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Marry Cheating Lying Boyfriend

My boyfriend of 5 years has a history of lying and cheated once. He says he wants to change and seems interested in coming to the Lord. I love this man. I want to forgive him and move on with our relationship. Am I wrong hoping and praying he will change for his benefit and so we can be together?

Moderator - Yes you are wrong because you should only date a Christian according to scripture. You are greatly increasing the chances of a divorce later down the road if you get married to him and would be in direct rebellion to the scriptures.

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 ---Shannon on 3/14/08
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You are out of order and in rebelion to the scriptures(God's Word) Until you line up with the Word of God you will continue to have trouble with this devilish boyfriend of yours.You are making your own bed hard and you will have to sleep in it.When we disobey God we suffer,for it.The moderator is correct also. I agree.
---Robyn on 5/16/08

My husband of 23 years cheated on me two years ago and I have been trying to work it out - it is so hard. It hurts so bad. We dated for three years before we got married and he cheated on me twice while dating. If I had it to do over again I would NOT have married him, because I now believe it is the character of a person. I believe once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. I would be very leary of him. I would find someone else who would not cheat on you.
---Cindi on 4/26/08

Perhaps you could just sit back, let him live his new life for about 2 years, and then....consider marrying him.
---Annie on 4/25/08

I was at lunch with a friend.Three women
were sitting at a table. One said that her
old man was in jail for two years. The
second one said her old man was in jail
for one year. The third said her old
man was running from the law. My friend
leaned over and said,"look they are proud
of it!" It seems that lying, cheating men
and going to jail wins over women, while
the christian male with shirt and tie sits
at home alone.
---michael on 4/24/08

rosalie,by her own discription of her boyfriend what would you say God thinks of his life so far?he lies,he cheats ,yet she is considering marriage.wowis this what women want out of a man?
---tom2 on 4/21/08

so lets make this perfectly soul mate,your soul mate,everyones soul mate ,is jesus put an over amount of decision making based on feelings is wrong ,and the person honorable,kind,just,caring,loving,and foremost a believer.these are the reasons and attributes when looking for a mate.not a soul mate cause you are already owned by god, and saved thru jesus.
---tom2 on 3/22/08

yes susie,the only one we are soul tied too is god thru jesus, and that is absolutely the only one.its people and many christians living by their feelings,instead of gods word,that makes for so much tribulation in peoples lives,and relationships and confuses them.
---tom2 on 3/22/08

marriage is a committment,a choice. not a feeling.just as love is.not what someone can do for you,but what they do because they love and appreciate you for who and what you the lost may love,or should i say think they love for sex,money,materialisam,many things.but they are lost in the flesh ,and seek relationships most times for the wrong a christian relationship with jesus is first and becomes a model by which were seek relationship in this life.
---tom2 on 3/22/08

question, should I marry my lying cheating boyfriend? answer yes, if you want a lying cheating spouse.
---tom2 on 3/21/08

tom2...Amen! Being "soul tied" to someone is a new age doctrine and has nothing to do with Christianity. People will believe just about anything but the Word of God.
---Susie on 3/21/08

rosalie,I appreciate your opinion.but not one of us is soul tied to another in this life,or the one heaven there are no husbands or wives.and how she feels has notta to do with a thing.thats the issue with relationships that don,t include jesus by both i said after 5 years he in my opinion doesn,t love her enough to change and she should move on.
---tom2 on 3/20/08

pt2 the question in itself makes little sense.marry lying cheating suggestion would be break it off and see.also tell him what youi expect.
---tom2 on 3/20/08

I have been in this situation myself. (weird we have the same name!) Anyway, you should no longer date him. You can remain friendly and pray for him but put space between you and him. Talk to Jesus like you would talk to your boyfriend and take this time to grow closer to Him. I know it's hard, but you know it won't work unless he changes. Plant the seeds,pray,let God work and leave this man to make up his own mind. That is all you can do.
---Shannon on 3/19/08

tom2, your comment was a little cutting considering you would not have any idea what this lady is feeling or how she may be soul tied to the man. Its not that he does not love her enough to change. but thank you for you JUDGEMENT
---rosalie on 3/18/08

hidtory of lying to you.does this mean he doesn,t any more?as a christian you aren,t suppose to have intimate relations with anyone but a husband.if he hasn,t changed in 5 years he really doesn,t love you enough too change.
---tom2 on 3/15/08

