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2008 April Humor Blog

Oops, already into a new month! Please Mods may we have an "April Humor Blog"? We could all use a giggle!

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 ---NVBarbara on 4/2/08
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Here's one: Elisabeth...Give us your salvation testamony.
---catherine on 5/25/08

When it comes to Elder, its anybody's guess Emcee! I think his brain is 'sludged' up from that heavy coffee he drinks!
---NVBarbara on 5/6/08

Isn't Clairol a sort of hair shampoo?
---a on 5/6/08

NVB::Is it possible His blondes name was April in college I mean?so he is being steady.
---Emcee on 5/6/08

I saw your misspelling Elder, I just didn't want to correct you and have people think you're a blonde. I don't know Miss Clairol, she must be one of your friends...
---NVBarbara on 5/6/08

Hey, Barbara were you voted Miss Clairol in your class? Humm... do you really want me to show up over in May?
Just teasing. You are so old that when you graduated Blondes were popular.
(Ps. What you don't know is when I started this I spelled Blondes wrong. Ha ha on me again.)
---Elder on 5/5/08

Glad you're staying in April Elder, we can gossip more about you on the May blog!
HA HA...I was only one blonde of MANY in my college graduating class! Happy April!
---NVBarbara on 5/4/08

There were two blonds in their third year at College..... ha ha now ain't that a joke.....
---Elder on 5/3/08

Elder :I just couldn't resist"then stay with April"
---Emcee on 5/3/08

Barbara are you sure about Steve? Maybe he missed what he was trying to tape and just settled for your arm.
That tape must really work. I've never seen a broken duck.
---Elder on 5/3/08

Hey, I may or may not go to May.
---Elder on 5/3/08

andy ... I don't get it!
Is it something to do with the incorrect spellings?: ...

How do you call a dutch busineSman viSSiting New-York?
a dutch buSSinesman touring the big Apple.
---alan_of_UK on 5/2/08

All move to the May blog! See you there....
---NVBarbara on 5/2/08

All move to the May blog! See you there....
---NVBarbara on 5/2/08

You see that asking for serious jokes really helped, now at least i can understand them.
here is my joke,
how do you call a dutch businesman vissiting New-York?
a dutch bussinesman touring the big Apple.
---Andy on 5/2/08

NvBarb, yes, Jesus loves the little children, and out of the mouth of babes he has perfected praise.
---Eloy on 5/2/08

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My son who spoke well and had a large vocabulary at 2 years old came to me one day and said 'Mom, what's 'thesino'? I was puzzled and questioned him about it. He was getting a bit frustrated after repeating the word and trying to make me understand. ...Finally he said, 'you know mom like we sing in church, Jesus loves me 'thesino!'
True story of my son Bobby.
---NVBarbara on 5/1/08

Knock Knock!
Whos there?
Duane Who?
Duane the bathtub, I'm Dwounding!
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 4/30/08

Kids are raised! Thank you Lord!

But more people here with psychokinesis than I thought. Steve had to duct tape my arm to my side! (He seemed to enjoy doing it just a little too much!)
---NVBarbara on 4/30/08

I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say, "Barb, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while. And when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."
---NVBarbara on 4/30/08

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Barbara... and what makes you think it is your hand?
Ah... visions of grandeur.
If you raise your hand someone will call... ugh, sorry that's the Poker blog or was it that fortune teller again?
Huh, you want someone to raise your hand. Is that like having someone raise your kids?
---Elder on 4/30/08

I say: I know how I can make you say an indian word.
You say: How?
I say: See, I told you so.
---Eloy on 4/30/08

me: knock knock.
you: who's there?
me: Know.
you: Know who?
me: You'll see.
---Eloy on 4/30/08

me: knock knock.
you: who's there?
me: See.
you: See who?
me: If you would open the door, you'd know.
---Eloy on 4/30/08

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Did it Work, YET! ha ha ha
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 4/30/08

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand...
---NVBarbara on 4/29/08

What do you call a guy who sits on your door step? (Matt) A guy who sits in a hole? (Phil) A guy in the water who can't swim? (Bob) A guy under his car? (Jack) I'm Cliff,drop over some time!
---1st_cliff on 4/29/08

