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Fell Asleep At A Guys Home

My husband left because he thought I cheated on him (I fell asleep at a guy friends house, NOTHING happened). I have said sorry, now I need advice on getting him to come home.

Moderator - What were you doing at another guy's house in the first place? That within itself is irresponsible.

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 ---Angela on 3/22/08
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hi dear to get your husband back home, i think you should by now have sincerely worked on yurself and firmly resolved to act responsibly and think about the other person's emotions in all you do.
next pray to God to put your family back together and keep reaching out to your husband. sincerely let him know how much he means to you and be determined to win him back
---patience on 7/22/08

Whatever that happened for your husband to leave has already happened.
1. see him personaly and apologise unless he is avoiding you. verbal face to face communication is much better.
2. put yourself in the wronged persons shoe and see how he must feel. you got him to marry you, use the same process to get him back home.
4. remember there is nothing you can do without prayer, so every step, pray before you take the action. i will also be praying with you. bring me the feedback after you are done
---betty on 7/18/08

---Greg on 6/12/08

---Greg on 6/12/08

The moderator is soooooo right on the money, here. As a Christian we should never put ourselves in a tempting situation, OR a situation that will be perceived by others as something sinful. Your male friend should have had more respect for your honor.
---Todd1 on 5/25/08

StrongAxe .... You miss the point.
I don't think my situation is anything like that described by Angela.
Had I been married, our friend Sue would have sent me home to my wife, or phoned her to explain I was too tired to drive home.
---alan_of_UK on 3/29/08

Once I was getting ready for work the evening shift.
A mutual male friend had come by the house and
being I was rushed for time, my wife was dealing
with our visitor. Finally I was getting ready to go and
said to my wife, "Honey I am going". She repplied,
"Have a good work day, honey"
---Nana on 3/28/08

Our visitor also said, "Have a good day". Well, I
dilly dally some more and repeated my good bye
once more. Got back the same responses, so I
turned to our visitor and said, "I am going to work".
He repplied, a bit in the "grieved" spirit of Peter in
Luke 21:17, "Yeah, have a good day!".
---Nana on 3/29/08

I repplied, "You don't understand, I mean that I am
going to work and you are going out with me" He
said, "Ah, you are not.., aah". I said, "Look, I am late
for work and there is nothing to discuss, am I not
lord of my own household?", "See you later...".
---Nana on 3/29/08

If I was your husband, I wouldn't come home either.
---Philip_L. on 3/28/08


Re: "Moderator ... #3".

See? Sometimes sleeping really IS just "sleeping"!
---StrongAxe on 3/28/08

Moderator ... # 1 .. Yes we did agree. It depends on the relationship between the man & thwe woman as to whether meeting alone is OK
I remember when my wife was alive, & a Girl Guide (Scout in US) leader, I used to meet with the married female leader of another unit to plan our joint jumble sale, and to discuss the equipment requirements for joint camps (I was quartermaster)
---alan_of_UK on 3/28/08

Moderator ... # 2 And as outgoing Editor of our Church magazine, numerous meeting with the lady incoming editor to help her get settled in to that role.

I would not have made any of these visits if the spouses had not been aware and agreeing with it, nor if I felt attracted to the woman.

Did I go to sleep? Well ... (cont) ...
---alan_of_UK on 3/28/08

Moderator ... # 3 Did I go to sleep?
Well ... After my wife died, I used to visit the second lady (one of my late wife's closest friends, and both supported each other through illness and difficulties) for support & the occasional meal.
I remember on one occasion being so tired from the bereavement stress that I fell asleep in her comfy armchair in front of a warm fire ... to be awakened with a great grin from the returning husband, and an invitation to stay for my second meal of the day!
---alan_of_UK on 3/28/08

Elder you still do not see the point.but relapse into conjecture,You shout with others "Crucify Her"where is YOUR proof to condemn, you are passing judgement on one who fell asleep, is that a sin?you make it a sin by innuendo.They Killed an innocent man once with the same words.Let HIM do what He thinks best NOT YOU and the MOB.Re your invite "Fools rush in where angels dare to tread".Thanks.
---Emcee on 3/28/08

