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I Have Committed Adultry

I committed adultry and hurt my wife in the worst way. Is there anyone with advise on what I may do to help ease the pain I have brought my family?

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 ---stephen on 4/11/08
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Stephen~ You're going to have to give a lot of comfort to your poor wife.

The Bible tells us we not only need to repent of our sins, but we need to show the FRUIT of repentance. (Example: Zaccheus not only repented of stealing from tax payers, but he ALSO gave back all the Money he stole from them plus extra on top of that...he gave them fourfold!! Luke 19)

You're going to have to do the exact same for your wife. You're going to need to show her your absolute repentance and get down on your humbled knees and pray with her, begging for forgiveness and to God for forgiveness. You'll have to show the fruits to her and your family by showering them with utmost love & devotion.
---Anne on 3/20/09

Only time will ease the pain! There is no way of telling how much time - but figure on years. Just a little advice at this point - 1. Don't bring up your adultery since is will only lengthen the time of healing, and 2. Don't allow anyone, (especially family) to "play" on your sin as a means of leverage to take advantage of you, and don't you allow them opportunity to take advanantage of you. (And of course,good behavior is expected of you.) And alway remember, "I'm not perfect, just forgiven". If you have repented and still feel guilty, it won't be God who is making you feel guilty.
---wivv on 3/19/09

As you do feel guilty and sad, i believe u still love your wife and family. Don't have adultery again and turn back to your wife. She will pardon you if you bring back yr genuine heart and promise not to hurt her anymore.
---par on 3/19/09

Are there any folks out there that have made it through this process and that feel their marriage has been completely restored who would like to summarize how it was possible?
---David on 2/18/09

repent to her, if needed over and over. Let her vent without getting mad. encourage you not to go into much details. try and lesson the details. however, be willing to answer her questions without getting defensive. then affirm you love to her and stupidity over the situation. find out what her love language is and minister to it. increase your faithfulness inregards to the things of god.
---jonathan on 1/22/09

I have had the same problem with my husband, the worst thing you can do is lie to her about what happen give her a lot of love and let her know why this happen.It is always a reason for what we do. I loved my husband more after we remarried but he rejected me and I pulled away from him, he didn't want to make love to me and never told me the truth about what he had did.Now we are married but he sleep in one room and me in another I have tried to talk to him but it don't work, the only reason I don't leave is because he is older and sick, but I ask myself am I being fair to myself, because I wanted my marriage to work.
---Mamie on 10/8/08

If you are a Christian, you're first thing to do is to repent. This is between you and God. Next ask you're wife and family to forgive you. Now it is all about you drawing close to God through prayer and following his word. You must allow the healing process to be handled by God don't you try to force anything. Be very patience. What ever your wife wants to do you have to agree with it even though you may not like it. You have sown and now you must reap, not always a fun process.

Not a Christian, get a relationship with Jesus Christ. How? Romans 10:8-9
---Don on 9/20/08

In life we hurt many people not that we set out to but it does happen.I would go to The Father in Jesus Name and ask Him to open your Spiritual Eyes & Ears as to what He would want you to do to try and ease their pain.He has the answers we just have to be still after prayer so He can show you
---Gabby8758 on 5/8/08

Andy, even if you exclude the moral issue, if someone says "I love my husband very much" and go out with someone else to me is like a father who loves his kid but he puts him for adoption.
---Caring on 4/28/08

Caring, Romans says i do what do not desire. (about sin Romans 9) bassically no-one can say never with me, we all need to pray to God to deliver us from doies not exclude eror regretfully. that is why one needs to repent
---Andy on 4/28/08

Kelly, I'm just curious, how can you commit adultery if you love you husband dearly?

I love my wife dearly and profoundly and to me adultery is completely out of the question.
---Caring on 4/26/08

I too have committed adultery and hurt my husband, who I love very much. Confess your sins to God, and be forgiven. Then, rededicate yourself to your marriage and your marriage to God. For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.
---Kelly on 4/25/08

well its going to take time and alot of patience time for your wife to forgive u and heal and patience for you to wait for her to forgive u but time is the best healier and prayer because once trust is broken its almost impossible to put back together but with god all things are possible just continue to pray and repent before god and move out the way and let god do the rest but still do small things to show heru are truly sorry in time god will heal her heart and as long as u let god move for u
---jay on 4/22/08

The bible said Christ is just and able to forgive. Believe,Repent, Love,and most of all.

---Carla5754 on 4/20/08

I use to wonder, I am serious, Does God stand around all day long looking at the smutty sins of people? Then I realized He doesn't have to because He already knows your sins. No, God's eyes are holy eyes and God has His eyes on His holy people.>>>God also sees the sufferings of His people. His eyes are on His people who are suffering. not on the unbelievers who are causing the suffering. He knows their time is coming.
---catherine on 4/19/08

Give her time and space. It is going to take her a long while to trust you again. Trust is a BIG 5-letter word. I'm sure she loves you, but you got to remember that she is badly hurt and hurt feelings don't go away just like that. Don't bring up the subject, when she is ready to know the reasons, she'll come to you in due time.
---Rebecca_D on 4/12/08

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For those who are tempted to do the same, just remember, that a few moments of "pleasure", will surely bring months and/or years of pain if not the destruction of your family.