Yeah Karen, most husbands use that line at least once!
---NVBarbara on 4/29/08

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One night I woke up with my husband standing on the bed, pulling all the covers off me. When he woke up, he told me that he had been dreaming of fighting alligators.
---KarenD on 4/29/08

I have a giggle. God.
---catherine on 4/29/08

Andy, what?
OK here's how its gonna go...
You be Serious and I'll be Roebuck. Together we will start a hardware store and call it Serious and Roebuck.
We can buy a bunch of useless rags and sew them together and sell them as Young Modern clothes.
We can serve my coffee and call it Stuckbucks. And, hard candy on a string so the parents can recover it after the kids eat it. They'll save money.
Also rubber hot dogs if we can find some way to keep them from tasting like the Ball Park brand.
---Elder on 4/29/08

Willow, oh, Willow, how many times must I tell you...
You do not have to spread my coffee on the roof. Cause a building with no roof is just a box with no top.
OK, one more time... just put a sign up saying you have sprayed the roof with my coffee and the birds will stay away.
Well, maybe not those who have seen what my coffee will do.
I had a college Professor who turned back into a monkey because he drank the whole cup.
---Elder on 4/29/08

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Christian couple sleeping soundly,wife,dreaming they were watching people get baptized in river,she took hubby's hand and said "Lets sing Shall We Gather at the River",they did. Hubby woke her,asked,"What are you doing sitting up,holding my hand,and singing?" She said "What was I singing?",he answered "Shall We Gather at the River." She asked,"Were you singing too?". He replied "NO! I was sound asleep until you woke me up singing!"(true story).
---Darlene_1 on 4/29/08

Great to see U Willow! Thanks Mods! Old Knothead is fine, shedding his thick Winter coat. Steve's well John, rarely blogs here. I left a msg. over the wk-end on Trish's home phone, she wrote a note and said she'd worked all wk-end. DDM-great! I think the day I turned 40 I needed reading glasses! MikeM has been a no-show lately.

I was walking down the street the other day when this guy asked if I wanted a frozen banana...I said 'no' but then thought I might want a regular banana later, so...yeah.
---NVBarbara on 4/29/08

How about YOU Andy, we're all up for a joke!
---NVBarbara on 4/29/08

hey guys can anyone tell us a serious joke? i'm totally lost
---Andy on 4/29/08

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nvBarb, he he that is funny...Elder and his acid coffee. If I drank some of it I'd probably be awake for days.
---Eloy on 4/29/08

I know how to fix the bird problem my church but I can't use that Bio hazzard you call coffee.
remember the Chicken incident! I still got that super sonic egg stuck in my back yard!
---willow on 4/28/08


how is knotthead thats you cats name right?

I have know idea why I am allowed to post here again but thank you Mods!
---willow on 4/28/08

I just had an eye Test it's 20/10
I read line 13 I think it was, Very sm.
The nurse that was about 20 W/Glases, punched me in the arm(in a kind way)and said Man, you got good eye site!
Thank You Lord, is all i can say...
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 4/28/08

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I have 20/20 vision--with my glasses on! :D Otherwise I see about 20 millimeters away so even then I guess I'm 20/20 lol :D :D
---Mary on 4/28/08

I'd like a PIEce of that Please!
Laughter of the Soul, Cure's Many heart Aches of the Mind.
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 4/28/08

I cee 20/20 and that's emmmm...mmmm....good.
I don't drink the coffee or kookade, though.
---John_T. on 4/28/08

NVBarb, hope those heavy duty blogs aren't waring, wearing you out!
How's Trish and Steve doing? Will Steve be blogging again? Wonder what happened to MikeM?
---John_T. on 4/28/08

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I don't need no stinkin' pills...I cee as well as John T!
Thanks John, with so many heavy duty blogs its fun to be silly sometimes!
Glad someone notices and may appreciate!