Emcee I invite you to be the first visitor to the Free Clinic. It will try to help those who walk around without a spiritual mind and/or a practical sense of reality.
Your statements have nothing to do with the Bible.
David's sin was he began to look... It lead to the sin of adultery, murder and the death of a child.
Jesus never condoned sin even though He did love the sinner.
No one here has condemned this woman for what she could have done. We pointed out that what she did was wrong.
---Elder on 3/28/08

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lol, Sounds like we agreed with each other all along. My original statement at the top of the blog is in reference to the context of the limited info the blogger provided and her situation. However, as a general rule people of the opposite gender shouldn't be in private with each other. Common sense is needed here for the exceptions.
---Moderator on 3/28/08

I've actually spent the night at a male friends house without my husband. Nothing bad happened either. BUT to be honest, it did cause an arguement between me and husband. This happened a long time ago (2 kids and 24 yrs. later were still married!) and we've both learned from it. We learned to trust.

Trust is so important in marriage, without trust you can't be happy in a marriage.

Is there a reason your husband can't trust you?
---sue on 3/28/08

Moderator ... I agree with yuo, this lady was very silly to go there by herself, apparently without her husbands agreement, and still more silly to fall asleep!! And I worry because he did not wake her up and send her home to rest with her husband.
What I was disagreeing with was your blanket disapproval of any married woman spending time alone in a house with a man, because this is on most occasions quite valid and innocent.
---alan_of_UK on 3/28/08

Elder:I wonder what the Free Clinic would consist of? It is true women who earn their livelihood,are picked up For Talking,Police call it soliciting.But notice it takes 2 hands to clap what were the men doing Cruising?Do they have a name?We all lack CharityJesus said "Love one another as I have loved You"Some misguided woman is still some mothers Child do you think That love Has evaporated or stifiled?Does Jesus love such unfortunates Less?"I came to heal the sinners."
---Emcee on 3/27/08

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I am confused to why you are over there? Why didn't this man wake you up and send you home? If you weere to tired why didn't he offer to drive you home? I think you have left a lot of important details out of this story. If this was merely all that happen and you are a christian woman your husband would be more understanding. I thnik a lot of details are missing.
---Lisa on 3/27/08

Emcee & Alan,

I think between Elder, Holly & others the points are very clear that what this lady did wasn't a good idea. I agree Elder to compare what this lady did to Jesus ministry was over the top.
---Moderator on 3/27/08

Emcee, You make me want to start a Free Clinic....
You said, "Jesus talked to the woman at the well." Did you notice that He TALKED with her. And it was in a public place where everyone could see their COMPLETE activity.
Your comparing of Jesus doing the Fathers will at the Well and a woman sleeping over is about the most disgusting thing you have ever wrote.
You can't see the fleas for the parasites.
Moderator how do you put up with it all??
---Elder on 3/27/08

I ask is there anyone here who has read this blog that can say without a doubt that there was no physical contact between this woman and the man she stayed with?
The honest answer is NO!
You might hope nothing happened and I do too. You cannot know. Because doubt is here that brings in the evil. The appearance of evil is at work.
No one here can say with fact that she didn't want something to happen either.
Again the husband knows more than we do and he left her....

---Elder on 3/27/08

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1) As a single, Christian woman, I am very careful about not letting myself get into the position of anything that looks like the appearance of evil. I never have men in my apartment, married, single or otherwise, without having another person there. Even when the handymen come from the apt. complex, they send 2 ppl to do the work together. I do not spend time alone with my friend's husbands, etc. My witness is very important to me and I guard it at all times. (This posted to the wrong blog the 1st time!)
---Holly4jc on 3/27/08

Stongaxe...I would have either: a) asked her if she can wait until her husband came back, so he could move the furniture, b) told her that you would be happy to come over to help her husband move the furniture when he returns or c) took a friend over there with me so that the wife of your friend and yourself would not be all alone. :-)
---Holly4jc on 3/27/08

StrogAxe, I trust my wife enough to do whatever she things is right. She thinks with a pure godly Proverbs 31 ladies mind. Not a Proverbs 7 mind.
She would never "sleep over" at a man's house because of what it could/would look like. Those who cannot see this don't want to or their morals are weak.
---Elder on 3/27/08

StrongAxe sorry for misspelling your name last time.
I told you the bum was harmless. I will also tell you that apples are not oranges. This little apple didn't hang out with her apple orchid. She went over to the orange tree apts. I will also say that evil appearance corrupts good manners.
Cond #2
---Elder on 3/27/08

