on 2/21/08

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It seems obvious to me that the son has told his wife-to-be things about his mother's past that it would have been better not to tell. It also seems obvious that this couple are not Christians, regardless of their church attendance and desire for a church wedding. If they were Christians they would know that the past is passed and they should be looking forward, also they fear the Christian beliefs of his parents because they don't understand. At the moment they are totally lost.
---RitaH on 2/21/08

this has nothing to do with Being Catholic.
Look if you have had problems in the past an it disturbs your son at his wedding, that is between you and him.
This is not an issue for us hear to judge.
for we don't know the whole situation an can't really help you in the way that you need.
This is just another "I hate Catholic" story from what I see.
---lisa on 2/21/08

I am so sorry you are being excluded from your son's wedding. I attended my son's and it was one of the greatest days of my life.

How is it your son is engaged, and you have not met his wife? Why is that so? How old is your son? It seems like a very dysfunctional home life for you.
---Trish9863 on 2/20/08

Why are they so afraid that you will make yourselves obnoxious in the Name of Jesus?

Does he have reason to fear that?
---Jack on 2/20/08

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What makes the son think his father will tell anyone about Jesus? The son and fiance may be sorry in the future, especially when they show the wedding pictures. And when the grandchildren arrieve, what are they going to tell them about their grandparents not being at the wedding? It sounds like a rift in the relationship was made some time ago. If the son talked to the father and told him his concern, bet the father would he'd be invited. Maybe this will be the start of healing the relationship.
---wivv on 2/20/08

Dear Karen, how heartbreaking for you. But remember it is only a day in his life, after the photos are taken and the meal eaten, it is over. The real thing is the relationship with your son. Consider yourself let off the hook, there will be no embarrassment for you or your husband. Your son is making his bed and boy, will he have to lie in it. Just pray that your daughter in law sees the light. Meantime just show them your love.
---frances on 2/20/08

It does appear that your son is making the break from childhood to manhood, and now making his own decisions.
The fiance has not met you but does not want you there?
You can suggest family counseling, but at this point, I think your son has given the entire family a big wake-up call.
---Bob on 2/20/08

Speaking as a Roman Catholic, unfortunately there are many so-called "Catholics" in the world (especially the USA) who have no real relationship with Jesus. His actions are actually considered sinful by the Roman Catholic Church. You may want to ask him to ask his priest what he should do. I'm sure the priest would welcome you.
---Greyrider on 2/20/08

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I would go your son is important to you and you don't want to miss his special moment.Try to show love to the new dil-Jesus wants you too.If she is devout she'll be a family member 50 years or more.Your hb doesn't need to talk about Jesus all the time.If someone asks his profession he should say pastor of whatever church.Tell him to pray before going if someone asks him questions he can answer honestly what he believes.Otherwise just pray silently and enjoy.
---shirley on 2/20/08

Wow Jesus is our saviour why should he and she be ashamed.
---rosalie on 2/20/08

Respect their wishes.
---notlaw99 on 2/20/08

Your family dynamics are very dysfunctional,first of all.Why does your son let this woman rule against you like this already? She needs to be respectful of you as her mother-in-law. I don't see any happiness for you or this marriage on down the line.There are too many problems in this loaded question to really address them all.What does your past have to do with coming to your son's wedding?You are a Christian now, this is all that matters.Why is your son so rebellious toward you and his dad?
---Robyn on 2/20/08

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Respect his wishes and stay away. Legally he might not be able to stop you going to the church service (I'm not certain) but he can certainly say who attends the reception, or whoever is paying can do so and that will possibly be the couple themselves or her parents. Give them your gift, wish them a happy future and pray for them during the time of the ceremony and reception. He won't know it - yet - but that is the best gift you can give them.
---RitaH on 2/20/08

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