Shannon::Change lies within the mind of Him who realises he needs change and works to effect the change upwards.This can only be determined by Him .Your observation alone is not a determining factor.While love based on demeanour is the attraction.This wears away in time when the flaws are exposed.The adage "Marry in haste and repent at leisure" is appropriate to apply in this case.Mods advice is sound.
---Emcee on 3/15/08

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Evangelism dating, counterfeit for the Christian. Seems right, appears like you're doing good works, but in the end it dupes the Christian.
Cyclic relationships, dating, marriage, divorce, remarriage, separation, divorce.
Not intended for the Christian, but that's what you get with two unequally yoked people.
---Cindy on 3/15/08

Be cautious. U say u want to forgive him, what's stopping you? We are to forgive as Jesus forgave us! Prayer is never wrong. Jesus prayed for us, to be unified into one body, his body, Jn17:20-23. Where does it say that a believer can only date a believer? While this is good common sense, where is your supporting scripture? Is it 2Cor.6? Paul was talking of false apostles in the immoral Cor. church! I Cor.5:9-11 is speaking of immoral "believers!" Pray over 1Cor7:12-40 and listen to your heart.
---Dan on 3/15/08

I would say if theres already a 5 year history of lying and cheating, chances are you dont even know the half of it. You can rest assured that theres a whole lot you dont know. Also, if you guys are sexually active then you need to break up and get as far away from one another as possible. Seek Him first, dont settle, dont be focused on potential. God has someone better for you.
---Bish on 3/15/08

Shannon, unless you boy friend is a pagan it is impossible for you to be "unequally yoked." The tern has a very precise definition, Marriage between a Christian and a Pagan. We have a lot of incompetent idiots blogging here who conception of know what the term really means.

If you think you are going to change you boy friend, think again, the probabilities are not in your favor. God does not run a dating service, It is all up to you be careful!!!
---notlaw99 on 3/15/08

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Change him before you marry him because if you can't (which is very likely) at least you can walk away. You won't likely change him after marriage. Things in this category only get worse once you are married.
---john on 3/15/08

Five years? Girl, you are slow! How long is it going to take you to wise up to him? You have a life of your own to lead, and a God to serve. It's time for you to wake up and get on with it!
---jerry6593 on 3/15/08

You can't change your boyfriend. The change has to come from his heart. He can't come to the Lord anytime he wants. He can't say Oh I think I'll get saved today. It doesn't work that way. You are not in the wrong for wanting and praying for him to change. But remember that you can't change him. I would keep praying that God would put him under conviction so he will get saved.
---Rebecca_D on 3/14/08

Shannon...Don't waste another minute on this man. You have already wasted five years.
---Susie on 3/14/08

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The chages of him changing, outside of knowing Christ as Savoir, are slim to none. Don't make the mistake a lot of Christians and non-Christians for that matter, make, and that is thinking you can chage him after marriage - it will not happen. You might as well move on with your life. (But, beware, he might dangle to carrot in front of you saying he is thinking about becoming a Christian.)
---wivv on 3/14/08

It would be fruitcake nutty to think that you can change this man. Some people cannot be fixed.
Don't look for a fixer upper next time. Find someone that has it altogether in the Lord. Mod says, find yourself a Christian, save yourself from the heartbreak. If he had wanted to change, it would have happened in the first year. Waiting five years is fruitcake nutty, clingy and desperate.
---Mark on 3/14/08

The Bible states that you can't become "unequally yoked" or MARRY a Non-Christian. But two people dating is just fine.

We are to be a LIGHT to everyone around us. Christians, Non-Christians, and everyone in between. That is what the Bible teaches. Matthew 28:18-20 and Acts 8:4.

It could very well be that God has brought this lady into this man's life because this is the "best" time to reach him. You don't want to hinder God's work!
---sag on 3/14/08

Shannon . . . does he love you by admitting he has lied, without getting caught, first? If you have to catch him and prove you know before he admits to lying . . . we can't say he really is interested in honesty and real love with you.

Feelings of selfish love can be so convincing. They can be an effective bait to charm you together with a wrong person, so you then can get hurt and suffer in arguing and confusion and stress, like I have seen happen. Love is honest, is he?
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/14/08

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You know the answer or you wouldn't be questioning the situation. If he is interested in coming to the Lord, then back off of your relationship with him and tell him to settle his issues with the Lord first and then see where it leads. If you marry him as an unbeliever, you'll only be asking for trouble.
---tommy3007 on 3/14/08


Love addiction for all of the wrong reasons do not make a Mr. Right.
---Cindy on 3/14/08

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