Simply, don't do it.
---Caring on 4/12/08

Search your desires and your heart and conscience and see what you really wanted when you had this burning need to sleep with someone else.
Have a serious, honest, bare it all with God. Have a "man-to-man" so to speak with Jesus. Bare it out till you can't squeeze it out any more. Ask for help in keeping you on the right path becuase a lepoard never changes his spots. You opened up a can of worms and others are guilty of this so your'e not alone. Continued.. .
---Nicola on 4/12/08

Next (If you REALLY want to!) Talk to your wife and tell her that you really want to work on this. Prepare to listen honestly and seriously repent to her for making her feel like crap.
Cut all ties with the "other woman". Dont mark her as the WOB in your life because it takes two to tango but pray for her as well. She needs it too.
---Nicola on 4/12/08

If you have repented(turned away from)this, know that God forgives you. May take time for her to forgive you and longer to trust you. Stand in your forgiveness before God but don't be arrogant with her, she's hurt. Humble yourself before God. Pray with her and for her. Let her see your heart. Guard your heart,mind,eyes so you won't be tempted again. Show yourself trustworthy.
---melann on 4/12/08

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1 dear steven how do you mean start a housechurch? to begin a ministry is defenately at this point NOT an option. 1 Tim 3 talks about the nessecities for any bishop. married and loyal to one wife are standarts. go to a pastor,ask Christ to forgive you, ask your wife to forgive you, forgive your own mistake, if nessecary ask for deliverance . and be filled by the word of God.once everything is restored, and not before, if God calls you: start a ministry.
---ANDY on 4/12/08

2) I know that at this time it may feel that you do not find the support in church. but believe me that is just a feeling. it is caused by your guylty concience and fed by the devil's forces to ghet you out of the place where God can restore your marriage CHURCH. many things i could discuss again, yet whatever is nessecary your pastor or pastoral counseler can do that too.
---ANDY on 4/12/08

Rend your heart, pray to God, repent of your sins and start a home church. There is something a home church can do that a "church" (a denomination, a building, a non-profit organization) cannot do - to bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2). There are many verses that having a small group of six Christians meeting daily: Hebrews 3:13, Hebrews 10:24,25, Ephesians 5:19, 2 Corinthians 1:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29, Colossians 3:16.
---Steveng on 4/11/08

First look (or pretend) into a mirror and admit to YOU why you did it & decide if you want to commit to a faithful life w/wife. Forgive yourself then ask your wife. Be very careful what you share w/wife, no need to hurt her more, just the fact that it was done is more than enought.
---Chip on 4/11/08

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Time and patience. Give her the extra attention and reassurance she needs. Let her know what you love about her. Most important Pray For the Lord to give you yhe knowlage of what to do, ask for his healing touch
---lisa on 4/11/08

Google blue letter bible and look up Adultery, fornication, Repentance, Marriage,divorce,Unbelief and read each scripture, This will get you to understand the nature of your sin, how God sees Adultery eventually you will be able to understand how to handle what you did and how to mend your broken marriage. It's easily said than done, but if your really ready to start behaving responsible you'll find the word will bring truth, restoration and a solution of how to reconcile.
---Carla5754 on 4/11/08

stephen - true repentence brings forth fruit. Meaning if you truly repent to your wife and work on your relationship with her and what made you stray, ask the Lord to heal the wounds you inflicted upon her. Go to counselling with her. Forgive yourself. Ask her to forgive you and start there. Find out why you did it and work on the root of why you did it. You will have to work at re-gaining her trust. Pray hard to the Lord God, He will forgive you, but you must do your part.
---donna8365 on 4/11/08

This happened to a friend of mine.

There is a lot of hurt by everyone in the family. Everyone needs "positive" and "encouraging" words.

Some people are afraid to say anything in these situations. I have found that "silence" hurts.

We're all here to give you a lot of support. If any of us say the wrong things, there are others here to straighten us out.

Father GOD, may be be a light to this man when he needs your healing touch.
---sag on 4/11/08

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Be quiet, think about it, pray about it as well as you can.

Do not make excuses. Betraying your wife is what you chose to do.

If she is willing to talk with you, she is your helper who can help you with this.

If you really plan to not commit adultery again, make arrangements with her to make sure you stay with this. There are guys who expect to ease pain while they continue to do that evil. It has to stop.
---Bill_bila5659 on 4/11/08

Stephen, if you are still here, please stay with us. You might tell us more, in this blog.

Also, I would say spend time with your wife and listen. No matter what she says, take it seriously, that she means what she says. Learn about her. Just be kind. You can learn what to do to be better with her. This is what God takes care of. I can not make you understand and become and love the way God in you can change and heal you and your wife. It's better than we can understand and handle, ourselves.
---Bill_bila5659 on 4/11/08

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