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Cond #2
First the woman knew she was alone with a man not her husband. Why did she stay? How would she not know that she was sleepy enough to "fall asleep?" I bet if the doors were open and the blinds were all up she wouldn't have fallen asleep.
Her husband knows her better than any of us and he left her. That should tell us something.
I have not heard a word of sorrow or asking forgiveness from her. Saying she is sorry doesn't cut the cake.
---Elder on 3/27/08

Moderator::Just another thought in fairness is suspicion a sin? ."Do we have the right to ASSUME."
---Emcee on 3/27/08

If we are supposed to be God's example to the world-by way of purity, righteousness, modesty, and holiness...sleeping at a member of the opposite sex's house, especially when married, is not the way to go about it. That is what the world does and WANTS to be thought of as okay. Then it's up to the individual as to if anything happens or not. No standards...that's the world. If married, it most likely will cause issues within the relationship. I can go on and on as to why it's wrong and a bad idea.
---jeff on 3/27/08

If you try to justify this as being alright, then you're simply unwilling to submit yourself to God's standards and are rebelliously fighting to have it your way so you can do as you please. Anyone looking at it from the standpoint of setting a Christian example to others, putting your mate first, and protecting yourself from temptation...those things alone should lead one to believe it's not a good choice.
---jeff on 3/27/08

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Moderator::Sorry you missed my point which was defaming a persons character is against the 8th C "Thou shalt not bear False witness"Jn4:27Woman at the well-would a person who made a false call based on appearances is called slander.mMatt7:1-5
---Emcee on 3/27/08

Emcee...God's ways are not our yes, Jesus did things that were contrary to our human ways/customs/traditions quite often, however, OUR ways should be God's ways, not the other way around. And God's ways are listed in the Bible.
---Holly4jc on 3/27/08


Did your respective spouses know? Did you have a sleep over? I think some of you guys are mixing apples and oranges.
---Moderator on 3/27/08

2) Sure, I may not be actually doing anything with a man who is in my apt., but the neighbors would assume so and they all know that I am single and a Christian. I am called to be different than Sally down the street. And that's not even touching on the subject of avoiding temptation. We need to use Godly Wisdom in these areas of life, not worldly wisdom. When in doubt, consult God's Word, the Bible. :-)
---Holly4jc on 3/27/08

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Many years ago, a good friend of mine was out of town, and his wife asked me to come over and help her move some furniture around, because he wasn't there to do it for her. Do you think that there was anything wrong with that?
---StrongAxe on 3/27/08


No disrespect, but my version of the Bible doesn't talk about Jesus going to a married woman's house in private and then falling asleep. I think you missed what that passage was all about. Would the Pope do this?
---Moderator on 3/27/08

Moderator::Jesus talked to the woman at the well,By their standard of social behaviour was He wrong?It was wrong to even talk toa tax collector?I Know the deep southhas itsdeep and tried morals but what happened In New Orleans?Land of the Mardi Gras.
---Emcee on 3/27/08

Oh boy! This is getting kind of funny! "Would the Pope have a sleep over at a girls house?"

Hey, we don't know what the Pope does when we're not looking! For all we know, him and the Queen of England have sleep overs all the time! (I'm KIDDING) On the other hand, if they're anything like my dear elderly mother, they can fall asleep any where any time.

The point is though, all this could've been avoided by using some common sense. It seems common sense is becoming extinct.
---sue on 3/27/08

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Here's a man who promised to forsake all other women and be with you till death. Doing that is a big step for guys! Well, for you to spend time on another *couch, that sends a signal that he's not that highly prized as the only man you'd ever allow yourself to be that vulnerable with. You have dissallowed him the privelage to be The Man in your life. The positive side of this male ego is actually quite the charming thing that attracts us to our particular man, it's not a bad thing.
---Nicola on 3/27/08

(continued from last reply): But when they open up that much and get slapped in the face with their lady love zonked out at some other guys pad, ouch. No need to tell us here if you did or didn't. I'm saying that If Truly Nothing happened, stand your ground becuase that is the truth, but I would apologize to him for making him feel like he was not the man in your life and apologize for not calling for transportation home(assuming that guy friend wouldn't drive. hmmm).
---Nicola on 3/27/08