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
---NVBarbara on 4/28/08

Yeah, sure that must be it Eloy! They think he's got an (old) Ms. America in his car!
The REAL truth is that his car is covered in his coffee and the streets clear when they see (or smell) him coming!
---NVBarbara on 4/28/08

Elder, oooooh Barb, are you gonna let 'em get away with that one? Maybe the cops won't stop you because their afraid of her beauty.
---Eloy on 4/28/08

Nah, I don't need any pills. I can cee everything clearly and accurately.
But thanks anyway.
---John_T. on 4/28/08

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John_T, you need to take bigger pills than Barbara and I take.
Eloy, Looney Tunes you say? Hey I ain't having my picture pasted on no Pepsi glass.
(PS I love you folks even though you don't get out enough.)
I got a picture of Barbara in my car window and the Police are afraid to stop me...
---Elder on 4/27/08

This fellow goes into a Texas bar. While he is drinking the TV shows Bill Clinton on the news. The newcomer says, "Hey, that's the biggest Donkey face I ever saw." An old farmer gets up and walks over and punches the guy, knocks him on the floor, kicks him a few times and walks away.
cond #2
---Elder on 4/27/08

As he gets up the TV flashes to Hillary. The man says, "Wow! That's a bigger Donkey face than the last one." An old rancher comes over and hits the guy with a whip, pulls him down onto the floor, stomps him and walks away.
The man got up and said, "I didn't know I was in Clinton country."
The bartender said, "You ain't. You're in Donkey country."
---Elder on 4/27/08

I've always enjoyed Elder NVBarb's humor, it's a real trip.
---John_T on 4/27/08

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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other..
---NVBarbara on 4/27/08

NvBarb and Elder, you two witty ones are funny, like looney tunes "goofy gophers"...that's a compliment.
---Eloy on 4/27/08

'Snake in the Grass' by Willie Russell
---Warwick on 4/27/08

I lived in Dublin(Dr. Pepper) Tx.,
Go Lions!
TX. does have Good B-B-Q!
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 4/26/08

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Hey Guys

in Texas 'tis the season to BBQ.
Steak depending on thickness is 7min on one side and 8 on the other, seared to perfection oh drool drool!!!
---willow on 4/26/08

How about the two Silk Worms that had a race... it wound up a tie......
---Elder on 4/24/08

Did you hear about the guy who cut a hole in the carpet 'cause he wanted to see the "Floor Show" but then he covered it up because the "cracks" were dirty?
---1st_cliff on 4/23/08

"Race to the Outhouse" by Willie Makit and Betty Dont.
I feel like I'm in High School again!
"Under the Grandstands" by Seymour Butts
---NVBarbara on 4/22/08

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"Under the Bleachers" by Seymore Bu..s
---lisa on 4/22/08

1st Cliff:: what about Lost in the dark BY Seymore Light.
---Emcee on 4/22/08

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
---NVBarbara on 4/22/08

Another book I liked was "Back to Back" by Willie Turner.
---1st_cliff on 4/22/08

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"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
---NVBarbara on 4/22/08

A guru and 2 followers were talking in a coffee shop. The guru said "I think. Therefore I am". His followers were awestruck at his wisdom. The waitress came by and asked if they wanted more coffee. The guru replied, "I think not"...and disappeared.
---mikefl on 4/20/08

So, what's the difference between a banana?
---mikefl on 4/20/08

How do you know an elephant is hiding under your bed? You can smell the peanuts on his breath... If a man is alone in the woods and cuts a huge tree down will the greenies still find him and persecute his anti-earth habits?
---mikefl on 4/20/08

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Old knock-knock jokes. You gotta answer 'em to before you read the response... okay. Knock Knock........ Boo.....Whatcha cryin' for? Knock knock.........Yah...... Ridem cowboy. Knock knock.......never mind...... no, really. never mind.
---mikefl on 4/20/08

LOLOL!! I think this world might indeed be better run by dogs than the current humans! :D But I have to say, the Lab should be king! :D
---Mary on 4/20/08

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas!
---NVBarbara on 4/19/08

Cliff, I believe that was a companion book for one written by Eileen's brother Ben.
---NVBarbara on 4/19/08

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Good book for all you readers out there "Tragety on the cliff" by Eileen Dover.
---1st_cliff on 4/19/08

Snide, barfworthy, but not funny.
---lisa on 4/19/08

Bonnie::Ha ha You killed my laughter wilh your Humerus.
---Emcee on 4/19/08

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