In most Christian circles in the USA it would at minumum be considered very disrespectful to do what the poster did. Where I live in the South even the non-christians know not to do something like that. Do you see the Pope or any other Christian leader having a sleep over at a girl's house? Of course not.
---Moderator on 3/27/08

Moderator ::With all due respects to your thoughts.It is solely a matter of trust based on ones relationship in Marriage.That is how the meaning of Gentlemen and Ladies get their Nomenclature.Real ones I mean.we should not be too eager to condemn.I am sure your partner trusts you unless at some time you have broken that trust .
---Emcee on 3/26/08

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Mod ... " I would never be alone with another woman as it is irresponsible"
Why would it be irresponsible?
Tomorrow a married woman will come to my house to help me do some housework.
Two weeks ago a married woman was alone in my house discussing her plans for the remodelling of my garden.
What would be wrong with that?
---alan_of_UK on 3/26/08


You are jumping to conclusions to state that the husband is jumping to conclusions. None of us know the history. Obviously if the husband is upset there is a problem. I would never be alone with another woman as it is irresponsible and I hope you wouldn't do that to your spouse if you are married.
---Moderator on 3/26/08


The husband left, because rather than trusting his wife (in whom he had placed enough trust to marry), he chose rather to immediately jump to conclusions and assume the worst about her. Even in America, we have "innocent until proven guilty". Unfortunately, among all too many Christians, it's "guilty based on the slightest innuendo". (So much for forgiving seventy times seven).
---StrongAxe on 3/26/08


If a married woman can't be trusted when away from her husband, she's not an equal, she's property or a slave (pretty much how women were treated in Biblical times, but not today).

How far do you trust your wife? Certainly enough to marry, and be at home with all your stuff, and behave herself when you're gone. But do you trust the homeless bum the same? If he's a good trusted friend, then you should trust him in your place. But if not, you're comparing apples and oranges.
---StrongAxe on 3/26/08

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Angela. You don't need to tell your husband that you are sorry. Your actions have proved that.
You see, my wife would have let me know where she was going and why. I could have called her if she was late. She would not have entered the house if only a man was there.
You have too many gaps in your story.
You need to ask your husband and the Lord for forgiveness. Be prepared to live with the results of your unladylike actions.
Why would you stay long enough to fall asleep anyway???
---Elder on 3/25/08

RitaH said, "Our job is to answer the question as it is asked and not answer according to our wicked imaginations."

I agree with RitaH on this one. Why would we question Angela's truthfulness as if she was an unbeliever? She's looking for answers, not more condemnation.

Angela, we don't have much to go on, but you definitely need to communicate at length with your husband, remain transparent to him and pray for God to restore your relationship. I'll be praying for you both.
---righteouswarriors on 3/25/08

The Bible says to flee the appearance of evil.
A married woman away from her husband, falling asleep at a mans house sure sounds evil looking to me.
Did this "sleep" all of a sudden just fall down without her knowing it?
Why was she there alone in the first place?
It is not good to do it or condone it.
---Elder on 3/25/08

For those of you who seem to think this is OK, there is a harmless bum down the road from me, is it OK if he sleeps at your house while you work?
I'd guess this is not the first time this woman has had a lame excuse like this. Her husband knows.
Had it been her husband doing this people would be lynching him here.
---Elder on 3/25/08

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Of course I agree with Alan_UK that everybody is not confused by double speak. Only those that are not as wise as he.
---Alan on 3/25/08

Alan ... I give up!!!
You are either a not very funny funny-man, or a trouble maker.
---alan_of_UK on 3/25/08

I agree with Alan_UK that she was furthering Christianity by being at this guy's house in private. But of course falling alseep while serving is lazy.
---Alan on 3/25/08

Didn't you and your husband have a marriage covenant? Being 'faithful' doesn't necessarly mean in a sexual way. Now you know the feeling people will have when they say they have done things for the Lord, but Jesus says I never knew you. Why? Because God does NOT shack up. The 10 commandments are the marriage covenant.
---Dr.Rich on 3/25/08

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StrongAxe ... Vacuum cleaner salesmen don't often fall asleep when they are calling on potential customers!
The visit is OK, and innocent in nearly every case, but if the visitor falls asleep and forgets to go home, there is something odd
---alan_of_UK on 3/25/08

Alan ... ......................................................
(the last say)
---a on 3/25/08

Bringing every thought captive. Thoughts lead to actions.

Before you know it, you've had an affair but it really doesn't seem that bad if you're both Christians. It was only a lower form of communication that destroyed your marriage and family.
---Cindy on 3/25/08


If there is nothing wrong with this situation, why do you believe her husband left? Are you implying Christians are perfect, therefore they should test the bounds of their marriages?
---Moderator on 3/25/08

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Moderator: (3)

I think that as Christians, we should be mature enough, and have enough self control, that we can carry ourselves properly in any circumstances, where alone or in a group. If a woman (say) opens a door to a vaccum cleaner salesman, he comes to sell her a vacuum, and nothing else. Are door-to-door salesmen an "appearance of evil"?
Why are we so quick to believe that people with strong moral compasses immediately toss them aside when nobody is looking? Is Christ so weak?
---StrongAxe on 3/25/08

Moderator: (1)

Just what IS wrong with "being alone in private with someone else's spouse"? What do you think they are doing? Talking about weather? Exchanging recipies? Committing adultery?

For any Christian worth his salt, it would be #1 or #2, never #3. Why is it that we, who all claim to be victorious and set free from sin, automatically assume that the moment an opportunity for sin arises, everyone will rush to be the first to jump into the pool to get into it?
---StrongAxe on 3/25/08

I agree with Alan_UK that having the last say in a blog and judging others intentions shows how smart one is.
---Alan on 3/25/08

sorry doesn't instantly make it disappear ...give him space to process ..sounds like it's something more then just staying the night if he left you - appears your "friendship" takes up some free time ...maybe less time with your husband? you have children at an age that know what this may imply? ...Appearances can lead to judging for the wrong reasons and you put your husband in that position's about staying true to marriage spending time with husband not single guy friends ...
---Rhonda on 3/25/08

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angela,you may know this to be an innocent issue,and may be falsely accused.but as a married woman you should have never put yourself in the situation.apparently your husband doesn,t know this man,and trust you.if the roles were reversed how would you react.second if you are a believer this behavior was and is totally inappropriate.not personally knowing you I might say you need to accept respobsibility.
---tom2 on 3/24/08

I wish Alan would stop agreeing with me!!
It is clear he does not.
But maybe his post to Emcee reveals what he is trying to say.
---alan_of_UK on 3/24/08

I agree Emcee Christians should act as evil as possible and tell others not to judge us.
---Alan on 3/24/08

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone"why are we so readily eager to judge?
---Emcee on 3/24/08

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I agree with Alan_UK that I sometimes fall asleep at the grocery store, therefore it is OK to go to another woman's home and sleep there too. You are wise indeed.
---Alan on 3/24/08

Moderator ... Ypu ask StrongAxe "Do you believe being alone with someone elses spouse is a sign of holiness?"
No, it is not such a sign, nor is going to the supermarket to buy food.
Then again, neither of these activities is by itself a sign of unholiness. So you are too harsh if it is just a question of a visit.
Mind you it does seem odd that Angela was so rerlaxed at the house that she forgot she had to go home, and fell asleep!
---alan_of_UK on 3/24/08

It doesn't even matter if Angela 'did anything' or not. Look at the trouble it's caused! God-given common sense should have told her this was not a good thing to do.

Advice to get her husband home? Keep talking to him, keep praying and tell him you'll do anything, including getting counseling, to make the marrigage work out.
---sue on 3/24/08


Christians should avoid the appearance of evil and being alone in private with someone elses spouse isn't appropriate even to the non-christians regardless if nothing happens. Do you believe being alone with someone elses spouse is a sign of holiness? Of course you don't.
---Moderator on 3/24/08

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Alan ... I will not try to explain why you are not agreeing with me.
I am sure others will see the difference between our two comments on this kind of situation.
---alan_of_UK on 3/24/08


I agree we should avoid "the appearance of evil". But why is this case evil?

The only reason a woman going into a man's house is seen as evil is if the viewer automatically assumes that the only reason to do so is to have sex.

And that implies the viewer assumes the people involved are depraved and incapable of restaint without a chaperone.

If Christians make such assumptions about other Christians, what does that say about how they live their own lives?
---StrongAxe on 3/24/08

I am just agreeing with you Alan_UK that married Christians should be alone in private with others spouses. You are a wise man.
---Alan on 3/24/08

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